A Few Rules for Predicting People's Behavior

Chase

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There are a few simple tricks you can use to predict some of people's behavior, essentially by just taking what they give you and knowing a few psychology hacks. These are quick and easy, and they make perfect sense, but most people never learn them because despite the fact that they are rather intuitive, they're simply not something you'd generally think about, and most people don't talk about them much because they're "unpleasant truths," so to speak.

Anyway, here they are.

How Someone Thinks Others Think is How He or She Thinks

  • If someone thinks other people are inherently good, that person is inherently good.
  • If someone thinks all people are cheats, that person is a cheat.
  • If someone thinks all people are naïve, that person is naïve.
  • If someone thinks all people are cunning and manipulative, that person is cunning and manipulative.

Why's it work this way? Well, when people apply empathy - theory of mind - they're putting themselves in others heads and doing their best to imagine what it's like to be that other person. However, nobody is really all that perfect at this, at least not most people, and she'll end up running the situations that someone else is going through through her own mental model, with some twists here and there to compensate for how she thinks this person thinks differently.

Typically, the more empathetic someone is, the less this rule applies, but it still applies. And the less empathetic someone is, the less it applies. When you get to prideful, narcissistic, or otherwise unempathetic people, it's nearly a perfect match between what they think other people think and how they think. When you're at the higher empathy end of the spectrum, it's somewhat murkier, and you'll need to go closer to how they think most people are rather than how they think specific people are in general, since they're better at constructing alternate mental models and envisioning how the world looks through others' eyes.

The Things Someone Fears You'll Do, He or She Will Do

  • If someone thinks you'll be really generous, that person will be really generous
  • If someone thinks you'll cheat on her, that person will cheat on you
  • If someone thinks you'll be loyal to her forever, that person will be loyal to you forever
  • If someone thinks you'll leave her or abandon her, that person will leave you or abandon you
  • If someone thinks you'll treat her like a princess, that person will treat you like a prince

This one isn't always a "that's just how she is," so much as it is a "that's what she thinks you'll do, and that's what she's thinking about all the time, so that's what she'll do in response to what she thinks you'll do."

It's a little bit funny to think about. But if you sow enough seeds of comfort, or doubt, or faith, or lack of faith, in anyone's mind, she's going to turn around and respond to you right in kind, whatever it is she thinks you're going to do to her, good or bad.

With both ridiculously bad things (e.g., she's convinced you're going to cheat on you and is constantly suspecting you of cheating, no matter what) and ridiculously dreamy things (e.g., the moment you first sleep together, she's confident that the two of you are going to spend the remainder of your lives together in marital bliss), this can be an issue with the girl herself - she has "out there" views of the world, and is going to impose them on whomever she ends up with.

Whether the view stems from your behavior, or her mental model, however, trust that whatever she thinks you're going to do to her, good or bad, she will eventually do to you, given enough time to do it. Plan accordingly.

When Someone Professes to Hate or Love Something IN THE EXTREME, Often the Opposite is True

I've always said this:

If you have to say it, it isn't true.
What I've found with people professing they absolutely LOVE something, it's usually a gross exaggeration they're using simply to get attention. And with people claiming the HATE something, and are DISGUSTED by something, they actually fear that they like it and want it and are curious about it, and they fear what that means.

So when you get the person saying, "OMG, I love, love, LOVE this! You HAVE to try it!" be skeptical, because that person does that with everything. It probably really isn't that great.

And when you get the person saying, "I HATE that! It's EVIL! I would NEVER do that!," trust me, deep in the recesses of her mind she fantasizes about that, then feels shameful for having done so.

Treat all extremes with grains of salt. The opposite is oft true of the vehemently-stated remark.

Chase
 

ZacAdam

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Intuitively, i can sense about "how others think about others" The fear, the second part here, is something maybe we can change if you were to sense in a relationship, when things are starting to go bad. The last one about opposites, a girl about three months back mention the word "disgusting" all too often, but was open to my advances.

I can't grasp the fear part. Can it be saved as in when someone really fear you will do it to them? i mean you also needed here to build comfort and trust.

Zac
 

Whizzy

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Chase can these list of thoughts come from experiences more than how a person feels? For instance if someone gets cheated (money, work, relationships) they may just expect it afterall? I'm just not sure if behavior/expectations like that are a part of what you are talking about or just how a person naturally is
 

Franco

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Interesting points here, Chase.

So basically, everyone is a hypocrite. But then if I am the one to say that everyone is a hypocrite, then I guess that makes me a hypocrite!

So... I'll refrain from saying it. ;)

Cheers,

Franco
 

Flames

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Actually the main one that springs to mind here is the stereotypical 'closet gay' who vehemently hates homosexuals and then you find out he's been frequenting gay hangouts or looking at it online. :)

I'm not sure if you made it clear but your talking about extreme reactions, not someone who says something like 'I hate salsa dancing'? :)

*edit* oh wait yeah your last line said that. :)
 

ProblemSolving

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This observation seems to suggest that if you don't want your girlfriend to cheat on you, you should provide her with as much security as possible so she won't think you'll ever cheat on her. However, this doesn't quite work in actual practice. When you provide so much security, you will unavoidably look weak to her, which only increases her cheating risk.
If I were to bet on who is more likely to be cheated on, the Nice Guy who provides a ton of security, or the Jerk who provides a little insecurity, my money would always be on the Nice Guy. The reason being, STRENGTH. A strong man doesn't get cheated on unless he over does it with providing too much insecurity. Balance is so important - too much security or too much insecurity will cause problems.
 

Whizzy

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Problem Solving,

By the same token a strong man wouldn't think (or at least often we hope) that his girlfriend would cheat on him, afterall if she did he would most likely just drop her. It's not about being a nice guy but how you view others I think Chase meant. Often times nice guys are more afraid of losing a girl than a stronger man and as a result do lose her.
 

ProblemSolving

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Whizzy,

I should have read more carefully, Chases quote: "It's a little bit funny to think about. But if you sow enough seeds of comfort, or doubt, or faith, or lack of faith, in anyone's mind, she's going to turn around and respond to you right in kind, whatever it is she thinks you're going to do to her, good or bad ", says it all really. He isn't advocating an extreme one way or the other, but instead is enforcing the idea that 'what goes around comes around' in relationships, which I completely agree with.
 

girlsfollow

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Chase said:
There are a few simple tricks
Chase
I have read about these elsewhere but this is a great summary and collection of the ideas. If I had only read these signs before and learnt to use them for my own and everyone's benefit! Also the first two can be seen as the same thing - the second is just a special case of the first.

I have found these to ring PAINFULLY true in my past relationships, especially the one about if she is telling you she is worried or has suspected you might cheat on her. This is something I intentionally didnt deal with because classic game dictates she shouldn't feel fully secure and I thought that might bring her closer - it did in the short term but backfired in the LT.

the last one also I think the loving can also apply to people - when someone says they absolutely love someone in an exaggerated way then it can often mean the opposite. Als

I might also add as an extention to the one about someone saying they hate something:

If someone says they find particular behaviour DISGUSTING THE WORST THING EVER and "I WOULD NEVER EVER DO THAT" if you are dealing with a very emotional person I think this can often mean the opposite - as in they might have actually done that in the past (maybe to a lesser extent) but because it draws attention to what they did/might do they do this to distance themselves further - they are quite likely to actually do it and then rationalise later.

My own addition is self deceit - people will often judge others MUCH more harshly for transgressions than they would if they were to act that way themselves. People are very good at rationalising things for themselves - making little storylines up which put them as the victim and therefore removing all guilt/responsibility away from themselves - we all do it.
 

Chicothat

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girlsfollow said:
Chase said:
There are a few simple tricks
Chase
I have read about these elsewhere but this is a great summary and collection of the ideas. If I had only read these signs before and learnt to use them for my own and everyone's benefit! Also the first two can be seen as the same thing - the second is just a special case of the first.

I have found these to ring PAINFULLY true in my past relationships, especially the one about if she is telling you she is worried or has suspected you might cheat on her. This is something I intentionally didnt deal with because classic game dictates she shouldn't feel fully secure and I thought that might bring her closer - it did in the short term but backfired in the LT.

the last one also I think the loving can also apply to people - when someone says they absolutely love someone in an exaggerated way then it can often mean the opposite. Als

I might also add as an extention to the one about someone saying they hate something:

If someone says they find particular behaviour DISGUSTING THE WORST THING EVER and "I WOULD NEVER EVER DO THAT" if you are dealing with a very emotional person I think this can often mean the opposite - as in they might have actually done that in the past (maybe to a lesser extent) but because it draws attention to what they did/might do they do this to distance themselves further - they are quite likely to actually do it and then rationalise later.

My own addition is self deceit - people will often judge others MUCH more harshly for transgressions than they would if they were to act that way themselves. People are very good at rationalising things for themselves - making little storylines up which put them as the victim and therefore removing all guilt/responsibility away from themselves - we all do it.

I'm absolutley sure that you both are right and what eveyone is saying here helped me form this conclusion. Thanks for the Inspiration.


I've come to my on anology to this whole theme. The theme is being smarter. Lets apply this abstract idea in predicting people naturally and place them in a chest board. There for you think more rationally and master your emotions. Progressively, you can also twist things up. You coule "flip" your board to really put yourself on the person shoes and view world and flip it some more before you make decision. If you find a good move try to find another, and hence forward. If you are KING in your world you'll be treated like one. Move slowly, make your moves. Take your time but act boldness.

I have found that people open up to me easily. I find out their true-self/soul. I'm inherently a good person and i think we could use this knowledge; that is power, to move forward to and shed light,love and hope. The most relatable concept that you can all relate to and stems from having P.M.A = POSITIVE MENTAL ATTITUDE.




"MASTERY OF ONES EMOTIONS IS THE KEY TO LIFE. ONLY BY REJECTING HATE, REBUKING FEAR AND PROJECTING LOVE IN ITS PUREST FORM CAN ON HOPE TO ATTAIN TRUE ENLIGHTENMENT. THE EMOTIONAL ENERGY WE CREATE IS PROJECTED ON AN INTERDIMENSIONAL LEVEL AT WHICH POINT UNSEEN ENTITES FEED oN DEPENDING ON THE TYPE OF ENERGY PROJECT. LOVE IS THE MOST POWER EMOTION" -youtube user.

- Moving Forward.

Your thoughts are very powerful and you can view which window: love, hope and light. Just concentrate and thats what you'll be in using Chase's abstract in the X-factor.


People are either negative or positive; takers/givers. I usually find predicting people by really listening to what they say. Ill zone out from everything else and just envision what he says in a positive way. Usually I find out if they are lying or what labels and outside influences his behavior. TV AND SURROUNDINGS are strong influences on weak mental minds.

It doesn't matter who ever I talk to I always envision the best in them and learn from them. So to really predict people you must understand that we all want to be appreciated. Appreciating people makes them smile, and you feel good. So let people react to you because your X-factor is helping get stronger as I hone mine.
 

Chase

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Hey all-

@ Zac-

ZacAdam said:
I can't grasp the fear part. Can it be saved as in when someone really fear you will do it to them? i mean you also needed here to build comfort and trust.
The way the human brain builds its theory of mind is via empathetic mirror neurons - that is, you imagine that you are the other person, and try to think and feel as they feel. However, your imaginings of how they must think and feel are necessarily colored by your own thoughts and feelings - nobody's perfect at imagining how other people are thinking and feeling, and even the most empathetic are often way off (projecting, say, overly powerful feelings onto others - "Oh, this must hurt her so much!" when the person hardly notices the thing).

We all have some fundamental world views upon which all the rest of our understandings of people are built. For some people, this is, "People are naturally honest and trustworthy," because THEY are this way, and they assume that this must be a fundamental trait of humanity. For other people, it might be, "People are fundamentally conniving and deceptive," because, again, they themselves are this way, and they assume all others at the core are too. Even if someone logically knows that other people are not as honest or not as deceitful as he thinks, that emotional understanding of the world remains the way it is and gets projected onto how he anticipates others will behave.

@ Whizzy-

Whizzy said:
Chase can these list of thoughts come from experiences more than how a person feels? For instance if someone gets cheated (money, work, relationships) they may just expect it afterall? I'm just not sure if behavior/expectations like that are a part of what you are talking about or just how a person naturally is
There does seem to be some effect of prior experiences, but those prior experiences also influence the individual and get used as justification. e.g., a formerly totally honest person gets lied to and stabbed in the back by someone close, and begins to suspect that everyone else is just waiting for the opportunity to do the same thing to him. So what's he end up doing to protect himself? Normally... he shields himself in a veil of lies, and inadvertently starts stabbing people in the back before they could do the same to him.

There are other people who have negative experiences but don't internalize those negative experiences, and they're fine. But those people neither suspect the thing done to them before of others, nor are they more likely to do it themselves.

So, past experiences can influence it, but they influence both the predilections of the suspicious person and the suspicions he has of others.

@ ProblemSolving-

ProblemSolving said:
This observation seems to suggest that if you don't want your girlfriend to cheat on you, you should provide her with as much security as possible so she won't think you'll ever cheat on her. However, this doesn't quite work in actual practice. When you provide so much security, you will unavoidably look weak to her, which only increases her cheating risk.
If I were to bet on who is more likely to be cheated on, the Nice Guy who provides a ton of security, or the Jerk who provides a little insecurity, my money would always be on the Nice Guy. The reason being, STRENGTH. A strong man doesn't get cheated on unless he over does it with providing too much insecurity. Balance is so important - too much security or too much insecurity will cause problems.
Well, actually, with girls who really don't suspect you'll ever cheat on them, you can do all kinds of things that drive other women into a tizzy thinking you MUST be out running around behind their backs and they'll never really worry about it too much so long as you continue treating them well (within reason, of course; if you make her TOO crazy thinking you're cheating on her, you can drive even the most trusting women to suspicion). Conversely, with women who suspect you of cheating, it really doesn't matter how secure you try and make them feel, they'll still suspect you of it anyway. I've been with both types of women, and it never ceases to amaze me.

My standard operating procedure these days is to strongly imply from the outset of a relationship that I'm not likely to be a good / steady / faithful partner, and see how the girl reacts. If she's calm, cool, and affectionate, I assume she either A) doesn't even have it in her world view that a man could / would cheat on her, or B) she's a girl who doesn't care if her man sees other women, so long as he stays loyal to her (there are a surprising number of women like this, although mostly in more patriarchal societies like Asia, Eastern Europe, and South America).

If she starts freaking out about fidelity right away, that's a sign she suspects you of cheating, which means she considers that herself, too - or, she already out-and-out does it.

@ Whizzy-

Whizzy said:
Problem Solving,

By the same token a strong man wouldn't think (or at least often we hope) that his girlfriend would cheat on him, afterall if she did he would most likely just drop her. It's not about being a nice guy but how you view others I think Chase meant. Often times nice guys are more afraid of losing a girl than a stronger man and as a result do lose her.
Yes. I didn't believe this would EVER be the case with me before I reached a place of absolute abundance, but when even very high quality women are easy for you to get, you stop caring so much about whether she's going to cheat on you or not. If she does - okay, fine, it's over; no harm done. Go be with the man you prefer; no big deal. I'll just go get myself another girl. Perhaps counterintuitively for most men, this makes you far more attractive to girlfriends and lowers the chance of cheating happening substantially. I spent years acting like it was no big deal for me with girlfriend before it actually became no big deal for me though, personally.

@ girlsfollow-

girlsfollow said:
My own addition is self deceit - people will often judge others MUCH more harshly for transgressions than they would if they were to act that way themselves. People are very good at rationalising things for themselves - making little storylines up which put them as the victim and therefore removing all guilt/responsibility away from themselves - we all do it.
Most certainly. It's amazing what we allow ourselves to get away with that we'd never permit others to...

Chase
 

Rakkum

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Fascinating stuff, Chase, thanks! As you say, intuitive but under the radar. Did you "discover" the rules through reading or through sheer observation?

Keep well,
- Nipernaadi
 

DarkKnight

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What an interesting read. I think it is worth a few re-reads in order to truly process.
 

Chrance

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I’m a little suspicious about the first one. If someone’s making a wide claim about human nature, their claim isn’t really representative of their character. If I were to say “all people are evil” it is a stretch for you to say “this guy is evil”. Maybe someone just killed my beloved dog and I’m pissed. You have to consider the context. Maybe the person isn’t articulating precisely how they feel so your judgement of them would be premature. People’s words are almost always accompanied by some kind of experience which sheds light on what they’re saying - “read between the lines” in other words - otherwise they’d be speaking gibberish addghkloiytdcvbkigfzbk!?!?!?

in essence, it is very possible to assess someone with your personality/character having nothing to do with your assessment.

a person can make statements about things where the content of the statements don’t apply to or reflect themselves:
“That dog looks scary”
“That animal looks dangerous”
“That guy looks suspicious”

The habit of thinking other people are projecting when they talk to you itself seems a little fucked up and self absorbed. The proof is in the selectivity. Do you think a person is projecting when discussing the quality of a car, a dog, a computer, a video game? Ok, if not, then why do you think they’re projecting when discussing the quality of you or other people?

note:
I do like the post. Just seen this “projecting” logic before. I’ve never in my life seen (Ie face-to-face) someone “project” before. There’s always accompanying information to show where they’re coming from
 
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