Why do my tinder date ideas always tank?

[orkie123]

Im in a eastern european country ive never been before so did a bit of swiping.

Matched with a 6.5-7 girl who had "long term but short term is okay to" as what she is looking for.

Convo:

Me:Hey Paula, I see you are the queen of black tops
(all her pictures she was wearing diff black tops)

Her: Hi
Who doesn't like Black
It's classic

Me: certainly is
And if you like classic, you'll love our romantic date plan

Her: hahahahahah
That was smart way to ask me for dates

Me: thank you
The way I'll ask for your number is even smarter

Her: hahahahahha
Why do you want my number?
We can talk here too

Me: so that I can send you picture clues of our date
But I guess we don't want to risk ur situationship finding out about our secret passion

Her: what's our secret passion?

Me: lets grab a gin or tonic or 3 and we can find out if we have one

Her: after that, everyone will find similad things

Me: I was told >country< girls can handle their drinks?

Her: i don't drink
Ive never been drunk so can't tell you exactly


Me: I'm impressed
Plan B it is then

Her: why?

Me: why i am impressed or why plan B?

(Here was first time she took about 1 hr to reply, usually responded straight away)

Her: Both
The second question
Whats plan b?

Me: nice rooftop bar
Staring at the stars
Sipping virgin mojitos
And playing a game

(No answer for 2-3 hrs)

Me: i would understand if the game is making you nervous

Her: Not nervous
I didn't liked it

Me: ooh
What do you like?

No response.


‐‐-----‐--------

I know I was pretty forward but this started in morning and Im leaving the city tomorrow so had to rush.

She could just be wanting a free dinner, but i dno her profile didnt give me that vibe

I know I framed myself a little as chasing (plan b, get your number) etc but I thought I did it in a confident - moving interaction forward way.

Am I missing something or is this typical Tinder flakiness/ego stroking?

 

[Skills]

Opening and banter ok, the problem was the structure, the structure that work best online is:
Open>banter>qualify>move of app

Then open>banter>soft close>hardclose


You did some things good but then you double down on negative compliance after asking for number...low odds move tbh

 

[orkie123]

Opening and banter ok, the problem was the structure, the structure that work best online is:
Open>banter>qualify>move of app

Then open>banter>soft close>hardclose


You did some things good but then you double down on negative compliance after asking for number...low odds move tbh

Thanks skills - to confirm I understand your points:

1) My 2nd msg should have been more focussed on banter rather than setting up the soft close

2) I should have teased her on not wanting to give number and then soft close on the app - e.g.

Her: why do you want my number? We can talk here

Me: haha you are not secretly married with 3 kids and a 7 seater van are you?

Her: hahaha blah blah

Me: it's cool I don't get jealous

How about we grab a gin and tonic and I'll see if you forget to take off the wedding ring

 

[Skills]

Thanks skills - to confirm I understand your points:

1) My 2nd msg should have been more focussed on banter rather than setting up the soft close

2) I should have teased her on not wanting to give number and then soft close on the app - e.g.

Her: why do you want my number? We can talk here

Me: haha you are not secretly married with 3 kids and a 7 seater van are you?

Her: hahaha blah blah

Me: it's cool I don't get jealous

How about we grab a gin and tonic and I'll see if you forget to take off the wedding ring

No, after classic... indeed and my favorite color I see you have good taste...

how are guys treating you around here?

Whatever she says comment on it... if she ask you? Say no complaints, then say just curious, what are your 2 best qualities that have nothing to do with your appearance?

Whatever she says comment on it, if she ask you, have 2 prepare that dhv for example I say my sense of humor and relationships skills,...

Move off app... classic styles, you seem safe and someone worth getting to know...I am barely here, text me at 4555666, say this classic style from tinder so I know who you are, if I don't reply right away is not cause I am being calculated or not interested but cause I may be busy with clients....

She will text or counter with her number or contact info..

Then, in text you open or get open, banter, high point soft close if positive hard close...

Some guys do everything on app... I personally like to move them off app to text

 

[Bo Diddley]

I agree with Skills, move off the app, except I would do that literally and delete it from your phone.

IME girls on Tinder are using it as a litmus test for their SMV and trying to see the extent of what they can "score" or get away with. More so than any other app, if you're not an extreme Chad you're going to get the runaround.

Your text game could use some work, but you're better off experimenting on a more favorable app.

In the opener you're commenting on her tits, showing you're biting on her thirst trap baiting. (Either be more forward or don't comment on her tops at all. If you're going to comment on a body part, don't be afraid to use some sexual innuendo). The second line you're outing yourself as beta by using the word "romantic", and in your third message you're setting her up as the prize by claiming you have a "smart" way of asking for her number, instead of straight up asking for it once rapport is established. You're outing yourself as an "entertainer" or dancing monkey, and she can see this imo.

 

[Will_V]

Im in a eastern european country ive never been before so did a bit of swiping.

Matched with a 6.5-7 girl who had "long term but short term is okay to" as what she is looking for.

Convo:

Me:Hey Paula, I see you are the queen of black tops
(all her pictures she was wearing diff black tops)

Her: Hi
Who doesn't like Black
It's classic

Me: certainly is
And if you like classic, you'll love our romantic date plan

Her: hahahahahah
That was smart way to ask me for dates

Me: thank you
The way I'll ask for your number is even smarter

Her: hahahahahha
Why do you want my number?
We can talk here too

Me: so that I can send you picture clues of our date
But I guess we don't want to risk ur situationship finding out about our secret passion

Her: what's our secret passion?

Me: lets grab a gin or tonic or 3 and we can find out if we have one

Her: after that, everyone will find similad things

Me: I was told >country< girls can handle their drinks?

Her: i don't drink
Ive never been drunk so can't tell you exactly


Me: I'm impressed
Plan B it is then

Her: why?

Me: why i am impressed or why plan B?

(Here was first time she took about 1 hr to reply, usually responded straight away)

Her: Both
The second question
Whats plan b?

Me: nice rooftop bar
Staring at the stars
Sipping virgin mojitos
And playing a game

(No answer for 2-3 hrs)

Me: i would understand if the game is making you nervous

Her: Not nervous
I didn't liked it

Me: ooh
What do you like?

No response.


‐‐-----‐--------

I know I was pretty forward but this started in morning and Im leaving the city tomorrow so had to rush.

She could just be wanting a free dinner, but i dno her profile didnt give me that vibe

I know I framed myself a little as chasing (plan b, get your number) etc but I thought I did it in a confident - moving interaction forward way.

Am I missing something or is this typical Tinder flakiness/ego stroking?

You're way too focused on the date and all your subcommunication is 'I'm trying to impress you'.

'you'll love our romantic date plan' now if this was joking/teasing it would be fine, but from the rest of the convo it actually sounds like you were sitting there planning out dates for random tinder girls. One of the first things I learned in game is to never refer to what you want to do with her as a 'date' since every girl has been 'asked out on a date' by 100s of lame dudes.

When she says 'that was a smart way to ask me for dates' this is a bad frame - you want something from her and you're asking for it. Instead of flipping that frame you go even deeper with 'The way I'll ask for your number is even smarter', this is starting to sound like some scene from Love Actually or something.

Your plan B sounded like some big ass do when it's quite possible all she wants to do is fuck on some dirty sofa somewhere.

Overall she just probably ended up thinking that either you are going to disappoint her or vice versa, and wanted to save everyone the trouble.

The idea is to be more chill, set less expectations, banter and tease without trying to impress her or make big preparations for her. The only thing you want to do with her as far as she's concerned is find out over drinks/coffee if she's the girl for you.

 

[orkie123]

Thanks guys for the advice, really appreciate it. A lot of the frame and what each word implies is very useful for in-person as well so will keep that in mind.

 

[Skills]

Thanks guys for the advice, really appreciate it. A lot of the frame and what each word implies is very useful for in-person as well so will keep that in mind.

Useful but in person is more of a dating game if from apps or second encounter that has different structures depending on date date or coming over to closing location....App on the very few messages is more of a Bs screening and following a different structure from in person and is totally not the same in person seduction the opening and hook Is a bit different, and the structure, though I get you nitpicking for clarification in person is more of a seduction focus vs a screening structure... though there is also a screening type game but even that one a bit different than the online screening game...