Why is Girlschase so relaxed, patient, and cool?

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

I mean not cool as in cool, it is a cool site but by cool I mean just so laid back but in a good way.

Over the years I've lurked and read dating advice on various forums and communities but it seems like in all of them, there was a ton of hostility and anger. I mean anger as in people got into arguments, fights, and everything over minor things in regards to dating. On Girlschase, I rarely see that, I see that the arguments that happen are for the most part civil and end up in people not being too worked up. On other dating forums I've been to, it all goes down to calling the other guy a sociopath that should check into mental rehab or telling mods to ban a guy for having a certain opinion.

Here is a good example, take race/ethnicity for instance.

Girlschase.

Guy who is a minority asks how he can get hot blondes, not only Chase but a lot of the board is helpful and tells the guy of their experiences. Even when repetitive threads come up, people tend to keep their cool and either link the guy to a relevant thread or tell him what can be done. People are so relaxed, patient, and understand. I've seen a few cases of sexless dudes from minority groups have a ton of success and go from writing depressing threads about race to writing up lay reports!

Other forums.

"Why don't you stick to your own race? White women are not going to be around if guys like you keep going after them?"

"Dude, white girls are nothing, they suck, they're boring, and they're overrated."

I mean there is no help or anything, just guys chomping at other guys, not giving any actionable advice, and just wasting time. At times even hostile race wars break out and it turns into American History X on the internet because of that sort of a discussion.

My question is how?

How do you have such a tolerant, relaxed, helpful, and patient community on Girlschase when most other pick up or game related forums are loaded with hostility and pure hatred?

 

[Marcellus]

I'd say Franco! He's such a good moderator.

 

[trashKENNUT]

oh ho ho.

you should look on my instagram. i been losing likes, LOLX. My post looks as hostile but really i am just telling it like it is.

Society is melting. muahaha. nah i am kidding. this is brash talk. we gonna attack isis. (see what i did there? even that statement, people can't differentiate. it is like their head is literally a dick's head)

Zac

 

[Chase]

Truth-

It's due to a very thoughtfully, carefully curated culture!

Franco is absolutely a big part of that, like Marcellus notes. And just about all of our senior members here are very balanced dudes.

When I set out to build this site, my aim was to get out accurate information with as little fluff and bias as possible. Bias is an inherent part of being a human, so it isn't totally avoidable, but when you focus on accuracy+ and fluff-, you're forced to set most biases aside. The kind of guys who were initially attracted to my writing and formed the core group of early members here liked that, while the extremist-type guys stay away from a place like this. Also, folks who don't care for reasoned discussions are likely to click away from this site as soon as they find it, since that's basically all this place is. The guys who stick around self-select themselves.

We were very careful in how we rolled the forum out in 2012, with a private beta with a small group of really interested new members, and Franco and I participated a lot to make sure we instilled the proper culture. Once we rolled the forum out to the general public we already had a strong stable of talented guys with level heads and sharp information to serve as the forum base.

Since then we've been careful to give warnings and boot out members who get too combative or who spread around too much stuff the rest of the members don't want to hear. We've also been pretty cautious and apolitical in ranking forum members, doing this purely off of ability, attitude, and helpfulness to other members, and not on seniority or post count or friendship with a moderator like a lot of other places do.

Those are the basic ingredients, and essentially what Franco and I set out to do in 2012. So far it's worked pretty well, I think. We're not as big as forums that spark tribalism in guys ("This is the one right way to do it and anyone who does something different is totally beta!"), but we maintain a place for guys who want to just learn without the bullshit, which is what we want.

We're also wary of forum declines and try to preempt takeover attempts:

http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2011/1 ... he-forums/

The big two were the anti-monogamy push and the "brown guys need help" push. Anti-monogamy was a handful of guys (maybe 4 or 5) got very active in commenting on everyone's posts to tell them monogamy doesn't work and you're a fool if you have a girlfriend, etc. Brown guys need help was another handful of guys (again, maybe 4 to 6 members) posting a flurry of non-stop threads on how girls don't want brown guys.

I weighed in both times while I still had authority (if the takeover gets far enough along, members who formerly had a lot of authority either switch sides or become discredited - e.g., check out all the once-respected members of the U.S. Republican party who've been branded "cuckservatives" and went from respect authority figures to lame guys past their prime who don't "get it" anymore [e.g., McCain, Ryan, 'never Trump' people, etc.]; the only ones not being discredited within the taken-over party are the ones who've aligned themselves with the new base [e.g., Pence, Giuliani, Gingrich, Sessions, Palin, etc.] - that's what takeovers do to power structures), and we warned members who were behaving too extreme. In both cases, we stopped the takeover attempts early enough that some of the members chilled out, while others just left for a time or for good (presumably to find a place more inline with their opinions).

The danger both times was if we didn't move on this soon enough, these guys would drive away the members who did not agree with them and attract a lot more zealous members with unflinching beliefs on these topics who were closed to discussion. If a takeout progresses that far, dissenting views are finished, and even the guys who originally had power (like Franco, the other senior members, and me) will start to look "lame" because we "don't get it" ("it" being whatever the new forum membership deems to be an absolute truth). That's essentially what happened with Steve Pavlina's forum, and it's something that happens with all public spaces eventually. Even the calmest, most rational public spaces eventually get rolled into one extremist belief system or another, and are lost. After a while, they fail, and a new space succeeds them.

Anyway, our mentality is if this forum remains active and continues to attract posters long enough, sooner or later it will probably fail, but not so long as we've got the right people in charge and they're quick about identifying True Believers (who are not here to calmly discuss, and are just here to take over), and decisive in their action against them (e.g., no wishy-washy responses).

Given a long enough time horizon, as with all things, this forum will someday die (from lack of fresh new blood / intelligent and entertaining contributors) or be taken over by an extremist ideology (and then die). For now, neither of those seems likely to happen any time soon; we've got a lot of great members and have a pretty good balance of senior members who like being here and pass the culture onto new members + new members still joining up and participating. On our end, our mission is to continue to make this a great place for guys to come for intelligent discussion from other hungry or experienced guys and not have to deal too much with folks bandying about unbending absolutist views on any issue.

Chase

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

Chase,

I was one of those guys, probably the main one, in that brown guys need help struggle. Recently through personal experience I found that location has a big deal to do with my success with women and as a result, felt the need to talk about it even further. I mean this in the sincerest way possible, I truly apologize for any problems I caused the forum but I've always felt like my race has a big impact on getting the kinds of girls I want. Since I don't get to often, I want to not only thank you for making this place as amazing as it is but also thank you for being with me in my struggles.

One day I know I will do much better with women and the kinds of women I like too, location is the big issue here for me and I am working on fixing it. When that day comes, and I know it will, I owe so much of my success to you, your site, and especially this forum.

 

[Big Daddy]

I'd say Franco! He's such a good moderator.

+1000

I owe so much to Franco that I wouldn't know how to pay back even if I had Trump's bank account password.