I'd write a tldr but I feel the details are important.
Met a girl in college. At first I considered her out of my league and never got past superficial convo with her. She was close friends with some of my (very close) female friends though and as I was starting to improve my general attractiveness, dressing properly etc (after I discover this site) I started to get hints of attention from her and a few other girls on the fringe of my social group, mostly commenting on how "mysterious" I was (I've always been quiet and guarded, even after ridding myself of social anxiety). I still didn't make much of it and never made any sort of move.
One night at a party in early May she comes out of nowhere and pulls me onto the dancefloor and we start kissing passionately, for a while. At the end of the party we go back to my dorm and get in bed and we go through periods of passionately kissing in bed, her pulling away and me pulling her back and kissing her again (probably wouldn't have been so bold were I not so drunk and high). I get her topless and she seems very aroused but she resists firmly whenever I try to push further and eventually turns away from me, at which point we both go to sleep. In the morning we walk back to hers and she seems happy enough and still interested.
She left her ID card at mine so we text arranging for her to come round mine to collect it. This takes a while, I don't think she decides to come round to get it for another 2 weeks (apparently she's unreliable anyway) but when she does she's acting very warm and she's dressed up nicely. We sit in my room chatting friendly (maybe too friendly?) for around 20 minutes (I make the conversation mostly about her and deflect the questions she asks me) but I sit away from her (woops) and eventually she moves to leave. I ask her to stay a little longer and move to where she was sitting before but after a little contemplation she leaves anyway.
Over the next couple of weeks we see each other briefly 2 or 3 times, on the bus, in the library but little happens. I wonder whether I might have acted a little too aloof during this period. There's a club night going on (by this point it's late May) and I text her asking if she's going, she replies saying yes. We meet briefly in the club and she texts me just after asking if I've gone home. I say no, say we should get a cab together, she says nevermind she's gone home already, and I reply asking her to stay up a little longer. She doesn't reply. Our mutual friends (who are probably closer to me than to her) tell me after that she was gonna invite me back to hers but fell asleep (still don't know whether to believe this or not). Her close female friend who I don't know very well was teasing me playfully about her when we were chatting alone which seemed like a good sign to me but by this point I'm getting strong mixed signals.
There's one more club night before the end of term, just a few days after the last one. She acts a little cold and awkward the whole night (though not overly rude) and I can see her hanging around with other guys without going further with them, maybe trying to make me jealous but I don't know for sure (she seems to keep a circle of male friends in general). I mess up a little by chasing her around a bit that night (drugs screwing with my head again) without pushing further (she didn't seem receptive). I tell her to text me, obviously she doesn't.
I don't contact her again until we see each other briefly around our halls a few days later. I text her later saying I'm leaving the next day and it'd be nice to see her one last time but again she doesn't reply.
After that we leave for the summer holidays (early June by now) and we haven't contacted each other since.
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My inexperience still plagues me. I'm not certain exactly where I stand with her or how I should approach it when we see each other in September.
Was she open to it at first and it was just a case of me pushing a bit faster and harder earlier (could that interaction in my bedroom have been my one chance)? Did she turn to auto rejection?
Or was she never entirely convinced by me and got uncomfortable when I tried to push harder without having much rapport with her? We knew each other before through our mutual friends but our rapport never seemed to advance past that. She seems quite a guarded person anyway but my game is still weak so maybe it's that and maybe I still come across as too much of a nice guy in conversation as the "quiet mysterious guy" aura vanishes?
Maybe I was in fact too easy then? Maybe my inexperienced showed (though we're both young so she can't expect much more) and I didn't challenge her enough? I still struggle with the balance between acting fast and remaining challenging.
My hunch is that I acted too slowly at first and that attraction quickly faded as I couldn't maintain it in our interactions but my perception of events is constantly shifting.
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I know it might be too late now. I don't know how things will be in September, whether I need to act fast and aggressively (could that piss her off more?) or calm and humble (that's what got me here in the first place) or maybe simply move on and force her into a decision if it's uncertainty or if I seem too easy (I have other options even though I like her the most). I certainly need to work on my game and interactions with women but I don't know how relevant that is to this situation cos she seemed very attracted at first. Even if I've lost her I at least wanna know where exactly I went wrong.
Met a girl in college. At first I considered her out of my league and never got past superficial convo with her. She was close friends with some of my (very close) female friends though and as I was starting to improve my general attractiveness, dressing properly etc (after I discover this site) I started to get hints of attention from her and a few other girls on the fringe of my social group, mostly commenting on how "mysterious" I was (I've always been quiet and guarded, even after ridding myself of social anxiety). I still didn't make much of it and never made any sort of move.
One night at a party in early May she comes out of nowhere and pulls me onto the dancefloor and we start kissing passionately, for a while. At the end of the party we go back to my dorm and get in bed and we go through periods of passionately kissing in bed, her pulling away and me pulling her back and kissing her again (probably wouldn't have been so bold were I not so drunk and high). I get her topless and she seems very aroused but she resists firmly whenever I try to push further and eventually turns away from me, at which point we both go to sleep. In the morning we walk back to hers and she seems happy enough and still interested.
She left her ID card at mine so we text arranging for her to come round mine to collect it. This takes a while, I don't think she decides to come round to get it for another 2 weeks (apparently she's unreliable anyway) but when she does she's acting very warm and she's dressed up nicely. We sit in my room chatting friendly (maybe too friendly?) for around 20 minutes (I make the conversation mostly about her and deflect the questions she asks me) but I sit away from her (woops) and eventually she moves to leave. I ask her to stay a little longer and move to where she was sitting before but after a little contemplation she leaves anyway.
Over the next couple of weeks we see each other briefly 2 or 3 times, on the bus, in the library but little happens. I wonder whether I might have acted a little too aloof during this period. There's a club night going on (by this point it's late May) and I text her asking if she's going, she replies saying yes. We meet briefly in the club and she texts me just after asking if I've gone home. I say no, say we should get a cab together, she says nevermind she's gone home already, and I reply asking her to stay up a little longer. She doesn't reply. Our mutual friends (who are probably closer to me than to her) tell me after that she was gonna invite me back to hers but fell asleep (still don't know whether to believe this or not). Her close female friend who I don't know very well was teasing me playfully about her when we were chatting alone which seemed like a good sign to me but by this point I'm getting strong mixed signals.
There's one more club night before the end of term, just a few days after the last one. She acts a little cold and awkward the whole night (though not overly rude) and I can see her hanging around with other guys without going further with them, maybe trying to make me jealous but I don't know for sure (she seems to keep a circle of male friends in general). I mess up a little by chasing her around a bit that night (drugs screwing with my head again) without pushing further (she didn't seem receptive). I tell her to text me, obviously she doesn't.
I don't contact her again until we see each other briefly around our halls a few days later. I text her later saying I'm leaving the next day and it'd be nice to see her one last time but again she doesn't reply.
After that we leave for the summer holidays (early June by now) and we haven't contacted each other since.
----------------------------------------------------------
My inexperience still plagues me. I'm not certain exactly where I stand with her or how I should approach it when we see each other in September.
Was she open to it at first and it was just a case of me pushing a bit faster and harder earlier (could that interaction in my bedroom have been my one chance)? Did she turn to auto rejection?
Or was she never entirely convinced by me and got uncomfortable when I tried to push harder without having much rapport with her? We knew each other before through our mutual friends but our rapport never seemed to advance past that. She seems quite a guarded person anyway but my game is still weak so maybe it's that and maybe I still come across as too much of a nice guy in conversation as the "quiet mysterious guy" aura vanishes?
Maybe I was in fact too easy then? Maybe my inexperienced showed (though we're both young so she can't expect much more) and I didn't challenge her enough? I still struggle with the balance between acting fast and remaining challenging.
My hunch is that I acted too slowly at first and that attraction quickly faded as I couldn't maintain it in our interactions but my perception of events is constantly shifting.
----------------------------------------------------------
I know it might be too late now. I don't know how things will be in September, whether I need to act fast and aggressively (could that piss her off more?) or calm and humble (that's what got me here in the first place) or maybe simply move on and force her into a decision if it's uncertainty or if I seem too easy (I have other options even though I like her the most). I certainly need to work on my game and interactions with women but I don't know how relevant that is to this situation cos she seemed very attracted at first. Even if I've lost her I at least wanna know where exactly I went wrong.
