why you just don't "connect" with some girls

[Smith]

Hey gents,

After going on a lot of dates in the past year, I'm wondering why you just can't connect with some girls "romantically/sexually". I used to think it's because of my "game" (and maybe it was, especially in the beginning). But these days, I would go on a date with a girl, I'll deep dive her, and use touch and some sex talk, but the whole vibe of the interaction just seem rather neutral. I don't feel aroused and it seems like neither is she. It feels like I'm talking to a close friend, rather than someone I feel attracted to. Some of these girls are reasonably cute, but for some reason I just don't "feel it" if you know what I mean. There's no spark, and if I ask myself why I want to talk to this girl, I probably can't think of a good reason besides her looks, and sometimes that alone is not enough to motivate me to move things forward unfortunately (unless I'm really horny)

Whereas with certain girls, everything just flows naturally and we eventually end up getting intimate. If I look back on these times, I was feeling aroused and in a "sexual/romantic" mood. Yesterday, I tried to get myself into a "sexual/romantic" mood before I went on a date, and the date seemed to end on rather good terms. Today, I went on another date but this time I wasn't in that sexual/romantic mood, and the date was rather average, even though I also used touch and sex talk. It was like I was talking to a close friend rather than a lover. The only difference I can notice between these two dates is my mood/state, and both girls are similar in the "looks" department. I couldn't help but notice the same thing had happened before as well. It's rather strange how your thoughts and mood can affect your seduction more than your words and physical escalation. Can anyone else confirm this?

 

[Drck]

I think there are several factors to consider, maybe their combination:


Seduction has become just a mechanical skill. You know what to do and when, there is no element of surprise, there is no excitement of unknown... Any possible anxiety from meeting a new person is gone. Some anxiety is good, anxiety is energy... The same way, most of the excitement is gone, you've already met tens or hundred of girls, and if you keep doing the same thing over and over you will simply feel less and less pleasure from it...

You are 'way out there'. You got your life, your believes, your convictions, your new perception of girls... Girls, no matter how hot they are, simply no longer fit in your frame as they used to a while ago.. The pedestal is gone, no longer you belong to happy club of pussy worshippers... Sorry, the membership is gone, no refunds will be issued...

Boredom. We are hunters, it is natural for us to hunt, hunting gets the adrenaline and testosterone pumping. Somewhere deep inside most of us still want to hunt, that is our nature, it is natural because we are men. It is normal for us to chase, to go after that girl with all we have, with our best skills and energy... When you see a hot girl and she calls you or texts you, the normal reaction is that you want to jump up that very same second and text her back. That is how normal guy reacts. You want to jump over bushes, shake couple of trees, beat your hairy chest with clenched fists, you have the energy to challenge your opponents for fights with your bare limbs and with no hesitation... You feel like a King when she pays you attention, you want to roar like a fucking Lion.... But you can't. Unfortunately, as we know, it no longer works. We have to pretend that we don't care, we have to be passive, non reacting... When she texts you you have to ideally wait couple of days before you text back, if at all. When she smiles at you, you have to put blank "huh?" surprised look on, so you look sexy enough... You learned to fake dominant look, sometimes you even pretend that you are a homeless loser, just so you get laid with least energy possible... It is all fake, seduction is fake... Seduction is fucking boring - unfortunately that is what works today...

Depression. You may be down temporarily or long term. You simply lost interest in meeting girl, perhaps interest in doing other stuff that you like...

It's her. Usually guys who are learning seduction start believing that everything is in their hands. Everything. Their ego grew too big, they think that once they imitate sexy smile, dominance and some cool approach, and perhaps sexy vibe that she will drop on her ass and open legs just for him... just because he is so cool and confident... Well, many times it's not the case, get over yourself. She could be amused, she could be quite interested in that unusual sexy/hot guy - but in reality she doesn't really want to sleep with him. She's got her own game, she's got her own energy, she's got her own life... She's got a picture of a cool guy in her mind, and you simply don't resemble him... Maybe she is simply not ready for sex nor relationship at the time you meet her... Some girls can even fake the interest in you, you could swear that there are great vibes, she can give you all the green lights - yet the reality is that she could care less about you. She does it for her own amusement, her boredom, perhaps to get her own experience... She simply won't go home with you, she won't go for a second date, she will flake on you and you will never see her again... She is simply not interested enough, no matter how excited she seems to be... It is her, and you have absolutely no power to influence her choice. So stop blaming yourself, stop feeling miserable about having poor seduction skills, stop feeling bad about your poor vibes... It is not you, it is her...

Wait a minute: did I already mention that it is her - and not you...?

 

[Smith]

Hey Drck

Thanks for the well thought out response. I think it has become too mechanical for me and even slightly boring at times. I would have girls naked in my bed, but I'm not even really that interested in them besides just wanting to get my nut off. Even making out feels mechanical sometimes.
If I see a girl who's my "type", I would feel excited to go talk to her, but the excitement eventually wears off pretty fast when she starts talking. There's also the fact that I'm pretty stressed with my study. I enjoy it a lot and I'm pretty excited about my career once I graduate, and right now I want to spend a lot of my energy on that.

It's her. Usually guys who are learning seduction start believing that everything is in their hands. Everything. Their ego grew too big, they think that once they imitate sexy smile, dominance and some cool approach, and perhaps sexy vibe that she will drop on her ass and open legs just for him... just because he is so cool and confident... Well, many times it's not the case, get over yourself. She could be amused, she could be quite interested in that unusual sexy/hot guy - but in reality she doesn't really want to sleep with him. She's got her own game, she's got her own energy, she's got her own life... She's got a picture of a cool guy in her mind, and you simply don't resemble him... Maybe she is simply not ready for sex nor relationship at the time you meet her... Some girls can even fake the interest in you, you could swear that there are great vibes, she can give you all the green lights - yet the reality is that she could care less about you. She does it for her own amusement, her boredom, perhaps to get her own experience... She simply won't go home with you, she won't go for a second date, she will flake on you and you will never see her again... She is simply not interested enough, no matter how excited she seems to be... It is her, and you have absolutely no power to influence her choice. So stop blaming yourself, stop feeling miserable about having poor seduction skills, stop feeling bad about your poor vibes... It is not you, it is her...

I needed a reminder of this! A lot of things are really outside of your control. It takes two to tangle.