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Why not discuss our weaknesses.

ILoveElla

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Apr 11, 2014
Messages
64
Even for those of you who are skilled, why not share the one or two things you still aren't good at that gnaw at you, or share a situation or two that you've messed up lately. For some reason, it would motivate me if I heard the likes of Chase and Franco showing their frustration. Know what I mean?

One of my peeves: When it's the case that the girl has already made her mind up that she doesn't like you(in that way), but you don't know, and you keep dishing out all those tricks to try and impress her. Doesn't that just make you feel like shit. Because if you didn't know any better, you'd think it's because you're 'tricks' are useless.

Example(you mightn't need to read this):

Recently I went on a date. I didn't particularly like the girl personality wise, but I'd have been willing to do her. So I said that I couldn't afford to turn the situation down(it was me who set it up). She didn't seem like the sort of girl who'd be up for a shag either, but I said I'd better go along anyway because it isn't often I go on a date.

During the date, I was the one who made sure there were no silent gaps, and who made most of the effort to sustain the conversation and make sure it had a natural flow. Any time there was a silent gap, she'd laugh, highlighting any small amount of awkwardness it had. I felt like saying, "we should be well enough acquainted with each other at this point not to feel awkward if there's a small silent gap". It seemed so girl-like, and I let this put pressure on me to fill the silent gaps. At one point I said, "what's funny?" and she didn't really have anything to say, so I said "I can only imagine how much you'd laugh if I told a joke". I mean I guess it's good that I can improvise, but after so much I began to just felt like I was her lap dog, attending to all her needs. I'd have preferred to just stare at her and put the pressure on her to talk. And she expected me to pay the bulk of the bill at the end.

She then went to go to the bathroom again become we left, and she took a long time for whatever reason(not sure if this relevant or if it means something for girls). She was due to meet her friends afterwards, and I was going back to my car, so we walked a certain amount of the way together. I felt like I should try and do something, but didn't really know what. I said, "are you going to walk me back to my car". She said no, and I joked "I might get mugged". As we said goodbye I gave her a kiss on the cheek and she sort of laughed, and I thought to myself "well, that's all the effort I'm making".

Maybe I'd have preferred if we had just met up as friends, as that way, I would have felt more comfortable to poke fun at the things I didn't like about feeling nothing would be at stake, and this might have even led to banter!
 

Chase

Chieftan
Staff member
tribal-elder
Joined
Oct 9, 2012
Messages
6,358
Ella-

Sure, we all have weaknesses.

The one that still really irks me is women attempting to social ladder climb during cold approach. You're always going to be somewhat socially vulnerable during cold approach because you're expending more effort than the woman you're approaching, and that creates an opening for her to ladder climb you if she isn't a nice person (as opposed to, say, a girl who doesn't dig your approach but simply gives you a polite brush off).

You see this mostly in bar and club environments when a girl is dressed up and out with a big group. You approach, she dramatically snubs you (for her friends / the rest of the venue to see), but then she DOESN'T ignore you (preventing you from hanging around for a minute or two, staring into space, as if you meant to head over there and hang for a bit, then move on) - she keeps her attention focused on you, waiting for you to slink off under her withering gaze like most guys do, or else do something needy or desperate and really sabotage your own value. Because she's focused on you, all her friends then focus on you, and now you've got to deal with an entire group that is threatening to wreck your value in the venue.

This is usually something you can deal with by chatting up other people in her group (You: "Wow, SHE sure is friendly, huh?" Friend: "She gets a LOT of guys hitting on her" You: "Yeah, I picked up on that. So what's your story?"), but it forces you to waste your time talking to people you didn't intend to talk to in order to save face in the venue and still be able to approach other girls later without getting blown out (I've actually occasionally pulled girls who gave me harsh blowouts, whose friends I then rotated to chatting with, integrated with the group, and then came back around to chatting with the girl again later and she's now impressed that I managed to win her entire group over despite her initial harsh treatment... but that's rarer than the scenario itself is).

That's probably the most annoying thing to me that happens with pickup right now. Doesn't happen a LOT, but when it does it always makes me grit my teeth a little.

As for your situation, Ella - use more pauses! Get more comfortable building and using tension... the girl should be investing more in the interaction than you are. You lead, she invests. Ask her questions and let her do the talking. If you're doing the talking and filling in all the pauses, you will both get that feeling that you are being "the lap dog", and she will expect you to pay for the date - since, after all, you were doing everything else to keep her attention as well (implying that she is the prize to be won here).

Pauses, screening, and probing questions are your very good friends in putting the pressure onto the woman in a pleasant-enough way. And if she can't deal with it... she probably isn't very interested in you, and you've got more work on fundamentals and game in order first.

The alternative is leading extremely aggressively and simply pushing and tugging her along to your desired end point. You won't allow many pauses here either, but you'll also be keeping strong forward momentum on your side and won't be doing dinner dates, etc., where momentum slows to a halt and everything essentially turns into an interview.

Chase
 

Zoro

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Dec 25, 2012
Messages
1,124
I've been dealing with a certain issue for awhile.

And that's finding enough girls to cold approach! I'm happy with the progress I've made in pretty much all other areas of my game, leaving this unpracticed however is a gaping hole in it.

I plan on getting into dance more, taking classes, something I love and I imagine a great way to meet people, especially in shape girls.

Also may be going back to school soon which will skyrocket the amount of girls I can meet.

Other than that, I'm stuck to the rare sight at the grocery store and being caught off guard like a deer in headlights.

Any advice on what could help me stay primed for these do or die moments? Perhaps keeping up social momentum?

Ella, I would say screen these girls! Screen them out and qualify them. In nonpua lingo, make them feel like they earned you (or actually make them earn you). It might be good policy to always keep some skepticism about a girl, even if you like her. You will be learning new things about her all the time anyway, it shows you have standards/options and won't just accept anything that comes your way. This will keep her on good behavior and investing.

Also you may not want to do this as a beginner since you need experience to make proper judgments, but move on from a girl if you know she doesn't meet your requirements of what you are looking for, that could be her sexual availability, that could be her personality.

Chase, that sounds rough! I don't have much experience with that, but I can imagine myself using the bored look, keeping a smirk laughing it off in a kind of "seriously guys..." way. Either way, its a sticky situation.
 
a good date brings a smile to your lips... and hers
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