A Question to the Tribal Elders and other MENTORS

[Jaimie Richards]

Hey guys,

I've been thinking a lot lately about many different things (including bodybuilding and social circle game - due to discussions with Mischief&Ray_zoarse) in order to get ready for massive-action-spring/summer-assault. One thing which is always included in our journeys is a paradox thing - at the same time we may be students, as we learn stuff, but also teachers - as we help others.

So here's the question: what has changed in the mental side of game for those of you with bigger/huge amounts of experience under your belts - in the respect of helping others? As I've said before - in the topic made yesterday in order to thank great people here for their contributions to my life - I want to repay my debt (as a proper Lannister should do ) and help others. Both here and in everyday life. So what are the lessons I should try to internalize in order to be a good helper/teacher?

Compared to the guys here I'm weak - as said before - but compared to others, the so-called regular average nice Joe guys, I may seem strong. In fact, I feel weak due to my perfectionism, but still I can help the ones who are (way) weaker than me.

Just one quick example of what I mean: just recently I've helped my virgin best friend to finally get laid with a great girl on their first (1!) date (who, to be honest, liked his looks and vibe and wanted to get to know him). As already mentioned, I want to help others and also help him get better with the ladies and life in general. I've still got many things to get proper in practice, but with your help I understand the theory side very well now - at least, I hope so.

So - what should I do to be the best teacher I can? What should I remember about?

Thanks in advance,
J out.

P.S. I know I may seem sound weird on the boards, but my truest hope is this: even if I'm uncommon and weird, I want to help others on my way. Without others, I would be a dust in the wind and I would perish. But with others - different others in different periods of my life - I've endured. Now it is time to repay the debt and I really want to help out others if I can.

 

[Richard]

So here's the question: what has changed in the mental side of game for those of you with bigger/huge amounts of experience under your belts - in the respect of helping others? As I've said before - in the topic made yesterday in order to thank great people here for their contributions to my life - I want to repay my debt (as a proper Lannister should do ) and help others. Both here and in everyday life. So what are the lessons I should try to internalize in order to be a good helper/teacher?

Firstly, you must separate the two. A good helper is not the same a good teacher.

With regards to how my mental side has changed; experience teaches you to be prepared and to feel competent which in turn makes you more confident. In day game, I feel competent in my ability to handle pretty much anything that is thrown at me. The biggest change has been that people are just people; that hot chick who is sitting at the counter at Starbucks is not some tiger who will claw you to death for talking to her, she's a human being with thoughts, feelings, and dreams just like I do.

As for helping and teaching others - I have always believed that the life spent in the service of others is the most fulfilling life so I've always been one to offer my help should it be asked for. That being said, I also have self-respect so I do put the needs and wants of myself before others but still keep others in mind. I am a helper, not a pushover. Anyhow, you don't need to be super experienced or be a master to be a helper.

With regards to teaching, that's another story. A good teacher is someone who can explain things in terms you already understand, and is someone who is flexible in their ability to convey a lesson, topic, event, etc. But, a teacher cannot teach absolutely everyone - the first lesson you must understand and accept is that you absolutely cannot help or reach everybody no matter how hard you try and you must understand that because you're a teacher/helper that your time is valuable and must be used on the right people. I will not teach everybody and I will not help everybody and my experience (which comes from my previous attempts to help and teach everybody) guides me in choosing who is worth my time.

So: a few lessons in summation

• You cannot help and teach everybody
• Your time and experience is valuable so use it wisely
• You don't need to know anything to help, but you should know something to teach

- Richard

 

[sneaky_charm]

Without others, I would be a dust in the wind and I would perish.

Just wanted to say that I LOVED this line. Thank you! I mean really, thank you! No truer words have been said. Perhaps I liked it so much because it resonated with me a lot. Without everyone here in GC, I would be nothing today. I am not great with girls yet, but I am so so aware of social clues. I can gauze people so much better now. Before coming to GC, I had no idea that socialization had rules, that it is an act we put forward. If I didn't stumble on GC somehow, perhaps I would have spent my whole life having no clue about how humans interact. No clue at all!

 

[Chase]

Jaimie-

This is a neat thread.

I'll add that in teaching something practical/doable, the first question to ask yourself is "Have I done the thing this person wants to be able to do?"

The second question to ask yourself is "Is my method for doing this thing the person wants to do repeatable?"

The third question is "Can I explain why this works, or at least give someone the steps to follow to execute it?"

The fourth question is "Is this guy actually going to make use of my help?"

If you can answer "yes" to all four questions, proceed with teaching/helping. If you get "no" to one of the first three, back to the drawing board; if it's "no" to the fourth, well, maybe you can do something else with this guy like drink a beer and shoot the breeze, but don't break your back trying to help him, because he doesn't want your help and whatever you tell him is only going in one ear and coming out the other. You're better off saving your breath for something more productive instead, like blowing air into balloons or whistling the national anthem.

The first three are important aspects of being a good teacher. The last one is simply an important aspect of not letting others waste your time / putting your finite temporal and energetic resources where they're most useful to yourself and others.

Chase

 

[ray_zorse]

Thanks for the honourable mention, I probably wouldn't have thought myself competent to contribute to this thread otherwise, haha

TBH nothing has really changed in my outlook as regards helping others as I got better at seduction.

When I was completely hopeless and new, I still used to help guys because I would notice they had not read or had misinterpreted some part of the material on the site, information processing is something I do well, so I would point out their mistake, with many disclaimers (e.g. that I haven't actually done this yet), and usually learn something, or at least cement it in my mind, at the same time.

Now that I'm not *as* hopeless I am usually able to contribute from personal experience, and that's a good feeling. Since I'm often not confident in myself and my skills this helps to reinforce to me that I am actually progressing, and to internalize that I actually have the skills & experience in the thing I'm writing about. Getting a little validation off other people that I've helped is never a bad thing either.

Another aspect to consider is you often think you know something -- until you try to teach it. This really disciplines you, since if your understanding was not complete you will get all tied up in knots trying to explain and justify your half-baked ideas.

This is a little embarrassing, but I've never been shy about teaching new material. The worst that can happen is they'll conclude you're a shit teacher and go elsewhere, this did happen to me once with a private student learning about complex function analysis and I felt a bit bad, but usually it goes well... a professor contacted me through the tutoring website in our department to say he was stuck and ask me to tutor a database subject, well I hadn't done the course but I just did all the practice questions and marked myself prior to each class, it went great and the only time a student asked me a question I couldn't answer, I sneakily glanced at my watch and said "well, it's 5 minutes to [the end of the allocated class time], so I'll answer that next time" hahaha.

In a similar vein I've been trying to arrange meetups with guys in my area to do approaching with, I have been out once or twice with dudes I know with so-so results, I guess it's hard to find guys who are truly committed though (Chase's point 4 is very salient here). It's good that this forum takes in guys from all over the USA and the world. Anyway, I'm not a PUA coach, but I'm happy to lead by example and help dudes get over their AA and see what an approach looks like, I didn't have that and it was v v hard.

Ray

 

[Estate]

Two things that jump out at me if I were to narrow it down to just a few sentences:

- You can only help people who want to help themselves. Cliche I know. But if you're helping your friend and he wants the help. That's awesome. I've also seen how some people don't want to change, don't want to learn or hear about any of this, and "forcing" it on them never ends well... keep it mind, help as much as you can, but if facing any serious resistance, back off... it's their own journey and they need to learn for themselves.

- On mental changes: If it were just ONE thing then it's about the abundance mentality. The idea of just having a girl converse with me was at one point such a huge thing for me as a younger kid in school and even college to an extent. But when you can go from that to literally just feeling like there's always more girls out there. If you bring a girl home, you don't immediately convince yourself you're in love and you've got to marry her. If things don't work out, you shrug it off, it's even a good feeling as you know there's more people out there to meet. It's a huge weight off your mind. This might mean sleeping with a lot of women, or it might just mean having an easier time bringing them into your live in any way, even as friends. But overall, once your brain shifts from thinking of women as a rare comodity to just people... who are everywhere! It puts you at ease.

 

[Jaimie Richards]

Hey guys,

I've hesitated to write a reply for a long time, because all I can say - no matter how many drafts of my response I make and no matter how hard I try to add value here - is that I'm speechless. Really, thank you very much for your truly wonderful advice and pieces of information, for taking the time to answer and for the kind words. I'll do my best to use it as much as possible and in the best way.

Thanks again,
Jaimie