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Your Craziest Drinking Stories

metomeya

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Sep 29, 2013
Messages
357
Hey guys,

Just wanted to hear some crazy stories.

Here is mine:

I went drinking at the local bar with some friends which is about 50 feet from where I live (no worrying about DUIs!). They had $1 drinks that night. I had so many i blacked out (first time that ever happened).

Only to wake up on top of my bed butt naked (not a good sign)...opening my computer, it looks like I tried to look up an old girlfriend on Facebook. Guess I had planned on wacking off to her and maybe even texting her. Good thing I couldn't spell her name right while drunk cause she had a court order against me. Not what you think. She was bitter and crazy (you don't stick your dick in crazy). She kept sending me all these taunting messages online after the end of the relationship. I ignored her until finally I told her to piss off then she got a court order (apparently it is easy a pie to get one). Turns out she knew a judge personally and once I showed up to get rid of it the judge didn't even let me talk and basically cursed me out in court (even saw the court reporter/assistant or whatever freaked out...it was fucking weird). Found out later they knew each other, but the judge retired the next day...so nothing I could do (ya I did appeal but that shit takes like months). I knew if I had drunken messaged her she would have pressed charges for sure (dam why are the hot ones so evil? If I had only read this article first).

Anyways, later in the day working on some homework in my dorm. I opened the lid to my trash in my bathroom (the type you step on to open) and OH MY GOD. I had taken a shit in my trash can! It smelled so bad. I had to put it in like 10 garbage bags just to contain the smell.

I was walking out to the dumpster and of course I run into the hottest girl of the dormitory who stops to talk to me. And there I am talking while holding a bag of my own shit.

Now I limit myself to one drink per night. Trust me, the first time you can't remember a night it scares you straight.

Gotta love college.
 
you miss 100% of the shots you don't take

Mr.Rob

Modern Human
Modern Human
Joined
Jun 16, 2013
Messages
1,897
And there I am talking while holding a bag of my own shit.
Lol perfection

I'm surprised you took that as sign to change your ways. I think my old friends would've chalked that one up as another good story to tell and try and have a better story to tell next time.

I think a sad story I have doesn't involve being drunk as the funny part but I was drunk.

The group of losers I used to hang with back in the day for some reason kept a group of underage, sexually adventurous girls around. I was still a virgin and my buddies wanted to get me laid... after they got their kicks in of course.

My buddy went and fucked some 16 year old, came out, gave me a condom and told me to go try and fuck her. I had no idea how to go about it and basically was just a really wussy attempt at escalating.

When we woke up the next morning she was horny as fuck and subtley put her legs in very sexual places on my body. Basically a F.I. (fuck invitation). All I had to do was literally extend my index finger to locate her pussy through her thong a mere 2 in. away, and maybe turn my head to kiss her.

I was too nervous after getting rejected the night before and didn't make a move.

A sad moment in my boyhood lol.
 
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