8-Item Checklist for the First 1 Minute of Conversation


Oct 9, 2012
There's a post in General by Deeppua about how he struggled to build interest with women he approached in the daytime.

He says:

Deeppua said:
I meet girls in cafes, malls and streets. There is no pre-selection, no social-proof, I'm average looking, I can't display my social circle to her, I can't display my DHV in a short time I have of 2-5 mins I get to talk to her. Just going out and putting myself in the open has reduced my approach anxiety but after that it's not progressing any further. They don't respond to texts or go on instant dates. Do you have a structure that you can suggest that I can adopt?
Especially with day game, but it applies everywhere, one of the major things the girl is really looking at, more than looks, social proof, preselection, or any of that stuff, is "Does this guy seem confident and is he interesting?"

If you're confident and interesting, women get curious about whether you might be someone special.

Curiosity about your potential specialness is usually enough to get a girl to hang around and give you her contact info, and if you're cool when you're messaging her that'll usually be enough to get her out. Then you get to work your magic.

If you don't have a lot of time with a girl, your focus should be to come across as a cool, confident, interesting guy, who is also humble enough and not scared about showing a little interest in her, both verbally and nonverbally. Do that, and she will want to stick around a bit and get more of a feel for you.

The overall aim is to create the feeling in her of "This guy seems like someone special."

If you can pull that off, your odds with her improve a lot.

Here's an 8-item checklist to run through to see how you're doing being cool, confident, humble, and showing some interest in her in the first minute or so of conversation:

  1. Are you smiling when you walk up?

  2. Is your smile contagious (does she catch it and smile at you back)?

  3. Is your eye contact strong and a little bit sexual?

  4. Do you talk with your hands and body as well as your voice?

  5. Do you make compliments ("You have a beautiful smile") or statements of intent ("We should get food sometime") as you talk to her? I know some guys are anti-compliment/anti-SOI but especially if you aren't conveying enough interest with your nonverbals yet making it verbal can throw a switch in the girl's head from "He's being social" to "Oh! He likes me. Well let me see... do I like him too? Maybe I do!"

  6. Do you create close proximity (or are you out in the polite zone)?

  7. Do you do a little light busting on her about something that isn't insulting? ("Oh wow, that backpack looks heavy, they're making you haul half your desk around")

  8. Do you mention something interesting about yourself early on? ("I just got to town", "I'm running over to this show", "I'm out buying these gifts", "I'm en route to this café everyone keeps telling me is really good", "I'm just getting back from the gym")

All this is stuff you can do within the first 45 seconds of conversation.

None of it's mandatory. Feel free to ditch some or all of it if you have a better method and have other things that work better.

However, as a start point, for going from "average guy having ordinary conversation" to "guy who seems like he might be something special", these don't take much effort to do (you just have to remember to do them, and build a habit of doing them), and have a big affect on how she feels about you in that first minute of conversation, plus the minutes that come after (as well as how excited she is to get a message from you when you contact her after).