Well that's not fair to her and also not to yourself. Just saying. Make up your mind and act accordingly.
4 year relationship breakup, need some guidance
- Thread starter Pushpullsucker
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Well that's not fair to her and also not to yourself. Just saying. Make up your mind and act accordingly.
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Never said it was fair, life isnt fair tbh. Would I want this to be different ? Yes. Can i do anything about it to make her reconsider and comeback? No. You think me reaching out and breaking no contact when she is clearly looking or exploring options would do anything good for me? If she didnt love and respect me before she wont love or respect me if I break the silence for sure. Her moving on and not trying to reach out further after I didnt answer her last voice message kinda proves just that. She thinks im worthless and uncapable of doing anything about changing my professional life, and right now she probably wants the oposite of me, some dude who has all his shit together specially finances and a career, even if he is more passive. Im cooked brother.
Depends on how the silence is broken.
Stop. You dont know. And i dont care what she thinks of you . This is the bullshit people can change their mind on.
Do you feel this way? Is it this way? Does it bother you?
Who knows. People aint logical. Maybe she wants you minus your insecurity, who knows.
who wouldnt want that, dont you want to have that stuff in order?
Forget about comparing, it's not helping you into the best version of yourself.
Yeah
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Like topcat said , if i break silence i will ruin everything in the sense of healing or re attracting her. This makes sense no?
Also i was getting all that stuff in order, but her telling me almost 1 year ago that she started talking to this guy and was reconsidering + my follow up injury where I had 1 usable arm for 5+ months and losing my job all in a chain event didnt do wonders for me, could i have been stronger? yeah, but i also could have choose to follow my suicidal toughts at the time, and i escaped that, its been 3+ months since i had a tought like that, that in my books already shows something.
When we met i had nothing and no ambition + was a stoner, i improved and quit a lot of shit since, but got hit with a chain event of bad luck which sunk me into depression, and she didnt support me, she pressured me and made me start "emotionally competing" with another dude. Had this not happened she would be the woman of my dreams, right now I dont think she is. But even then, i blame myself for all of it because I sunk when bad luck hit me, and I find myself wondering if she is indeed the woman of my dreams but due to my lack of resilience i forced her to be something else.
Idk what to stay man , feels like im just venting at this point, and i know that is not the porpuse of this website.
Do i want her to comeback and regret? Yeah. Do i want to want her to comeback? No. Idk my head is all fucked rn but im still hitting the gym and working and tryna figure out what im gona do career wise.
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Mate as a general rule of thumb, don’t listen to anything Mirror has to say on relationships. I don’t know if he’s being intentional or not but it’s pure AFC sabotage wrapped up in pretty words..
He doesn’t know what he’s talking about.
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Lol aight. Im still not fond of the idea of breaking no contact tho, even if I feel guilty that she might hate me for not giving her closure. Yesterday she deleted me from FB but not IG and she is not checking my stories dont know what that means. She seems to still be out clubing till morning on the weekends so I dont see her giving a fuck anytime soon
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bro stop caring. go do something productive
That you don't agree, doesn't give you the right to talk badly about someone elses approach or suggestions. That it does not match your experience doesn't mean it can't match other experienced. Let him decide by himself upon what the right approach in HIS situation is.
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What my soul wants to do is to reach out, so that she can feel its safe to reach out aswell if she feels like it. But my brain knows if I reach out and break no contact i might ruin everything and appear weak, and that im breaking my word considering I told her I dont want her aswell because she entertained another dude while texting him for months
Okay so like
It's a lot about calibration. The whole no contact or not going no contact. It's very calibration dependent.
One messy point is where you said you wouldnt reach out and would anyway.
The only feasible excuse for that is if there is something that makes sense that you would break that kind of promise for from some social kind of rule. E.g. she is looking for a job, and you said you wouldnt contact her but then just send her smth like "hi, I saw this one thing. Just want to pass it on. Hereby: (insert link). Enjoy."
And then continue no contact / cold coquettish until the other draws out more conversation.
Anyway. It's a stretch and can backfire.
Also, it shows interest, while i feel you want to show no concern so it doesnt match your style of no contact.
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Update
Well I guess im gona have to move on 4 real. I found out through a mutual person that she has been thirsting for this new man from her new jiu jitsu class I used to attend, a dude 10 years older than her (older than me even) with kids. She has been thirsting so hard, that this man had to silence/hide his stories from her in instagram, and she even got jealous when he liked her sister pics but not hers. Aparently dude doesnt even want her probably because she is thirsting so hard, and considering he seems to be sorta high value he can smell from a mile away she is trouble and not genuine.
This confirms everything I learned about female nature but tried to ignore during the relationship by thinking these rules were only half truths and flexible, they will chase you hard when you convey no interest, happened to me and is happening with him.
Breaks my hearth to know she isnt even worried or grieving our relationship and is instead worried why some new guy that she doesnt even know isnt interested in her. To know that this novelty for her is bypassing and overshadowing a 4 year relationship break up in less than 1 month is the ultimate confirmation I needed to permanently confirm how 99% of women operate and the dynamics between male and female.
I wish I trusted my instinct from the start and didnt doubt these facts, but sometimes you need a little pain to really learn something long term. She probably wont ever reach out again, and even if she does this is a relationship that cannot be saved or healthy again.
A little life update, im currently working 12 hours a day in a temporary job at a refinery and hitting the gym, also planing to go back to Jiu Jitsu in my own area when this work ends, hopefuly this routine and new money will lift my spirit.
Thank you to everyone who gave their 2 cents in helping me navigate this situation, and I hope this thread will help even 1 person in avoiding the same mistakes I made. We lost this one but learned a valuable lesson, the road ahead is rocky but forward.
Well I guess im gona have to move on 4 real. I found out through a mutual person that she has been thirsting for this new man from her new jiu jitsu class I used to attend, a dude 10 years older than her (older than me even) with kids. She has been thirsting so hard, that this man had to silence/hide his stories from her in instagram, and she even got jealous when he liked her sister pics but not hers. Aparently dude doesnt even want her probably because she is thirsting so hard, and considering he seems to be sorta high value he can smell from a mile away she is trouble and not genuine.
This confirms everything I learned about female nature but tried to ignore during the relationship by thinking these rules were only half truths and flexible, they will chase you hard when you convey no interest, happened to me and is happening with him.
Breaks my hearth to know she isnt even worried or grieving our relationship and is instead worried why some new guy that she doesnt even know isnt interested in her. To know that this novelty for her is bypassing and overshadowing a 4 year relationship break up in less than 1 month is the ultimate confirmation I needed to permanently confirm how 99% of women operate and the dynamics between male and female.
I wish I trusted my instinct from the start and didnt doubt these facts, but sometimes you need a little pain to really learn something long term. She probably wont ever reach out again, and even if she does this is a relationship that cannot be saved or healthy again.
A little life update, im currently working 12 hours a day in a temporary job at a refinery and hitting the gym, also planing to go back to Jiu Jitsu in my own area when this work ends, hopefuly this routine and new money will lift my spirit.
Thank you to everyone who gave their 2 cents in helping me navigate this situation, and I hope this thread will help even 1 person in avoiding the same mistakes I made. We lost this one but learned a valuable lesson, the road ahead is rocky but forward.
Hi Dude,
I hope you are OK. It sounds like a rough time. I don't know who or what she is thirsting after... but i do know thirst is temporary. She is into shortterm mating mindset but can go into longterm if that's what you are after.
What I am more worried about is: what fundamentals do you see in her?
If she is easily replaceable, replace.
But the core question truly is, what are the fundamentals that attract you?
Does she truly embody whatever else you find attractive in someone you truly want to spend time with?
If so, it's not lost but you do need to get your shit and game together.
Girls fall hard, even if they are thirsty the thirst can get focused on one person.
But ask yourself this: is she really worth that for you?
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