1st date nearly had sex, second date no sex now what?

[silversurfer]

Met a lovely girl on boxing day she is a DJ and gets quite a lot of attention. She asked for my number and I texted her the next day for date before new years eve, she gave excuses why she couldn't before NYE but offered after NYE, I cooly replied with yes whatever not setting an exact date because I thought she wasn't interested.

Just before NYE she rings me up asking to go on the date (we both live 40mins away from each other in different cities). Well anyway the date goes great, we both get really drunk but she said 'NO' twice when I tried to take her pants off, so I stopped. She woke up in the morning and said 'why didnt we have sex?', too which I laughed it off and said because you didn't want to.

So second date I plan for a week later on a friday to take her out for food. Before the date we chatted twice she would send me picture messages, but she mentioned that when I come down to her city I couldn't stay the night at hers because she lives with her brother, but I couldn't bring her to my parents house so we agreed not to have sex in a way.

The date happened we were both nervous for the first 10mins repeating stuff we said on the first date, then it was really fun exactly like the first date. I asked her as we were walking to my car whats going to happen now and she said lets just go with the flow. I took her to her house and we made out before she went inside. She said have a good weekend and that she would text me. I said yeh look foward to hearing from you take care.

Now she hasn't contacted me since Friday and thats fine I am not the needy type. But I really like this girl, I don't want the attraction between us to expire by no contact and as much as people say be 'a loof, busy, scarce' yes that can work sometimes but I have been scarce for 3 days should I carry on waiting it out to hear from her? I am seeing another girl tonight so I don't get blue balls over this but basically I want to setup another date with this girl but I want her to contact me first so its not just me chasing!

What do you think people?

Thanks in advance

 

[Ktowndub]

Look, 1st off,, I haven't been on this site long enough to offer sound advice, but I have read thru many articles and put a bunch into practice and I am seeing big results.. Most recently, I met a girl that we kicked it off really really well and spent entirely too much time together. I ruined my opportunity because I didn't handle the situation and stay in control. Even tho it takes two to tango, I completley took the whole scarcity factor out of it and her interest level dropped. So I was asking for advice and all said that she was gone that I need to move on. It was only when I decided that they were all right, that I did put it behind me and felt to myself that I was over it and moving forward, that's when she came back. Now, against all odds, I have a second chance and it's going well, I'm just needing to make sure i don't make the same mistakes as prior.. The fact that I went back to being scarce worked for me. But I did it for me and not to get her back. My situation is different because she was invested. We dated for a month and spent a lot of time and a lot of phenomenal sex, so going scarce worked for me. In your situation, neither of you is invested like that. So you are right in assuming if u go scarce, her interest will expire, IMO.. If you haven't talked to her in a few days (by that I mean, if u haven't reached out to her) then I think you should text her, opening up with addressing her by her name. Don't ask "what's up?" Or "what are you doing" cause she fields texts like these all day from other guys. You need to be different and you need to be prompt and dialed in on what you want.. You should say something like "Hey Lisa, (obviously use her name), I was just telling a friend about.... Blah blah that happened the other night (Tie in something that you two shared a laugh over when u were out),, it reminded me that you really looked like you were gonna bust.. Of course I'm sure I did too... Then wait for her to respond.. Then once she does,, wait a bit,, then reply saying, hey Lisa.. I'm covered up with work right now.. But I'd like to see you again.. Friday, I'll come get you around 7:30,, dress casual and be ready for a fun and relaxing evening.. Once she says ok,, then say great, I'll holler at u when I get freed up.. Then don't message her or call her.. Maybe on Thursday, send her a message and say, hey,, 7:30 is going to be cutting it tight.. It'll be closer to 8 when I get there..
Ur instinct is going to be wanting to talk to her,, don't.. U need to get her back out, and the more communication you have prior to doing that, the more opportunity U are going to have to kill her interests, by being just like everyone else..
You will get all the info you need with this approach.. Whether she is interested or if her interest has expired.
Good luck friend,, let us know how it goes..

 

[ray_zorse]

Ktowndub is right, you are in "moving slower" territory now, it won't necessarily kill you. But you're in a real pickle to which the only real solution is "do things right next time".

As to what went wrong, she expected you to persist past her feeble resistance and was disappointed and upset when you didn't. In her eyes this makes you weak and not desirable. Also they usually hate themselves when this happens, they feel they acted like a slut in opening up to you and moving fast and they didn't get rewarded for it, instead they got judged and punished... illogical I know but after failed escalation they usually hate you and that's why.

Persist till the bitter end bro (the voice of experience having lost some choice lays by being a nice guy and accepting her words at face value then having her go cold). Backoff, rinse, repeat. Engage her physically not logically. And if you get enough firm "no" that it's getting rapey just say "there's the door, I think you should go" and see what happens then...

-Ray

 

[silversurfer]

Wow thanks ktowndub and ray_zorse you really have provided me with a good insights and advice.

Ray just on this point I do not agree..

As to what went wrong, she expected you to persist past her feeble resistance and was disappointed and upset when you didn't. In her eyes this makes you weak and not desirable.

When I first met this girl she asked for my number. In which afterwards I tried kissing her and she resisted. She then invited me and my friend back to her house in which I tried kissing her again and she resisted! When she came to my place she resisted when I tried taking her bra off but I eventually got it off, she then resisted when I was trying to take her pants off not once but twice and I wasn't going to try a 3rd time. I said to her whats the matter and she said not so soon, I don't want you to think i'm a slut. To which I told her obviously not and cracked a joke which she laughed to and still wouldn't let me.

So I'm thinking this girl is holding out but I can't disagree with the statement

there's the door, I think you should go" and see what happens then... :)

I will use it next time...

So you both agree that I have to now play this slow, its been 4 days of no contact tomorrow should I wait until she contacts me first? I know she is DJing in my city on Friday!

 

[ray_zorse]

This sounds like a pretty standard case of LMR to me, not that I'm an expert on LMR or anything, like a lot of guys here I could probably boast more failures than successes, but I do know you made a mistake by having her verbalize her frame, after saying that proceeding to sex would be slutty she kinda has to stick to that... generally you should let her bring up issues and you resolve them, so never ask questions like "what's wrong"...

You also need to try and reverse the frame, she has led you on and is now being a tease and this is bad behaviour on her part, whereas you seem to think that by taking what was promised to you (non verbally) you're the one at risk of behaving badly! Wrong! She's being bitchy so your options are to ignore her for a bit or basically show her the door... after the 3rd time resisting I might have said "look I'm willing to play with you but I'm not going to have a good time if I have to keep dealing with bullshit so you may as well go, see you later...", then just ignore her, maybe check email on your phone or get out some papers or your laptop or whatever... they hate being ignored! You may lose some lays but you'll strengthen your frame...

Alternatively don't acknowledge the resistance, back off slightly, keep making out, build a little more comfort and compliance by maybe having her mix some drinks or put a movie on, talk a bit, deep dive or crack a few sexual jokes... and then return to the makeout and press a little harder?

-Ray

Edit: Some other good advice is don't try to get the bra or pants off, once you're kissing go straight for the clit, proceeding from outside to inside her pants to inside her panties... at this point I would also start nibbling on her ear and breathing some hot breath into it and giving it some tongue and whispering sexual shit, once she starts panting and moaning you'll be golden, pants will fall off, you can go for the tits once she is riding you

 

[silversurfer]

Thanks ray all is noted, I did notice in your first post you stated I should contact her in a few days. It's already been 3 days shouldn't I just wait until she speaks to me first! Also she is in my city on Friday djing..

 

[Ktowndub]

She is not invested enough. If u wait for her to contact you, U may as well kiss this one bye. If you want this girl, go get her. EVERY GIRL ACTS LIKE THEY DONT SLEEP ON THE FIRST DATE, THEY DO!!!. Reevaluate what you did that night. Something in your approach was wrong. Ray is right.. Don't "Try" to take off her bra, don't "try" to take off her pants. Seduce her, touch her, kiss her, stare into her eyes. They want to feel beautiful and they want you to take control. Go straight for the inner leg, move up to the money area and breeze across it. Move to her neck and then back down, but this time when u feet back down to the promise land, go get it. If she doesn't want you to, you will know by the way she reacts on your first flyby.. If she didn't pull away, land that baby!!.

Right now, your in a bad position. You are thinking of her waiting and wondering if she is going to reach out to U.. She's not going to, she's not invested, & you are giving her time to forget about U and raise interest in someone else. If nothing else, make another stab at it, but don't wait too long to try. Keep in mind, she has a lot of orbiters and a lot of options. You need to be different, & you need to be the man that she needs you to be.. But; you are going to have to get her out again to do this. And when u do, DO NOT BRING UP ANYTHING FROM BEFORE. Forget about the first time, make a new first time with her.. Reach out,, and let us know back how she responds. And do not engage in a meaningless text exchange just to satisfy your need to talk to her. That's what her friends are for, not her lover.. Go get her!!

 

[Ktowndub]

Also, Ray was right with what she expected.. You just need to re evaluate how you approached her and what U did wrong. Don't make that same mistake again. But know this,, if she came back to your place, she wanted sex. She didn't come over just to see if you keep a clean house..

 

[silversurfer]

Just been to the gym for the second time today so I felt naturally hyped. Tried calling her no answer, didn't leave an answer phone message. Have had no response and have seen her online on Facebook, posting. This one is clearly dead in the water, i've actually seen the light not to care so much. It really actually makes me angry how us men have to tip-toe through all these rules and fucking mind fields to achieve an end goal. I mean I am no ugly person, I never go for anything less than a 9/10 and I do get them!

Its just unreal the stuff we have to go through! I mean I tried to have sex with the girl its not as if I just jumped on her and got my cock out obviously we were kissing LOADS and grinding LOADS before I even thought about going for her pants!

fuck sake

 

[Ktowndub]

You couldn't have said it better. Today's dating game is much different.. One thing is for certain,,, when u get that one chance, you have got to make the most of it because the window closes fast and there are rarely second chances. With texting and social media, girls are swarmed by other guys at all times. The only real advice is to make mental notes of what you did wrong, and try your best to not repeat. Girls are like cats, they will give u an opportunity to pet them, but try and pick one up and they run. They have to know that they can come to U and leave and then come back again without you reacting.. Your right, it is a bunch of shit but they are not logical creatures like we are, they react purely on emotions and they only think for the minute as to where we react logical and think about the long run.. And the one thing U want to do right now, U can't because it will only show them that U are clingy and needy. I had a hot ass girl last summer that I bumped into, talked to for a minute and then she came back up to me a little later and slipped me her number telling me to call her, only to never answer the phone. After I tried calling the 3rd time, I realized, I'm chasing this girl and look needy, weak, & clingy.. I never asked for her number, she slipped it to me, and before I ever had a chance to talk to her, I managed to take myself out of the game.. Go figure.. Good news is, there will be another one.. As far as the one I am having my rare 2nd chance with.. She stayed the weekend, we had a lot of phenomenal sex, and she's gone again. We have plans for tomorrow, but I'm realizing what this is, and I see it's never going anywhere.. So, maybe they sometimes just do u a favor... You know??