Why Tell Me She’s Free… Then Back Off When I Ask Her Out?

[Arnav]

(Context)
Approached a biotech research girl on the subway, usually very biy most of the time, she told she is workign on 4 hours if sleep for now and craving some rest. Got her insta id after the conv. Here is the text conv.
(Context)

Me: Was lovely meeting you today ~arnav
Her: Yeaa likewise
Me: Usually I’m rushing to get off the train… yesterday, not so much
Her: Ohh hahaha
Me: You’ve ruined solo train rides for me now
Her: Not really I think
Me: Yeah you have — I realized I’m only entertained by sleep-deprived researchers
Her: Hahahah

Me: I’ll stop torturing sleep-deprived researchers for now What interesting work are you focused on lately?
Her: Haha no not at all. I’m free till Sunday — Monday onwards I’m gonna be busy.
---
* here I did not even ask about her scheudle , just her work life - why did she gave me her availability unprompted, I thought this was a hint to ask her out
----

Me: Okay, we should meet one of these days then. I’m totally bored.
Her: We’ll see. I’ve to sleep too.

-----
* when I do pick up on her hint and ask her out, she stalls?? Why??
----

Me: Sure, give yourself a proper break. Get some rest. I’ll check in with you later today. If you’re feeling fresh and happy, we’ll plan something for Sunday.
Me: Heeyy, hope your deep sleep worked its magic… any plans for tomorrow?”
Her: Hey, Yea actually Sunday, I'm gonna rest
Bcs i went out today with friends today.
Me: sure, no problem. we'll catch up another time.
Her: Yeaa

Question- whats happeniing over here? Is she not interested, is she stalling? Should I persist here?

 

[Atlas IV]

Pretty simple. You over-invested, displayed too much eagerness and she lost interest.

Me: Usually I’m rushing to get off the train… yesterday, not so much
Her: Ohh hahaha
Me: You’ve ruined solo train rides for me now
Her: Not really I think
Me: Yeah you have — I realized I’m only entertained by sleep-deprived researchers
Her: Hahahah

Me: I’ll stop torturing sleep-deprived researchers for now What interesting work are you focused on lately?

See how your messages are all longer than hers and using lots of emojis when she wasn't responding in kind. This sub-communicates eagerness/neediness.

When she responded:

Her: Ohh hahaha

You should have stopped messaging and instead ping her the next day with something simple. Instead you messaged again, effectively rewarding her negative compliance.

Then she gave you more negative compliance:

Her: Not really I think

And you rewarded it again with another high investment text with emojis.

Next time, try not to let your perceived level of investment exceed the girl's. And if she's being non-compliant, ignore her and ping another time.

Also:

Me: Okay, we should meet one of these days then. I’m totally bored.

This is a terrible soft close text. Never tell a girl you want to meet her because you are bored.

Read up @Skills guide to texting

 

[Arnav]

Pretty simple. You over-invested, displayed too much eagerness and she lost interest.


See how your messages are all longer than hers and using lots of emojis when she wasn't responding in kind. This sub-communicates eagerness/neediness.

When she responded:

You should have stopped messaging and instead ping her the next day with something simple. Instead you messaged again, effectively rewarding her negative compliance.

Then she gave you more negative compliance:

And you rewarded it again with another high investment text with emojis.

Next time, try not to let your perceived level of investment exceed the girl's. And if she's being non-compliant, ignore her and ping another time.

Also:

This is a terrible soft close text. Never tell a girl you want to meet her because you are bored.

Read up @Skills guide to texting

thanks for pointing these out man, love these.

so being eager and needy over texts makes the girls loose interest.
wouldnt it be too boring if I just text simple short msgs and make her loose interest.

----
Me: I’ll stop torturing sleep-deprived researchers for now What interesting work are you focused on lately?
Her: Haha no not at all. I’m free till Sunday — Monday onwards I’m gonna be busy.
---
were my insticts cirrect here, that she wanted me to ask her out?
-----

Me: Okay, we should meet one of these days then. I’m totally bored.
Her: We’ll see. I’ve to sleep too.

----
And how do i respond here, perisst later or just drop her now?

 

[MrVariety]

The «I’m totally bored» is really bad.
1. DLV
2. you’re only hanging out with her because you have nothing better to do - she doesn’t feel appreciated.

other than that she probably just had other tentative plan that materialized but told you she was free as a scheduling strategy cus she’s busy and don’t prioritize guys who she just met.

Id recommend pinging in a week or two

MV

 

[Arnav]

The «I’m totally bored» is really bad.
1. DLV
2. you’re only hanging out with her because you have nothing better to do - she doesn’t feel appreciated.

other than that she probably just had other tentative plan that materialized but told you she was free as a scheduling strategy cus she’s busy and don’t prioritize guys who she just met.

Id recommend pinging in a week or two

MV

Okay got it.

What about this part-

Me: Okay, we should meet one of these days then. I’m totally bored.
Her: We’ll see. I’ve to sleep too.

======
her response here seems like she holds all the power and control in the interaction. feels a bit dissmive- is my read here right?

Whats the best way to handle these responses- be chill & keep engaging or step back.

 

[Will_V]

Atlas covered it pretty well, I'll just add:

Me: Usually I’m rushing to get off the train… yesterday, not so much
Her: Ohh hahaha
Me: You’ve ruined solo train rides for me now
Her: Not really I think
Me: Yeah you have — I realized I’m only entertained by sleep-deprived researchers
Her: Hahahah

This was fine.

Me: I’ll stop torturing sleep-deprived researchers for now What interesting work are you focused on lately?

This was not good. You're asking her to go from fun banter to telling you about her work, over text.

a) What should she write about that you'd be interested in?
b) What level of knowledge do you have about her work?
c) Does she even want to talk about it?

She has to try and figure out all of this, whereas before all she had to do was go "hahahahah". She probably just went with her schedule because she knew that's all you were actually interested in, and then decided that the whole thing was just too awkward. You made her cover your mistake and do your job for you (asking her out) for nothing.

Over text, always keep things lite n' easy. Try to use callback humor, try to remind her somehow of whatever you qualified her on (whatever you told/implied to her was the reason you like her), and just banter a bit, soft close, schedule, etc.

 

[Arnav]

Atlas covered it pretty well, I'll just add:



This was fine.



This was not good. You're asking her to go from fun banter to telling you about her work, over text.

a) What should she write about that you'd be interested in?
b) What level of knowledge do you have about her work?
c) Does she even want to talk about it?

She has to try and figure out all of this, whereas before all she had to do was go "hahahahah". She probably just went with her schedule because she knew that's all you were actually interested in, and then decided that the whole thing was just too awkward. You made her cover your mistake and do your job for you (asking her out) for nothing.

Over text, always keep things lite n' easy. Try to use callback humor, try to remind her somehow of whatever you qualified her on (whatever you told/implied to her was the reason you like her), and just banter a bit, soft close, schedule, etc.

Okay thanks , understood.