A question for an oddly specific situation.

[feedmeastraycat]

This has happened to me several times and i'm curious as to why it is happening.

I'll be out in a public place, bowling alley, bar, mall, grocery store, wherever, and women that are clearly with their husbands or boyfriends will give me obvious looks. Make eye contact, give me the bedroom eyes, prolonged staring. But it generally only happens this intensely when they are physically with their significant other. Anybody have any insight into the context of this situation?

 

[ray_zorse]

Maybe they are too shy to give you straight-out IOIs in a situation where you can actually approach?

If girls are shy with you, it might be related to attainability too. Could you adopt a more attainable clothing / fashion / jewellery style and see if you get more IOIs that way? I find that faded jeans, beat-up leather jacket etc gets me more IOIs, even though I'm sure my normal clothing style is pretty sharp. I think it could be because girls see you and assume you couldn't possibly be sexually available (to them), thus they're not interested.

Ray

 

[feedmeastraycat]

Maybe they are too shy to give you straight-out IOIs in a situation where you can actually approach?

If girls are shy with you, it might be related to attainability too. Could you adopt a more attainable clothing / fashion / jewellery style and see if you get more IOIs that way? I find that faded jeans, beat-up leather jacket etc gets me more IOIs, even though I'm sure my normal clothing style is pretty sharp. I think it could be because girls see you and assume you couldn't possibly be sexually available (to them), thus they're not interested.

Ray

So you feel it's because they feel safe that I won't approach with their man right there?

What you're saying makes sense. I have been told I have a pompous air about me and that I act like i'm better than people.

So I see your one suggestion to wear more attainable clothing. What do you mean by that?

And what about non-verbals related to seeming more down to earth?

 

[ray_zorse]

See attainable clothing style, versus not attainable (the dude on the left in the first picture, in the white chinos)... whilst the second picture looks very sharp and fashionable, you can understand why if the girl is, say, a student, or a waitress, she might feel you're an important business dude who is out of her league. Even if this isn't the case, it's an impression you project, especially if you have top-notch posture, walk etc.

As to other attainability tips there really isn't much you can do until you're in an interaction, but being attainable is basically about warmth. Use touch in a calibrated way that makes her feel good and that you're for real. Use strong eye contact when you compliment her, so again she feels you are for real and not just tossing it out there. Qualify her extensively (this means telling her why you like her -- any time she contributes something like explaining that she has a certain skill or whatever, praise her handsomely for it, again using the touch and eye contact so you seem sincere).

Ray

 

[feedmeastraycat]

Good advice, thank you.

I did a little social experiment this morning. Went to my local grocery store but I dressed down substantially this time. Had a white T that fit well, jeans, and black boots. I really focused on my posture and walk and just took a few laps. It could have been confirmation bias, but I felt that I was getting substantially more vibes. I'll have to try it next time I go out to approach.