Your first "move/kiss" refused: always a loss or can you frame it positively?

[lux7]

I'm in a phase where in few instances I went fairly early for a kiss already kinda expecting it was going to be deflected, yet without caring at all and keep touching/joking around.

A bit like of a game of me being aggressive and moving forward allowing her to play coy.

Sometimes I asked for her to kiss me on the cheek just to make sure she doesn't think it's her on the driving seat; another time I said "we barely know each other" and making fun I stole her words, very playful/non caring; another time I just kept talking, laughing and touching, including playfully spanking her ass as she was obviously into me (husband calling while she was holding my hand).

It always felt quite "go with the flow" and in control and it underlines you're there for physical intimacy and nothing else, but it made me think: do you think you still "lose point" if your first move gets refused/deflected no matter your attitude and it's better to always strike at the right moment?

 

[Dude909]

Re: Getting your first "move/kiss" refused: do you always lose points?

The right question is : do you earn points for kissing? And the answer is no (unless you have a kiss fetish). Kissing can break sexual tension and turn ASD on. I never kiss until I'm back home and I know sex is going to happen. My kiss success rate: 100%. My lay success rate: 100%.

Keep in mind that I do only online game. Guys who do night game may have a different view. I've certainly had make outs in clubs that ended in lays.

 

[lux7]

Re: Getting your first "move/kiss" refused: do you always lose points?

Just to be sure: we're not talking about making out here and could be either at home or out and about.
Just wondering if a first deflection always takes point out or if your attitude can neutralize that -or even give you points -.

 

[lux7]

Re: Getting your first "move/kiss" refused: do you always lose points?

Oh, one more thing, all the examples there were big language barriers and/or strong time constraints , so no talkative finesse/deep diving possible but physical quick just seemed the only way.

 

[Dude909]

Re: Your first "move/kiss" refused: always a loss or can you frame it positively

What I meant to say was: don't make the mistake and you won't have to deal with the consequences.

 

[lux7]

Re: Your first "move/kiss" refused: always a loss or can you frame it positively

Example, this guy goes for it, sexualise the interaction early on -100% sure he's not there for a friendly chat, just in case..- and doesn't care at all he's been deflected at the first time, just keeps it sexually playful:

https://youtu.be/b_wQAZjXiio?t=574

 

[lux7]

Re: Your first "move/kiss" refused: always a loss or can you frame it positively

I'm a bit talking to myself here, but just some days ago a girl "refused" my first kiss attempt.

She was very shy so I framed it as me being in control and as if I were testing her, which I kinda of was, as in a way of: "I knew you'd move away, you're so shy".
I'd try again again 10 seconds later to put my face close to her, this time she'd move much less and I'd say "great you're improving" and we both laughed.

It will be a lay later, but either it was a lay or not, I think that situation gave points rather than take any away.

 

[HellAtlantic]

Re: Your first "move/kiss" refused: always a loss or can you frame it positively

I'm a bit talking to myself here, but just some days ago a girl "refused" my first kiss attempt.

She was very shy so I framed it as me being in control and as if I were testing her, which I kinda of was, as in a way of: "I knew you'd move away, you're so shy".
I'd try again again 10 seconds later to put my face close to her, this time she'd move much less and I'd say "great you're improving" and we both laughed.

It will be a lay later, but either it was a lay or not, I think that situation gave points rather than take any away.

I really like this technique. Great way to save face and also acknowledge it rather than try to sweep it under a rug and continue as if it didn't happen. It's like you pretend you were testing her. "I knew you'd do that, shy girl!" Perfect bro.

 

[lux7]

Re: Your first "move/kiss" refused: always a loss or can you frame it positively

"I went fairly early for a kiss already kinda expecting it was going to be deflected"

Why?

Why going for it anyway you mean?
Well, there are situations where you don't feel much like talking (especially if you're introvert) and/or talking doesn't go great because you have nothing in common and/or there are major language and cultural barriers (in that case, it was 2 and 3).

In those cases I find that breaking the imaginary wall of physical touch and "making the move" can do a lot of good by making the interaction easier, funnier and smoother (takes the pressure off of "having to fill the silences", or "having to connect" and get to know each other, and clear any doubts from the table you're not there as friends and that yes, he likes you in spite of not having the greatest conversation and complete different style/culture).

And then sometimes you just feel like it.

 

[TheChased]

Re: Your first "move/kiss" refused: always a loss or can you frame it positively

I know what you're saying, sometimes I just want to do it because it's fun. Then why shouldn't you do it? Life should be fun! And I like to see peoples reactions on the shit I sometimes do, just because it's fun, and you actually learn stuff.

If you're good at kissing, and by that I mean; not braking the sexual tension, but building it with kissing. It can actually help, but if you're not, then don't do it. I've found that building sexual tension with kissing works in nightgame, if you want to pull the girl right there and then. Because most guys go all out on making out when they kiss in nightgame, but if you just give the girl the RIGHT amount of kissing! Great kissing, but not too long, then she will be wet. Works for me at least.

But as no one tried to answer your question, I think I can share my view on it.

It always felt quite "go with the flow" and in control and it underlines you're there for physical intimacy and nothing else, but it made me think: do you think you still "lose point" if your first move gets refused/deflected no matter your attitude and it's better to always strike at the right moment?

If you're good at handling the situation, then no, I don't think you will lose points. But at the same time, I think it depends on the girl. For some girls you could lose points yeah. I think you're better off on striking at the right moment, or pulling her home before going for the kiss tho.

 

[lux7]

Re: Your first "move/kiss" refused: always a loss or can you frame it positively

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I know what you're saying, sometimes I just want to do it because it's fun. Then why shouldn't you do it? Life should be fun! And I like to see peoples reactions on the shit I sometimes do, just because it's fun, and you actually learn stuff.

On a side note, good point!
This site is about doing what works, and that's great.
But sometimes you just wanna err and have fun, even if that might mean a bit less chances of reaching the final goal, as long as you're ok with that (then again, not exactly the topic here, as my belief was you don't really have to lose points all the times).

 

[Eddy D]

Re: Your first "move/kiss" refused: always a loss or can you frame it positively

Contrary to everyone opinion I think a kiss is not that bad before you get her to your place. It depends on what kind of kiss it is. It it's a boring regular kiss then yes, you might kill attraction. But if it's a sensual kiss that gives her an idea of how good you will be in bed, then kiss by all means. Not everyone knows how to do that though.

To answer your question, you will not lose any points if you play it right. The most important think is to not get angry or discouraged if she rejects the kiss. She will pick on it and it will reflect badly on you. Dont treat her coldly neither, thats childish and insecure. The best you can do is act indifferent and try again later. If she rejects you multiple times, stop trying. Lay back and enjoy the conversation, be happy and confident, close things off pleasantly for the time being. Afterwards give her less attention than before and subtly, indirectly communicate to her that you have other women in your life. She will come back to you.

 

[Lawliet]

Re: Your first "move/kiss" refused: always a loss or can you frame it positively

The same question I had.
When we escalate and they refuse (we did it too soon; she was uncomfortable), now what?

Lawliet