where to go from here

[Limp]

Never had a date until 21, a gf until around 28, have been single about a yr. Approach anxiety has been my biggest hurdle, but I've been forcing myself over that the past few yrs.

Here's my issue. Prior to my ex-gf, it had been about 4 yrs since my last date. Trying not to let that happen again. Was always told if you work on being the right guy, she'll find you. Hasn't worked out for me, so trying to be more proactive. Since her, I've probably asked out about 15-20 girls. about 5 said yes, all flaked. Most just blow me off. Aside from girls, friends usually blow me off as well when I invite them to something. I'm almost never invited to anything.

I'm a naturally introverted, quiet, person and don't enjoy going out much to begin with. Repeatedly getting blown off is a bit of a mental beatdown, and I don't have a group of friends I can at least salvage the night by having fun with. Starting to take a toll on other areas of my life that have been previously well in order.

Where to start?

I have an older post with more background info if you need it.

 

[razir110]

Well man, it's a VERY large topic, but first of all how you feel about yourself transmits a lot to others. Confidence is n1 success factor. To be honest the easiest way to start over would be to change your place or even country of residence. If u can do it, it would be very positive to start as a new person in another place, where you don't have all these negative anchors around you, like lack of friends, bla bla.
To make friends, the best thing is not to chase anyone, just like the girls. Of course don't be an antisocial idiot that rejects everyone, but sort of don't beg anyone to be friends with you. People respect that. If you don't like to go out it doesn't mean you have to stay in all the time, there must be lots of places with music that you like etc, go out by yourself if necessary and trust me, you will meet people. Go to the gym, change your appearence, get new clothes if necessary. It won't be the type of place to make stable friendships right away, but it's a start.
About girls, read a few books man. READ!!! I really liked "Without embarrassment" don't remember the author, it's a nice guy to guy talk about girl issues. Double your dating is another good one about the general attitude you should have. And read lots of articles here on GC cause they usually show you a more general and people-focused ideas about girls rather then step by step scientific approach like "mystery method" for ex. All the stuff that girls want to hear from you, the topics they like to discuss and the way you should act around them is in you, you just have to get to know exactly what to show them and how.

good luck!