Experimentation "You should keep my on a tight leash"

[Lover]

I have been sleeping with this recent divorcee the last couple of months. She's 10 years older than me, in her late 30's. Her ex was her first sex partner, and now she's "slutting" around. But she keeps "coming back to me" in the sense that I'm fulfilling her sexual needs better than any of the other guys. She's the second gal I have anal fucked, and she loves a hand or two around her throat when she's blowing me. I'm certain she would be into more nasty shit with me if I suggested it.

Anyway. As late as this morning she told me that she needs to be kept on a tight leash because she met with some random guy again and was reminded how I'm different than the rest. I teased her that she wants a guy she can submit to completely, and she didn't deny this. She asked if I wanted to be that guy since she feels certain that I'm the only guy who can handle her. I ended it by saying I'd have to think about it.

It's tempting. I've never wandered into the territory of doms and subs like this before. It has always been vanilla stuff during sex but never as a relationship. And I've already rejected a romantic relationship with her since she doesn't fulfill my requirements for that, and she knows this.

On one hand i feel like it's a huge responsibility. On the other hand I'm open for experimenting. What's your experience with dom/sub relationships? Any tips if I jump on this opportunity?

 

[Vision]

I'm a dom and I prefer submissive women, for sure. I've done the master/slave thing before and it was uniquely satisfying since some girls just aren't down for that level of submissiveness for a number of different reasons.

I've found that you really need to step it up and keep it in that frame because, many times, women will lose any semblance of want and desire and let you make every decision for them... from what to do, what to wear, when to talk, and any decision even remotely related to you and what you want to do.

Some of it is a lot of fun but it can get tiring after awhile if you're not at that level from a dominant perspective (or if you naturally slip into a less dominant frame when you are tired or stressed, which is pretty common). Depending on how submissive she is, how much she likes to test, etc. You really have to hold the frame hard.

If you're not used to that, it can actually be good training for you because then you'll develop strong dominant habits that drive girls sexually wild around you. And you can bring that out in your other interactions with women and they'll eat it up.

I'd be cautious about getting into that type of relationship with a woman who doesn't fulfill your requirements. You're going to hurt her. And the more she submits to you, the more you'll end up hurting her. It's probably inevitable at this point but that doesn't mean it's not worth it for both of you.

If you want to make sure you're being fair to her, just make sure you've had a clear conversation about what it is that she ultimately wants and her timeline. Being in her late 30's means that she needs to wife up again if she's going to do the kids thing, assuming she hasn't already.

Another warning... She could be doing this to get closer to you since she knows she's not enough for you. There are a lot of women who will do that, pretending to want to do something they know you'll like just so that you end up growing attached and not wanting to let her go. Not that she doesn't like it too but because she wants to trap you like a fly on a web because she doesn't think she can have you any other way.

 

[Lover]

Hi @Vision . Thank you.

I believe you're on point about her intentions. Two days ago she told me that she had stayed the night at another guy's place for a few nights in a row. She had been wondering if she and I could keep in touch if they became a couple. It felt like her telling me between the lines that she will stray at some point with me if we keep in touch. And that we would have to split in order for her to not stray.

And then today, she was alla bout the tight leash, hinting that I still have a shot. I'm guessing I'm still her number 1 choice.

The experience would be great, but I think it's better to move this relationship towards its end
very soon. I don't think i could forgive myself if I put her down a road I can't back up myself. Judging from her words and your feedback, @Vision , I sense that this kind of relationship requires commitment. And she's not the right one for that.

I guess in the future that I shouldn't ask girls if they want to submit completely if I don't want that from them myself lol

 

[PalmaSailor]

Ok she’s epiphany phase and she’s torn between her dual AF/BB mating strategy.

You said this:

**Two days ago she told me that she had stayed the night at another guy's place for a few nights in a row. She had been wondering if she and I could keep in touch if they became a couple.**

Don’t end the relationship, this can continue for a decade at the very least.

She desperately wants your dominant sex, and she obviously wants more of it and more dominance, which I suggest you give her, but she’s running out of time and her physical looks are heading south and so she needs to tie down another “boyfriend”.. for financial security.

So she’s found this other guy that’s “boyfriend material” which means he’s a nice guy with job and money and possibly a house etc.. but he is a beta chump, and doesn’t give her the sex she really needs but she needs to get him tied down but she still wants to fuck your on the side.

So she’s pinging you to see if you’re going to lose your shit, and blow up her gig with this guy or whether you can be trusted to fuck her stupid and do it discreetly.

I suggest you just fuck her harder, and look more at dominance.

Tell her that “you completely understand if she needs a boyfriend but you enjoy the sex and are happy to keep the arrangement to sex”

Say that ^^ to her AFTER you’ve just banged the life out of her and she’s a mess in the bed NOT before...

I had exactly the same thing happen with a woman I was banging. I refused exclusivity, and she went off and got a “boyfriend”. He’s 10 years younger than me, and he’s taller than me, but he can’t dominate her. And that’s a mental thing.

Every now and again she comes back to me for anal, and also DP with a dildo as well and she goes absolutely nuts when we do that.


She can go months / sometimes nearly a year and I don’t hear from her and then she shows again.

 

[Lover]

Hey @PalmaSailor that's an interesting suggestion. I had thought about similar arrangements a few years back. But I was too logical about the way I proposed it, and became too obsessed with getting that particular outcome. It backfired, and I forgot about that option a long time ago.

I'm certain it could work well with her since I don't care about any particular outcome this time around + I'm not looking to commit to anyone anytime soon. And that's probably the reason it may work.

I'll let you know how it goes

 

[PalmaSailor]

Hey @PalmaSailor that's an interesting suggestion. I had thought about similar arrangements a few years back. But I was too logical about the way I proposed it, and became too obsessed with getting that particular outcome. It backfired, and I forgot about that option a long time ago.

I'm certain it could work well with her since I don't care about any particular outcome this time around + I'm not looking to commit to anyone anytime soon. And that's probably the reason it may work.

I'll let you know how it goes

The key is to be non needy. If you get needy she’ll kill it. She doesn’t want to risk her new BB boyfriend.
Just be totally cool and don’t blow up her phone.

 

[Lover]

She broke the sex off the other day because she got into a relationship with another guy. She wanted us to keep in touch as friends and even talked about inviting me to her future home parties. I just said "yeah yeah sure thing" knowing it's not going to happen. That would ruin the frame of anonymity completely. Better to be the guy she fucks between relationships, and that no one knows about. Fortunately, I'm dating another girl and didn't take any emotinoal hits from her presenting the new circumstances

 

[Lover]

For the record:

I met her again couple of weeks ago. She hit me up out of nowhere. I kept it casually at first as if we never slept together but she gradually texted me more. One time she said she was still single. I then made her pick me up from work one day to show her my new place.

We were together, but she has been distant afterwards. I tried to set up meetings twice after that and she rejected - it seemed like a bad dynamic. But in the end she told me she is dealing with legitimate health issues, and I took this as a sign to let her go again.

This "fucking her once in a while" is not that bad after all...