- Joined
- Feb 23, 2022
- Messages
- 846
So this is a LR, but I am kind of posting it as a FU because I rushed the seduction and have seemingly failed to retain this gal.
The whole thing started back in November when I was getting some supplies at Wal-Mart. I am leaving through the loss prevention gates. The scene is kind of a shit show and I am self amusingly laughing at the chaos of it all when this fine ass younger gal, with long legs, curvy hips, perky tits, silky black hair, and a smile could melt the coldest heart, takes notice of me. She is walking in as I am walking out and we make eye contact and both have a laugh at the absurdity of the moment.
So now I am standing outside the doors near the parking lot thinking "wait a moment, that girl was about it."
So I turn myself around 180 degrees and hop to it.
I find her shopping candles and I am like "do we know eachother, cause you're walking past me like you know me"
We flirt it up a bit, and I gather that she is a nursing student in her final year. She has a fun sense of humor and is easy to banter with. I gain small moments of compliance by having her hand me things off the self, or show me pictures on her phone. I ask her if she is single. She is. She seems a little nervous though joking around like "please don't be homeless. The guys in this town are kind of weird." Clearly has had some unpleasant dating experiences. The number close is pretty simple though, and we leave on a high note with the agreement to meet up again soon. Tentatively that weekend (a number of days away).
Now, I am really not that good with the texting side of things. It is a major sticking point for me. And while she does engage at first, I drop the ball a bit and she becomes less responsive.
I reach out @topcat and he learns me up with some invaluable texting game knowledge, helps me to see the error in my ways, and basically changes my text game for the better, for good.
He shows me how I am going too much for reactions instead of results. I am using too much humor, which she responds decently to at first but then, when it starts to feel unclear where the whole thing is actually headed, begins to disengage. Then, radio silence.
So, a couple days later I ping her
, and she responds that she has to "be honest about where she is at" that she is "not really in the place to date right now" that she thinks I am cute but she is "seriously considering just being celibate for a year and focusing on my studies."
Okay, not the best frame here.
I decide to try and turn it around anyway, using the texting model that @topcat learned me up with, plus a bit of my own touch. The model at its most basic is that when ever she responds to your text she is essentially complying/investing in the conversation. So you reward that investment but responding to what she puts out there, and then you up the ante by compelling her to invest even more into the frame/forward momentum. You keep doing this till it makes sense to soft close, then hard close. Respond to what she says, then up the stakes, respond, up the stakes.
So here I am with not so good of a frame. She thinks I am cute but she is going to "be celebrate for a year." Not a good frame, but she is still investing in having a convo.
I remember how she mentioned she hasn't had the best dating experiences recently so I decide the best route to take is to show some empathy, while at the same time using @topcat approach to try and switch the frame around. Basically I am like "Yeah, it sounds like you have had some disappointing dating experiences recently. I have totally considered lifelong celibacy before, no joke (which is somewhat true)" So basically just showing her I understand. But then I switch the frame and am like "well I wouldn't want you to betray yourself just because you think I am cute"
This works relatively well and she is sending emoji filled texts and somewhat reinvesting in the interaction, which seems to be heading forward a bit. However, when it comes down to it, she is still in a hesitant frame.
I then slip up and send a mis calibrated, not well worded ball in court text and I think she takes it slightly personally/feels I am being kind of pushy, and she sends me a text basically brushing off and being like "I'm done".
I send a text in attempt to salvage it saying I think she missunderstood, but I understand and just hit me up if she changes her mind.
I don't anticipate she will ever do this.
Flash forward a couple months and I am sending out New Year's greetings to friends, family, lovers, and old/maybe dead leads alike.
I send her a simple "Happy New Year's"
She responds later that day with "oh thanks. who is this again? I don't have your number saved"
So I tell her "Oh its Stray Dog, but I guess we
had so one crossed wires last year, so really just Happy New Year's. That's all"
Basically aknowledging what happened in a nonchalant, non needy way.
Bingo!
She calls me up right away and thanks me for reaching out. We chat for a bit and the vibe is really good. She mentions that she was drinking a bunch at the time we were texting last and she has recently decided to get clean and sober for good (been about a month so far so just the beginning of that journey for her). She apologizes for brushing me off and I tell her its okay, that I got the sense that she was going through something at the time, and that is what I was essentially saying in my ball in court text even if I didn't articulate it well.
So now she is all hooked and is asking me to hang out right then and there. It is 10 pm and I have work crazy early the next day. Plus an FWB I really like is coming to town the next evening and I don't want to be all tired for our reunion. So I decline and tell her she has to be patient for me and wait for the weekend.
About 10 minutes after we hang up she texts me and is straight up like "look, I am so fucking horny right now and I just want you to come hang out with me and do fun things"
I call her up again, and after about 5 minutes of talking decide "fuck it, why not" I can be tired tomorrow. I tell her I can't be out too late though so we only have about two hours.
I go pick her up and she is looking so dam cute, all giggly and blushing, hunger in her eyes.
Oh, some other important factor here is that I cannot pull to mine. I just moved to a new city and am in a transitional living situation while I score my own spot. Basically cohabiting in a place where bringing tons of randos over would not bode well. Maybe every now and then, but can't really over do it.
So I drive her to this nice overlook I found and we pretty much hop to it. I lead her to the platform I have set up in the back and go to work.
I am eating her pussy which she really likes. She keeps praising how good I am at it.
But then when we get to fucking things kind of loose a bit of steam. Basically I don't give her the best sex I can.
For one we are kind of cramped and at one point I am accidently crushing her arm, so she has to tell me to move cause it is uncomfortable. Okay no biggie but still kind of clunky. Then I come a kind of early. like 7 minutes in. Oops, happens sometimes. Okay well, I still have an erection so I just throw on another condom and keep at it. Thing is I am not being as in tune as I could be and Am maybe being a little bit too hard, and she mentions that it is kind of hurting. She says she thinks its the condom and the fact she hasn't had sex in a while, and she asks if we can stop for a moment. Well dang. Not my best performance.
Not that it was all me entirely, as she herself wasn't all that adept and the whole endeavor. She was clearly inexperienced with the nuances of really connecting with someone and getting into a rhythm with them. She was very passive as a Lover. I think it is because she is probably used to having drunk sex, and also the young hot girl thing where she is used to not having to do too much work.
I still take responsibility though, because I could have done more to pace the interaction better and learn her up on how to find the momentum with eachother. Spent a bit more time building the connection and chemistry so that all of those small hiccups didn't amount to such a misfire.
Any way, it wasn't horrible, it was still fun, and the vibe was decent afterward, but I could tell she was second guessing her decision.
We were cuddling and chatting and at one point it came out I am in my late thirties (I forget exactly how, just kind of came out). And she straight up commented like "oh no, I need to be more discerning." She also commented that I smelled strongly and was like "when is the last time you showered" but then was like "just kidding it just pheromones but damn it's strong" she also started joking like "are you sure you're not homeless"
Basically, she was super horny and saw this opportunity that seemed fun, the sex was okay but not that great, she is also struggling to be less impulsive (as her attempting to quit drinking suggests), plus she isn't used to having sex sober. I failed to pace the interaction better, build more chemistry, and now that all is said and done she is feeling a bit regretful and throwing out a bunch of shit tests because of her cognitive dissonance. She is probably thinking "I just slept with this random dude. Who the heck is he any way. Was this actually a good idea"
Not too soon afterward she asks me to take her home. I oblige.
The conversation afterward wasn't too bad as we were connecting a bit and she did mention how she thinks I seem thoughtful and interesting. But it was already shaken ground with all the shit tests (though I passed them alright by just brushing them off. After all, we did have sex) already and by the time I texted her the next day, she ghosted.
Pinged her a few days later with "morning
" and still ghosting.
I might try one last text calling out the situation in a non needy way. But this could be dead in the water.
She did mention afterward that she liked my persistence. She said this on the way home when I asked her when she decided she wanted to get with me. So maybe a bit of calibrated persistence can work here. We'll just have to see.
I did like her, she was cute and easy to get along with. Wouldn't mind another go at it, if I can manage to turn it around.
So that's that. Any thoughts or suggestions are more than welcome here. Thanks for reading
The whole thing started back in November when I was getting some supplies at Wal-Mart. I am leaving through the loss prevention gates. The scene is kind of a shit show and I am self amusingly laughing at the chaos of it all when this fine ass younger gal, with long legs, curvy hips, perky tits, silky black hair, and a smile could melt the coldest heart, takes notice of me. She is walking in as I am walking out and we make eye contact and both have a laugh at the absurdity of the moment.
So now I am standing outside the doors near the parking lot thinking "wait a moment, that girl was about it."
So I turn myself around 180 degrees and hop to it.
I find her shopping candles and I am like "do we know eachother, cause you're walking past me like you know me"
We flirt it up a bit, and I gather that she is a nursing student in her final year. She has a fun sense of humor and is easy to banter with. I gain small moments of compliance by having her hand me things off the self, or show me pictures on her phone. I ask her if she is single. She is. She seems a little nervous though joking around like "please don't be homeless. The guys in this town are kind of weird." Clearly has had some unpleasant dating experiences. The number close is pretty simple though, and we leave on a high note with the agreement to meet up again soon. Tentatively that weekend (a number of days away).
Now, I am really not that good with the texting side of things. It is a major sticking point for me. And while she does engage at first, I drop the ball a bit and she becomes less responsive.
I reach out @topcat and he learns me up with some invaluable texting game knowledge, helps me to see the error in my ways, and basically changes my text game for the better, for good.
He shows me how I am going too much for reactions instead of results. I am using too much humor, which she responds decently to at first but then, when it starts to feel unclear where the whole thing is actually headed, begins to disengage. Then, radio silence.
So, a couple days later I ping her
, and she responds that she has to "be honest about where she is at" that she is "not really in the place to date right now" that she thinks I am cute but she is "seriously considering just being celibate for a year and focusing on my studies."Okay, not the best frame here.
I decide to try and turn it around anyway, using the texting model that @topcat learned me up with, plus a bit of my own touch. The model at its most basic is that when ever she responds to your text she is essentially complying/investing in the conversation. So you reward that investment but responding to what she puts out there, and then you up the ante by compelling her to invest even more into the frame/forward momentum. You keep doing this till it makes sense to soft close, then hard close. Respond to what she says, then up the stakes, respond, up the stakes.
So here I am with not so good of a frame. She thinks I am cute but she is going to "be celebrate for a year." Not a good frame, but she is still investing in having a convo.
I remember how she mentioned she hasn't had the best dating experiences recently so I decide the best route to take is to show some empathy, while at the same time using @topcat approach to try and switch the frame around. Basically I am like "Yeah, it sounds like you have had some disappointing dating experiences recently. I have totally considered lifelong celibacy before, no joke (which is somewhat true)" So basically just showing her I understand. But then I switch the frame and am like "well I wouldn't want you to betray yourself just because you think I am cute"
This works relatively well and she is sending emoji filled texts and somewhat reinvesting in the interaction, which seems to be heading forward a bit. However, when it comes down to it, she is still in a hesitant frame.
I then slip up and send a mis calibrated, not well worded ball in court text and I think she takes it slightly personally/feels I am being kind of pushy, and she sends me a text basically brushing off and being like "I'm done".
I send a text in attempt to salvage it saying I think she missunderstood, but I understand and just hit me up if she changes her mind.
I don't anticipate she will ever do this.
Flash forward a couple months and I am sending out New Year's greetings to friends, family, lovers, and old/maybe dead leads alike.
I send her a simple "Happy New Year's"
She responds later that day with "oh thanks. who is this again? I don't have your number saved"
So I tell her "Oh its Stray Dog, but I guess we
had so one crossed wires last year, so really just Happy New Year's. That's all"
Basically aknowledging what happened in a nonchalant, non needy way.
Bingo!
She calls me up right away and thanks me for reaching out. We chat for a bit and the vibe is really good. She mentions that she was drinking a bunch at the time we were texting last and she has recently decided to get clean and sober for good (been about a month so far so just the beginning of that journey for her). She apologizes for brushing me off and I tell her its okay, that I got the sense that she was going through something at the time, and that is what I was essentially saying in my ball in court text even if I didn't articulate it well.
So now she is all hooked and is asking me to hang out right then and there. It is 10 pm and I have work crazy early the next day. Plus an FWB I really like is coming to town the next evening and I don't want to be all tired for our reunion. So I decline and tell her she has to be patient for me and wait for the weekend.
About 10 minutes after we hang up she texts me and is straight up like "look, I am so fucking horny right now and I just want you to come hang out with me and do fun things"
I call her up again, and after about 5 minutes of talking decide "fuck it, why not" I can be tired tomorrow. I tell her I can't be out too late though so we only have about two hours.
I go pick her up and she is looking so dam cute, all giggly and blushing, hunger in her eyes.
Oh, some other important factor here is that I cannot pull to mine. I just moved to a new city and am in a transitional living situation while I score my own spot. Basically cohabiting in a place where bringing tons of randos over would not bode well. Maybe every now and then, but can't really over do it.
So I drive her to this nice overlook I found and we pretty much hop to it. I lead her to the platform I have set up in the back and go to work.
I am eating her pussy which she really likes. She keeps praising how good I am at it.
But then when we get to fucking things kind of loose a bit of steam. Basically I don't give her the best sex I can.
For one we are kind of cramped and at one point I am accidently crushing her arm, so she has to tell me to move cause it is uncomfortable. Okay no biggie but still kind of clunky. Then I come a kind of early. like 7 minutes in. Oops, happens sometimes. Okay well, I still have an erection so I just throw on another condom and keep at it. Thing is I am not being as in tune as I could be and Am maybe being a little bit too hard, and she mentions that it is kind of hurting. She says she thinks its the condom and the fact she hasn't had sex in a while, and she asks if we can stop for a moment. Well dang. Not my best performance.
Not that it was all me entirely, as she herself wasn't all that adept and the whole endeavor. She was clearly inexperienced with the nuances of really connecting with someone and getting into a rhythm with them. She was very passive as a Lover. I think it is because she is probably used to having drunk sex, and also the young hot girl thing where she is used to not having to do too much work.
I still take responsibility though, because I could have done more to pace the interaction better and learn her up on how to find the momentum with eachother. Spent a bit more time building the connection and chemistry so that all of those small hiccups didn't amount to such a misfire.
Any way, it wasn't horrible, it was still fun, and the vibe was decent afterward, but I could tell she was second guessing her decision.
We were cuddling and chatting and at one point it came out I am in my late thirties (I forget exactly how, just kind of came out). And she straight up commented like "oh no, I need to be more discerning." She also commented that I smelled strongly and was like "when is the last time you showered" but then was like "just kidding it just pheromones but damn it's strong" she also started joking like "are you sure you're not homeless"
Basically, she was super horny and saw this opportunity that seemed fun, the sex was okay but not that great, she is also struggling to be less impulsive (as her attempting to quit drinking suggests), plus she isn't used to having sex sober. I failed to pace the interaction better, build more chemistry, and now that all is said and done she is feeling a bit regretful and throwing out a bunch of shit tests because of her cognitive dissonance. She is probably thinking "I just slept with this random dude. Who the heck is he any way. Was this actually a good idea"
Not too soon afterward she asks me to take her home. I oblige.
The conversation afterward wasn't too bad as we were connecting a bit and she did mention how she thinks I seem thoughtful and interesting. But it was already shaken ground with all the shit tests (though I passed them alright by just brushing them off. After all, we did have sex) already and by the time I texted her the next day, she ghosted.
Pinged her a few days later with "morning
" and still ghosting.I might try one last text calling out the situation in a non needy way. But this could be dead in the water.
She did mention afterward that she liked my persistence. She said this on the way home when I asked her when she decided she wanted to get with me. So maybe a bit of calibrated persistence can work here. We'll just have to see.
I did like her, she was cute and easy to get along with. Wouldn't mind another go at it, if I can manage to turn it around.
So that's that. Any thoughts or suggestions are more than welcome here. Thanks for reading
"
