Woman needs advice from guys perspective

[Franco]

lumin,

You've obviously been given some fantastic insight into the way men think here, but I think as far as advice goes, you need to be taking advice and/or reading content from the mind of a female who's able to put this insight into something that is tangible for you to enact.

For that reason, I highly recommend checking out Renee Wade's website:

• The Feminine Woman

She has fantastic advice on attracting high-value men, and it comes from a woman's perspective, which will allow you to internalize the concepts much more readily since they will resonate with you. I always recommend this website to women looking for advice.

Hope this helps. =)

- Franco

 

[lumin25]

Thanks Ray.

In this case the guy invested little so I pulled back and invested little. The only reason that I might reach out to him again is because I think he may have misconstrued my intent and thought I was just trying to get his feedback and wasn't really interested to get to know him better. In that case I wasn't clear and miscommunicated and I feel it's worth another chance. His original reply to my email was enthusiastic so somewhere along the way, something happened. The only way that I'll know for sure what happened is to reach out to him again, although I haven't decided on whether to do this yet.

The last time I contacted him was over a month ago. I'm thinking of possibly reaching out again and saying that I'll be in his neck of the woods and could he meet me for a drink at a café or bar to give me some feedback on my product. I'll offer to pay for any drinks and I'll impose a time limit. As I mentioned, I'm more interested in a possible relationship than a one night stand and this also gives me an exit strategy if I'm not really feeling it. This way I'm making it super easy and saying that we can meet at a café or bar keeps the feeling casual.

If he says no to this or doesn't respond - I'll definitely have my answer.

I hate to be negative but I really feel that this is probably not destined to be. It just shouldn't be this hard. In looking at some of the other posts I've noticed a lot of people saying "if I would have done or said xy or z or done this differently or that differently I'd be with so and so". Perhaps this is true if you just want to bed someone. For example, you need to catch them in the right mood or adjust your tone/attitude. With regards to dating and relationships though, I think this is BS. I think if someone is really interested, excited and attracted to you it doesn't matter. Think of people you've been really into - they could have done pretty much anything and you'd probably still be into them - you'd find a way to validate or justify their actions, even if their actions were lame. I know I've done that - to some extent I'm doing it now with this guy. At the end of the day you want to be with someone who is really excited about you. The problem is, finding a situation where the excitement is mutual is, based on what I've seen, pretty rare. The more typical scenario is people going after people who are uninterested in them and in turn those people are being chased by people who they are not interested in. This creates a situation where a lot of people get into relationships with people who they aren't on fire for but they have a strong friendship with and maybe there's some attraction or at least they aren't repulsed by the person. They settle basically. Which is totally fine if you just want a companion to share life with. It also gets you out of the exhausting cycle of chasing people and being chased by people. Unfortunately for me I want that "on fire" feeling. There are the lucky few who find that and it's mutual but I don't think there are many couples like this.

 

[lumin25]

Thanks Franco - I'll definitely check it out!

 

[Sophisticated Gent]

lumin25,

I think we all want the "On Fire" feeling. That is what most of the guys on here are chasing. This is unfortunately a temporary state found in new relationships. The excitement of being involved with someone new does not last. If you want to maintain the feeling you will need to have new relationships fairly often. Chasing this one guy has kept up your interest so far but if you want to be on fire you need to pursue more men. You investment is considerably more than the return from this guy. I think you should move on. Follow Franco's advice and read The Feminine Women. Learn how to attracted high value men on a regular basis. Then go hunting. At first it will be hard but as you improve it will become natural.

SGent

 

[Big Daddy]

@lumin25

As Franco noted, plenty of advice here already, but I just wanted to take something off your shoulders as I've seen you mentioning it several times on this thread: it wouldn't matter at all the fact that you're 40 for me, and I'm 22.

It doesn't intrinsically lower your value for a lay; it could even make it higher depending on the perspective. During the last few years I found myself checking out hot women in their 40s and the fact that they look like they're 40 doesn't do anything for me -- all I can see is that they are hot women.

In fact, independently of what a particular guy is looking for (wife, gf, fuck buddy, etc.), if the girl is attractive enough (sounds like you are), if he's single, has been communicated clearly enough by the girl that she wants to fuck (whether you've been "clear enough" is up to the particular guy), has no social consequences and logistics are good, 99.99% of the time he will be down to fuck you regardless of age.

The reason why this didn't go forward is probably because of what ProblemSolving said, not because there's something wrong with you (or your age).

As to your approaching question:

Women are way more socially attuned than men, generally speaking. Downright approaching might be too forward for most guys to handle (or not, I certainly wouldn't mind), but I'm willing to bet that what you consider throwing yourself at the guy, most guys will see it as the first notch of a flirty interaction. So then again, I bet most of them would feel like they had something to do with moving things forward and feeling masculine.

I'll admit that I'm not able to read women's signs every time (heck, most of the time) and I have to rely on assuming attraction. Sometimes my mind gets in my way and unfortunately I end up not pulling the trigger when a single push would make me lead it to the bedroom.

 

[lumin25]

Sophisticated Gent and Big Daddy - thanks for your responses.

Sophisticated Gent - I am agreeing with you. I think I should move on too. The problem is - it may be another 3 years before anyone comes along that I'd want to invest time into! I've done a lot of "hunting" and there isn't anyone that I want to catch. I've tried to put myself in all sorts of situations to meet men and there just isn't anyone that is that appealing. Then again, to really meet a high concentration of men I'd probably have to go online. Maybe what I'll do as an exercise is go on lots of online dates and practice different techniques to use when that high value man does come along...in 3 years.

I took a look at The Feminine Woman. While I don't subscribe to everything she says I think there is some good information on the site. I will definitely sift through and use the things that strike a nerve.

Big Daddy - That's really cool to hear - thanks for the encouragement. I haven't dated anyone quite as young as you since I was in my 20s myself but I generally find guys in their 20s to have a much more open minded mentality than men in their 30s and 40s when it comes to dating and relationships which is refreshing. Don't loose that open mindedness because it's very attractive to women - no matter what age.

I wish I would have been more upfront about my intentions with this guy or at least more flirtatious, if only to get a clearer answer for myself about his feelings towards me. However, I think it may be too late to do that. Live and learn I guess.

Thanks again for the feedback.