A
Anonymous
Guest
Hi folks, appreciate if you can offer advice on my situation.
A relatively attractive co-worker of mine started flirting with me about 2 months ago. She would volunteer herself to hang out with me (under the pretext of some other reason), and would initiate conversations. Soon enough we were supposed to go out, but I ended up cancelling on her due to a number of reasons. Part of it was guilt as both of us are in a relationship with someone else whom we don't personally know of. Another part was that I felt she, with a soft-spoken and demure personality, wasn't the kind of girl I would enjoy hanging out with, let alone sleep with (as it would make me look like the antagonizer). I felt the logical thing to do was not risk awkwardness that may ensue if I already knew things were not going to work out.
Almost immediately after that it felt like her personality changed overnight - from that quiet little girl I saw her to be she turned into a bitchy and opinionated person. Her flirtations also turned more overt, throwing me seductive stares and offering her hand for me to touch in a playful manner. The fun and excitement that these flirtations offered naturally got me interested, and I embarked on minor pursuits to spend time 1-on-1 with her - partly because I was interested and partly because I wanted to keep her interested while I was still figuring out whether she is someone I would want to date. That was when the tables turned. She would sound very interested when I asked her to do a certain activity (such as lunch) but would cancel on me last minute. This has happened at least thrice already (although there have also been a few instances where we did grab quick meals 1-on-1). I thought she just wanted get back on me for cancelling on her the first time round which is fine, but what confused me was after each time she cancelled on me she would send signals of encouragement, and her flirtations became more direct whenever I showed signs of disinterest.
This is where I am confused - is she genuinely interested in me but is playing hard to get or is she just trying to keep me chasing as a means to boost her self-esteem? Whenever she cancels on me I felt like she was just playing me, and felt I should stop wasting time. The chase takes effort and distracts me from more important things in life. But her mannerisms throughout this entire period of time suggests to me otherwise - why would any sane person consciously put in effort and investment to flirt with and seduce a guy if she just wanted to play him? There's real effort and investment involved here - when I mentioned I liked mature ladies, she once again almost instantaneously behaved in a more mature and assertive manner (or maybe it's just me overthinking things). My sense is that it's a bit of both.
Should I cut strings loose or should I continue the pursuit in the hope of something good will eventuate? I'm cool with either actually. Hope to hear your thoughts on this!
A relatively attractive co-worker of mine started flirting with me about 2 months ago. She would volunteer herself to hang out with me (under the pretext of some other reason), and would initiate conversations. Soon enough we were supposed to go out, but I ended up cancelling on her due to a number of reasons. Part of it was guilt as both of us are in a relationship with someone else whom we don't personally know of. Another part was that I felt she, with a soft-spoken and demure personality, wasn't the kind of girl I would enjoy hanging out with, let alone sleep with (as it would make me look like the antagonizer). I felt the logical thing to do was not risk awkwardness that may ensue if I already knew things were not going to work out.
Almost immediately after that it felt like her personality changed overnight - from that quiet little girl I saw her to be she turned into a bitchy and opinionated person. Her flirtations also turned more overt, throwing me seductive stares and offering her hand for me to touch in a playful manner. The fun and excitement that these flirtations offered naturally got me interested, and I embarked on minor pursuits to spend time 1-on-1 with her - partly because I was interested and partly because I wanted to keep her interested while I was still figuring out whether she is someone I would want to date. That was when the tables turned. She would sound very interested when I asked her to do a certain activity (such as lunch) but would cancel on me last minute. This has happened at least thrice already (although there have also been a few instances where we did grab quick meals 1-on-1). I thought she just wanted get back on me for cancelling on her the first time round which is fine, but what confused me was after each time she cancelled on me she would send signals of encouragement, and her flirtations became more direct whenever I showed signs of disinterest.
This is where I am confused - is she genuinely interested in me but is playing hard to get or is she just trying to keep me chasing as a means to boost her self-esteem? Whenever she cancels on me I felt like she was just playing me, and felt I should stop wasting time. The chase takes effort and distracts me from more important things in life. But her mannerisms throughout this entire period of time suggests to me otherwise - why would any sane person consciously put in effort and investment to flirt with and seduce a guy if she just wanted to play him? There's real effort and investment involved here - when I mentioned I liked mature ladies, she once again almost instantaneously behaved in a more mature and assertive manner (or maybe it's just me overthinking things). My sense is that it's a bit of both.
Should I cut strings loose or should I continue the pursuit in the hope of something good will eventuate? I'm cool with either actually. Hope to hear your thoughts on this!
