xcrunner's summer journal

[Verisimilitude]

I've been away for a while, and this mostly has to do with work (I work 6 days a week) and the fact that I don't know too many ppl in the area where I live. Most of my pickup has been at parties, and at college where I have much more free time, a social network, more opportunities to meet girls, and a room. A lot of the stuff I do might simply be working out for a week, visualizing for a week, picking new clothes, getting a new haircut, or analyzing male characters I'd like to emulate. I would love and appreciate any suggestions to go out and meet more women, but for now, I'm starting with using my day off to find where girls my age go. My problem is that my one day off is during the week. Any suggestions for places to go?

As for work, there aren't many opportunities to meet girls there. The people I work with are mostly married or older than me. My other job is lifeguarding, but there aren't many girls my age that come around. That doesn't mean I won't go for it if something comes up, but it isn't likely.

So this is my summer journal. Hopefully by the end of this, I'll have done a good number of cold approaches, tried a couple new styles, gotten stronger, and made some new friends.

Let me know if you have any suggestions!

 

[Verisimilitude]

So its been a while since I've posted in this, summer was busier than I thought and I've had other things taking up my time. But I've been setting weekly goals, and posting them there will help me meet them. My goal for this week is 15 new conversations (even if they are small talk), girls or guys, as long as they are people I don't know.

Today, I talked to two people, and i had a decent conversation with one girl although I didn't give my name or focus on the conversation on her. But its progress. More tomorrow.

 

[Verisimilitude]

So I realized that I haven't put much here at all..and it isn't the summer anymore. If a moderator can change the title to just xcrunner's journal, I'd appreciate it.

But for now, I want to just put some stuff up here, sorta my thoughts for the day with women/relationships. I'm going to put my FRs on the main page, just because its easier to get responses that way, but I also want to have a place for my daily thoughts here.

Why "Nice Guys" are stuck in a past that never existed

I've been thinking recently about the state of dating today in western culture, and how it is in a unique place. That isn't something that I say lightly. If I've learned one thing as a history major, its that things stay the same a lot more than they change. But in this case, I think unique fits well. Due to the college culture, online dating, and the acceptance of casual sex, people are having sex more than ever before. But what really shocks me is that while more sex is being had, less guys are having sex. Sex is distributed unequally more than ever before. We all have that friend who has been seeing a girl for three months, but hasn't had sex with her because he doesn't want to mess it up. Or that nice guy who girls love, but talk about him like he's their brother. And then there's the guy who has sex every weekend. This is true for girls too. I've known girls who are waiting for mr right vs the ones who go out every night. This isn't a gender issue. But for this site, I'm gonna talk about just guys.

The problem for "nice guys" is they have a flawed mental model. They put women on a pedestal and treat them like virginal goddesses when in reality, these girls are exploring their sexuality. And good for these girls. They aren't sluts, they just don't fit the nice guy model. Which is fine by me . Nice guys have ideas about women that don't fit the model of casual sex today. And these nice guys long for the days of "traditional dating" where a man courted a woman and treated her like a princess and she hopped into his arms. I've heard ppl say that nice guys are stuck in the 1950s. Or in the medieval era. Problem is, women wouldn't fit into their conceptions even back then. There was a tradition in medieval times where the brides family would show the bloody bed sheet on the brides wedding night, to prove she was a virgin. Today we know that that was pigs blood on that sheet more than it was human blood. The more things change, the more they stay the same. Girl have never been and will never be what nice guys make them out to be. Nice guys live in a fantasy land they've created for themselves. They romanticize it by saying it was in the past for emotional value.

So what makes today different? Western culture has done two things that have made sex unequally distributed. The first is idealizing the nice guy. This means there are more nice guys, drawn down a road to disappointment when life fails to match the movie. The second is encouraging female sexuality. This is awesome. I happen to love feminists (at least the attractive ones). They are often the most open about expressing their sexuality. But it also has given girls the ability to be more sexual. Which is tough on nice guys. They notice girls more, but they have more trouble getting a girl to go with their frames. This means nice guys are unhappier and more bitter about girls. They feel left out. And they are. They are missing out on a sexual revolution that is great for men who get it.

Feel free to show this to a "nice guy" who has a flawed mindset(who really isn't nice at all, there's nothing nice about being nice for sex). But I'd prefer it if you didn't. The less guys that get it, the more girls for me

Until next time,
XC

 

[Marty]

XC:

It's difficult for me to express just how completely in agreement I am with pretty much 100% of what you wrote in the post immediately above.

-Marty

 

[Ryan]

Not so sure about the historical thing. In medieval times, a lot of people were religious, while it was probably the less pious and wealthy who had plenty of sex. Still the same now, but with less people following religion.
(Though before christianity and islam, you can bet people were just as promiscuous, if not more, than at present).

Completely agree with you on everything else though. I think nice guys are just scared of modern life and use their 'niceness' as a defence system against life's bad things.

 

[Verisimilitude]

Not so sure about the historical thing. In medieval times, a lot of people were religious, while it was probably the less pious and wealthy who had plenty of sex. Still the same now, but with less people following religion.
(Though before christianity and islam, you can bet people were just as promiscuous, if not more, than at present).

I'd agree that some girls might have been virgins when they married, but only because most girls were married off before they became women. And that still didn't stop them from being sexually curious when they became women. For example, Muhammad married one of his wives when she was 5. He waited until she was 9 to consummate the marriage (it was a different time). So yeah, I'd bet she was a virgin when they married. But that doesn't mean that she would have fit a nice guy model or was a perfect little princess. On one trip, she lost her necklace (twice!) and just happened to not tell anyone that she left the camp and stayed behind. Fortunately, a guy (a much younger guy and a childhood friend) just happened to have stayed behind too and found her, and came back with her. Does that seem fishy to anyone else? Fortunately, Muhammad had a "vision" from God telling him that she was faithful. So that cleared everything up. Thank goodness!

Yeah right. I don't want to offend any Muslims here, but its pretty clear that the two had sex and Muhammad decided that she was faithful because saying she cheated on him would have ruined his reputation. And honestly, I don't blame her. She was married to a much older man without her choice and was probably interested in trying new things.

I could go on and on (look up medieval carnival. Some crazy shit happened back then) but the point is, even if people were religious or married their daughters early, I think a lot of women and men had sex outside of marriage. Women aren't and never have been virginal goddesses that only have sex with one man and love him for happily ever after. Its its sexually unhealthy and unfair to the women they project that frame upon.

I can't prove it, because I wasn't alive back then. But that's what I'd bet happened. People are sexual. And the desire for sex is one of the strongest there is. But don't be a nice guy. Don't treat a girl like a statue to be admired. If she wants you, make her feel admired by giving her good sex and being a man. That's the nicest thing to do.

 

[Verisimilitude]

Ok thought #2. I've been too busy to make this a daily thing, but I'm gonna try to update this weekly.

"Pick up" or "dating advice sites" don't have to be misogynistic

This isn't going to be some feminist crazy talk. Promise. But I've seen a lot of articles on dating sites attacking "slutty girls", talking about not dating a certain type of girl, or promoting eating disorders. And I scroll down to see the female commenters firing right back. Its a war of words that seems completely unnecessary. I don't understand it. Ok maybe I do, but it still seems crazy.

Having a process for getting girls or using "game" fundamentally isn't misogynistic. It actually helps women find men who they have strong feelings for. I'm sure every girl out there wouldn't mind getting swept off her feet by a man who is charming, sexy, and confident. I'm pretty sure that's what 90% of romance movies are. And I'm pretty sure guys have no problem with reasonable feminism (the kind that says girls are equal to guys, not the crazy "we don't ever need men" insanity)

So why is there such a fundamental divide between men's dating websites and women? Why do most things these sites publish get labeled as misogynistic? Well the eating disorder thing is pretty obvious. Eating disorders are bad kids. She's gonna be an emotional mess, and I'm sure as hell not dating that kind of girl.

But there's more to it than just the stuff on the surface. On both sides. Many dating sites get overly caught up in the Madonna/whore theory. Articles like 10 ways to tell if a girls a slut, ways not to date a slut, etc, are so wrapped up in this idea its sad. I am actually trying to eliminate slut from my vocabulary. You know why? Because I love girls who are sexual. When you get to see a girl's true sexual side, its a great feeling because she just handed you the keys to the kingdom . And sex is natural. "Slutty" girls are just more willing to express themselves. Fine by me . And there are no signs for a slut. I've seen girls who were virgins do some of the sluttiest stuff in public, but refuse to fuck in private. And those quiet, shy, pretty girls can be some of the wildest in bed.

If a man picks a virgin to date because he thinks she is going to be faithful, he's got another thing coming. Because sex is unpredictable (which is why its so fun). That virgin might turn into the most sexually free girl the second she loses her virginity. She'll think, "wow why did wait for this?". Then when her boyfriend goes away for the weekend and fights with her, and she sees that guy she's had a crush on, she wonders, "I wonder how he is in bed" and boom stereotype destroyed. I should know. My first lay was with a girl like this. I was the second guy she had sex with (the other was her boyfriend who she met in high school). Don't date a girl who is a virgin or religious because she seems like she will be faithful. That's asking for trouble.

The second issue that makes dating sites look misogynistic is they make things rational, not emotional. Girls feel cheated and let down if they were part of a process. Even taken advantage of. But if you have a good process, its meant to give a girl the emotions she wants. And every girl is different. Most girls would love it if their guy looked at a dating site. The confidence boost and fundamental improvement (if the sites any good) will really impress her. But as soon as they find out he learned it from a dating site, they'll get angry.

People don't like finding out that emotions can be created scientifically or "gamed". It makes you feel less special, and more like a machine part than a romantic interest. Girls don't like finding out that there's a path to seduction. It has to happen naturally, they say. This is where they are wrong. Just because something follows a similar path doesn't mean that it isn't unique. For example, everyone know what is going to happen in romance movie (or an action movie). There is a simple plot, tons of emotional (or physical) action, and then happily ever after. But no one would say that the notebook (the lord of the rings) and some other Nicholas Sparks movie/novel (fast and furious) are the same. Look up archetypes for more about that stuff. Its the details which make things special. Just because I used a process (old plot) to get there doesn't make it any less unique.

Moreover, girls get dating advice in every girls magazine they read, from cosmo to redbook. Guys just get their information from different sources. So there's really no reason to complain ladies.

The third part of this is that dating sites knock women off their pedestal. Some do it more gracefully than others, but should do it. Why? Because most guys who read dating sites are SCARED of girls. What's the easiest way to make something less scary? Trivialize it and scientifically explain it. Guys dating websites can't succeed if they don't help guys overcome their fear of women. Although there are good and bad ways of doing it ("cute and silly" vs. "eating disorders are good") it has to be done. If guys don't overcome their fear of women, they'll never make any progress with them. When I say, "she's just a girl, she's cute and silly" its not that a girl is worthless or inferior to a man. Its saying that there are billions of other women out there, and one women isn't a scary thing. I haven't read girls dating advice, but I bet there's plenty of advice trivializing men (articles like, "how to wrap him around your finger") to help women overcome their fear of men.

This is why I really feel like Girls Chase gets it right. Its a "life advice" site that tells men that they have to learn to love women, not hate or resent them. It doesn't promote bitterness or hate, it promotes giving a girl the right emotional feelings and taking her to bed. We call girls cute and silly here because they are and it helps guys overcome a fear of women. Men aren't told to simper or supplicate with girls because its unnatural for anyone, not just men.

Dating sites don't have to be misogynistic. They shouldn't be misogynist. Men should be taught to love women, not as white knights or bitter, angry men, but as genuine men who are dominant. Society (especially western society) needs men who take what they want, are charming, who break the mold, and dominant and good lovers. Those are the men who women want to sweep them off their feet. I think feminist and PUAs can agree on that. Everybody wins.

(except nice guys, sucks to be them)

 

[Verisimilitude]

The importance of a vision board

I highly recommend that anyone starting out makes a vision board. It contains pictures about your future and present goals, academic, socially, and of course romantically. I have had a vision board for quite a while. When I found a new girl today to put on it, I realized something that I think helps narrow down what I desire in a girl. These are my three "dream girls" or future wife material

I noticed that all three girls have the same facial structure. I don't know how to describe it, but its what I want. I decided that if I happen to see a girl with this kind of facial structure that I HAVE to approach her. No matter what. I like having a vision board because it shows me what I want and teaches me things I didn't know before. Let me know what you think of these girls and if I'm the only one who thinks they're knockouts. I wanna see how much competition I have

 

[Ryan]

I think the 1st one is VERY beautiful. Really gorgeous. What's her name? I like her.
The second one is okay. I don't really like her face, sorry (less competition for you )
The third image doesn't show up.

 

[Verisimilitude]

The first girl is Ashley Greene. The second is Ashley Benson.

And her name is Claire Julien.

I always have a thing for blondes, but Ashley Greene just drives me crazy lol.

Do you guys get what I mean by facial structure? Its hard to describe.

 

[Verisimilitude]

FU: Getting back in shape

Yeah this is sorta a mini FR. I didn't do a great job on this and I can tell my social fundamentals have slipped. That's what three weeks of staying inside working will do to ya. I could actually feel the girl slipping away. But on the positive side, I was getting interest so I know my fundamentals are coming back and I'm still a desirable man.

So I had to get something for classes done at school, and I head to the office. There's a really cute girl fussing over a ton of papers on the floor. She was really nice, and when I she noticed my hometown and said she was from there too. I was shocked and I could tell she was showing at least a little bit of interest, so I figured I'd go for it. But I went back into the "old me" that struggles and asks girls the wrong questions. I could tell she was nervous (because she liked me and felt bad things were getting weird) and I was fumbling. Not a great interaction. I made things worse by not being confident enough to speak up. A teacher walked up and said that she was getting kicked out of the room she usually teaches in. The science department was concerned about students getting into the high tech skeleton models that were kept in a cabinet in the room. I was gonna say, "So they're worried about the skeletons in your closet?" and smile. But I wimped out and just stuttered off.

After that, the girl kept trying to fix my record (and failing because she was nervous) and another very attractive girl came in and gave me the once over. Social Proof in action. But I didn't get her name or the girl who worked there and I ended up feeling crappy. I just need to build up my social fundamentals again and have the confidence to speak my mind (because there's something pretty good in there when I can get it out)

 

[Verisimilitude]

Since finding GC, my view on women has drastically changed. I see girls as cute and silly now, and see them as sexual creatures who want passion. I've come a long way. And yet...

For some unknown reason, I feel differently around certain types of girls. There's a particular girl that I'm thinking of right now, but its girls like her in general. So while the example is one girl, its really a bigger example of those types of girls in general. Ok got that out of the way.

I have no idea why I'm really into this girl. She's not a perfect 10. She's not even really my type. But while I'll think of other girls like, "Man, I really want to fuck her", I'll think of her like, "Man, I really want to date her". I've shut down and wanted to only be fuck buddies with girl who are prettier than her. Its not about looks. Its almost like its in my DNA. She's the sweet, quiet type of girl. Big eyes and long brown hair. I can tell she has a crush on me. She's stolen glances at me, and gone out of her way to talk to me. And while with most girls like her I'd say, "Ok show me what you got" or, "I can't wait to get you in bed", I just can't do that with her. I know its not the right way, but for some reason I can't get past it. I've actually kept her at arm's length because I know I'm not gonna be the best seducer I can with her and I'm gonna mess it up.

For some reason, girls like that, the really sweet quiet nice girls I just can't help myself. Most of them bore me, but there's that one type (I don't even know why) that drives me crazzzzzzyyyyy. It's happened to me in high school, and its happened at least twice before in college. So frustrating!

I really think the only thing to do is to just press on with this girl. Meet her in public (I've never seen her out partying), and go through my regular process. In fact, I think I need to do this. Right now its an areas where I am lacking. It'll be a challenge, and a new area to conquer.

 

[Verisimilitude]

Looking Back


I started learning seduction a couple years ago. I wanted to look back and see what I've accomplished. It isn't as monumental as Zphinx or NarrowJ, but I also I think I started from a different place and I honestly haven't put as much work into this as they have. So here's where I've started from:

I started with a decent girlfriend who I broke up with because she cheated on me. I had depression, was a mess both physically and emotionally, and I was a virgin. I like to evaluate myself in three ways: social skills, attractiveness, and intelligence. These overlap and obviously there are other factors, but those were the most important to me. If I had to be objective, I'd say I was a 2 in social skills (I had a rough time in high school, and few friends), a 4.5 in attractiveness, and a 8.5 in intelligence. All of these are out of 10.

Today, I think I've made a good amount of progress. I'd say I'm now closer to a 4.5 on social skills (I've really grown here, but I still have a good amount of improvement), a 7 in attractiveness (fashion, basic seduction fundamentals, and working out helped a ton), and about a 9 in intelligence. I think the biggest area that I need to fix is effort. Too many times I'll catch myself on autopilot or sitting at home doing nothing. Day-game is tough because I go to a small college without a car, but when I've tried cold approach, I've gotten great results. I've slept with plenty of girls who were more attractive than my past girlfriend, and become someone that is able to challenge the leaders (bullies) in my various social circles. I really want to make this semester one where I improve my social skills and get my goal of picking up a girl each party I go to.

My biggest obstacle is myself. I lack self-confidence and still struggle with depression. But I've made incredible leaps and changed so many things about myself. When I try (which isn't enough), I'm actually able to succeed. One time, I was so pissed off at a girl, so I picked up a girl right as she watched. Easy as breathing. In my last FR, I put in zero effort and got a number.

I can tell when girls are into me. I can think of at least three girls who are into me right now, probably more. The challenge for me is going out and getting them. Its time I started committing seriously to this. I'm hoping to put up a good amount of FRs and start working towards my goals for this semester.

Let me know what you guys think.

 

[Verisimilitude]

This is part mini-FR, part realization. I think I did a couple of really good things today. The first is an interaction that I had in class. This didn't really have a goal except to try out threesome techniques. The second thing is something I realized about myself that has been holding me back.

FR: We make a great team

In one of my classes today, we had a group assignment. Through some pretty good luck, I ended up with the two prettiest girls in the class. And one had already given me an obvious shy, but pretty smile the class before. Unfortunately, both are freshmen. And although I do believe age is just a number (as long as that number is over 18), it wasn't really the time or place for anything more than a little experimental flirting. I hadn't done much with threesome flirting in a while, and I figured now would be a great time .

I ran my game off of Cody's article (https://www.girlschase.com/content/how-get-threesome).

I knew it would be a challenge because the two didn't know each other, but I wanted to get them both flirting with me, but not getting competitive. All while maintaining a classy yet flirtatious atmosphere. I started out with some simple compliance demands (hey you wanna write?) and the basics (name etc.) I also cracked a couple jokes about the topic and focused on communicating interest with my non-verbals. I gave open body language to one of the girls and gave a couple sexy smiles to the other one. Both girls were receptive and laughing at my jokes, even when they weren't super funny.

One of the girls was clearly having a good time, and was pretty interested. At the very least, I knew I could have deep dived this girl, and there was interest. The other girl was even more clear. Like crystal clear. Like laugh, shy underlook, smile, glances at me. Definitely major interest.

Things were looking pretty good. At a party, I'd have moved both these girls right now. But I couldn't and things started to slip.

I got a bit of nerves and started to feel uncomfortable. It even got to the point where I was fidgeting and I was stressed with my body language. Things also started to fall apart on the threesome level. The girl who had shown more interest was starting to get annoyed. She wasn't happy with how I divided my attention. I wasn't happy, because I didn't want a competition. Anytime I gave the other girl more interest, she would be more clear and a little annoyed too. I was starting to feel weird, and I had to take a step back.

Then I realized that this is just for kicks. This was batting practice, and these girls were softballs . So I smiled, told the two, "we make a great team" in a great voice and things started to get better. Big smiles from both when I said that. I got them both talking about commonalities they shared and interests we all shared. I also built a connection with both in a way that I hadn't used before. There are two kids in class who are socially uncalibrated and say stupid, awkward stuff. A lot. So every time they did, I would roll my eyes, smile and look at one girl. It took them a couple times, but both were quickly giving me big smiles. It created an, "us vs them" mentality, and showed both girls I was socially calibrated.

Like I said, this wasn't a phone number grab or a time to get a date. Just not the right setting. So after we finished, I thanked them both, told them we were a great team, got smiles from both and left the class feeling pretty good. I turned two girls who barely knew me to where they were chasing me, and I helped them get to know each other better too. I couldn't have done that last year.

I'm gonna keep this in my journal, unless people let me know that they want in the FR section/ people can learn from it. I think there's just not enough substance here. But let me know if you think otherwise.

Part 2:

The second realization is really addressing an issue that I've been having. In certain settings, I'll shut down and not talk, or get picked on. It sucks, because for that social group, their image of me is something completely different than I am now. I talked it out with a friend, and I realized that its not their fault. They have an image of me, and I've done nothing to change it. I'm either going to move on or break their impression of me (this would be a good future GC article). It has a lot to do with my self-confidence. I'll assume that most people are better than me, and shut down. That might have been true at one point, but it sure as hell isn't true now. But unless I believe I have value, and have the guts to show it.

The lesson I learned from part 2 is, "Value is worthless unless you know you have it". Not exactly a great quote, but it gets the point across.

Oh, and I got into my first law school!

 

[Verisimilitude]

I have a confession.

I've never given 100% in my life. Never. And most of the time 75% for me is more than enough. I'm not trying to brag, I'm actually disappointed. I'm angry that I can write a bull shit paper or read half the reading for class and still get an A. I don't like that I can give 25% and still sleep with girls every now and then. I hate that I only give 75% when I work out. I'm ashamed to say that I gave only 90% on the LSATs and I got a score in the 94th percentile. It isn't fair to me or other people.

I don't like living by giving anything less than my fullest. Its not how I want to live my life. Why give anything less than 100%? Well, its easy, and it gets me by. Its easy to only give 75%. I can relax and just chill. And I always feel like giving up and taking the easy road. But I really don't want to just get by. I want to look back and say I gave it my all.

Giving 100% makes me tired. I can't go 100% every second, but I can sure as hell give more. I'll let you know how it goes. I'm gonna start by being decisive. When ever I do or say something, its 100% my choice and conscious decision.

 

[Verisimilitude]

I changed my username and avatar. It was time to switch things up, and it reflects my personality much more. For those who don't know, verisimilitude is what distinguishes the true from the false. Its what makes things authentic. Its from a latin root of truth, and its just fun to say . Just wanted to give you all an update.


V (formerly XCRunner)