Working on Anxiety and Not Being a Fucking Weirdo After Rejection.......

[Paulie Walnuts]

So.... I've noticed this happens with certain girls, even if we've only been out once or only texted for a bit. I get HELLA mad when a girl cuts off contact with no reason behind it (obviously that's the stupidest logic on the planet since nobody owes you anything in this world, least of all a date....), I don't get violent or anything crazy like that.... but I tend to call them over and over and over (up to like 6-7 times when I can finally stop myself from being a nut and decide that it's harassment and I'm just being crazy).

Seriously no idea, I just hate when they full on block you with no reason behind it; obviously this is just part of playing the game, but since it happens so rarely to me and I have serious ego issues I find myself flipping out.

Like the lead I've been texting that I wrote in my other post, called her like 6-7 times on a restricted number after she randomly blocked me on snapchat and blocked my number with not reason behind it; then because I was still all flipped out I called this other girl I went out with like a month back (that never texted me after our date, w/e I went out with a new girl the next day) on a restricted number and asked her: "Why the fuck she blocked me on snapchat", her response was cool, calm and collected and she just told me to: "Have a nice day and hungup" even a little chuckle at the end, but crazy old me then called her two more times before I could stop myself; deleted both of their numbers and information out of my phone and finally calmed down.

What the hell is wrong with me...? I don't want the reputation of being a fucking creepy weirdo...... and I know that's what I'm coming off as but I can't stop myself.

What do you guys do to counter this if you've ever had this issue in the past? I'm just being honest, I don't like the way I'm acting and it's not conducive to succeeding in Game or life!

 

[Grand Pooba]

What do you guys do to counter this if you've ever had this issue in the past? I'm just being honest, I don't like the way I'm acting and it's not conducive to succeeding in Game or life!

Hey buddy, will give you a short response.

Couple of things....you're way too attached too early. first it sounds like your ego is connected to the result. So them cutting you off makes you seek them out for validation. At least that is what it sounds like. What is this is being NEEDY.

Understand that some girls don't get back in touch with you explicitly to test if you're the kind of guy that does this - is a NEEDY man. They suspect you might be, so they intentionally don't message you to see if you are. By doing what you're doing, you're verifying their suspicion, and it's MASSIIVELY UNATTRACTIVE as you can see based on results.

I invite you to set hard rules for yourself:
- keep meeting more women. Create more options so you're not stuck on one. When you feel this urge to keep messaging them, that is your cue to go meet some more!
- invite any girl for a date, or message/call her, just once a week, for a maximum of two times. If she doesn't respond, wait one to two weeks before trying again. A lot of girls that do shit like this magically reappear around the 2-3 week mark, so I think that waiting longer is better.
- after the second or third time you reach out, delete her number and the text thread.

Perhaps the most important and harrdest to learn:
- dont let rejection become personal. Don't take things personally.

 

[Paulie Walnuts]

Thanks Grand Pooba!

You're correct I'm struggling with early attachment issues, the fix of getting more girls hasn't seemed to work though... I have a list of 22 prospects in a list "Girls I'm actively Texting", I'm constantly adding and removing girls from said list. From that list I'm continuously sleeping with 3 (though 2 of those leads are becoming flaky), and seeing 5 (past the first date, so either a 2nd or 3rd); this is def related to ego because it's only those particular girls that cut me off abruptly that I feel the need to do this too, when that should obviously be grounds for a hard NEXT.

Currently my hard rules are: Two blue texts for every green text (with a day of radio silence in between each of the texts), I typically NEXT if I don't get a response and you're very right sometimes they'll get back in touch days later and have mysteriously "lost their phone" or "had some crazy shit go down", bullshit obviously but I guess that's a shit test right? I also do delete the text thread just not the number in case they get back in touch, would that perhaps be a good idea to start doing?

What I'm finding is I'm only needy in certain situations, I'm not needy and desperate as a person thank God so this issue must be fixable.

And for not taking rejection personally I thought I had that one down but I guess not haha! It doesn't affect me during pickup but I think only when I've started to invest time and effort as far as trying to schedule dates and texting a particular lead, especially if I can see something working out with them (that's probably another thing I need to cut, nothing works until it's done).

 

[Grand Pooba]

You're correct I'm struggling with early attachment issues, the fix of getting more girls hasn't seemed to work though... I have a list of 22 prospects in a list "Girls I'm actively Texting", I'm constantly adding and removing girls from said list.

Well I think it is clear - the issue is validation. And the girls dropping you invalidates you. Yep, ego.
I don't know if having an ego is a bad thing - it certainly does serve a purpose. But...in this situation what you're doing is silly. A man with Many options and a full life doesn't have time to waste to go chase down rejections. Just not worth his time.

Currently my hard rules are: Two blue texts for every green text (with a day of radio silence in between each of the texts), I typically NEXT if I don't get a response and you're very right sometimes they'll get back in touch days later and have mysteriously "lost their phone" or "had some crazy shit go down", bullshit obviously but I guess that's a shit test right? I also do delete the text thread just not the number in case they get back in touch, would that perhaps be a good idea to start doing?

Not sure what a blue text is versus a green text.
Try to pace your texts with hers, and if you're not getting a reply then just wait a week or two.
I don't bother worrying about what her reason is, but some of them are creative yeah. Sometimes it can be fun to play into, but I usually move on quickly and focus on logistics to the next meet.

I think in your case deleting the number would be useful. Think of it this way - your ego is affected and you're seeking validation, so you can either chase her down and be pissed off at her but she won't respond or will block you (law of leeast effort on her side, she is in control, dominant, you are the weak one) or you can just delete her number and thereby delete her out of your life before she does (abundance mentally, laaw of least effort, you're still in control). Now this might actually raise your ego, so be careful - I think the target here is to be a genuine man and not play games with the women you like. It's more an attitude of "I reached out, she didn't reply, too bad and best of luck to her, NEXT".

 

[HellAtlantic]

The advice to delete the text thread and the number is the best advice. I've done that myself (after learning the importance of nexting from GC). Almost smashed a chick, wanted to meet up again to seal the deal, she flaked once and didn't respond to a follow up txt so I deleted the thread and her number. That physically prevents you from doing anymore damage. It's best to do this after the 2nd transgression (2nd flake, 2nd unresponded text, etc). If she's interested she'll reach out to you and at that point you just need to decide if u want to reply or go thru the trouble of figuring out who the person is. Coming off non-needy is of the highest priority.

 

[ray_zorse]

Yeah dude +10 to HellAtlantic's advice. Lately I've also been doing this with dudes too, and even family if you can believe that. And I have had to put in place a tough rule that deletion is permanent, like some fucker ignores my text suggesting to hang out and so I delete his no. And then days later sends some bullshit low-investment text "hey dude anything happening tonight?"... time was I'd be so thrilled at this belated validation I'd be like saving their number back to my phone and continuing like nothing happened... after a number of incidents like this I've realized that if their investment is low in the first place they're basically just using you (e.g. to make up the numbers for some bullshit hangout they're organizing) and the same problems will recur sooner or later, reminding you why you deleted their number in the first place... have also taken a tougher line on social circle people whose number it is not feasible to delete, despite any closeness in past if they do not accept an offer to hangout and this occurs several times without a counter-offer they don't get any more offers period.
Ray

 

[Paulie Walnuts]

@Pooba, sorry blue texts are mine and green texts are hers, I think the trouble I have is still not having an abundance mentality of women that I actually like; so when one comes along that I could see myself dating and then it doesn't workout..... it's that issue of validation and early attachment.

@HellAtlantic, literally just had that happen, hooked up with a chick last night, was starting to finger her (it was a 2nd date), and she got kinda weird. Kind of flipped out when I took my pants off(after fingering her for like 5-6 minutes and sucking on her clit, so she was totally horny enough, it was weird), and then said I didn't stop when she asked me too (she didn't really ask me to stop she just lightly moved my hand away which I assumed was token resistance so I just took it off and then restarted the escalation, which again resulted in me fingering her and her moaning and loving it, gripping my hands and pulling my hair) and started telling me to take her back to her car. I managed to reframe the situation by saying I just wanted to hangout and chat; which she was fine with (and of course lo and behold we ended up making out again and me fingering her and her fucking loving it, but I was afraid to try and push it any further after her saying I didn't stop when she asked me too; not tryna get rape charges).

Anyway point is I told her to text me when she got home, which she did; and when I told her to text me in the morning she didn't reply until I sent a second text the next night; she responded but then never responded to my next text asking when she was free to hangout again so I just moved her off my list and I'm NEXTING her. I think another issue I suffer from is feeling like I'm losing an investment (after I've put a certain amount of time into a girl and don't get a reward).

@Ray, dude I feel it I do that with guys all the time, they literally get one chance (as far as me asking them to come out with me and do something), it seems like I'm treating women differently, which I probably shouldn't be.

 

[Chase]

trackrunner-

Is it possible to stick to communicating with women via channels you can't see you've been blocked on?

I think that's pretty much human nature to be annoyed with it. If a girl quits responding to me via text, I'll typically just forget about her and there's zero emotion there.

However, I've noticed if I see someone's blocked me on some app, I can't help but feel some degree of, "Well, screw you too!" welling up.

Can't say I've ever belted out a bunch of calls to them asking them to justify it, as I'll do like HellAtlantic suggests and just delete them off of there. However, I know the feeling.

It seems to be tied to a kind of unilateral hard rejection. It's difficult to not take those personally. While it's rare for a girl to just stick her hand in your face or tell you to go screw yourself in-person, a lot of technologies don't have a very diplomatic way to handle blocking/rejection, unfortunately. So it ends up feeling like the equivalent of some girl sticking her hand in your face and declaring, "DON'T talk to me!"

The lesson for me was I don't like this, it's not a good feeling, therefore if there's some channel where someone can block you unilaterally and the app tells you this person is blocking you, I just won't use that channel... it gives the app / other people too much power to affect your emotions (and usually for stupid/petty reasons... some person who barely knows you is blocking you because of whatever, you like the color purple but she prefers yellow... and now you're getting a virtual hand in your face).

Sometimes it's worth toughening yourself up so you can handle things and not be affected. However, sometimes it's worth just ditching a channel entirely, especially if it's not terribly productive for getting real-world results (not sure how well Snapchat translates into dates/lays for you... maybe it works, but if it doesn't, perhaps don't be on there), and it offers others the ability to have a big affect on your emotional state.

Chase

 

[lux7]

Man, this might be mistakenly read as a weak and passive reply, but I think there's a bit of a stalker in most of us.

And what awakens those dormant stalking tendencies?

Rejections!

It's like "why the fuck would you even block me, it makes no sense.. Hurts our ego and we want to make up for it, scream at her.. And we want her all the harder just because of that".
Of course the more involved you are, the more you like her, the harder it is.

I probably have as a strong stalking tendency as you have, I want a girl 10x harder the moment I can't have her.

Deleting numbers and thread is a good idea, though once you get better handling those "mysterious desaparecidos" I would suggest to actually leave those threads and numbers there: some -a tiny minority- will contact you again in the future.

 

[Paulie Walnuts]

@Chase, yes it's really helpful to not use certain modes of communication; things like snapchat where you can "see" when they've opened it (sometimes they respond later but typically if someone doesn't respond to a snap immediately or within a few minutes they're not planning on responding), what I've started doing now is just not looking .

I do the same thing with POF, I really wish that I could "hide" girls that have blocked me/aren't reply like I do with OKcupid, it makes it easier to deal with.

Texts are pretty easy, I don't have an Iphone so I can't tell when someone has read my message or not and don't honestly care very much, it's easy to stick to the protocol I learned here, after one unanswered text give a day of radio silence and then send another text WITHOUT mentioning the unresponded text (I can't tell you how well that's worked for me, really glad I learned that!)

I def do identify with "a lot of apps don't have a diplomatic way of handling this kind of thing" it really does feel like they're sticking their hand in your face and you have no way of saying your piece (though you're also right about toughening up, I'm not sure why this bugs me so much).

I'm sure once I gain true abundance mentality the issue will fix itself regardless, this only happens sometimes and most of the time I can control it.

@lux7, bro I totally feel you on that, one of the girls I did the multiple calls to (there's only been 2) after our date (while I thought she was really fucking hot and had her shit together) I remember thinking to myself that she talked A LOT! I wasn't even sure I wanted to see her again until.... wait for it... she didn't respond to my follow up texts and I saw her online on POF again, that's what angered me. So yes I def am sticking to deleting threads so I can't do any more damage and I won't "see" it when I'm going through my phone for work stuff or to text other people or whatever; deleting the threads really helps.

Side note: Issue is currently fixed because I got prescribed Klonopin for my anxiety and I couldn't give two shits about any girl at all right now (it's just a band aid though, sooner or later I'll have to handle it myself). It is cool seeing the massive success that non-neediness (to the point where I could take days to text back) has. I'm sure I've sent a few girls into auto-rejection but it's helping with the hotter girls and more viable leads . I actually just got home from getting laid as I write this .