- Joined
- Jul 17, 2013
- Messages
- 1,539
Okay folks, I am posting about a disgraceful screw-up today, not because I like dwelling on the negative, but because I feel I ought to be legitimately ANGRY at myself for failing to act timely, and I want to record that fact and shame myself, if necessary, into getting it right next time around.
The situation was as follows: I went to the bookstore to pick up a book for an upcoming long flight, and also to potentially conduct daytime approaches inside the store (more on this later). This Barnes & Noble has a Starbucks attached, and I decided to enter via the café in case of day game possibilities there.
What I was not mentally prepared for (MUST get with the program) was a golden opportunity outdoors on the curbside, before I even walked in.
A tall brunette in relaxed/exercise clothing was moving along the narrow sidewalk between the establishment and the parked cars. Instinctively I removed my sunglasses to permit visibility of my eye contact and facial expressions... then I could see that as a minimum courtesy I would need to stand aside to let her pass, which I did with a slow, majestic, exaggerated arm gesture. She smiled and as she passed she tripped slightly, or affected to trip, on the curb, saying "whoopsie!" in a very expressive, sing-song voice, as if to mimic my gesture. I noticed that she had an unusual and attractive style of pinning her hair. Then after she opened her car door, I looked back, made full eye contact, and she removed her own sunglasses and returned my gaze with a broad smile and intense eye-sparkle. At this point I noticed for the first time that she was quite simply stunning: in fact I was left speechless.
I could easily have opened with: "I love the way you wear your hair..." In fact, I has noticed this and was ready to say it. I was just bowled over by her beauty... I literally felt that my breath had been taken away. Chase rightly tells us to develop a mature appreciation of beauty and not to be amazed by it; usually, I have no problem with this, in fact just two days ago I conducted a totally spontaneous approach in a grocery store with a massive genuine interest direct opener and got perhaps the warmest reception I have ever had... smiles, full-on eye contact, "thank you so much, I am terribly flattered"... and obviously meaning it. But on that occasion I had time on my side, knowing which aisle to enter, etc. This time I had just a split second to act, and blew it. In retrospect it was an obvious Approach Invitation, and I let her and myself down.
It will probably take another ten approaches at least before I stop kicking myself for this one.
Learning point: be ready for the spontaneous approach and have a well-honed contingency process for dealing with it. In reality, I am coming to the realization that while making dedicated outings is useful for beginners from a motivation perspective, the spontaneous approach is almost always superior in effectiveness, because you convey genuinely (with body language) the notion of seizing an unmissable opportunity, which adds invaluable sincerity and warmth. This means that I need to develop enhanced situational awareness and have a default reaction which kicks in almost automatically.
Oh, and on the subject of the bookstore itself: although I have typically regarded myself as relatively introverted, and expected that the quiet surroundings would give a natural feel, after several outings I find the bookstore a HORRIBLE environment for approaches. My deep and resonant voice seems to boom in the hushed atmosphere and I become self-conscious; also, something in the environment seems to dictate a slow pace of approach, which multiplies the opportunities for error. I much prefer the street, or other stores with a bit more normal pace and rhythm.
The situation was as follows: I went to the bookstore to pick up a book for an upcoming long flight, and also to potentially conduct daytime approaches inside the store (more on this later). This Barnes & Noble has a Starbucks attached, and I decided to enter via the café in case of day game possibilities there.
What I was not mentally prepared for (MUST get with the program) was a golden opportunity outdoors on the curbside, before I even walked in.
A tall brunette in relaxed/exercise clothing was moving along the narrow sidewalk between the establishment and the parked cars. Instinctively I removed my sunglasses to permit visibility of my eye contact and facial expressions... then I could see that as a minimum courtesy I would need to stand aside to let her pass, which I did with a slow, majestic, exaggerated arm gesture. She smiled and as she passed she tripped slightly, or affected to trip, on the curb, saying "whoopsie!" in a very expressive, sing-song voice, as if to mimic my gesture. I noticed that she had an unusual and attractive style of pinning her hair. Then after she opened her car door, I looked back, made full eye contact, and she removed her own sunglasses and returned my gaze with a broad smile and intense eye-sparkle. At this point I noticed for the first time that she was quite simply stunning: in fact I was left speechless.
I could easily have opened with: "I love the way you wear your hair..." In fact, I has noticed this and was ready to say it. I was just bowled over by her beauty... I literally felt that my breath had been taken away. Chase rightly tells us to develop a mature appreciation of beauty and not to be amazed by it; usually, I have no problem with this, in fact just two days ago I conducted a totally spontaneous approach in a grocery store with a massive genuine interest direct opener and got perhaps the warmest reception I have ever had... smiles, full-on eye contact, "thank you so much, I am terribly flattered"... and obviously meaning it. But on that occasion I had time on my side, knowing which aisle to enter, etc. This time I had just a split second to act, and blew it. In retrospect it was an obvious Approach Invitation, and I let her and myself down.
It will probably take another ten approaches at least before I stop kicking myself for this one.
Learning point: be ready for the spontaneous approach and have a well-honed contingency process for dealing with it. In reality, I am coming to the realization that while making dedicated outings is useful for beginners from a motivation perspective, the spontaneous approach is almost always superior in effectiveness, because you convey genuinely (with body language) the notion of seizing an unmissable opportunity, which adds invaluable sincerity and warmth. This means that I need to develop enhanced situational awareness and have a default reaction which kicks in almost automatically.
Oh, and on the subject of the bookstore itself: although I have typically regarded myself as relatively introverted, and expected that the quiet surroundings would give a natural feel, after several outings I find the bookstore a HORRIBLE environment for approaches. My deep and resonant voice seems to boom in the hushed atmosphere and I become self-conscious; also, something in the environment seems to dictate a slow pace of approach, which multiplies the opportunities for error. I much prefer the street, or other stores with a bit more normal pace and rhythm.
