4 year relationship breakup, need some guidance

[mirror]

Its not that simple. I can still not want her in her current frame and still worry about her replacing me easily lol. And even if i did want her there is nothing i can do right now.

Well that's not fair to her and also not to yourself. Just saying. Make up your mind and act accordingly.

 

[Pushpullsucker]

Well that's not fair to her and also not to yourself. Just saying. Make up your mind and act accordingly.

Never said it was fair, life isnt fair tbh. Would I want this to be different ? Yes. Can i do anything about it to make her reconsider and comeback? No. You think me reaching out and breaking no contact when she is clearly looking or exploring options would do anything good for me? If she didnt love and respect me before she wont love or respect me if I break the silence for sure. Her moving on and not trying to reach out further after I didnt answer her last voice message kinda proves just that. She thinks im worthless and uncapable of doing anything about changing my professional life, and right now she probably wants the oposite of me, some dude who has all his shit together specially finances and a career, even if he is more passive. Im cooked brother.

 

[mirror]

If she didnt love and respect me before she wont love or respect me if I break the silence for sure.

Depends on how the silence is broken.

She thinks im worthless

Stop. You dont know. And i dont care what she thinks of you . This is the bullshit people can change their mind on.

and uncapable of doing anything about changing my professional life,

Do you feel this way? Is it this way? Does it bother you?

and right now she probably wants the oposite of me,

Who knows. People aint logical. Maybe she wants you minus your insecurity, who knows.

some dude who has all his shit together specially finances and a career,

who wouldnt want that, dont you want to have that stuff in order?

even if he is more passive.

Forget about comparing, it's not helping you into the best version of yourself.

Im cooked brother.

Yeah

 

[Pushpullsucker]

Depends on how the silence is broken.


Stop. You dont know. And i dont care what she thinks of you . This is the bullshit people can change their mind on.


Do you feel this way? Is it this way? Does it bother you?


Who knows. People aint logical. Maybe she wants you minus your insecurity, who knows.



who wouldnt want that, dont you want to have that stuff in order?

Forget about comparing, it's not helping you into the best version of yourself.


Yeah

Like topcat said , if i break silence i will ruin everything in the sense of healing or re attracting her. This makes sense no?
Also i was getting all that stuff in order, but her telling me almost 1 year ago that she started talking to this guy and was reconsidering + my follow up injury where I had 1 usable arm for 5+ months and losing my job all in a chain event didnt do wonders for me, could i have been stronger? yeah, but i also could have choose to follow my suicidal toughts at the time, and i escaped that, its been 3+ months since i had a tought like that, that in my books already shows something.
When we met i had nothing and no ambition + was a stoner, i improved and quit a lot of shit since, but got hit with a chain event of bad luck which sunk me into depression, and she didnt support me, she pressured me and made me start "emotionally competing" with another dude. Had this not happened she would be the woman of my dreams, right now I dont think she is. But even then, i blame myself for all of it because I sunk when bad luck hit me, and I find myself wondering if she is indeed the woman of my dreams but due to my lack of resilience i forced her to be something else.

Idk what to stay man , feels like im just venting at this point, and i know that is not the porpuse of this website.
Do i want her to comeback and regret? Yeah. Do i want to want her to comeback? No. Idk my head is all fucked rn but im still hitting the gym and working and tryna figure out what im gona do career wise.

 

[topcat]

Like topcat said , if i break silence i will ruin everything in the sense of healing or re attracting her. This makes sense no?
Also i was getting all that stuff in order, but her telling me almost 1 year ago that she started talking to this guy and was reconsidering + my follow up injury where I had 1 usable arm for 5+ months and losing my job all in a chain event didnt do wonders for me, could i have been stronger? yeah, but i also could have choose to follow my suicidal toughts at the time, and i escaped that, its been 3+ months since i had a tought like that, that in my books already shows something.
When we met i had nothing and no ambition + was a stoner, i improved and quit a lot of shit since, but got hit with a chain event of bad luck which sunk me into depression, and she didnt support me, she pressured me and made me start "emotionally competing" with another dude. Had this not happened she would be the woman of my dreams, right now I dont think she is. But even then, i blame myself for all of it because I sunk when bad luck hit me, and I find myself wondering if she is indeed the woman of my dreams but due to my lack of resilience i forced her to be something else.

Idk what to stay man , feels like im just venting at this point, and i know that is not the porpuse of this website.
Do i want her to comeback and regret? Yeah. Do i want to want her to comeback? No. Idk my head is all fucked rn but im still hitting the gym and working and tryna figure out what im gona do career wise.

Mate as a general rule of thumb, don’t listen to anything Mirror has to say on relationships. I don’t know if he’s being intentional or not but it’s pure AFC sabotage wrapped up in pretty words..

He doesn’t know what he’s talking about.

 

[Pushpullsucker]

Mate as a general rule of thumb, don’t listen to anything Mirror has to say on relationships. I don’t know if he’s being intentional or not but it’s pure AFC sabotage wrapped up in pretty words..

He doesn’t know what he’s talking about.

Lol aight. Im still not fond of the idea of breaking no contact tho, even if I feel guilty that she might hate me for not giving her closure. Yesterday she deleted me from FB but not IG and she is not checking my stories dont know what that means. She seems to still be out clubing till morning on the weekends so I dont see her giving a fuck anytime soon

 

[topcat]

Lol aight. Im still not fond of the idea of breaking no contact tho, even if I feel guilty that she might hate me for not giving her closure. Yesterday she deleted me from FB but not IG and she is not checking my stories dont know what that means. She seems to still be out clubing till morning on the weekends so I dont see her giving a fuck anytime soon

bro stop caring. go do something productive

 

[mirror]

Mate as a general rule of thumb, don’t listen to anything Mirror has to say on relationships. I don’t know if he’s being intentional or not but it’s pure AFC sabotage wrapped up in pretty words..

He doesn’t know what he’s talking about.

That you don't agree, doesn't give you the right to talk badly about someone elses approach or suggestions. That it does not match your experience doesn't mean it can't match other experienced. Let him decide by himself upon what the right approach in HIS situation is.

 

[Pushpullsucker]

That you don't agree, doesn't give you the right to talk badly about someone elses approach or suggestions. That it does not match your experience doesn't mean it can't match other experienced. Let him decide by himself upon what the right approach in HIS situation is.

What my soul wants to do is to reach out, so that she can feel its safe to reach out aswell if she feels like it. But my brain knows if I reach out and break no contact i might ruin everything and appear weak, and that im breaking my word considering I told her I dont want her aswell because she entertained another dude while texting him for months

 

[mirror]

What my soul wants to do is to reach out, so that she can feel its safe to reach out aswell if she feels like it. But my brain knows if I reach out and break no contact i might ruin everything and appear weak, and that im breaking my word considering I told her I dont want her aswell because she entertained another dude while texting him for months

Okay so like
It's a lot about calibration. The whole no contact or not going no contact. It's very calibration dependent.

One messy point is where you said you wouldnt reach out and would anyway.

The only feasible excuse for that is if there is something that makes sense that you would break that kind of promise for from some social kind of rule. E.g. she is looking for a job, and you said you wouldnt contact her but then just send her smth like "hi, I saw this one thing. Just want to pass it on. Hereby: (insert link). Enjoy."
And then continue no contact / cold coquettish until the other draws out more conversation.

Anyway. It's a stretch and can backfire.

 

[mirror]

Okay so like
It's a lot about calibration. The whole no contact or not going no contact. It's very calibration dependent.

One messy point is where you said you wouldnt reach out and would anyway.

The only feasible excuse for that is if there is something that makes sense that you would break that kind of promise for from some social kind of rule. E.g. she is looking for a job, and you said you wouldnt contact her but then just send her smth like "hi, I saw this one thing. Just want to pass it on. Hereby: (insert link). Enjoy."
And then continue no contact / cold coquettish until the other draws out more conversation.

Anyway. It's a stretch and can backfire.

Also, it shows interest, while i feel you want to show no concern so it doesnt match your style of no contact.