A Few Newbie Questions

[HiddenLurker]

Hey guys. Still relatively new to this but been seeing some success after reading and 'learning' the articles, patterns, lines, etc. Kinda have a few questions right now though:

1) What are the rules when it comes to multiple women? I understand pre-selection is important, but do we explicitly communicate this? I understand we SHOW it when we can, but say in the context of messaging / meeting a girl at a cafe?

Because I think flexing that you have many options / many women after you makes you look like a player instead, and I'm not sure if it would make the girl jealous or more turned off instead.

Context: I met a girl through online dating, managed to catch her eye, was obviously very different from the 500 other guys she met online and we went out. I escalated, made out and could've brought her home but I didn't (I'm not super attracted so not bedding her is fine with me anyway). Anyways, assuming I still want her as my gf for whatever reasons, if we talk about other guys/girls, should I be like "oh yeah I haven't been dating many others" or like "oh yeah there's too many girls, not enough of me for everyone" kinda vibe? (This is accepted since we met from a dating app anyway)

2) This question is gonna sound odd, but what are the criteria you use when deciding on a text message to send?

As an example: you know this girl really loves bread. As an opener message, do you say:
a) I love girls who love bread.
b) Bonus points for girls who love bread.
c) I have a thing for girls who love bread.
d) You look like you'd be a successful bread salesperson
e) the list goes on... thousands of permutations.

Current life situation makes me rely on online dating for a while. Will start going for day game as soon as I'm done with my commitments. But the point is, when I match with a REALLY cute girl, I want to "game" my messages to make sure she replies me and I get her. But I usually have trouble deciding which "path" or "permutation" to take.

Thank you for your inputs and your time.

Cheers,
S

 

[Hue]

Because I think flexing that you have many options / many women after you makes you look like a player instead, and I'm not sure if it would make the girl jealous or more turned off instead.

Preselection has a sweet spot. Too much or too little is a bad thing.

• If you are seen with no girls, there isn't, socially, any evidence that girls like you. That's not to say it's required, but you don't have that working for you. Context matters, obviously.
• If you are seen with other girls of any kind, it shows you're at the very least an ally to women. You're not likely to be a creep.
• If you are seen with pretty girls, it implies you might have some value to you, as prettier girls tend to know their worth and spend time with more higher value guys then not. Pretty girls have options with their time and are spending it with you, and that gets acknowledged.
• If you're seen with pretty girls AND you're making them laugh, there's a good vibe, and they're giving you IOI's, it says you're a sought after man. Your presence around women declares you as high value, and this is one of the most attractive things a girl can see from a guy.

Where it hits it's peak is when you run into attainability.

Too much preselection can make for too low of attainability. If you keep putting that image in a girls head, and your value is going up, and up, and up, it might eventually get too high and out of her reach. She sees you with all these women and things that she didn't make the cut. This hurts her self esteem, because she feels like she's not enough and starts comparing herself to the other women around you. That, in turn, will somehow become negative emotions shifted toward you.

Now, you're some asshole who fucks bitches. Now, you're a player. (This also has to do with a girls experience with other players who have hurt her in the past. She sees the high value guy and assumes that time with you means her getting hurt again, so this all plays out in her head much faster).


In the opposite dynamic, preselection can be the very thing that gets you the girl when your attainability was too high. Let's say you qualified during the wrong time or did it too often, and now she sees herself as higher value than you, by a long shot. Then, she sees you on a coffee date with some girl and believes that she missed her chance. She'll come crawling back and suddenly reappear in your life, now that you've acted in a way to show she's missing out on something.


It's more effective to bring the girl's attainability up with you, than it is to lower your value to ballpark yourself to her level faster. Being high value is most always a great thing, and you should never lower your own life to be with that of another. Make her feel you give a shit about her as a person and that you actually value her personality, her looks, and her life and she will realize that she DOES make the cut.

Eventually, girls will want you all to themselves once you've had them or are somehow a man in their life, and work in plenty of ways to get try and create that dynamic, but that's somewhat of a separate subject.

As an example: you know this girl really loves bread. As an opener message, do you say:
a) I love girls who love bread.
b) Bonus points for girls who love bread.
c) I have a thing for girls who love bread.
d) You look like you'd be a successful bread salesperson
e) the list goes on... thousands of permutations.

Lol. This is for a dating app right?

For a second I thought you were just texting girls that you already had met in person random statements about bread, which would be hilarious.

I don't use a lot of dating apps, but I think any message that stands out among the sea of men that is your competition is good. Something funny, flirty, or quirky that you can derive from her profile and then message her about shows your personality and wit, which is attractive.

Looking at your permutations, those all qualify her. Personally, I'd go for something more flirty or chase framey to start the convo, but that's just me.

"I bet my bread tastes better than your bread ;P", or something of the like. Lol.

But I usually have trouble deciding which "path" or "permutation" to take.

This is too open ended for me to give you a super strong answer. But, I'll say this: think about whatever you're implying or what direction you're nudging her in with your word choice.

What is your frame?

That is the question you must constantly be asking yourself.


Hope this helps. If you'll excuse me I have some baguettes in the oven.

Hue

 

[Cody Lyans]

1) don't boast, keep it low key, be accepting of her not being exclusive initially and talk about dating. If she asks what you think say that it will require a very rare woman to catch you right now, because you believe that they are out there, but you are still finding your way.
2) the best texts are ones where her response already makes sense. But without demanding or expecting it, and you want to leave room for a funny follow up. Example, what do you do for fun is kinda gross, but do you have any cool hobbies is better, cuz it seems less try hard when you follow up with, I am going rocket canoeing, I just found this add on the net, sounds totally safe right, or am I late to this party and you have already done it.
So change the way you word it to be less clingy to the topic or required response, and also leave room for funny follow up cuz most girls read and forget to respond, so followup is important. Sometimes you need three following texts, each should have a hook for a likely response, but be so fluid you can take right turns on the topic. Right turns are how you show indifference over text

 

[HiddenLurker]

Thanks Hue for the lengthy reply. I will slowly digest and learn as I go along.

Lots of concepts and things to take note at any point in time during the interaction, quite stressful I must say.

I don't use a lot of dating apps, but I think any message that stands out among the sea of men that is your competition is good. Something funny, flirty, or quirky that you can derive from her profile and then message her about shows your personality and wit, which is attractive.

Looking at your permutations, those all qualify her. Personally, I'd go for something more flirty or chase framey to start the convo, but that's just me.

"I bet my bread tastes better than your bread ;P", or something of the like. Lol.

This is too open ended for me to give you a super strong answer. But, I'll say this: think about whatever you're implying or what direction you're nudging her in with your word choice.

What is your frame?

In your experience, then, what is the most effective way? I usually can't decide if I want my message to be more 'qualifying' type, more 'funny/witty' type, more 'flirty' type or more 'chase-framey' type.

Ultimately my frame would be whichever method works best to get the hotter girls (because they seem to have very little room for error in the world of online dating).

As an example (something along these lines)
Me: "You seem sweet or maybe a trouble maker"
Her: "I'm more of a trouble maker"
Me: "I knew it, I have a thing for naughty little girls"
"What kind of trouble are we talking about here?"
Her: "hahah what kind of trouble are you looking for"

At this point, if I was going for the "flirty" angle, I may essentially reference her e.g. "trouble like you *smirk emoji*"
Or if I wanted to be more "screeny"/serious, I may say "I'm talking about the craziest thing you've ever done before" etc
Or if I wanted to be more "qualifying", I may be like "I love girls who can reverse my lines, you're gonna be my new favourite Jessica" etc

Essentially, I always get confused whenever I visualize multiple ways of gaming a reply. I'm sure there are some approaches that are better than others, and I want to use those. My current theory (going from best to worst) is that:
(1) chase frames are most effective if applicable (else, move to (2))
(2) flirty / funny angles should be the bread and butter
(3) if none are appropriate, then we use a qualifying statement
...and subsequently deep diving anytime it is needed.

Thanks for your help and I appreciate it tons. (Yeah I know my lines to girls kinda suck, but I'm working on it)

Cheers,
S

 

[Hue]

Over dating apps, I think you're much better off hitting her with chase frames & funny flirty angles. The conversational example you provided does a good job of sexualizing the topic of focus, at which point you can get her thinking about the "trouble" you can get into.

At that point it's up to you to read the situation, read the girl's profile, and come up with something that you think she'll respond best to.

The way you list your responses is kind of like a prioritized list, but the process you're looking for has less to do with moving down a list and more to do with curating an answer best fit for the context.


Let's say her profile is already sexual and she might respond well to some raunchy shit. In that context you can try being sexually explicit.

Her: "hahah what kind of trouble are you looking for?"
Sexually Explicit: "the kind that leaves you wetter than a waterslide and both of us feeling exhausted after... does that sound like something you'd enjoy?

That's going to spike sexuality but also have her highly interested if it doesn't bring up too much ASD. If she's already horny messaging you then that will get her investing.


Let's say her profile is more neutral, maybe a little flirty, but she doesn't come out and say she's looking for sex. In that context you'll want to be flirty and ambiguous to draw her in more.

Her: "what kind of trouble are you looking for?"
Flirty & Ambiguous: "the kind that leaves both people satisfied with how naughty they're getting, yet having some more trouble isn't out of the question .. does that sound like something you'd enjoy?"

This is less direct and leaves her mind to the imagination more. It implies sexuality but not necessarily. It can draw her in more without spiking ASD like sexually direct comments might. Also, it makes it third person which works around her conscious defenses of identity.


Lastly, let's say her profile is calmer, and perhaps even says something about a relationship. The go ahead with these girls is to be flirty, non-explicit, and focus more on connection / compatibility (even though your goal is probably sex), you need to get her on the date to really make it work. Here you can use your personality more. I would be silly / playful / chase framey because that's my style.

Her: "what kind of trouble are you looking for?"
Silly/Playful/Chase Framey: "the kind that has us kicked out of the bar because someooone knocked both our drinks over trying to kiss me, even though I told you I'm saving myself for marriage ;P does that sound up your alley?

Maybe you can throw something in about how she has a playful look to her. Girls that are not so sexual on dating apps sometimes respond better to qualifying. That said I don't qualify that much on dating apps because most guys jump straight in and do that and I think it's better to stand out with flirtation, (properly timed) sexuality, and chase frames.



Notice that with all three of these I include a "does that sound like [turns back to her]". That's leading. Otherwise she might not know what to say back, but because you ask a leading question she is more fit to continue the engagement and conversation. Ending on a question allows her to give you an answer and gauge what to do next, when to set up logistics, and if you need to do a little more flirting to hook her in more. You get better at deciding what fits the context as time goes on, and really just have to try your best you grow and develop.


Hue