A beginner at 27. Need advice.

[Fury887]

My days growing up I was always the shy kid, most of my friends were talking to girls and getting confidence well before I started. That being said; my first girlfriend was at the age of 17 and there only has been a few after which have been an up and down roller coaster. Most girls that I've hooked up with have been mostly introduced from a friend, family member, or an acquaintance which has been to my demise as far as building confidence and talking to woman. I can be an example of a late bloomer. I've been told to be a handsome guy, 6'2' with an lean muscular frame. A little info about myself and one of the two reasons why I've found this site. The first reason is due to a girl that I really like which was briefly introduced(she started at my job and her step dad works there as well) and I'm having to a hard time trying to get this girl due to the way i've accustomed new relationships. A little info about her; She's 24 and came into the US 6 months ago and is starting to get on her feet. She has told me she prefer guys as friends than girls(two of her best friends are dudes) and is not interested in romance/dating/love or relationship.



So far how it's went with this chick; I went and introduced myself but didn't go so smooth when she started at my job(monday), said a few words and didn't even get her name(I knew it from step dad as he has told me about her on different occasions) but he introduced us again and went better after that. Talked to her on a few occasions during that and on friday i asked her out to food and a movie, I didn't ask for her number directly but she said her step dad had my number so she would text me to let me know. Later on that day I got her text with her number saying that she had plans for the weekend but we could do a museum and maybe dinner a couple weekends in the future(sounded like friendzoned from the getgo) she is into arts and what not. We went for a coffee after the second week and it went well but was cut short due to her having to go home(her mom needed the car). That date comes around(museum) and a few days prior she sends me a text she wanted to make it clear that we will be going as friends and that she is looking for a friendship(male bff) and told me what she's not interested in(see above). During one of our conversations at work I gave her a jist that im not looking for a friendship role with her and that i like her. She knew my intentions, I asked her out again and we went out yesterday to a scenic bar area for drinks and food. Everything was going well, got a few touches here and there, she played with her hair and from what I could tell she was interested or at the least liked me.

Here's where I fucked up; After dinner we went walking around the beach and I was trying to find a moment to bring her close and make a move but hesitated. We then walked back to my car and we stood outside talking for a while, I had a chance to make another move and I hesitated once again. There were a few awkward moments but we kept talking about various subjects and it got late so I took her home. Before saying good night we kissed on the cheek and i got a high five(she's done it several times when we said bye at work). I could tell there was some disappointment in the air. Can I bounce back from my fuckup? My issue is the closing, we can talk and have a good time but Im having a hard time making my move. Any advice as to my next step with this chick?

 

[ray_zorse]

To turn around a situation like this where she has given herself a lot of escape hatches would take very good game. You got played because she put you in a situation where you had to either chase (make intentions explicit) or accept a friendzone. Sure it could have been a LJBF shit-test which is how you handled it and you did extremely well, built some attraction despite the deck being stacked against you... or it could just be she wasn't that into you and/or is adept at collecting orbiters. However, any wrong move will activate her escape hatches "I TOLD you it was just a friendly hangout, how did you misundersrand that?!" and you fucked up by missing your windows. It hurts. Too bad. NEXT, she is a manipulative biyatch znd not worth your time, I would have picked this up earlier... "(sarcastically) oh, you want to be my BFF [best friend forever]? And what value do you see yourself bringing to my life? You're going to to invite me to all the top parties in this town? You're going to help me fix my car when it breaks? We're gonna go camping and fishing and shooting with the boys? HAHA got plenty of buddies thanks, I see you as a FUCK buddy" This will offend the shit out of her and put her in her place.
Ray

 

[Fury887]

Thank you Ray for taking the time to comment. I've been doing a lot of reading on this site and am grateful for this chick because she is the one who brought me here. Id like to give it another shot with her on a third date assuming she says yes, she is my type and sexy as hell that being said i never put her on a pedestal. I talked to her for a few mins at work and only texted prior to the dates. I'm still kicking myself for being a bitch and missing the windows but like you said, whats done is done.

About the potential third date, I know one of the things to avoid is to make it a fun date. My plan for this one is to take her out on my jetski for crusing and stopping on a few private beaches where it'll be us only. The pros of a jetsk is there will touch during the whole riding, she grabs onto me or i let her drive and grab onto her, etc. Which is a plus for me. She is always talking about sunsets and how she loves them, my thought process on asking her out is to use that as the base(riding and seeing the sunset) or is it too romantic?

 

[ray_zorse]

Nope I definitely WOULD NOT do any of that. A jetski date would be a way to reward her for huge compliance and investment. She has not earned that. What you're proposing is basically courting her, and to court her when she's ALREADY given herself these escape hatches (as I said) is hugely needy and chasey. Go find some other women. Honestly there's nothing wrong with continuing to date this girl, but what I would do is invite her over to my home for a meal. That way you can easily escalate. Likely she will say no (because she will know that home visit = sex), and then you can just forget about her and move on, knowing that you offered her intimacy on your terms and she declined, her loss. On the other hand, if she is attracted she will certainly say yes and enjoy a fun time with you.
Ray

 

[Fury887]

I'm glad I posted my idea of the next date, didn't realize about compliance and investment. As you can tell I have a lot to learn. What would you suggest as a date where I can turn the painted image she has of me? First date was a small coffee shop and second the outdoor bar area. I have relatives staying at my house so taking her home is a no at this time and I doubt suggesting a hotel will get me anywhere.

 

[ray_zorse]

Hmm really overthinking this, I think you are ignoring the main point of my post which is that (1) she's practically screamed at you that she's not interested (2) even if she was interested your opportunity is most likely gone and (3) if you're asking these kinds of questions you probably don't have the skills to turn this around. I hate to be blunt, but I just don't want to see you putting a lot of investment and attention into this girl and getting nothing in return. Why don't you approach some other girls? There are literally millions of attractive, available women in your city right now, and a lot of them find you attractive! Go talk to some. If you must continue attempting to date this girl then I suggest asking for a big amount of compliance, this will let you know whether she's attracted or not (attracted -> complies, wants you in orbiter slot -> does not comply), and planning your date logistics.
Ray