When you realize your mum is a narcissist all along. What do you do

[trashKENNUT]

Hi Guys,

What do you do when you realize your mum is a narcissist, when growing up.... your idea of life is never appealing and always shoot down before it grow unless it's her idea.

Handling a narcissist. I need to learn to fuck people over more expertly. -.- Also why women undermine all the time. IT's their nature. Even NarrowJ noted this in his past marriage.

Men can be bias too but i just don't get the female nature.

Zac

 

[Drck]

I need to learn to fuck people over more expertly.
>>>> LOL, that's a good skill to have. But it works both ways - you fuck somebody over, and somebody else will fuck you over.

Also why women undermine all the time. IT's their nature. Even NarrowJ noted this in his past marriage.
>>>> Women are simply a mirror of yourself. If you frown, they will frown. If you smile, they will smile back. Don't analyze it, go out and try it. The same way, if you project weakness, they will be behaving towards you as a weak guy. If you are perceiving that they are the ones who are undermining you, it is because they simply see it in you and reflecting it back...

i just don't get the female nature
>>>> You can't get it, because you think logically, while females think emotionally. Their logic keep changing based on their emotions. Today she is happy, she tells you you are a great guy because her logic tells her that she is happy because you are there... Tomorrow she'll meet some other guy, she will be happy around him - and will forget you, will become cold to you as she no longer associate you with her happiness anymore. She may not have any feelings for you tomorrow, thus she won't reply to your messages... It makes perfect sense in her mind...

Most guys can't understand it because if they like that girl their logic tells them they they like her every day, today, tomorrow, next week and next month too. It makes sense to the guy, but he can't understand why girls logic changes...

 

[ray_zorse]

Check out this thread.

I also suggest to read "Emotional vampires" by Alfred J Bernstein. It was very helpful to me in dealing with my cluster-B ex-wife. It doesn't have specific tips for when the psychic vampire is a family member (IIRC) but it is still quite helpful.

Another thing you can consider is NEXTing people who provide no value to your life. The logistics could be quite tricky (what if you want to see your brothers or sisters at Christmas) so maybe a hard NEXT isn't the best option, but it might be.

Ray

 

[trashKENNUT]

Drck,

You and Nova do talk crap and some people in the forums do occasionally find it HIGHLY IRRITATING that at that time, people have to step in.

I am saying that women undermine you and women are simply mirror of yourself? Errr okay, what is that to do really...... Do i actually need to note down how i always feel shot down and how she use emotions to manipulate when i bring this up to her?

She changing her mind and it makes perfect sense to her? Yea true. She is an undermining cunt. Do i like to call her that? No. And she always says she's a 'good' person.

I'm piss off by her and well i am bias, but i am piss off why she do this and i don't understand why i didn't trust her when i grew up. She resents my dad but she is just as fuck up.

Zac

 

[Drck]

How we perceive things is only our choice Zac. If you look at the blue sky and it makes you feel good, well, it is not really the blue sky that is making you feel good - it is you, your perception, your interpretation of what you see... If I look at the same sky and it makes me feel irritable, bad, depressed or miserable - is it really the sky causing my misery? The sky is just sky, blue, cloudy, dark, with stars or without... But the perception is ours...

The same way, if somebody shuts you down, irritates you, pisses you off... Well, it is maybe that you allow yourself to react like that at first place... That's the mirror I'm talking about: The sky itself is not happy nor miserable - only we can perceive it that way...

Each of us have to move on in Life, there is no point in dwelling in the past. At one point of our life we have to accept responsibility for our lives, regardless of the past. Would you say that your parents didn't do the best to raise you? I wouldn't think so, I don't know your parents but I believe that they did their best...

Anyway, just a thought...

 

[trashKENNUT]

All,

I am going to put my head in the sand. Yea Drck, i get it. i need air con under the sand to cool my head. Thank you to everyone who offer advice. I need to just put my head in the sand.

and someone to put aircon under that sand. tsk..

Zac