Brand new to the board. I'm 36, work at a tech startup, introvert, and learning to sell. My main sticking point: overanalyze and generally too much push. I think it's mostly a defensive mechanism. My goal: Be her ideal lover, if only for a few months, or to help her during a transition period. Stuff I bought to get me there: Chase Mastery, Desire System from The social man, Lawrence Lenioff Language of Lust and probably a "do this" type sex manual.
FR: If you were to ask the women at work about me, they would definitely say that I'm a flirt. I try to avoid dipping my pen into the company ink unless there is an Expiration Date on the working relationship. Recently found out that there is an expiration date.
TLDR; 2 Phone numbers, one giant opportunity missed, and Her as a reoccurring theme.
The party was at a restaurant in North Waterfront district called Butterfly around Pier 35. This made moving "her" to a new location a big commitment from her. Cocktail attire except for the CEO/Founder who is always trying to do his best Zuckerburg impression.
Pregame: I go around to random women at the train station and ask them to take the "stranger challenge" with me. Basically, we take a selfie with her holding a sign that says, "I don't know this person" with an arrow pointing towards me. I balk on an attractive blonde who is waiting by herself. The idea that you need to walk up to her within 3 seconds or ya ain't going to do it is a real thing.
Game time: Re-Open a woman that I had met at a friend's bday party. Forgot her name and got her mixed race background incorrect. Fast start :/ I Screen and Qualify. I'm thinking about adding a Challenge after I say that I like something about her. I always try to relate it back to one of three things when I comment on whatever she says: emotion, motivations, character traits (EMC). We start to get crowded out at our cocktail table, so I suggest moving to a table and sit down. Big mistake. We are the only two sitting in the joint, and she, likely, feels like she is on an island with me. I try chase framing her by saying that she is, "here trying to seduce the next tech millionaire" with a wry smile. I was trying to insinuate that I was the future tech millionaire, but she could definitely, and probably did, take that to mean that I thought she was a gold digger. Meh. Her drink is empty and rather than "moving" her to the bar, I sarcastically say, "she shouldn't get a drink". Don't know why. Air ball.
The next target is the woman in the Red Dress, and a missed opportunity to go big. She is a party girl. I met her briefly at a party for SantaCon in SF last week. Red Dress will grind on every guy in the joint from Alphas to the betas. I introduce myself, pull up a seat, and immediately put my hand on her open back. She doesn't flinch. I screen, qualify, deep dive, relate to EMC. I grab her hand and hold it. She withdraws but leans in. She asks something about how I can be so "forward"? I screw up. I say in as slow as way as possible, "I. Always. Get. What...." she finishes my sentence. I feel like it's kind of a baller thing to say, but also gives her a reason to resist. She then asks, "How do you do that?" I say something like, "I never chase." Horrible. I should've said something along the lines of not giving away all my secrets to someone I just met. That said I'm getting somewhere. She is shaking her head yes like she's talking to her boss. She has a glimmer in her eye and her pupils are huge. She sends out a physical touch. I can feel myself getting excited. I tell her, "stop looking at me like that. You're going to make me want you." She loves it. I break tension by smiling too big. I touch her necklace and say, "tell me about it." She does. The fucking waiter comes up to ask us if we want champagne. The spell is broken. My calibration is off and I try to get the moment back by saying that in, Kansas City, the women are all conservative and scared to talk about sex. I even say that they think talking about sex openly is sexual harassment. Another bad move. I ask her to agree with me about how ridiculous that is. She kind of agrees but could see how they might think it's taboo. She wants to go dance to "warm up". Fucked. I, not wanting to be following and dancing hasn't gotten any of the others anywhere, tell her that I have to go to the bathroom, but "There's something different about her. I can't put my finger on it, but it's there." That was the last I spoke to her. She worked over the rest of the room.
The next girl is nerdy and does design work at the startup. Screen > Qualify > EMC. She answers all my questions and talks a LOT. When she asks something about me I don't bait as well as I could've. I ask her what she likes to do in her free time besides X, and Y. She likes foreign TV shows??? Not films, but foreign TV shows. I use this as an opportunity to lead her around by the hand and find her a guy she can watch foreign TV shows and chill with. When I point to one guy, she says, "Myron might." We walk over. Bad move. They know each other and he starts talking about foreign shows his wife watches. Next time I'm not going to a guy she knows, and if I do end up in a convo with someone I need to cut the thread while not being rude. Any suggestions there? The guy is a non-threat, a co-worker, and not an asshole. I brought him into this, so no reason to be a dick about my FU. Number close. Text and immediate response.
The next girl I'm really interested in because I, as my coworkers say, have Yellow Fever. Horrible start, we keep getting interrupted. She gets pulled away by her +1 who likes me quite a bit. Worst move of the night is a double cold read where I strike out on both answers. Talk about throwing a gap in there. I don't get to do much S>Q>R, but I keep catching eyes. I did find out she works at a hospital as admin but doesn't practice medicine because she gets too attached to patients. High Emotional Quotient. By the end of the night, she hasn't invested shit, the whole interaction has been start-stop, but I go for and get a number close. High likelihood of flaking. I'm OOT for the next two weeks AND when I texted her, "it was great to meet her. We'll get a drink when I'm back in town. Take good care of Veena (her +1) tonight - Anthony" I got back crickets.
Last girls is somewhat of an on-going office sexual tension thing. Put it this way, I Pushed way too hard, with very little Pull, because I didn't want workplace drama. I wanted and still want to fuck her, but didn't jump with both feet through the escalation window. I was trying to buy time until an Expiration Date arrived, but some guy at work is taking her to pound town. She randomly texts me, I catch her eye from time 2 time. I've even seen her come around the corner, catch a glimpse of me and do a 90 degree turn to go somewhere else. I ignore her now.
She finally got drunk enough to grab me by the waist from behind as she was walking by. I didn't turn but held her hand as she walked by. We swap "Eyes On You" Navy SEAL hand signals. She walks up to me and asks, "Why do you hate me?" To which I replied that I don't. She insists that I do. She's baiting me to say something about her new relationship. I say, "I have no reason to be upset with you. Why should I be upset, other than the thing you pulled with Janet." She says, "That was a long time ago. You act like we're not friends." I respond, "You and I are never going to..." she finishes "...be friends". She puts her arms around my waist, "I love you. I really do." I pull her in. Her hands are on my ass. She says, "You love me too." I say, "No I don't." She says I do. I look her dead ass in the eyes and say, "no really, I don't". She says, "then why are you still holding me right now?" I take her hand that is on my ass, and say, "I think you should go find someone else to hang on." She doesn't let go, and then a voice in the background bursts the bubble, "why don't you grab his front? Nothing good comes out of the back." Or some such shit. Cock block by a guy who should know better.
Lessons learned: No more cold reads until sufficient SQR. Never talk about money and seduction in the same sentence. Don't challenge her in a way that leads to "chasing" being weak. Be careful about doing something that puts her on display in front of the herd. When the bubble is burst, use it as an excuse to move her.
Things to work on: Get logistics tight. Even just the floor plan/layout but also close by bars/cafes. When I get that special feeling go for hand holding/caressing without breaking eye contact. Alternate deep dive/tension with breaths of the fresh air. Spike tension and make her break it
FR: If you were to ask the women at work about me, they would definitely say that I'm a flirt. I try to avoid dipping my pen into the company ink unless there is an Expiration Date on the working relationship. Recently found out that there is an expiration date.
TLDR; 2 Phone numbers, one giant opportunity missed, and Her as a reoccurring theme.
The party was at a restaurant in North Waterfront district called Butterfly around Pier 35. This made moving "her" to a new location a big commitment from her. Cocktail attire except for the CEO/Founder who is always trying to do his best Zuckerburg impression.
Pregame: I go around to random women at the train station and ask them to take the "stranger challenge" with me. Basically, we take a selfie with her holding a sign that says, "I don't know this person" with an arrow pointing towards me. I balk on an attractive blonde who is waiting by herself. The idea that you need to walk up to her within 3 seconds or ya ain't going to do it is a real thing.
Game time: Re-Open a woman that I had met at a friend's bday party. Forgot her name and got her mixed race background incorrect. Fast start :/ I Screen and Qualify. I'm thinking about adding a Challenge after I say that I like something about her. I always try to relate it back to one of three things when I comment on whatever she says: emotion, motivations, character traits (EMC). We start to get crowded out at our cocktail table, so I suggest moving to a table and sit down. Big mistake. We are the only two sitting in the joint, and she, likely, feels like she is on an island with me. I try chase framing her by saying that she is, "here trying to seduce the next tech millionaire" with a wry smile. I was trying to insinuate that I was the future tech millionaire, but she could definitely, and probably did, take that to mean that I thought she was a gold digger. Meh. Her drink is empty and rather than "moving" her to the bar, I sarcastically say, "she shouldn't get a drink". Don't know why. Air ball.
The next target is the woman in the Red Dress, and a missed opportunity to go big. She is a party girl. I met her briefly at a party for SantaCon in SF last week. Red Dress will grind on every guy in the joint from Alphas to the betas. I introduce myself, pull up a seat, and immediately put my hand on her open back. She doesn't flinch. I screen, qualify, deep dive, relate to EMC. I grab her hand and hold it. She withdraws but leans in. She asks something about how I can be so "forward"? I screw up. I say in as slow as way as possible, "I. Always. Get. What...." she finishes my sentence. I feel like it's kind of a baller thing to say, but also gives her a reason to resist. She then asks, "How do you do that?" I say something like, "I never chase." Horrible. I should've said something along the lines of not giving away all my secrets to someone I just met. That said I'm getting somewhere. She is shaking her head yes like she's talking to her boss. She has a glimmer in her eye and her pupils are huge. She sends out a physical touch. I can feel myself getting excited. I tell her, "stop looking at me like that. You're going to make me want you." She loves it. I break tension by smiling too big. I touch her necklace and say, "tell me about it." She does. The fucking waiter comes up to ask us if we want champagne. The spell is broken. My calibration is off and I try to get the moment back by saying that in, Kansas City, the women are all conservative and scared to talk about sex. I even say that they think talking about sex openly is sexual harassment. Another bad move. I ask her to agree with me about how ridiculous that is. She kind of agrees but could see how they might think it's taboo. She wants to go dance to "warm up". Fucked. I, not wanting to be following and dancing hasn't gotten any of the others anywhere, tell her that I have to go to the bathroom, but "There's something different about her. I can't put my finger on it, but it's there." That was the last I spoke to her. She worked over the rest of the room.
The next girl is nerdy and does design work at the startup. Screen > Qualify > EMC. She answers all my questions and talks a LOT. When she asks something about me I don't bait as well as I could've. I ask her what she likes to do in her free time besides X, and Y. She likes foreign TV shows??? Not films, but foreign TV shows. I use this as an opportunity to lead her around by the hand and find her a guy she can watch foreign TV shows and chill with. When I point to one guy, she says, "Myron might." We walk over. Bad move. They know each other and he starts talking about foreign shows his wife watches. Next time I'm not going to a guy she knows, and if I do end up in a convo with someone I need to cut the thread while not being rude. Any suggestions there? The guy is a non-threat, a co-worker, and not an asshole. I brought him into this, so no reason to be a dick about my FU. Number close. Text and immediate response.
The next girl I'm really interested in because I, as my coworkers say, have Yellow Fever. Horrible start, we keep getting interrupted. She gets pulled away by her +1 who likes me quite a bit. Worst move of the night is a double cold read where I strike out on both answers. Talk about throwing a gap in there. I don't get to do much S>Q>R, but I keep catching eyes. I did find out she works at a hospital as admin but doesn't practice medicine because she gets too attached to patients. High Emotional Quotient. By the end of the night, she hasn't invested shit, the whole interaction has been start-stop, but I go for and get a number close. High likelihood of flaking. I'm OOT for the next two weeks AND when I texted her, "it was great to meet her. We'll get a drink when I'm back in town. Take good care of Veena (her +1) tonight - Anthony" I got back crickets.
Last girls is somewhat of an on-going office sexual tension thing. Put it this way, I Pushed way too hard, with very little Pull, because I didn't want workplace drama. I wanted and still want to fuck her, but didn't jump with both feet through the escalation window. I was trying to buy time until an Expiration Date arrived, but some guy at work is taking her to pound town. She randomly texts me, I catch her eye from time 2 time. I've even seen her come around the corner, catch a glimpse of me and do a 90 degree turn to go somewhere else. I ignore her now.
She finally got drunk enough to grab me by the waist from behind as she was walking by. I didn't turn but held her hand as she walked by. We swap "Eyes On You" Navy SEAL hand signals. She walks up to me and asks, "Why do you hate me?" To which I replied that I don't. She insists that I do. She's baiting me to say something about her new relationship. I say, "I have no reason to be upset with you. Why should I be upset, other than the thing you pulled with Janet." She says, "That was a long time ago. You act like we're not friends." I respond, "You and I are never going to..." she finishes "...be friends". She puts her arms around my waist, "I love you. I really do." I pull her in. Her hands are on my ass. She says, "You love me too." I say, "No I don't." She says I do. I look her dead ass in the eyes and say, "no really, I don't". She says, "then why are you still holding me right now?" I take her hand that is on my ass, and say, "I think you should go find someone else to hang on." She doesn't let go, and then a voice in the background bursts the bubble, "why don't you grab his front? Nothing good comes out of the back." Or some such shit. Cock block by a guy who should know better.
Lessons learned: No more cold reads until sufficient SQR. Never talk about money and seduction in the same sentence. Don't challenge her in a way that leads to "chasing" being weak. Be careful about doing something that puts her on display in front of the herd. When the bubble is burst, use it as an excuse to move her.
Things to work on: Get logistics tight. Even just the floor plan/layout but also close by bars/cafes. When I get that special feeling go for hand holding/caressing without breaking eye contact. Alternate deep dive/tension with breaths of the fresh air. Spike tension and make her break it
