FR 1st ever approach

[hater58]

This happened a while ago but was wondering what you guys think:

Went out by myself and befriended another guy who was out alone. After bar hopping with him for a bit and getting decently drunk, I finally got up the nerve to do an approach.

Walked up to a vert hot dirty blonde girl and say I thought she was really cute so I wanted to come say hi. She smiled and seemed impressed but turned away and didn't give me much eye contact. I ended up talking to her friend for a while but since the target didn't seem to be feeling it I ejected after maybe a minute, and went back to the wing I had made.

A couple minutes later her friend came back over, and said that the blonde thought I was cute but was just being shy, and that we should exchange phone numbers. At this point I was very unsure what to do.

I went back over to her and tried to start a conversation again, but she said "I'm talking to someone else right now" and did not give me her attention. Eventually I said "If you're gonna reject me, just do it", and she said "I'm trying to" so I took it at face value and left.

What do you guys make of this? I don't know if I actually had a shot with this girl or not. On the one hand, her friend would not have come back over if she was totally uninterested in me. On the other hand, she did reject me.

 

[hater58]

Anyone have any input?

 

[Velasco]

Good:

• Approached a hot girl (props!)
• She liked your look (double props! Hot girls find you physically attractive *).

Bad: Girls live in the moment. Here you failed her shit test by not assuming attraction (which is key with hot girls as they never really show you crystal clear signs (rarely) that they like you. You just gotta assume she likes you, if she's still talking to you. Never doubt yourself). Her having to explicitly tell you she likes you, kills the fun for her (it's a game, remember? )

Eventually I said "If you're gonna reject me, just do it", and she said "I'm trying to" so I took it at face value and left.

Ya here she's just frustrated that you didn't assume she obviously liked you (I don't recall reading the part where she threw a drink in your face, told you to fuck off, or janked her friend to get the hell away from you) but she was just shy.

* I like goodlookingloser's Bare Minimum Logical Delusion for building up your self-esteem when you starting out and haven't gotten a shit ton of positive reinforcement/ref experience:

'The Bare Minimum Logical Delusion'

If you've ever gotten a compliment from an attractive girl (or someone who you think is cool), chances are- there are 250,000+ people (or at least one person) that feels the SAME WAY. Opinions are not always shared but their is usually a general silent consensus among others. Even if there isn't a consensus, chances are there is more than 1 person that feels the same way.

It works this way- If ONE person thinks something, chances are- another person feels the same way.

For example-

• If someone says they like your shirt, chances are (more likely than not) that someone else does too.
  It's much more UNLIKELY that only 1 person likes your shirt.
• If one girl was nice when you approached her, chances are (more likely than not) that another girl will be too.
  It's much more UNLIKELY that only 1 girl will be nice to you.
• If one girl said you were hot, chances are (more likely than not) that another girl feels the same way.
  It's much more UNLIKELY that only 1 girl thinks you are hot.
• If you've ever made out with a girl, chances are (more likely than not) that another girl would do the same.
  It's much more UNLIKELY that only 1 girl would kiss you.
• If you've ever had sex with a girl, chances are (more likely than not) that another girl would do you too.
  It's much more UNLIKELY that only 1 girl would wanted to sleep with you.

So...

It would seem that ANYTHING you've heard, seen or done- it can (and likely) happen again if you go look for it.

That's the Bare Minimum Logical Delusion.

The key is start to believe it and not just "know" it.

It can be a healthy mindset that will actually prevent you from becoming super validation seeking in a quest for security.

 

[hater58]

So there are other hot girls who find me physically attractive, but I should expect that they will test me in similar ways and I must know how to handle these objections if I want to bring them home?

 

[Velasco]

Not every hot girl will turn away from you after smiling at you (that's her honest signal. Its automatic. she can't control it. You see the smile. Assume attraction), but if it does happen again, you should realize by now that its not because isn't interested in you. But because she's just shy. And ya need to let her warm up a bit to ya (disclaimer: I don't go for shy girls, so someone else can chime in here on gaming shy girls)

I must know how to handle these objections if I want to bring them home.

Hold your horses there, partner!!! Lets focus on, not ejecting (something I myself am still guilty of) and hooking them sets, first. After you've shown your self, that you have the ability to hook sets, then you can move on to reading articles on objections/frames you want to set. Baby steps.

But yeah again...props for making your first approach lol. I'm not gonna lie to you and say 99.9% of guys would never have the balls to do that, cause that's pure bullshit. But good job lol.

 

[hater58]

Solid insight. So good that I tried and she found me attractive, but bad that I still have a long ways to go.

 

[hater58]

So looking back at this I am not sure how it was a shit test and not a rejection if she was not giving me her attention?

 

[BigPapa]

Well there are 2 options , which are very difficult to grasp based on so little details . Either she is just shy and freaked out when you came back the second time ( women just like men do this ) , either her friend and her were just in the mood of making fun of people to stroke their egos a little bit

 

[Chase]

@hater58,

Great job on that first every approach!

Turned out not to be as scary or as hard as you think when you're trying to summon the confidence, right?

On this part:

A couple minutes later her friend came back over, and said that the blonde thought I was cute but was just being shy, and that we should exchange phone numbers. At this point I was very unsure what to do.

In my experience the friend saying "She likes you, you should go talk to her" doesn't always go great if you just take that at face value and go right in, for three reasons:

1. Sometimes the friend is assuming, but is not actually correct
   
   
2. Sometimes the girl you're approaching plays extra hard to get because she thinks "Well, Josie told him I like him, so now he REALLY has to win me over!"
   
   
3. Sometimes the girl you're approaching responds best to certain kinds of transitions in, and you didn't hit the right note the first time, and won't hit it the second time

For a while when the friend says this, I would ask the friend, "Oh cool. Well what do you think I should say or do to get her opening up? What works with her?" Then usually you get some advice, but it is bad advice (like much of the advice girls will give you!), so you try it, and it still doesn't work.

So what I ultimately shifted to was when I'd get friends coming up doing this "You should talk to my friend, she likes you" thing after I had already talked to the girl and it had gone nowhere was this:

"Oh, thank you so much, that is really sweet of you to try to put us together. You know, I really like your friend, she is so cute and she seems like a really nice person. I bet she's a lot of fun once you get past that exterior too. I'd love to talk to her, but you know, I already talked to her once, and it was like talking to a wall. I don't want to go over there and talk to a wall again. What I'd love is if she came over here and was cool. And if she did, I'd be so warm to her and make her feel super welcome. And we'd have a great chat and laugh a lot and have a really good time. But she will have to come over here, because she was the one who was all reserved last time."

You want to really stress how fond you are of the girl (without overdoing it), and that you sure she's an awesome person and would like to know her, then that she needs to come over to talk to you, because last time you made the effort and she didn't give you much back, and that if she does you will be so warm to her and make sure she has a lot of fun talking to you, but she must make the effort.

IME what will happen a lot of the time is the girl will pop up near you (sometimes on her own; sometimes dragged over by the friend), still acting super reserved, but at that point you at least know she likes you enough to walk across the room and stand there (albeit in her aloof, reserved way), so you just plow forward with her. Do the talking, ask for small bits of compliance, escalate to bigger bits, get her moving around with you.

So long as she's compliant enough to move around, you just treat her like a rag doll that walks, either until she starts to open up on her own, or until you lay the rag doll (and there are some of these girls who have essentially super shy personalities, and every guy thinks she's rejecting them when really she just has no ability to interact with someone she hasn't already known for six months).

Chase

 

[hater58]

@Chase thanks for the response, and glad I could inspire your other post, I did not realize that scenarios like this were fairly common.
I never would have known to approach the second time in that manner, but to be honest I can't really fault myself for handling it the way I did in the moment, being so new to this stuff and all.
But the idea of putting the ball a bit more in her court/making her friend your wingman (in a sense) seems like a much better approach then going in the same way on the second try.

Realistically girls do not go out alone and I will need to learn how to navigate situations with their friends as they arise