You Can't Pick the Girl?

[JimmyB]

This applies to social circle. Actually it applies to all girls, but my viewpoint is coming from college. You hooking up with a girl does not have to do with your attraction to a girl. It's entirely based on her attraction to you (assuming you want to sleep with her). She has to come to you or give you signs. I would even say they are inversely correlated, because the more you're attracted to a girl (probably) the more likely you are to mess something up (at least for us mortals who aren't perfect).
This brings up the dilemma of "that one girl" and falling in love.
Other than just being attractive and having your shit together, is there much else you can do to attract a girl in your social circle? Or more so to expedite the process. Let's say there's a few girls in my classes. Anytime I think about putting effort in, like even talking to her in class, it just feels wrong. If I were to ever hook up with her I'd most likely take her home from a bar that a lot of classmates go to, because that's where I would see her out of class.
Is this a flawed line of thinking? Would there ever be a case where I would try to talk in class? I feel it'd be forced and awkward and kill attraction. Curious to hear your input.

 

[Troy]

Jimmy B

Ur right. I have had the best times with girls I'm not all that attracted to initially. It's when I really like them I kinda put them on a pedestal. I actually force myself to not fall in love by looking at girls as people who can make mistakes. I remember I used to look at very hot girls and think they were too cool that God didn't make them take shits and fart and sweat. Even celebrities do these things. I'd suggest to any guy who falls in love too easy to take a step back and LOOK for faults. The reason you'd do this to remind yourself they aren't goddesses.

Actually you can and I suggest you do talk to everyone in your class. You don't have to be best friends with everyone. It's OK to be sociable. But I understand your concern. There is some pressure on you in your mind to say and do the perfect thing. That's how I felt most of the time in high school. I a suggest you look for the persons who seem more reserved and talk to them. For the experience sometimes it's best to approach the quieter girls and learn faster than to approach the flashy talkative girls who are more likely to not forgive you of any fauxpas you may make. A conversation is only forced and awkward when you are not relaxed and she picks up on that and vice versa ( sometimes). Ultimately the most realistic thing to do is just be friendly to everyone. Even if it will kill attraction, still talk to EM girls.

Look at it this way : you come to class everytime and don't talk to any girls. Think those same girls will want to talk to you at a bar / party? Probably not because they would have already seen you over and over as " that quiet guy ". Also by not talking to them girls in class ( and assuming some of the girls like you, dont you think attraction will expire either way you talk or don't talk?

Figure it out yet? Make sense

Troy

 

[JimmyB]

Troy, I agree with you on the putting girls on pedestal part. You have to realize they have faults and they're just girls. Experience is the best helper for this one. Where I disagree with you, though, is that if I am quiet a girl will not want to talk to me. The Strong Silent Type. I'm not saying I'm uncomfortable in class. I just focus on the class and I'll contribute occasionally but I don't look at these girls except for maybe peripherals. Maybe occasionally. I'll catch them looking at me sometimes. Part of it is the pressure to say the perfect thing, you're right. But if the best thing to say is nothing at all, then wouldn't that be the best move? I'm usually a pretty quiet guy but have no problem being sociable in a social setting. But class is more like work than a social environment imo. I'm not unfriendly, I just don't talk to many people.
I like the idea of approaching quieter girls. I'll talk to more and see how that goes.
Thinking back though through my years in school, several girls I had crushes on I never spoke to but maybe a handful of occasions and it's often these girls that I learn are interested in me (from friends or obvious signs). Maybe I get that feeling because they're also taking the same line of thinking as myself. Maybe escalating in a social circle is just tougher? Or requires more patience.

What's EM girls?

 

[Troy]

Where I disagree with you, though, is that if I am quiet a girl will not want to talk to me. The Strong Silent Type. I'm not saying I'm uncomfortable in class. I just focus on the class and I'll contribute occasionally but I don't look at these girls except for maybe peripherals. Maybe occasionally.

Oh right. What I should have said was ( meant) is that after a girl has enough exposure to a guy, she expects him to behave that way. It's precedent being set. She very well may like you, however she has seen you quiet in class MOST of the time. It can sometimes be surprising that after so much time has passed you SUDDENLY start talking. Like when I was in my first high school years I was extremely quiet and then as I reached 3rd year I started talking up and MOST girls were very surprised and quite taken aback. What had changed in Troy ? And for awhile I got mixed expressions. Some girls liked me more . More opposed against the NEW ME.

Does this make sense to you. Because girls in your class don't expect you to talk to them it may make them react negatively at first. However for the girls that liked you before as the quiet guy, they will be glad YOU FINALLY start TALKING TO EM.

Yeah nothing wrong with just doing your school work then leaving . If it's ur thing, then it's OK.

What's EM girls?

Them girls

Troy

 

[JimmyB]

Thanks for the input Troy. Well put. It's going to leave you with more polarized results maybe. Like setting the bar low so you can proceed uphill from there. Any amount of attention becomes that much more significant. If she's into you she'll be much more receptive from the start, but if not, then it will be pretty clear she's not into it. There's some merit to that, I think. Or maybe I'm just more of a quiet guy and that's my style and how it pans out. I think I too easily fall into being platonic in a school setting, so I'd rather just not interact much so I don't set that precedent if that makes sense. Like I have normal mode and seduction mode and it's difficult to switch between the two. So I'd rather just interact with girls when I'm going for the kill than when I'm taking notes. Maybe that's a flawed mindset?