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There are a few simple tricks you can use to predict some of people's behavior, essentially by just taking what they give you and knowing a few psychology hacks. These are quick and easy, and they make perfect sense, but most people never learn them because despite the fact that they are rather intuitive, they're simply not something you'd generally think about, and most people don't talk about them much because they're "unpleasant truths," so to speak.
Anyway, here they are.
How Someone Thinks Others Think is How He or She Thinks
Why's it work this way? Well, when people apply empathy - theory of mind - they're putting themselves in others heads and doing their best to imagine what it's like to be that other person. However, nobody is really all that perfect at this, at least not most people, and she'll end up running the situations that someone else is going through through her own mental model, with some twists here and there to compensate for how she thinks this person thinks differently.
Typically, the more empathetic someone is, the less this rule applies, but it still applies. And the less empathetic someone is, the less it applies. When you get to prideful, narcissistic, or otherwise unempathetic people, it's nearly a perfect match between what they think other people think and how they think. When you're at the higher empathy end of the spectrum, it's somewhat murkier, and you'll need to go closer to how they think most people are rather than how they think specific people are in general, since they're better at constructing alternate mental models and envisioning how the world looks through others' eyes.
The Things Someone Fears You'll Do, He or She Will Do
This one isn't always a "that's just how she is," so much as it is a "that's what she thinks you'll do, and that's what she's thinking about all the time, so that's what she'll do in response to what she thinks you'll do."
It's a little bit funny to think about. But if you sow enough seeds of comfort, or doubt, or faith, or lack of faith, in anyone's mind, she's going to turn around and respond to you right in kind, whatever it is she thinks you're going to do to her, good or bad.
With both ridiculously bad things (e.g., she's convinced you're going to cheat on you and is constantly suspecting you of cheating, no matter what) and ridiculously dreamy things (e.g., the moment you first sleep together, she's confident that the two of you are going to spend the remainder of your lives together in marital bliss), this can be an issue with the girl herself - she has "out there" views of the world, and is going to impose them on whomever she ends up with.
Whether the view stems from your behavior, or her mental model, however, trust that whatever she thinks you're going to do to her, good or bad, she will eventually do to you, given enough time to do it. Plan accordingly.
When Someone Professes to Hate or Love Something IN THE EXTREME, Often the Opposite is True
I've always said this:
What I've found with people professing they absolutely LOVE something, it's usually a gross exaggeration they're using simply to get attention. And with people claiming the HATE something, and are DISGUSTED by something, they actually fear that they like it and want it and are curious about it, and they fear what that means.
So when you get the person saying, "OMG, I love, love, LOVE this! You HAVE to try it!" be skeptical, because that person does that with everything. It probably really isn't that great.
And when you get the person saying, "I HATE that! It's EVIL! I would NEVER do that!," trust me, deep in the recesses of her mind she fantasizes about that, then feels shameful for having done so.
Treat all extremes with grains of salt. The opposite is oft true of the vehemently-stated remark.
Chase
Anyway, here they are.
How Someone Thinks Others Think is How He or She Thinks
- If someone thinks other people are inherently good, that person is inherently good.
- If someone thinks all people are cheats, that person is a cheat.
- If someone thinks all people are naïve, that person is naïve.
- If someone thinks all people are cunning and manipulative, that person is cunning and manipulative.
Why's it work this way? Well, when people apply empathy - theory of mind - they're putting themselves in others heads and doing their best to imagine what it's like to be that other person. However, nobody is really all that perfect at this, at least not most people, and she'll end up running the situations that someone else is going through through her own mental model, with some twists here and there to compensate for how she thinks this person thinks differently.
Typically, the more empathetic someone is, the less this rule applies, but it still applies. And the less empathetic someone is, the less it applies. When you get to prideful, narcissistic, or otherwise unempathetic people, it's nearly a perfect match between what they think other people think and how they think. When you're at the higher empathy end of the spectrum, it's somewhat murkier, and you'll need to go closer to how they think most people are rather than how they think specific people are in general, since they're better at constructing alternate mental models and envisioning how the world looks through others' eyes.
The Things Someone Fears You'll Do, He or She Will Do
- If someone thinks you'll be really generous, that person will be really generous
- If someone thinks you'll cheat on her, that person will cheat on you
- If someone thinks you'll be loyal to her forever, that person will be loyal to you forever
- If someone thinks you'll leave her or abandon her, that person will leave you or abandon you
- If someone thinks you'll treat her like a princess, that person will treat you like a prince
This one isn't always a "that's just how she is," so much as it is a "that's what she thinks you'll do, and that's what she's thinking about all the time, so that's what she'll do in response to what she thinks you'll do."
It's a little bit funny to think about. But if you sow enough seeds of comfort, or doubt, or faith, or lack of faith, in anyone's mind, she's going to turn around and respond to you right in kind, whatever it is she thinks you're going to do to her, good or bad.
With both ridiculously bad things (e.g., she's convinced you're going to cheat on you and is constantly suspecting you of cheating, no matter what) and ridiculously dreamy things (e.g., the moment you first sleep together, she's confident that the two of you are going to spend the remainder of your lives together in marital bliss), this can be an issue with the girl herself - she has "out there" views of the world, and is going to impose them on whomever she ends up with.
Whether the view stems from your behavior, or her mental model, however, trust that whatever she thinks you're going to do to her, good or bad, she will eventually do to you, given enough time to do it. Plan accordingly.
When Someone Professes to Hate or Love Something IN THE EXTREME, Often the Opposite is True
I've always said this:
What I've found with people professing they absolutely LOVE something, it's usually a gross exaggeration they're using simply to get attention. And with people claiming the HATE something, and are DISGUSTED by something, they actually fear that they like it and want it and are curious about it, and they fear what that means.
So when you get the person saying, "OMG, I love, love, LOVE this! You HAVE to try it!" be skeptical, because that person does that with everything. It probably really isn't that great.
And when you get the person saying, "I HATE that! It's EVIL! I would NEVER do that!," trust me, deep in the recesses of her mind she fantasizes about that, then feels shameful for having done so.
Treat all extremes with grains of salt. The opposite is oft true of the vehemently-stated remark.
Chase
