Why do I feel like this?

[Bruce Wayne]

Well I feel like women are just using us, to get what they want. Its like they're using a man's resources to fulfil their needs. Whether that man is a lover, a provider or just a friend, they all provide her something. Even the lover is a sort of a provider which provides sex to her. I know according to you guys, I'm wrong. But I can't get rid of this mentality.

 

[Bete Noire]

Another way to view this that might ease your mind is that they are also providing for you. As a lover you WANT to take a girl to bed and she wants you too as well. You are both gaining something. You give as much value as you are getting and hence you are both enjoying each others company and having a good time. Hopefully this helps

 

[Bruce Wayne]

Thanks dude! But I don't know why others didn't reply. May be my question was too dumb for them? Or may be what I said is true after all?

 

[Thedoctor]

BW,

Thanks dude! But I don't know why others didn't reply. May be my question was too dumb for them? Or may be what I said is true after all?

Probably cause answering posts like this becomes exhausting after a while, especially when the boards seem to periodically fill up with guys that have negative mindsets.

Also, Robster already answered your question. Good, strong relationships (whether that be lovers, friends, work colleagues etc.) are formed from people providing equal value for each other. That's the way the world works, otherwise one party is simply using the other, as you stated.

Here are some articles to get you started:

https://www.girlschase.com/content/entit ... ring-table
https://www.girlschase.com/content/socia ... imbalances

There`s more on the main page if you search for them.

-John

 

[JimmyB]

Bruce, I think you're pretty much right. But guys do the same thing. We want something out of women, and it's usually sex. No one is selfless, including women. Even though they are made out to be more selfless than men, they still serve their own needs. They need a strong man so that he can give her baby good genetics and protect/provide for her and her kid. You don't get something for nothing in the world, including love and sex. I think you have to come to accept this is how things work and then hold up your end of the bargain. You can choose what you want from women and what you will provide to them, but there's always that dynamic. Men and women are not "equal", we're different. Don't act like them using us to get what they want is a bad thing - we use them too to get what we want. It's mutually beneficial - that's why marriage exists. Find a balance between these two and you're on your way to a happy relationship dynamic.

 

[Bruce Wayne]

Thanks Jim. If that's true, well then I don't know about you guys, but I don't think I'll ever be the same again. You see I actually loved women. I respected them. I considered them a lot better than us men. But seeing them no better than those heartless backstabbing scum who live around me, really worries me.

 

[JimmyB]

Bruce,
Maybe you won't be the same again. Maybe you're opening your eyes to reality. I'm not validating that women are "heartless backstabbing scum", what I'm saying is they aren't entirely selfless angels by nature. They're human beings. They have most of the same flaws as men. They're similar in a lot of ways, except they give birth and big mood swings once a month, whereas we don't.
You need to learn to take women for what they are worth. If you want to have fulfilling relationships with women, see them as they are, not how you want to idealize them. I think you have a case of madonna/whore complex that's worth reading about.
Maybe you're hanging around with the wrong crowd if you're surrounded by heartless backstabbing scum? Man or women, there's plenty of bad people out there. You decide who you hang around

 

[Bruce Wayne]

I'm so confused. Wish I had more help from others.

 

[Drck]

"Well I feel like women are just using us, to get what they want.... Whether that man is a lover, a provider or just a friend, they all provide her something. Even the lover is a sort of a provider which provides sex to her..."

>>>> IMO you are actually correct, but there is still the negative mindset as TheDoc mentioned. One way to look at the issue:

Simple example: guy really likes a girl, he wants to date her, so he invites her out. She likes him too, so they go for a dinner and he pays for both of them. In his mind he thinks he did good, he invested something (dinner, money, time, he entertained her), and thus logically he thinks he will get something back from her, maybe she will go home with him and have sex...

Is that what she will do? Most likely not, she likes the guy but she will not go with him to his place no matter how hard he tries, and he might get disappointed - he invested a lot and he got nothing back... So he tries the same thing again and again, he buys her 3 more dinners, in between he keeps texting her and calling her just to make sure she knows he is interested... He lets her know that he is available ALL the time for her, today, tomorrow, any time she wants... The more she replies, the more he texts... Yet she wouldn't sleep with him regardless, she actually dumps him...

So he might feel used, he spent so much money, so much time, he did so good in entertaining her - but he didn't get what he wanted...he tries with 10 other girls, same results...

What about other guys? Say that 8 out of 10 will try to do the same, buy dinners, entertain her, flood her with texts and calls... So she goes for dinners (why not if they are inviting and paying and they are likable guys?), but she will not go home with any of them. So the guys get mad, they talk to each other, and they start calling her a bitch who is only using them for money... All of them feel used and stumped, all of them were dumped... They also dated 10 other girls, no results...

So why doesn't she go with these guys home? Because she may for example think that they tried to buy sex from her: Hey I'll buy you a good dinner, but then you'll have sex with me. She could feel like a prostitute - thus she puts up her slut defense and it just won't happen. She's not going to sleep with every guy who buys he a dinner... They also bombarded her with texts, at first it was cute and exciting but then they became quite annoying... Every single guy she knows keeps texting her and texting her, all of them are available ALL the time... Not only that, then they start to chase her - the less she does for them, the more they chase her... She feels good to have so many orbitals, but at the same time it is annoying, all of them have low value...

So in reality it's the fault of these guys, they just don't understand they can't really buy sex from her... They invested a lot, and they got nothing back... She invested nothing into those guys...

Now another guy comes. He also invites her for dinner, but she has to pay for her own. He buys her nothing. Now in her mind, he is just different than most of the other guys: He is not trying to buy her for sex. He is also not bombarding her with messages, so she may think he's busy, perhaps with other girls. She actually has to call him to find out what is he doing today, she had a great time last time with him. But he's not available, till next week, she has to wait. What is he doing so much that he can't go for date with her? How come he is not available like the other guys every day, what is so important in his life that he doesn't have time for her?

She has to find out. She invites him for a date, perhaps this time she offers to pay, she buys him a drink, he buys another round... He doesn't chase her, his texts are rather brief, he doesn't talk about nonsense for hours like the other guys but is rather interested in meeting her again...

So he is doing much less and she is doing/investing much more. He is not trying to buy her. He has higher value than the other guys, and she knows he would never chase her no matter what...

What about him? He knows he's got to invest something, but he's rather careful in what he does and how, and he knows that as long as she is investing into him (buying stuff, inviting him out, calling or texting first, initiating,...), he is getting a good return - without feeling used...

... So we have to change the mindset from negative to more positive. Some investment is always needed, but as long as we are getting return back and she is also investing back into us, we are not really being used...

 

[Sophisticated Gent]

Bruce Wayne,

Between Drck and The Docs answers, you have what you need to change you attitude and life. It is up to you to make the change. Will it be easy? No. But that is why so few do it. It is easier to say I can't. The next time you see a hot girl you want to have sex with you need to say to yourself, "What can I do for her?" If you don't know then you need to work on your fundamentals. Develop your value for her.

This is from Colt Williams article.

What does she get from you? This:

A man who will give her children able to attract beautiful women

A strong man to protect her and her potential children

Someone to fulfill her instincts of nurture and care

Someone who can provide for the household (assuming you’re the traditional type, but no judgment here)

A man who can give her orgasms

A man who she can join on a the path to a greater life purpose

A stylish, worldly man who will make other women jealous

And how can she tell if you will provide these qualities? Like this:

Your fitness

Your facial expressions

Your social skills

Your sexy vibe

Your fashion

Your job

This is how you succeed at everything in life. Provide value.

SGent