A girl acting like a total bitch out of nowhere.

[andersen09]

So I'm thinking this is auto-rejection but let me know what you guys think.

I've been in Salsa class for about 2 months. There's this one girl who clearly sticks out of the entire class. She's hands down the most attractive and confident girl in class aside from the instructor. But I didn't really mind much about her. I genuinely joined Salsa do learn dancing and mix it with my other dances. And basically I had fun with every girl and if a girl didn't match with me, I could careless. I'm seeing other girls.

Anyway, imagine speed dating, but with dancing. Every 2-3 minutes we're switching partners. And whenever she came to dance with me, she would tell me comments like "I like you dancing with you "

I had a hard time learning, so she would teach me. And genuinely be happy for me when I got it.
In total, we danced about twice all together, 5 minutes max each time.

Every here and there I say hi to her, and her energy goes up "Hi Andersen!"
Very cheery

Let's call her Emily.

So today something weird happened.

I made friends with this one girl, call her Sarah, who's very bubbly, She's in my other classes, so naturally we became partners and became good buddies. Our instructor had us in groups and I had hard time catching up, so every time she said "SWITCH!", I just told her, stay, let me get this right. And she stayed.

I noticed in the corner of my eye when she said SWITCH, she kind of hovered in my space. But I didn't really think much of it.

After the first half of the class, I was trying to get the dance right, so while dancing with Sarah, I see Emily within distance. And because she's such a good dancer, I called her out.

Me: Emily! (Waved my had towards her) Come here
Emily: (She comes)
Me: I'm trying to learn the dance, teach me a little bit.

I'm thinking, is this where she got little irritated and started being rude to be because I was commanding her? She has a group of friends and is a leader. (Very outgoing and confident)

Anyways she starts being rude to me out of nowhere and this is how the conversation goes.

Emily: How do you not know this dance? (Irritated)
Me: Cause I wasn't here.
Emily: Okay just do it.
Me: (I start dancing with Sarah)
Emily: NO stop, what are you doing
Emily: Come dance with me
Me: (I start dancing with Emily)
Emily: Omg stop! Do this, Do that (Starting to get bossy)


Here I was really caught off guard, as this really bubbly girl is acting very bitchy and rude, so I was still processing as I NEVER get this type of behavior from any girl that gets to know me in my lifey

After we dance, I get kind of annoyed with her and went up to the instructor to have her teach me. (Which btw, she's fucking sexy)

So while this is going on, class ends, and there's a special performance our class is doing, and I decided to try it out. About 1/4 of the class is participating

Emily comes to me

Emily: Are you staying for the rehearsal?
Me: I don't know, I'll probably try it out.
Emily: Are you staying or not?
Me: I Just ignore and walk away


Now comes the rehearsal..

There's 2 different groups with 4 different pairs of dancers.
I'm in Group A, and Emilys in Group B.
Imagine two squares.

There's a portion of the dance where the men let go of the women to the next guy in square and keep switching partners.
Anyway, out of nowhere, Emily comes with her partner and asks my friend if she wants to practice switching.
I'm still trying to get the sequence down and I'm going over it in my head.
Next thing I know, Emily is my partner again.
And she starts giving me shit again for no reason.

Emily: What are you doing?
Emily: Can you be more aggressive?
Emily: Look how far I am.

Me: (thinking, why is this bitch here again? And why is she being a bitch?)
Emily: Sorry I'm just hungry, I want to eat food.

And this is where she says something a bit rude.

Emily: Ugh I cant be led by a man like this.

So I just stop everything.

Me: Alright, obviously you're cranky. See ya. (And I push her away dismissively.)
Emily: You see this?! He doesn't even want me here. Just pushing me away.

(The whole time I was thinking: What is this bitch on today? Holy fuck)

Anyway, I'm right back to my partner, and we start having fun again.
My partner is laughing and having such a good time, and it's all good vibes again.

I was talking to my Sarah about her about what Emily said and she says
"I think she has a crush on you and was jealous of me or something cause you wouldn't dance with her"

But I'm thinking that's not possible.

#1. We didn't even carry out a conversation yet, all we did was dance TWICE for about 4-5 minutes.
#2. She doesn't even know me.
#3. There's literally 20 other guys in that class.

I've been with girls plenty of times, and I expect it if it's a girl I've been talking to steadily. But this girl I havent even had a conversation with.

What do you guys think?
Why the fuck was she being so rude out of nowhere giving me attitude?

I think it was because I was giving her a compliance demand and maybe it rubbed her the wrong way cause most guys would be intimated by a girl like her.
If you need more details, let me know.

 

[Hector Papi Castillo]

Me: Emily! (Waved my had towards her) Come here
Emily: (She comes)
Me: I'm trying to learn the dance, teach me a little bit.

First you made her jealous, and then you commanded her. Double attainability hit. You should have let her come to you or approached her nicely. I've been here. When you're being a big pimp, you start commanding everyone around you, because you feel like a winner, but your pride blinds you to how others are feeling. She obviously is attracted to you, so she listened to the command, but she didn't feel good about it.

Emily: How do you not know this dance? (Irritated)
Me: Cause I wasn't here.
Emily: Okay just do it.
Me: (I start dancing with Sarah)
Emily: NO stop, what are you doing
Emily: Come dance with me
Me: (I start dancing with Emily)
Emily: Omg stop! Do this, Do that (Starting to get bossy)

She was taking out her frustration on you. Also, when you start an ego-battle with a girl, you can't relent, or she's going to read it as weakness.

It's like this

Goes into autorejection -> fights with guy to either get dominance points (feel better) or get hardcore beat (super attraction) -> guy relents a little bit (you listened to her command) -> gets even MORE cocky.

When a girl is in auto-rejection, she gets angered if you're nice and if you're more dominant. So either be dominant and stay the course until she submits, or go into auto-rejection yourself. If she values you highly enough, her desire to hurt you back will submit to her feelings of guilt. When she's being a bitch, give her a look of surprise and disgust like, "Why are you acting like this?"

Which you did. And it worked. You got annoyed with her and she asked you if you were staying. However, when she came out of autorejection, you stayed in it. She tried to give an olive branch and you refused it. Back to auto-rejection.

I was talking to my Sarah about her about what Emily said and she says
"I think she has a crush on you and was jealous of me or something cause you wouldn't dance with her"

Right.

But I'm thinking that's not possible.

#1. We didn't even carry out a conversation yet, all we did was dance TWICE for about 4-5 minutes.
#2. She doesn't even know me.
#3. There's literally 20 other guys in that class.

Bruh. If you see a girl across the street and think she's hot, do ANY of these things matter? No. You think she's hot.

Talking to a girl or dancing with a girl (i.e., touching her) is enough for a girl to decide if she likes you. Hell, one glance is often enough for most girls.

Maybe you're not confident in yourself, maybe you're still in auto-rejection and aren't seeing things clearly, but, yeah, she digs you and got jealous.

Hector

 

[andersen09]

Interesting insights on Auto-Rejection.

I'll try these out next time I see her

Thanks Hector!

 

[andersen09]

So this Auto-Rejection series blew out of proportion.

It was obvious she was really hurt the other day, so she brought in another cool dude who's experienced at Salsa. She's playing fire with fire now.

Anyway, I was minding my own business and just following the instructor. And she goes SWITCH!
As I'm walking to the front line, she's walking back to the back of the line straight at me just staring at me.

No expression, just straight staring, not flinching a muscle. I, in return, also gave her the same stare without flinching, no expression.
So I'm just thinking, what the fuck is going on?

I wasn't even crushing on her and now she started playing this game with me and somehow I was sucked in.

Next, she says switch again, and this time she's coming at me little playful. She gives me the look, but she bumps into me on purpose.
I don't even flinch, I just stare straight ahead. I'm getting tired of this game she's playing.

So now here comes the guy who's pretty good at dancing Salsa. He took Salsa class; therefore, more confident because of it.

For me I got a bit in my head, as I'm learning the sequence.
And this was just totally unexpected.

I know she's looking at me while dancing with the guy in our partner dances.

At the end of the class, I'm talking to the instructor, she walks up to the instructor and goes "I LOVE YOU" to the instructor, seeing that I was talking to her and doesn't even look at me and goes out the class with the Salsa guy.

This took me by surprise as she's playing this jealousy game with me out of nowhere. I have to admit, I felt a little deflated and chuckled to myself.
This is what it feels to go up against a real "confident" alpha female type.

So from here, am I supposed to play this game and fight fire with fire?
I'm just too lazy to do that as I'm not really into this girl, but I'm also thinking it'll be a good experience.


1. Do I bring my own girl in and play this jealousy game?
2. Do I just keep my cool and keep being fun with other classmates and just continue doing my thing?

Thanks

 

[kiddpitt]

She came at you playful and bumped into you, she gave you a chance to drop the games. Just be cool, regardless of how she's acting. She gave you a chance to do that.

 

[andersen09]

Nah, it's past that stage.

 

[kiddpitt]

Its never past being cool. Being cool never goes out of style. Like Hector said, she offered an olive branch. She offered another when she was playful and bumped into you. Let your guard down alittle, dont be a robot.

 

[andersen09]

Its never past being cool. Being cool never goes out of style. Like Hector said, she offered an olive branch. She offered another when she was playful and bumped into you. Let your guard down alittle, dont be a robot.

Why don't you should take your own advice and see how it works out viewtopic.php?f=2&t=17243&p=85798#p85798

Hector's interpretation is very spot on about what he said about the situation I wrote.
This one's different. When she "playfully" shoulder checked me, she's still testing my strength of character, it's not an olive branch.
And no she didn't give me a chance to "drop the games". lol Game's just beginning.
It's past that stage. This one's above your pay grade. No offense.

With that being said, since being cool never goes out of style, try "being cool with your situation" goes and see what happens
I'm interested to see how it works out for you.

 

[Michal]

Hello andersen,

If you bring your own girl to play the jealousy game, she will know (at least I suspect that) it is a reaction to her bringing the guy at which point you burn the turkey. Especially if you bring a girl who is less attractive than her. I think one of the components of the attitude you should employ is to stay unfazed.

I am not that good with frame control but I believe bringing your girl would also mean you discard your original frame (which I assume was like "I will go to salsa dance lessons because I want to learn and it will be fun") by shifting your focus to a different frame --> play the jealousy game. But you might bring more attractive female friend who sucks at salsa and have the frame like "salsa is fun and I am sure my friend will like that so I brought her". But this second part about frames is just a food for thought, I was never good at social circle style.

 

[andersen09]

Hello andersen,

If you bring your own girl to play the jealousy game, she will know (at least I suspect that) it is a reaction to her bringing the guy at which point you burn the turkey. Especially if you bring a girl who is less attractive than her. I think one of the components of the attitude you should employ is to stay unfazed.

I am not that good with frame control but I believe bringing your girl would also mean you discard your original frame (which I assume was like "I will go to salsa dance lessons because I want to learn and it will be fun") by shifting your focus to a different frame --> play the jealousy game. But you might bring more attractive female friend who sucks at salsa and have the frame like "salsa is fun and I am sure my friend will like that so I brought her". But this second part about frames is just a food for thought, I was never good at social circle style.

I like this interpretation. It's very spot on.. Great food for thought! Thanks Michal