3-Month Romance Cut Short By Major Life Events

[Irish Rebel]

About two weeks ago, my girlfriend calls me and says she needs a break from us and wants me to come and get my stuff from her place.
I kinda had a sense that this might rear its ugly head at some point. She explained that there's too much major drama going on in her life
and that she can't deal with me on top of everything else.

Ironically, a few days before I got her phone call, I had just read Chase's article "How To Get Your Girlfriend Back." I wanted to mentally
prepare myself for this possibility should it ever come up. Under that article was a section titled "Her Emotions On Breaking Up" and
my situation falls on number 3 "It's Too Soon." Or rather, a major life circumstance intervened and threw a wrench into a phenomenal
2 1/2 month love affair-romance.

Her Life Issues:
Two weeks after we started dating, she told me that all four of her adult children were moving out of state gradually over the next few months.
And not surprisingly, her ex-husband had a lot to do with the kids moving out of state with him (they were divorced many years ago).
As tragic and unfortunate as her situation was, I'd been through plenty of drama in my own life enough to feel that I can handle pretty much
anything life throws at me (I'm in my early 50's). Because of this, we both agreed to stay away from Facebook and not interact there and be discreet.

At the two and half month mark, she called and told me that a friend of hers was killed in an accident the prior day. The deceased friend
knew her entire family and her children so it had a wide and tragic effect on all of them. So her phone call to me to take a break from us
happened about 8 days after the funeral. I last saw her 4 days after the funeral at my place.

Four days after her "break away" phone call, she texted and said she misses me and I responded the same. After talking with several male and female friends,
I texted her the next day to tell her that I'd be there for her and wanted her to be happy. She responded and thanked me for everything and our
friendship and said the last of her four children was moving in two weeks. She said she's just really sad about it and needs time to heal from
all the pain and sadness.

This has been a difficult situation to try and guage how often or not to initiate any contact by text messaging or phone call. My last text to her
was 4 days ago but I'm hesitant about pushing too much here. Before all of this happened, we texted a few times per day and phone calls about 2-3
times per week (usually brief; for meeting up mostly). Between her friend's death, funeral and shortly afterward, it was just a few texts every
2-3 days and no phone calls.

Many of my close friends (guys and gals), have all mostly said to give her time, let her come to me when this all blows over and to stay busy doing other stuff. And I've been doing just that and spending most of my time with my guy friends. A part of me still wants to reach out and send her a quick text but
this is the last week her kid's in town before they leave (not her though). I just don't want to blow it. Any feedback is appreciated and thanks for your
support here...

 

[Franco]

Irish Rebel,

Many of my close friends (guys and gals), have all mostly said to give her time, let her come to me when this all blows over and to stay busy doing other stuff. And I've been doing just that and spending most of my time with my guy friends. A part of me still wants to reach out and send her a quick text but
this is the last week her kid's in town before they leave (not her though). I just don't want to blow it. Any feedback is appreciated and thanks for your
support here...

I think your guy friends are giving you good advice here. She said she needed time, and it sounds like this legitimately might be a "life intervenes" type of circumstance that she needs to deal with first. You already sent her one warm message letting her know that you are there for her, and I think that's all you really should do. Anything more you do will be come across as needy/pushy, and that's the last thing this woman probably wants right now.

I would just let her come to you (like your friends suggested). When this blows over, if she actually had strong feelings for you, then there's no doubt she will contact you and hope to see you again. If she doesn't, then it means the feelings were never that strong to being with on her end, and contacting her would push her even farther away than she already is anyway.

That would be my advice.

- Franco

 

[Irish Rebel]

Great! Thanks Franco! Very much in line with everything else I'm hearing from my friends...

 

[Irish Rebel]

Ironically, several hours after your reply, she texted me to touch base. I told her to call me later (since I was still at work) and she did. She suggested we meet up in a few days. When I texted her two days later to confirm getting together, she texted back and said she had to work overtime that night. I was on a train when I read her text and 5 minutes later the train was stuck at a station for 30 minutes. I haven't heard from her since then (5 days ago) and haven't texted or called her either. So I guess I'm back to square one as if I hadn't heard from her in my first post here, lol.

 

[Irish Rebel]

Franco,

I have to tell you that this one's been hard to guage. I think she really wanted to get together but her job intervened that day. I wasn't
sure if I should have re-engaged her or tried to set up another time to meet up. So I dropped it and waited a week.

I sent her a short text wishing her a good morning on a Tuesday(In the past, she's always super busy Tuesdays and Wednesdays every week, so I never expect any responses until later in the day or that evening, if at all). She responded around lunch time and asked me how I was doing and hoped I was doing well. I responded that I was doing real good and real busy at work too. I asked how she was doing but she didn't respond to that. But she replied (before my first reply) "go eat lunch honey." Never heard back after that. But she has a job that can pull her away at a moment's notice so I never read too much into this.

So after all this, do I still wait for her to contact me again? Or wait a few days or a week and suggest meeting up? I guess I'm getting caught up in the "attraction has an expiration date, etc." mentality and worried if I let too much time lapse (more than a week or two) there will be nothing left to salvage.

By the way, I'm keeping myself fairly busy and I'm out meeting and talking to other women (not dating per se). And reading plenty of good articles here at
Girls Chase to keep my brain and skills focused. I'm not feeling needy anymore...just bored, lol.

 

[Franco]

IR,

So after all this, do I still wait for her to contact me again? Or wait a few days or a week and suggest meeting up? I guess I'm getting caught up in the "attraction has an expiration date, etc." mentality and worried if I let too much time lapse (more than a week or two) there will be nothing left to salvage.

Attraction having an expiration date only applies if you haven't slept with the girl. The idea behind "attraction expiring" is that she'll lose attraction for you if you don't consummate that attraction quickly enough. So if you've already had sex with her, then this isn't something you need to worry about.

At this point, you've either made an impact on her or you haven't. I'd still say it's best to let her come to you at this point. In the meantime, you're doing the right thing by going out and meeting other women. =)

- Franco