2015, Lima, Peru, I sat across from a gorgeous local girl I'd just met. She spoke little English and I didn't speak much Spanish at the time. Give me your hand, let's play a thumb war, I said or somehow conveyed. She looked disgusted. Uh-oh, a failure to gain compliance and also to experience physical touch. The whole 20 minute interaction had gone something like this, awkward attempts at getting small compliance, sometimes succeeding sometimes not, small victories, small defeats. I got fed up with playing this game. Forget everything you learned I told myself, do what you want, because she's right, it's ridiculous, I don't want to play a fucking thumb war with this girl. Do you want to go somewhere private I asked. She perked up - ¿you mean for sex right? ...Yes. I held her gaze. No tactics, no plausible deniability, no bullshit. Her hand was in mine as we walked out together and I don't think I read anything pua/seduction related for a long time after. Maybe the occassional mainstream article when some community expert veered over into public consciousness, often in very negative ways (Oh Roosh, you've certainly found your mission).
But I'm not ungrateful to this community. There was a time when I was great at getting girls from nightclubs, I learned at university, it was fairly simple, dress decently, have a couple of drinks, go out believing that you're going to get laid and the girls will believe it too. I would even go to a nearby city with no hotel and no way of getting home at night, confident I would be ending up in a bed anyway. But nothing ever lasted more than a night - plenty of the girls were taken anyway, others I didn't really want long-term. I never had a girlfriend, and when I met a girl in normal circumstances I never got close to anything with them, I was always very respectful and "nice". Be yourself and it will happen was not working, and got fed up after seeing yet another girl I wanted quickly get in bed with another guy while treating me like her brother (Goddamnit, I could probably make you come over and over, plus I like you and even want more than just sex with you, maybe even marriage, can't you see these things? (She could probably see the second and third part)). Lo and behold, the pua world promised answers. Of course, many of those answers focused on how to pick girls up in nightclubs, which wasn't my question. There was also a lot of conflicting advice, never compliment, neg instead, don't state your intentions, go direct, compliment from a place of strength, be open and vulnerable, be unflappable and mysterious, be high energy, be low energy etc. The only thing it seemed any of these experts agreed on was approach a lot. Yeah, I learned about the numbers game back in my clubbing days. But I read and learned ideas and experimented and saw worked in real life and who gave the advice most suited to my personality - Mark Manson (Models), 60 Years of Challenge (Automatic Seduction) and GirlsChase. Mark got me to see the value in not playing a game, in direct honesty, he helped me unlearn a lot of false bravado and overly complicated routines I'd picked up from the pua world. 60 helped take this further with his style, which is less verbally direct, but more directly physical, an honesty that lives in the body. He also introduced me to the idea of combating microavoidance, which is gold, and to being comfortable with awkwardness, even embracing it. I'm a big picture thinker and these guys explain things in big picture ways (I didn't have to memorise exactly what to say or text to anyone). But man, no-one breaks things down as well as you guys do here at GC, or covers as much ground. I've learned so much from the articles by Chase and Ricardus, since I'm in my early 30s the relationship material and daygame advice speaks to me far more than most of the other stuff, no offense to the other contributors, but it takes a lot to get me out to a club these days, and polyamory doesn't interest me too much right now (well taking it seriously doesn't), maybe some day.
My 2 year relationship recently ended. She was a great girl, but it wasn't going anywhere either of us wanted it to go and I wasn't willing to make the sacrifice needed to offer her what she wanted, nor would she have been prepared to make the sacrifices needed to stick with me (and even if she had been willing, I would have told her not too, it would've taken her too far from her own plans in life and if it hadn't worked out she'd end up with a lot of resentment and I'd be left with a lot of guilt). The lease on my apartment ended and I quit my last job to focus on building a business. A lot of endings. To save on rent while I'm not earning much I moved back in with parents in September. Mistake. My parents are great, they're Mediterranean so they don't mind (and even like) having their 30+ yr old son at home. They give me a roof over my head and even provide most of my meals. But they're my parents, I'll always be a child to them, and they treat me as such. My drive's gone to shit. I don't even try picking girls up because I even if I had the confidence, I don't have the logistics. I'm treading water with this new business venture, intellectually I know I need to put the work in, even emotionally, in my gut, I want to dive in and put the serious work in, but instead I'm giving it the bare minimum. My needs are met, a part of me doesn't feel it's necessary to work at all (first world problems eh?). It's worse because my sister is here too for the holidays, I love her, she's strong-willed, which is great, but not to live with. My dad is no pushover, he's a successful businessman and his relationship with my mum is fairly equal, but we're living in a de facto matriarchy here. Much as I find the alpha, beta, omega, terminology in the manosphere kind of childish, and unhelpful, I have to use it here, I'm the omega in my family. And being the bottom of a pack of four feels worse than being the bottom of a pack of 3. Plus, the winter means I'm spending even more time indoors. My testosterone levels must have crashed to something pathetic, I think the only thing keeping them on life support is lifting weights a couple of times a week, practicing tai chi sets, and not having to answer to a work boss. So, I decided to use this time the best I could, since I wasn't doing much, I figured I could read a lot. I mostly read novels, books on economics/investing, and books on psychology. But guess what I also started reading a lot more of after a few months of no sex and feeling like a little bitch? That's right, GC. Even if I can't get real world practice, I can gain/retain some knowledge. Because here's the thing about that interaction with the sexy Limeña, turning off my inner monologue and trusting my gut wouldn't have worked in my pre-seduction community days. My gut reaction then would've probably been to tell her how amazingly pretty she was and how much I liked her (in fact I probably wouldn't have even met her in the first place). It worked because I'd already internalised what worked, and as 60 would say (I'm paraphrasing), you don't need to play games to attract women, nature has already taken care of that, just don't talk your way out of the attraction. Some part of me knew that going direct would work (or at least had a far better chance than anything else I was doing), but it knew this because of knowledge I'd learned along the way. So I'm back to reading through the hundreds of thousands of words posted here over the years, though I suspect not for long. I'm leaving the country very soon. No excuses. I'll be having sex again too once I shake off the rustiness, barring some extreme misfortune. I know my type - shy, excited girl, I'm with Chase on that one, brimming with controlled energy that, if you can direct it well, brings tremendous joy and passion to both your lives. Or to use the other breakdown, a strong, inexperienced girl for a relationship, and a soft, experienced girl for a fling. I can't get any of these living the way I'm living and being who I'm being. But I know who I am underneath - someone who says yes when a girl asks if we're having sex because I say it with enough conviction, with my whole body saying it, that she believes and feels it too.
I say I'm back but I don't imagine I'll post much here in the future. Just wanted to relate my experiences and mindsets, if anyone gets any value out of this that's a nice bonus. I tend to drift in and out of internet forums, as I did here, the only internet forum I've consistently posted in is investment related - I guess money matters more to me than women at this time.
But I'm not ungrateful to this community. There was a time when I was great at getting girls from nightclubs, I learned at university, it was fairly simple, dress decently, have a couple of drinks, go out believing that you're going to get laid and the girls will believe it too. I would even go to a nearby city with no hotel and no way of getting home at night, confident I would be ending up in a bed anyway. But nothing ever lasted more than a night - plenty of the girls were taken anyway, others I didn't really want long-term. I never had a girlfriend, and when I met a girl in normal circumstances I never got close to anything with them, I was always very respectful and "nice". Be yourself and it will happen was not working, and got fed up after seeing yet another girl I wanted quickly get in bed with another guy while treating me like her brother (Goddamnit, I could probably make you come over and over, plus I like you and even want more than just sex with you, maybe even marriage, can't you see these things? (She could probably see the second and third part)). Lo and behold, the pua world promised answers. Of course, many of those answers focused on how to pick girls up in nightclubs, which wasn't my question. There was also a lot of conflicting advice, never compliment, neg instead, don't state your intentions, go direct, compliment from a place of strength, be open and vulnerable, be unflappable and mysterious, be high energy, be low energy etc. The only thing it seemed any of these experts agreed on was approach a lot. Yeah, I learned about the numbers game back in my clubbing days. But I read and learned ideas and experimented and saw worked in real life and who gave the advice most suited to my personality - Mark Manson (Models), 60 Years of Challenge (Automatic Seduction) and GirlsChase. Mark got me to see the value in not playing a game, in direct honesty, he helped me unlearn a lot of false bravado and overly complicated routines I'd picked up from the pua world. 60 helped take this further with his style, which is less verbally direct, but more directly physical, an honesty that lives in the body. He also introduced me to the idea of combating microavoidance, which is gold, and to being comfortable with awkwardness, even embracing it. I'm a big picture thinker and these guys explain things in big picture ways (I didn't have to memorise exactly what to say or text to anyone). But man, no-one breaks things down as well as you guys do here at GC, or covers as much ground. I've learned so much from the articles by Chase and Ricardus, since I'm in my early 30s the relationship material and daygame advice speaks to me far more than most of the other stuff, no offense to the other contributors, but it takes a lot to get me out to a club these days, and polyamory doesn't interest me too much right now (well taking it seriously doesn't), maybe some day.
My 2 year relationship recently ended. She was a great girl, but it wasn't going anywhere either of us wanted it to go and I wasn't willing to make the sacrifice needed to offer her what she wanted, nor would she have been prepared to make the sacrifices needed to stick with me (and even if she had been willing, I would have told her not too, it would've taken her too far from her own plans in life and if it hadn't worked out she'd end up with a lot of resentment and I'd be left with a lot of guilt). The lease on my apartment ended and I quit my last job to focus on building a business. A lot of endings. To save on rent while I'm not earning much I moved back in with parents in September. Mistake. My parents are great, they're Mediterranean so they don't mind (and even like) having their 30+ yr old son at home. They give me a roof over my head and even provide most of my meals. But they're my parents, I'll always be a child to them, and they treat me as such. My drive's gone to shit. I don't even try picking girls up because I even if I had the confidence, I don't have the logistics. I'm treading water with this new business venture, intellectually I know I need to put the work in, even emotionally, in my gut, I want to dive in and put the serious work in, but instead I'm giving it the bare minimum. My needs are met, a part of me doesn't feel it's necessary to work at all (first world problems eh?). It's worse because my sister is here too for the holidays, I love her, she's strong-willed, which is great, but not to live with. My dad is no pushover, he's a successful businessman and his relationship with my mum is fairly equal, but we're living in a de facto matriarchy here. Much as I find the alpha, beta, omega, terminology in the manosphere kind of childish, and unhelpful, I have to use it here, I'm the omega in my family. And being the bottom of a pack of four feels worse than being the bottom of a pack of 3. Plus, the winter means I'm spending even more time indoors. My testosterone levels must have crashed to something pathetic, I think the only thing keeping them on life support is lifting weights a couple of times a week, practicing tai chi sets, and not having to answer to a work boss. So, I decided to use this time the best I could, since I wasn't doing much, I figured I could read a lot. I mostly read novels, books on economics/investing, and books on psychology. But guess what I also started reading a lot more of after a few months of no sex and feeling like a little bitch? That's right, GC. Even if I can't get real world practice, I can gain/retain some knowledge. Because here's the thing about that interaction with the sexy Limeña, turning off my inner monologue and trusting my gut wouldn't have worked in my pre-seduction community days. My gut reaction then would've probably been to tell her how amazingly pretty she was and how much I liked her (in fact I probably wouldn't have even met her in the first place). It worked because I'd already internalised what worked, and as 60 would say (I'm paraphrasing), you don't need to play games to attract women, nature has already taken care of that, just don't talk your way out of the attraction. Some part of me knew that going direct would work (or at least had a far better chance than anything else I was doing), but it knew this because of knowledge I'd learned along the way. So I'm back to reading through the hundreds of thousands of words posted here over the years, though I suspect not for long. I'm leaving the country very soon. No excuses. I'll be having sex again too once I shake off the rustiness, barring some extreme misfortune. I know my type - shy, excited girl, I'm with Chase on that one, brimming with controlled energy that, if you can direct it well, brings tremendous joy and passion to both your lives. Or to use the other breakdown, a strong, inexperienced girl for a relationship, and a soft, experienced girl for a fling. I can't get any of these living the way I'm living and being who I'm being. But I know who I am underneath - someone who says yes when a girl asks if we're having sex because I say it with enough conviction, with my whole body saying it, that she believes and feels it too.
I say I'm back but I don't imagine I'll post much here in the future. Just wanted to relate my experiences and mindsets, if anyone gets any value out of this that's a nice bonus. I tend to drift in and out of internet forums, as I did here, the only internet forum I've consistently posted in is investment related - I guess money matters more to me than women at this time.
