Background
I've been working with Hector on "being more sexual" during the dates. And also "always try to pull". Basically rather than waiting for the perfect moment to pull back to my place, I should always be thinking of ways to pull, which will lead me to act in ways that create the perfect moment. And I shouldn't be afraid to be rejected for the pull, because if I try to pull in a calibrated way, she won't take it negatively even if she refuses.
Both these things would turn out to be important.
People
Me: early 30s 5'10" fit asian entrepreneur
Her: latina, 29, 5'9", dance instructor, "curvy" by my standards (B+/C cups), but probably "too skinny" by @Kvothe 's standards
The Meet
~2 months ago I saw a stylish white woman walking down the street. I sidled alongside her and complimented her outfit. She was warm from the beginning. It turns out she's a latina. We chit chatted for a bit before I asked her if she's single. She said "it's complicated". I said "I like complicated". When I asked to exchange numbers, she paused, then said "Why the hell not?".
First Date
We met ~2 weeks later at a noodle spot. I was actually a bit nervous going into this date, because just before I had a coaching call with Hector, where he wanted me to "be sexual" on the dates, and this would be doubly important because she's a latina who culturally expects more masculine, sexually forward men.
So my interpretation was to "whenever I have a sexual thought, instead of avoiding it, take it, multiply it by 2, and blurt it out". This actually worked quite well. By the end, she was telling me with a smile "wow you're surprisingly honest".
I did try to pull, but she refused on this date, but gave me a sexual hug.
Second Date
We met again ~2 weeks later. I was kinda losing patience with her, because she was a bit squirrelly to schedule. We met with non-ideal logistics. Very far from my apartment, and I had a hard time stop in a few hours due to a family commitment. But because she was so squirrelly, I just decided to go on the date and see what happens even though there's zero chance of a pull.
I think I lucked out in a way, or maybe I just handled the situation well. Because she ended up showing up ~40 minutes late. But when she finally arrived, expecting me to be really annoyed, I was actually totally zen. Honestly I never expected to pull anyway, and this was a hail mary date anyway, so I didn't care. And we ended up having a really chill and fun 3 hour date at a dessert/coffee spot. There was zero expectation on my part, so she really liked the contrast of how nice the date went despite feeling super stressed going into it due to how late she was.
During the date, I did mention sexual stuff a few times, to keep the sexual vibe going, and ensure she didn't forget I'm a sexual being.
As we parted, she actually asked me for a kiss. I gave her a taste, without giving in too much.
Third Date
Met to go checkout some small museums another few weeks later (again squirrelly). Pretty nice and relaxed, no awkward pauses, and kept the sexual vibe light and playful. We walked to a pizza spot near my apartment, then she suggested a whiskey bar. I was debating whether to try to pull now, but decided to go to the bar, because it felt a bit "off" to reject her reasonable suggestion. So we went to a whiskey bar, got a drink. Here we sat down, almost leaning on each other. I really upped the sexual vibe here. Talking more about sexual topics, and caressing her thigh a lot.
Towards the end, I suggested we go back to my place. She was overall down, but wanted to establish some clear expectations. I was upfront: "honestly you're beautiful and I wanna bang you, but if you're not ready we could also drink wine and watch a movie". She appreciated the honesty and said sure.
The Bounce
2 minute walk to my place
Escalation
Pretty soon after pouring some drinks, we were making out, and I carried her into my bedroom. This is one of the few latina women I've been with. She's really really passionate. She had the widest smile, rough biting/scratching, and very sensual moans.
There is LMR. I treat it with compassion. Basically every time she gives me LMR, I show her I understand and empathize and there's no rush. And then I ask her more about herself and what she's thinking to raise attainability and comfort. And then I rub her clit again to progress further. I know this is the right move, and that trying to raise my value further is the wrong move, because she's already complimenting me with things like "wow your body is so hot".
Another thing I do which seemed important, is that I keep telling her how good she smells while diving my face into her chest or her hair. Which is a TRUTH. I have a VERY sensitive nose, and most girls wear heavy perfume to mask an unhealthy body odor. And she's not wearing any perfume, and she smells good to me. So this comes out very authentically to her, and it's honestly pretty unique, and it makes her feel very physically desired and connected to me.
Last tidbit. During the escalation, I ask her "whether or not we have sex, can you stay over tonight?". It's another TRUTH. I've been longing for the connection and companionship of a sleepover with a girl I actually enjoy the company of (as opposed to one I want to kick out right after sex). And I just have a feeling she's in the former category. So I tell her that. I think this is extra evidence to her that "she's not just a lay", and I won't make her feel shitty afterwards, and I actually enjoy her.
Sex
Eventually she repeats the same line we first met on, which is "why the hell not"
Sex was very very passionate, as expected for a latina. She stayed over afterwards, and we had a very nice night of cuddling and talking.
Reflections
- my date:sex ratio is actually 50% over the last 1.5 months, which is.... sky high for me. Mostly due to the new sexual vibe thanks to Hector. Even the dates that didn't go all the way, felt wayyy better. I need to just dial in my cold approach to get more dates, and I feel like I'll be really hitting some momentum
- I'm also getting a lot better at handling LMR
- My old method was basically repeating 1 step back, 2 steps forward until she cracks, all the while trying random shit from online to keep changing it up (like make a silly joke that I'm actually a virgin, or try to talk about non-judgmental frames). The problem is that it was just random whether or not any of these would work (usually not).
- My new method is the same 1 step back 2 steps forward, but instead of random shit, I actually understand WHY she's giving LMR, and say exactly the thing to address that root cause. In this case it was raising her comfort and raising the attainability. At core she was afraid I'd make her feel shitty afterwards (it wasn't a lack of value nor was it any "we need to be in a relationship first BS").
- At the end of the night, she repeated several times how refreshing it was that I "didn't give her ANY pressure and make her do anything she didn't want to do". Despite the fact that she prefaced the pull home by saying we're not going to have sex, and she gave me LMR, and we ended up having sex. I guess it's a testament to how advanced my LMR busting has become, that she complimented me on its non-existence.
- turns out she's bisexual, so hopefully there'll be another LR+ coming up
I've been working with Hector on "being more sexual" during the dates. And also "always try to pull". Basically rather than waiting for the perfect moment to pull back to my place, I should always be thinking of ways to pull, which will lead me to act in ways that create the perfect moment. And I shouldn't be afraid to be rejected for the pull, because if I try to pull in a calibrated way, she won't take it negatively even if she refuses.
Both these things would turn out to be important.
People
Me: early 30s 5'10" fit asian entrepreneur
Her: latina, 29, 5'9", dance instructor, "curvy" by my standards (B+/C cups), but probably "too skinny" by @Kvothe 's standards
The Meet
~2 months ago I saw a stylish white woman walking down the street. I sidled alongside her and complimented her outfit. She was warm from the beginning. It turns out she's a latina. We chit chatted for a bit before I asked her if she's single. She said "it's complicated". I said "I like complicated
". When I asked to exchange numbers, she paused, then said "Why the hell not?".First Date
We met ~2 weeks later at a noodle spot. I was actually a bit nervous going into this date, because just before I had a coaching call with Hector, where he wanted me to "be sexual" on the dates, and this would be doubly important because she's a latina who culturally expects more masculine, sexually forward men.
So my interpretation was to "whenever I have a sexual thought, instead of avoiding it, take it, multiply it by 2, and blurt it out". This actually worked quite well. By the end, she was telling me with a smile "wow you're surprisingly honest".
I did try to pull, but she refused on this date, but gave me a sexual hug.
Second Date
We met again ~2 weeks later. I was kinda losing patience with her, because she was a bit squirrelly to schedule. We met with non-ideal logistics. Very far from my apartment, and I had a hard time stop in a few hours due to a family commitment. But because she was so squirrelly, I just decided to go on the date and see what happens even though there's zero chance of a pull.
I think I lucked out in a way, or maybe I just handled the situation well. Because she ended up showing up ~40 minutes late. But when she finally arrived, expecting me to be really annoyed, I was actually totally zen. Honestly I never expected to pull anyway, and this was a hail mary date anyway, so I didn't care. And we ended up having a really chill and fun 3 hour date at a dessert/coffee spot. There was zero expectation on my part, so she really liked the contrast of how nice the date went despite feeling super stressed going into it due to how late she was.
During the date, I did mention sexual stuff a few times, to keep the sexual vibe going, and ensure she didn't forget I'm a sexual being.
As we parted, she actually asked me for a kiss. I gave her a taste, without giving in too much.
Third Date
Met to go checkout some small museums another few weeks later (again squirrelly). Pretty nice and relaxed, no awkward pauses, and kept the sexual vibe light and playful. We walked to a pizza spot near my apartment, then she suggested a whiskey bar. I was debating whether to try to pull now, but decided to go to the bar, because it felt a bit "off" to reject her reasonable suggestion. So we went to a whiskey bar, got a drink. Here we sat down, almost leaning on each other. I really upped the sexual vibe here. Talking more about sexual topics, and caressing her thigh a lot.
Towards the end, I suggested we go back to my place. She was overall down, but wanted to establish some clear expectations. I was upfront: "honestly you're beautiful and I wanna bang you, but if you're not ready we could also drink wine and watch a movie". She appreciated the honesty and said sure.
The Bounce
2 minute walk to my place
Escalation
Pretty soon after pouring some drinks, we were making out, and I carried her into my bedroom. This is one of the few latina women I've been with. She's really really passionate. She had the widest smile, rough biting/scratching, and very sensual moans.
There is LMR. I treat it with compassion. Basically every time she gives me LMR, I show her I understand and empathize and there's no rush. And then I ask her more about herself and what she's thinking to raise attainability and comfort. And then I rub her clit again to progress further. I know this is the right move, and that trying to raise my value further is the wrong move, because she's already complimenting me with things like "wow your body is so hot".
Another thing I do which seemed important, is that I keep telling her how good she smells while diving my face into her chest or her hair. Which is a TRUTH. I have a VERY sensitive nose, and most girls wear heavy perfume to mask an unhealthy body odor. And she's not wearing any perfume, and she smells good to me. So this comes out very authentically to her, and it's honestly pretty unique, and it makes her feel very physically desired and connected to me.
Last tidbit. During the escalation, I ask her "whether or not we have sex, can you stay over tonight?". It's another TRUTH. I've been longing for the connection and companionship of a sleepover with a girl I actually enjoy the company of (as opposed to one I want to kick out right after sex). And I just have a feeling she's in the former category. So I tell her that. I think this is extra evidence to her that "she's not just a lay", and I won't make her feel shitty afterwards, and I actually enjoy her.
Sex
Eventually she repeats the same line we first met on, which is "why the hell not"
Sex was very very passionate, as expected for a latina. She stayed over afterwards, and we had a very nice night of cuddling and talking.
Reflections
- my date:sex ratio is actually 50% over the last 1.5 months, which is.... sky high for me. Mostly due to the new sexual vibe thanks to Hector. Even the dates that didn't go all the way, felt wayyy better. I need to just dial in my cold approach to get more dates, and I feel like I'll be really hitting some momentum
- I'm also getting a lot better at handling LMR
- My old method was basically repeating 1 step back, 2 steps forward until she cracks, all the while trying random shit from online to keep changing it up (like make a silly joke that I'm actually a virgin, or try to talk about non-judgmental frames). The problem is that it was just random whether or not any of these would work (usually not).
- My new method is the same 1 step back 2 steps forward, but instead of random shit, I actually understand WHY she's giving LMR, and say exactly the thing to address that root cause. In this case it was raising her comfort and raising the attainability. At core she was afraid I'd make her feel shitty afterwards (it wasn't a lack of value nor was it any "we need to be in a relationship first BS").
- At the end of the night, she repeated several times how refreshing it was that I "didn't give her ANY pressure and make her do anything she didn't want to do". Despite the fact that she prefaced the pull home by saying we're not going to have sex, and she gave me LMR, and we ended up having sex. I guess it's a testament to how advanced my LMR busting has become, that she complimented me on its non-existence.
- turns out she's bisexual, so hopefully there'll be another LR+ coming up
