Womanese: what do we need to know

[DakenMarquis]

Hey guys, as the title says...I may already be good at some female communication, but what do we need to know if we're unsure if our skill is up to par or not?

Direct game works for me, but not in social situations unless the interest is very much there and even then calibration is required. Most of my lays are online or cold/warm approach. I have a hard time dating in social circle scenarios outside of college, and not sure if its a skill I want to get good at or if its always useful(especially discretion), I am discrete for the most part except for escalation or her knowing I'm interested.

So how can I get good at speaking/deciphering it or tell if my current level is good enough? And is it a good idea to let her be so passive aggressive in communicating, when I've had success with girls by calling them out kindly instead of engaging in such feminine communication style?

Would love a range of perspectives and assessments from those who best understand this and comprehend how this is difficult for guys(especially those of us who are more career focused/busy in general).

~Daken

 

[DakenMarquis]

@Chase I've read more on the matter, but its not always as simple, since many women(hell ppl) can be very subtle and indirect.

 

[Chase]

@DakenMarquis,

The basic question is “How well do I need to understand womanese”?

I would say “Well enough to accomplish your objectives.”

Womanese is not really difficult, it just requires a mindset shift where you accept that everything women says has a double meaning where it is also testing/probing/inspecting/evaluating basically all the time about everything: you, the other men she talks to, what her friends think about [whatever], etc.

Generally she either wants you to do something she is not directly telling you to do, or wants you to not do something she is directly telling you to do, but in a socially savvy way.

Womanese is a language system with “no lose” built into it for the woman. For instance, if she tells you, “I’m tired,” and she is actually horny and hoping you’ll take her home, but not SO horny that she’s going to make it super obvious to you, then either:

1. You are going to deduce what she means, take her home, turn her on a lot more, and give her a good night, OR
   
   
2. You are not going to deduce what she means, will take her to her home, see her safely into bed, and she's a little sexually unsatisfied but now she knows you're a really good guy who might make a good boyfriend or orbiter. Plus she gets to go to sleep.

Everything with women is basically this way.

It's like "heads, I win; tails, I also win; also maybe you can win on one of those coin tosses alongside me."

You don't need to be an expert to get laid or run relationships but it's a big help and a major difference-maker.

Chase

 

[Will_V]

Hey guys, as the title says...I may already be good at some female communication, but what do we need to know if we're unsure if our skill is up to par or not?

Direct game works for me, but not in social situations unless the interest is very much there and even then calibration is required. Most of my lays are online or cold/warm approach. I have a hard time dating in social circle scenarios outside of college, and not sure if its a skill I want to get good at or if its always useful(especially discretion), I am discrete for the most part except for escalation or her knowing I'm interested.

So how can I get good at speaking/deciphering it or tell if my current level is good enough? And is it a good idea to let her be so passive aggressive in communicating, when I've had success with girls by calling them out kindly instead of engaging in such feminine communication style?

Would love a range of perspectives and assessments from those who best understand this and comprehend how this is difficult for guys(especially those of us who are more career focused/busy in general).

~Daken

What are some specific scenarios?

The basic rule of thumb is that a woman is a submissive and that means she has to get what she wants without looking like she's competing for control. Subtle suggestion, passive/indirect feedback (signalling hot/cold), and emotional venting (passive aggression, excitement, frustration, etc) is what she uses to try to steer what she can't directly control (you).

One of the things she tests you on rather quickly is how much leeway you'll give her to try and manipulate things this way, and at what point you'll put her in her place and stop listening for or trying to interpret those signals. Too much and she won't respect you, too little and she feels insecure.

 

[KJ Francis]

I remember learning about subcommunication and feeling like I'd discovered a secret language. So I like to use it when possible to imply sexual intent, like plausibly deniable innuendo.

This is a bit of a reach, but I was once bickering with my sister at the dinner table and dropped the fight. Soon after I was asked about how the coffee was from a vintage percolator I had used recently.

I said it was a little weak and I took it easy on it because I didn't think that it could take the heat.

My dad was confused because it made no sense literally. Of course it can take heat. But I am almost certain my mom and sister understood I was implying that my sister was metaphorically the percolator.

A plausibly deniable taunt.

 

[barneystin]

Not an expert on this but I think I'm beginning to pick up on it.

I was hanging out with my boy the other day at a bar and he was talking to this girl. She's hooked into the conversation and seemed ready to be isolated. My friend has decent game so I thought he picked up on this when he asked her to move to a separate part of the venue with him. However, he also asked me to follow them (I guess he didn't want me to be alone lol). A couple minutes after getting to the other part of the venue, his girl breaks their conversation and tells me to go check up on this random girl who was crying in front of us. I don't care about this random girl and she has her friends consoling her already so i'm thinking "wtf would i do that" and then it hit me: she's probably just asking me to give her and my boy some space - isolation! I just simply leave that part of the venue to go talk to some other people and he ends up taking her home that night.

It honestly just comes down to experience. Not every version of womanese is the same or has the same intent. She could be telling you to very politely fuck off or to escalate the interaction. Those two situations look different.

In my experience, when it comes to escalating, the premise of womanese here is more of: "If he was interested and had the same goals as me, he would hop on this 'blatant' sign that i'm giving verbally or non-verbally and escalate the set. If he wasn't interested, it would just seem like very normal conversation"
For example, in my recent LR, we were talking and the conversation moves to the different brand deals she's done in the past. One of them happened to be for a condom brand and she jokingly complains about how she now has too many condoms at her place. Now, if i was a guy trying to pull her to one of our places, that gives me the perfect set-up to ask about her place and where she lives. The set-up wasn't as obvious as i'm laying it out here but because i was looking for a reason to pull, it was very obvious.

When it comes to them telling you to fuck off, I think it's more of: "What would he do if he took my statement at face value and complied?" So in the situation I mentioned earlier, I would have just went to talk to the crying girl and she would be alone with my friend.

 

[KJ Francis]

I heard this on the radio today and thought of this thread.

"Just one of dem days that a girl goes through"

The whole video is black and white except in two parts with her bright red jacket when she embraces the guy and says:

"I sit and think about everything we do"

and " I really wanna be with you the whole way through"


So to me, this song is womanese for "I want to fuck you but I'm on my period right now"