- Joined
- Oct 13, 2025
- Messages
- 6
In short im fresh into a breakup on my 4 year relationship, and im looking for advice on how to avoid another man's dick to slip inside her before I get her back if it comes to that, and how to keep my shit together till then with all of those intrusive toughts.
This is a long one but pretty entertaining and probably some good lessons for someone out there, I hope you guys can get through it and come back at me.
Context on who we are:
She is 24 years old and im 31. She is a girl with an easy come up regarding quality of life, incredible family and financial support, and she is inteligent and high achieving having finished her computer science masters recently and secured a job, she is not the type to go out at night her girlfriends or slutty in anyway, dresses pretty casual. I contrast that in the sense that I had a fucked up childhood and family and spent most of my golden years doing dumbshit. I was pretty social in high school and had some sucess and attention from girls , played guitar did sports etc, but that was about it. I started pulling myself back together a few months before I met her but we will go deeper into that later.
Context on the relationship:
She is 24 years old and im 31. The relationship started amazingly, I kept my frame and lead perfectly for month's and this girl was absolutely CRAZY for me and chased hard. She waited 6 month's of trial until she "locked" me down to commit into classic relationship status. At this point I was not really as good of a man as I am today, I worked out and wrote but that was about it, I had no real job and no intentions of getting one (This was motivated by depression) this eventually started becoming a problem at about the 2 year mark in the relationship, in the sense that I would only get temporary well paying jobs like metalurgic work. At around the 2 year mark this started leading to her not chasing me as hard altho she was still really into me, but something had already changed slighty and she started question these things.
Around the 2.5 year mark she kinda ultimatumed me into moving in with her in the town she was studying (at her father's "vacation" home) and we started living together solo. This was about the same time I got a pretty good remote job, but it was also where some more problems started, considering I was in her enviroment. She started to bitch about stuff we were learning to do together (like laundry or leaving towels in the wrong place and what not) and I kinda lost the upper hand frame I had in the relationship, and we would still have the same quality of good sex but less quantity. She started being more disrespectful altho I still did things like cook for us everynight, but she wasnt disrespectful to the point of online flirting with another man or hiding things from me or something like that, she never hid her phone and was incredibly loyal troughout this whole time.
At around the 3.1 year mark this is where shit hit the fan, we had an argument where i was trying to dismiss her so I wouldnt engage on her frame and at some point i slipped and said "If you want me gone i can leave" this lead to her agreeing and saying it would probably be better. I didnt answer and went to the gym to give her some time to think and calm down but when I came back all of my stuff was bagged up together with the fully destroyed picture montage of us that I gave her on our birthday. This shit broke me down HARD and I left the next day without begging but clearly beat.
Before leaving i left a message on her computer for her to read a week later saying we basicly we both fucked up but we could fix it, but that if she realized she didnt love me anymore to not reach out. She reached out saying she would wait for me to take as long as i needed to get my shit together and that she would get her shit together aswell. THIS IS WHERE THINGS GO WILD.
Our last 10 months:
So 2 fucking weeks later she was back in our home town when I was back on my grind and motivated and she said she wanted to talk. When I met her she basicly said she had met a new guy at our gym (back in her uni's town) and was felling good about talking to him and wasnt so sure if we should get back together, I lost my shit and told her this was unnaceptable and that I was GONE and didnt wanna see her again, she did not allow me to leave her home and started crying etc and then seduced me into talking some more and ultimately having sex. (Yh im a retard i know) After this we stayed together but I told her that talking to this new guy wasnt gona happen or I was gone. She agreed and went crazy for me again for a while.
Soon after, when i moved back in with her i got this NASTY chronic tendon injury in my forearm(r) where i couldnt do the most basic shit like holding a mug for months, this together with the what she did before dove me DEEP into the underlying depression i already had to the point where i started to get some pretty consistent suicidal toughts for the first time in my life. I would still operate to do house stuff and barely able to work my remote job but I was pretty overwhelmed with rumination and overthinking. Surprisingly enough we would still have sex from time to time even during this time lol.
During this hard period she started talking to that dude she met again and was actually disrespecting me by complaining to him about my health etc, and he was leading her along. 2 months later after I had my initial injury the job I was working for ended, and this was around the same time she basicly asked this other guy if " His offer was still on the table " to which he rejected because he was already dating a recent friend of hers, which she already knew but still asked him lmao. This completely tore me apart, I was now only her boyfriend because some other dude didn´t want her, and my self esteem was so low and my depression was so crippling that I couldnt even confront her with this and leave. When I finally confronted her months after this happened she completely crashed out spazzing out on the floor having panic attacks barely breathing and what not, and I like the piece of shit low self esteem reck i was at the time, stayed with her. ( Yup, i told you i was a retard ) But her crashout was so bad that i basicly had to move out for our safety.
The breakup:
So the last 2 or 3 months we had been trying to piece shit back together after an highly emocional reconciliation, it was agreed I would get my depression fixed and that she wouldnt conspire against me and would comunicate. That didnt happen, she basicly started pulling back suddenly 3 weeks ago, and when she said she "wanted to talk" I basicly said "yh fuck this" and went no contact for 3 days, she freaked out and i answered saying " we agreed this wouldnt happen again, im fixing my shit but I wont allow this again". And these last few days she has been trying to softly breakup by having a meeting to stay friends and plead her reasons and justify herself that she doesnt love my anymore etc. Too which i answered saying that a meeting isnt needed because I made my mind, and pointed out all of her disrespect in the relationship that led me to this decision, and that I dont want to be apart of it, or apart of the conversation she wants to have to let me go softly. She freaked out again saying i have no right to point out her mistakes when I was so depressed etc and tried to call me 6 times in a row. I didnt read her message and i didnt answer her calls, and am holding my ground in no contact letting her know that the relationship is over just not in the way she intended.
Questions:
My questions here are. Did i do the right thing at the end? I wasnt emotional or anything just factual and done.
And is there a way that i can prevent that she gets dicked down before coming back to me, if she does come back? I know i shouldnt but i still want her, but if she gets dicked down I wont want to even hear her name again. The fact that she had a really low body count and was so loyal and secure for most of the relationship are part of the reason I liked her so much. If another guy fucks her I dont want her, so far nothing points to the fact that another guy did, altho you can never be sure lol.
Im pretty sure she still likes me and still considers me above her standards of good looks but right now she doesnt respect me because I taught her that it was fine not to respect me.
Life update:
I still dont have a stable job altho im now actively looking and im about to start a temporary well paying job in the metalurgic field again, Also Im nowhere near the same state of depression I was when shit went down this last year and im hitting the gym again.
When we started the relationship I wasnt half of what I am today, I have been improving myself troughout the relationship slowly with the setback but surely. I got my drivers license, my first car, my high school diploma and stopped smoking weed and cigs since I got together with her.
Thank you for reaching this far and I hope this reading entertained you or taught you something. Greetings from Portugal
This is a long one but pretty entertaining and probably some good lessons for someone out there, I hope you guys can get through it and come back at me.
Context on who we are:
She is 24 years old and im 31. She is a girl with an easy come up regarding quality of life, incredible family and financial support, and she is inteligent and high achieving having finished her computer science masters recently and secured a job, she is not the type to go out at night her girlfriends or slutty in anyway, dresses pretty casual. I contrast that in the sense that I had a fucked up childhood and family and spent most of my golden years doing dumbshit. I was pretty social in high school and had some sucess and attention from girls , played guitar did sports etc, but that was about it. I started pulling myself back together a few months before I met her but we will go deeper into that later.
Context on the relationship:
She is 24 years old and im 31. The relationship started amazingly, I kept my frame and lead perfectly for month's and this girl was absolutely CRAZY for me and chased hard. She waited 6 month's of trial until she "locked" me down to commit into classic relationship status. At this point I was not really as good of a man as I am today, I worked out and wrote but that was about it, I had no real job and no intentions of getting one (This was motivated by depression) this eventually started becoming a problem at about the 2 year mark in the relationship, in the sense that I would only get temporary well paying jobs like metalurgic work. At around the 2 year mark this started leading to her not chasing me as hard altho she was still really into me, but something had already changed slighty and she started question these things.
Around the 2.5 year mark she kinda ultimatumed me into moving in with her in the town she was studying (at her father's "vacation" home) and we started living together solo. This was about the same time I got a pretty good remote job, but it was also where some more problems started, considering I was in her enviroment. She started to bitch about stuff we were learning to do together (like laundry or leaving towels in the wrong place and what not) and I kinda lost the upper hand frame I had in the relationship, and we would still have the same quality of good sex but less quantity. She started being more disrespectful altho I still did things like cook for us everynight, but she wasnt disrespectful to the point of online flirting with another man or hiding things from me or something like that, she never hid her phone and was incredibly loyal troughout this whole time.
At around the 3.1 year mark this is where shit hit the fan, we had an argument where i was trying to dismiss her so I wouldnt engage on her frame and at some point i slipped and said "If you want me gone i can leave" this lead to her agreeing and saying it would probably be better. I didnt answer and went to the gym to give her some time to think and calm down but when I came back all of my stuff was bagged up together with the fully destroyed picture montage of us that I gave her on our birthday. This shit broke me down HARD and I left the next day without begging but clearly beat.
Before leaving i left a message on her computer for her to read a week later saying we basicly we both fucked up but we could fix it, but that if she realized she didnt love me anymore to not reach out. She reached out saying she would wait for me to take as long as i needed to get my shit together and that she would get her shit together aswell. THIS IS WHERE THINGS GO WILD.
Our last 10 months:
So 2 fucking weeks later she was back in our home town when I was back on my grind and motivated and she said she wanted to talk. When I met her she basicly said she had met a new guy at our gym (back in her uni's town) and was felling good about talking to him and wasnt so sure if we should get back together, I lost my shit and told her this was unnaceptable and that I was GONE and didnt wanna see her again, she did not allow me to leave her home and started crying etc and then seduced me into talking some more and ultimately having sex. (Yh im a retard i know) After this we stayed together but I told her that talking to this new guy wasnt gona happen or I was gone. She agreed and went crazy for me again for a while.
Soon after, when i moved back in with her i got this NASTY chronic tendon injury in my forearm(r) where i couldnt do the most basic shit like holding a mug for months, this together with the what she did before dove me DEEP into the underlying depression i already had to the point where i started to get some pretty consistent suicidal toughts for the first time in my life. I would still operate to do house stuff and barely able to work my remote job but I was pretty overwhelmed with rumination and overthinking. Surprisingly enough we would still have sex from time to time even during this time lol.
During this hard period she started talking to that dude she met again and was actually disrespecting me by complaining to him about my health etc, and he was leading her along. 2 months later after I had my initial injury the job I was working for ended, and this was around the same time she basicly asked this other guy if " His offer was still on the table " to which he rejected because he was already dating a recent friend of hers, which she already knew but still asked him lmao. This completely tore me apart, I was now only her boyfriend because some other dude didn´t want her, and my self esteem was so low and my depression was so crippling that I couldnt even confront her with this and leave. When I finally confronted her months after this happened she completely crashed out spazzing out on the floor having panic attacks barely breathing and what not, and I like the piece of shit low self esteem reck i was at the time, stayed with her. ( Yup, i told you i was a retard ) But her crashout was so bad that i basicly had to move out for our safety.
The breakup:
So the last 2 or 3 months we had been trying to piece shit back together after an highly emocional reconciliation, it was agreed I would get my depression fixed and that she wouldnt conspire against me and would comunicate. That didnt happen, she basicly started pulling back suddenly 3 weeks ago, and when she said she "wanted to talk" I basicly said "yh fuck this" and went no contact for 3 days, she freaked out and i answered saying " we agreed this wouldnt happen again, im fixing my shit but I wont allow this again". And these last few days she has been trying to softly breakup by having a meeting to stay friends and plead her reasons and justify herself that she doesnt love my anymore etc. Too which i answered saying that a meeting isnt needed because I made my mind, and pointed out all of her disrespect in the relationship that led me to this decision, and that I dont want to be apart of it, or apart of the conversation she wants to have to let me go softly. She freaked out again saying i have no right to point out her mistakes when I was so depressed etc and tried to call me 6 times in a row. I didnt read her message and i didnt answer her calls, and am holding my ground in no contact letting her know that the relationship is over just not in the way she intended.
Questions:
My questions here are. Did i do the right thing at the end? I wasnt emotional or anything just factual and done.
And is there a way that i can prevent that she gets dicked down before coming back to me, if she does come back? I know i shouldnt but i still want her, but if she gets dicked down I wont want to even hear her name again. The fact that she had a really low body count and was so loyal and secure for most of the relationship are part of the reason I liked her so much. If another guy fucks her I dont want her, so far nothing points to the fact that another guy did, altho you can never be sure lol.
Im pretty sure she still likes me and still considers me above her standards of good looks but right now she doesnt respect me because I taught her that it was fine not to respect me.
Life update:
I still dont have a stable job altho im now actively looking and im about to start a temporary well paying job in the metalurgic field again, Also Im nowhere near the same state of depression I was when shit went down this last year and im hitting the gym again.
When we started the relationship I wasnt half of what I am today, I have been improving myself troughout the relationship slowly with the setback but surely. I got my drivers license, my first car, my high school diploma and stopped smoking weed and cigs since I got together with her.
Thank you for reaching this far and I hope this reading entertained you or taught you something. Greetings from Portugal
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