- Joined
- Mar 25, 2024
- Messages
- 264
It's been a hell of a month. I have been hitting the Latin dance club hard the past few weekends, the after-bar-close streets even harder, and it paid off with the best lay of the year so far. Bit of a long report, but I hope there is some good value in here.
100 "Responses" Challenge
Recently started going out with a wing as opposed to solo, and while it was a slow start, it's proven to make thing much easier. This past weekend we made a goal of collectively getting in 100 approaches (that's an average of 25 per person per night - not easy, but not impossible. It equals about one every ten minutes for 4 hours straight). We ended with 101. As the former king of approach anxiety, I am still a bit shocked we pulled it off. We've made up a couple of rules as well:
- We only count approaches that get responses. The girl has to respond to the open for it to count. If I say "hey" and she doesn't acknowledge me - doesn't count.
- Staff/bartenders don't count.
- Two girls only count as one, unless each of us are talking to both girls at the same time - then it counts as one each.
Observations/Opens
Learned an absolute TON. It gets way easier once you're warmed up, especially if you can get any type of positive feedback loop. The bespoke compliment can work well for this if done right. My first one of the night was "hey.. your hair is absolutely IMMACULATE. I love it. It looks like you spent hours on it and you did GREAT. Just wanted to let you know" delivered with a warm smile. I was being genuine, and she was beaming as she thanked me. I definitely made her night, and it put me in a great mood too. She was truly lovely.
I've now developed an almost flawless ability to "force" responses. Where after I open, I stay there maintaining eye contact and just wait for them to reply like I expect it to happen and know it will. And it does. I am no longer getting ignored. I've also found that getting their attention first before delivering the opener works wonders. Here's one I did:
Girl wearing fuzzy boots. I said "Hey..." *touch shoulder and wait for her to turn towards me* "are those things actually warm?" she replies "yeah! blah blah blah" I say "who do you think they'd look better on, you or me?" she says me and I tease her for complimenting me "so early in our relationship". Now her and her friend group (who initially seemed apprehensive) are laughing.
Another: "hey... your hair is very sparkly" her: "ummm... thanks?" me: (imitating her puzzled look) "umm... you're welcome?" then smirk and keep talking. I've found playfully imitating girls can work great.
Another one I tried - you stand in the entrance to the dancefloor area. A girl is leaving and you act like you're moving out of her way, but purposefully get in her way. Then you move the other way as she moves the other way. At that point, you start doing the little dance move where you move left to right and see if you can get her to do it back. Worked a couple of times. Fun stuff.
Club Makeout
Another thing I've started doing is when dancing with a girl on a loud dancefloor, I'll purposefully ask her a question really quietly. Too quiet to hear for sure. She'll say "what?" then I pull her in really close and say it right in her ear. Then stay really close. Rinse, repeat. One girl I was dancing with I was doing just this, but I purposefully pulled away from her ear and just kept my face an inch away from hers, looking into her eyes. The didn't budge. Went in for the kiss, and we made out for a while. My new favorite dancefloor move, lol. Ended up exchanging numbers, we'll see what happens. The best part? I looked over and saw my wing dancing and laughing with some other girl. A month ago, he was too shy to open anyone. I can't wait to see how good we get in a year, assuming he doesn't get boo'd up, lol.
The Girl
One of the last approaches of the night, after bar close. The streets after bar close can be just as good as the club itself. Two girls sitting on a bench, clearly looking for something in their purse as half of it had been pulled out and was strewn all over the bench. I cheekily said "hey... I think you might have dropped something out of your bag" with a big ole shit-eating grin. One girl laughed while the other gave me a death stare. I didn't even stop walking, but death stare yelled "wow, that's very observational of you". I turned around and said "well, I'm a very observational kind of guy." She said "oh yeah? How old do you think I am?" I replied "22". She was 23. The friend asked me to guess too, and I said 24. She was 25. Got lucky there lol (always try and guess a year or two younger than you think).
I start talking to the friend and asked what they'd been up to tonight. She had been at a BDSM club and had met up with her friend after. I asked her about the club and it seemed like she enjoyed it, although she said she was shy and didn't participate in the activities, she just liked to watch. I said "you're really cute, so if it was me up there I definitely wouldn't mind you watching". Friend is talking to my wing, playfully arguing (they're both a bit crass) so I get to know my girl a little more. I hear my wing exchanging numbers with his girl, so I figure I better do the same - especially if it's because they're planning to leave. I just said "you're cool - put your number in my phone." and handed it to her. She did. I said, "I'll call you so you have mine too". Idk what came over me, but when I called her number I decided to let it ring until I got her voicemail... then left her one right in front of her "Hey this is JT... I'm standing here looking a cute girl with long brown hair, staring at me with the most amazing eyes... I think she has a little crush on me too. Okay bye!" then hung up. She was laughing, and blushing a little bit. Her friend was trying to leave so I said, "text me sometime" and we left.
Got a text later saying "hope you got home safe" with the little kissy emoji. Oh hell yeah!
The Date
We messaged a bit throughout the week, and I told her that we should go to that BDSM club together sometime. She agreed and we set the date. She even texted me the day before to make sure we were still on. I figured that was a good sign. I met her there, we got a drink and chatted at the bar a bit. I made sure to give her a nice hug right away when I saw her - set the frame that we like each other and I'm not some awkward guy who is scared to touch a woman. Which is funny, because we started the date by talking about how most guys are terrified to talk to women. And to be honest? I do still get a little nervous. But they'll never know it. I've never been to a club like this, so I tell her we should go to the "secret room" area. We go for a bit but there is not much going on there as it's still a bit early, so I suggest we find a couch. I'm keeping things pretty casual but making sure to touch her a lot. We had to share a couch, which was actually a good thing as we had to sit really close together.
Thinking back on our conversation, I seem to naturally follow a bit of a pattern. Tell a story about a time I did something crazy, which seems to get some laughs or shock value as I look pretty clean-cut (minus the tattoos), then ask the girl a question about herself - tease her on her response, then be like "just kidding, that's actually really awesome" all while finding ways to playfully push her away then reel her back in. We went on the patio for a bit, but it was cold, so I said "cmere, I'll warm you up" and wrapped my arms around her. I leaned in and said "mmm, you smell so good... I like that", then let her go and resumed talking. While this whole time she was never overtly showing interest or making any moves, she was subconsciously showing a lot of interest and was complaint with everything I did. Good signs...
We went back to the secret room and it was getting a little crazier in there. A woman was tied up, blindfolded and getting whipped by another woman. She said "this all seems like something fun to do in private, but I don't know how people are bold enough to do it in front of a whole club". I agreed it was a little crazy but used the magic phrase that "I would never judge anyone for what they like sexually", then told her a couple of stories about how I got busted having sex in public. We started talking about sex toys, a couple of our past relationships and our sexual compatibility with previous partners... things are getting really going good now. Both of our phones are blowing up and my wing happens to be at the same club as her best friend - which is right up the street, and my favorite club.
I normally I wouldn't bring an already isolated girl to somewhere with her friends, but I just have this feeling it's a good idea. I'd be playing on home turf, all the staff know and love me, and I could get her friends to love me - all but assuring that when the bar closes, she'll feel really good about the pull. We show up and I dap it up with the bouncer, then we go in and find her friends. They're dancing on one of the stages, so I climb on up there and join them. It's been a while since I've been up there but it's always a good time. Her friends were actually cool and I teased them all a little bit too, while still making sure I'm giving plenty of attention to my girl. At this point I'm taking her hand anytime we walk anywhere through the club. Found my wing, he gives us a great little energy boost then disappears into the night. My guy!
Her friends all want to go to a different bar. I look at her and say "we just got here - we're not leaving". She just says "okay" then tells them that maybe we'll meet up later. We dance a bit. It's ten minutes til bar close now and I'm pretty certain I can orchestrate the pull when the club kicks everyone out. We find my wing again and all walk out together.
The Pull
Out on the street now, I say "hey... it's kind of late, but I'd like to keep hanging out with you. Want to walk back to my car?" She says yes, so I bid my friend farewell and take her by the arm and we head back towards my car. I haven't even kissed her at this point, but I've peppered in plenty of comments about how attractive I find her, how I am a super sexual person, and we've been handsy all night. I'm thinking it's on.
We get to my car, and she's being all touchy with me. I put my hand on the back of her head, pull her in slowly and start making out with her. We kiss for a bit, then she pulls back a bit and says "just so you know, I'm not having sex with you tonight. But I want to keep making out with you." I say "good - I like making out with you" and continue. It's getting pretty intense, and we're still parked in the middle of downtown. I pull away this time and say "let's drive back to your place". She agrees, and we head out. My hands are still wandering, as are hers, and not even three minutes into the drive she starts unzipping my pants and makes it... very hard to merge, if you know what I mean.
I pull into the parking lot of her apartment, she's still going to town, so I threw it in park and said "my turn to return to favor". Went down on her for a while, and needless to say we were, in fact, having sex tonight. She got that part wrong, lol. This girl is an absolute FREAK and we spend the next couple of hours steaming up the windows. After a couple of rounds I looked at the clock and it was 430am. I walked her to her door and left... never even saw her apartment haha. She's been texting me all day and wants to see me again next week.
Conclusion
Taking massive action will bring great results. This girl was a decade younger than me and probably had the time of her life. Had I been the old me and talked myself out of opening, I would be well rested but still frustrated with my dating life. I think by staying touchy, flirty, sexually open but also actually getting to know her and not hard escalating until we were in private, this all played out smooth. Always learning, and damn this is fun!
100 "Responses" Challenge
Recently started going out with a wing as opposed to solo, and while it was a slow start, it's proven to make thing much easier. This past weekend we made a goal of collectively getting in 100 approaches (that's an average of 25 per person per night - not easy, but not impossible. It equals about one every ten minutes for 4 hours straight). We ended with 101. As the former king of approach anxiety, I am still a bit shocked we pulled it off. We've made up a couple of rules as well:
- We only count approaches that get responses. The girl has to respond to the open for it to count. If I say "hey" and she doesn't acknowledge me - doesn't count.
- Staff/bartenders don't count.
- Two girls only count as one, unless each of us are talking to both girls at the same time - then it counts as one each.
Observations/Opens
Learned an absolute TON. It gets way easier once you're warmed up, especially if you can get any type of positive feedback loop. The bespoke compliment can work well for this if done right. My first one of the night was "hey.. your hair is absolutely IMMACULATE. I love it. It looks like you spent hours on it and you did GREAT. Just wanted to let you know" delivered with a warm smile. I was being genuine, and she was beaming as she thanked me. I definitely made her night, and it put me in a great mood too. She was truly lovely.
I've now developed an almost flawless ability to "force" responses. Where after I open, I stay there maintaining eye contact and just wait for them to reply like I expect it to happen and know it will. And it does. I am no longer getting ignored. I've also found that getting their attention first before delivering the opener works wonders. Here's one I did:
Girl wearing fuzzy boots. I said "Hey..." *touch shoulder and wait for her to turn towards me* "are those things actually warm?" she replies "yeah! blah blah blah" I say "who do you think they'd look better on, you or me?" she says me and I tease her for complimenting me "so early in our relationship". Now her and her friend group (who initially seemed apprehensive) are laughing.
Another: "hey... your hair is very sparkly" her: "ummm... thanks?" me: (imitating her puzzled look) "umm... you're welcome?" then smirk and keep talking. I've found playfully imitating girls can work great.
Another one I tried - you stand in the entrance to the dancefloor area. A girl is leaving and you act like you're moving out of her way, but purposefully get in her way. Then you move the other way as she moves the other way. At that point, you start doing the little dance move where you move left to right and see if you can get her to do it back. Worked a couple of times. Fun stuff.
Club Makeout
Another thing I've started doing is when dancing with a girl on a loud dancefloor, I'll purposefully ask her a question really quietly. Too quiet to hear for sure. She'll say "what?" then I pull her in really close and say it right in her ear. Then stay really close. Rinse, repeat. One girl I was dancing with I was doing just this, but I purposefully pulled away from her ear and just kept my face an inch away from hers, looking into her eyes. The didn't budge. Went in for the kiss, and we made out for a while. My new favorite dancefloor move, lol. Ended up exchanging numbers, we'll see what happens. The best part? I looked over and saw my wing dancing and laughing with some other girl. A month ago, he was too shy to open anyone. I can't wait to see how good we get in a year, assuming he doesn't get boo'd up, lol.
The Girl
One of the last approaches of the night, after bar close. The streets after bar close can be just as good as the club itself. Two girls sitting on a bench, clearly looking for something in their purse as half of it had been pulled out and was strewn all over the bench. I cheekily said "hey... I think you might have dropped something out of your bag" with a big ole shit-eating grin. One girl laughed while the other gave me a death stare. I didn't even stop walking, but death stare yelled "wow, that's very observational of you". I turned around and said "well, I'm a very observational kind of guy." She said "oh yeah? How old do you think I am?" I replied "22". She was 23. The friend asked me to guess too, and I said 24. She was 25. Got lucky there lol (always try and guess a year or two younger than you think).
I start talking to the friend and asked what they'd been up to tonight. She had been at a BDSM club and had met up with her friend after. I asked her about the club and it seemed like she enjoyed it, although she said she was shy and didn't participate in the activities, she just liked to watch. I said "you're really cute, so if it was me up there I definitely wouldn't mind you watching". Friend is talking to my wing, playfully arguing (they're both a bit crass) so I get to know my girl a little more. I hear my wing exchanging numbers with his girl, so I figure I better do the same - especially if it's because they're planning to leave. I just said "you're cool - put your number in my phone." and handed it to her. She did. I said, "I'll call you so you have mine too". Idk what came over me, but when I called her number I decided to let it ring until I got her voicemail... then left her one right in front of her "Hey this is JT... I'm standing here looking a cute girl with long brown hair, staring at me with the most amazing eyes... I think she has a little crush on me too. Okay bye!" then hung up. She was laughing, and blushing a little bit. Her friend was trying to leave so I said, "text me sometime" and we left.
Got a text later saying "hope you got home safe" with the little kissy emoji. Oh hell yeah!
The Date
We messaged a bit throughout the week, and I told her that we should go to that BDSM club together sometime. She agreed and we set the date. She even texted me the day before to make sure we were still on. I figured that was a good sign. I met her there, we got a drink and chatted at the bar a bit. I made sure to give her a nice hug right away when I saw her - set the frame that we like each other and I'm not some awkward guy who is scared to touch a woman. Which is funny, because we started the date by talking about how most guys are terrified to talk to women. And to be honest? I do still get a little nervous. But they'll never know it. I've never been to a club like this, so I tell her we should go to the "secret room" area. We go for a bit but there is not much going on there as it's still a bit early, so I suggest we find a couch. I'm keeping things pretty casual but making sure to touch her a lot. We had to share a couch, which was actually a good thing as we had to sit really close together.
Thinking back on our conversation, I seem to naturally follow a bit of a pattern. Tell a story about a time I did something crazy, which seems to get some laughs or shock value as I look pretty clean-cut (minus the tattoos), then ask the girl a question about herself - tease her on her response, then be like "just kidding, that's actually really awesome" all while finding ways to playfully push her away then reel her back in. We went on the patio for a bit, but it was cold, so I said "cmere, I'll warm you up" and wrapped my arms around her. I leaned in and said "mmm, you smell so good... I like that", then let her go and resumed talking. While this whole time she was never overtly showing interest or making any moves, she was subconsciously showing a lot of interest and was complaint with everything I did. Good signs...
We went back to the secret room and it was getting a little crazier in there. A woman was tied up, blindfolded and getting whipped by another woman. She said "this all seems like something fun to do in private, but I don't know how people are bold enough to do it in front of a whole club". I agreed it was a little crazy but used the magic phrase that "I would never judge anyone for what they like sexually", then told her a couple of stories about how I got busted having sex in public. We started talking about sex toys, a couple of our past relationships and our sexual compatibility with previous partners... things are getting really going good now. Both of our phones are blowing up and my wing happens to be at the same club as her best friend - which is right up the street, and my favorite club.
I normally I wouldn't bring an already isolated girl to somewhere with her friends, but I just have this feeling it's a good idea. I'd be playing on home turf, all the staff know and love me, and I could get her friends to love me - all but assuring that when the bar closes, she'll feel really good about the pull. We show up and I dap it up with the bouncer, then we go in and find her friends. They're dancing on one of the stages, so I climb on up there and join them. It's been a while since I've been up there but it's always a good time. Her friends were actually cool and I teased them all a little bit too, while still making sure I'm giving plenty of attention to my girl. At this point I'm taking her hand anytime we walk anywhere through the club. Found my wing, he gives us a great little energy boost then disappears into the night. My guy!
Her friends all want to go to a different bar. I look at her and say "we just got here - we're not leaving". She just says "okay" then tells them that maybe we'll meet up later. We dance a bit. It's ten minutes til bar close now and I'm pretty certain I can orchestrate the pull when the club kicks everyone out. We find my wing again and all walk out together.
The Pull
Out on the street now, I say "hey... it's kind of late, but I'd like to keep hanging out with you. Want to walk back to my car?" She says yes, so I bid my friend farewell and take her by the arm and we head back towards my car. I haven't even kissed her at this point, but I've peppered in plenty of comments about how attractive I find her, how I am a super sexual person, and we've been handsy all night. I'm thinking it's on.
We get to my car, and she's being all touchy with me. I put my hand on the back of her head, pull her in slowly and start making out with her. We kiss for a bit, then she pulls back a bit and says "just so you know, I'm not having sex with you tonight. But I want to keep making out with you." I say "good - I like making out with you" and continue. It's getting pretty intense, and we're still parked in the middle of downtown. I pull away this time and say "let's drive back to your place". She agrees, and we head out. My hands are still wandering, as are hers, and not even three minutes into the drive she starts unzipping my pants and makes it... very hard to merge, if you know what I mean.
I pull into the parking lot of her apartment, she's still going to town, so I threw it in park and said "my turn to return to favor". Went down on her for a while, and needless to say we were, in fact, having sex tonight. She got that part wrong, lol. This girl is an absolute FREAK and we spend the next couple of hours steaming up the windows. After a couple of rounds I looked at the clock and it was 430am. I walked her to her door and left... never even saw her apartment haha. She's been texting me all day and wants to see me again next week.
Conclusion
Taking massive action will bring great results. This girl was a decade younger than me and probably had the time of her life. Had I been the old me and talked myself out of opening, I would be well rested but still frustrated with my dating life. I think by staying touchy, flirty, sexually open but also actually getting to know her and not hard escalating until we were in private, this all played out smooth. Always learning, and damn this is fun!
) and the results are SO much better