AA - Stuck in a rut

[Il Biondo]

Hey everyone, I've been reading articles and forum posts here for a little while now, great pieces with very honest and straight forward advice, and I mean that sincerely. Well anyway, I'll jump right into it:

So here it is, my issue seems to be your classic case of approach anxiety. I literally will walk around and be out for hours on end and have literally zero approaches. I know, I realize how absurd that sounds. I've tried things that I've read in a few of Chase's articles and the one written up by Colt on AA, such as going out with set goals and the 100 hour rule, I don't know why I can't just seem to grab my balls and do it. It's just preposterous to me, I've accomplished and dealt with much more difficult things in life than this. A few months ago I actually did manage to start doing a few approaches, but between December of 2013 and now I've had a whopping total of six approaches. And I've been in a rut for a good while now and just can't seem to pull myself out of it.

Also I feel like my problem is a little bit different from just standard approach anxiety, and I think that it's important to mention. In my case it seems to be more focused on the fact on whether or not there are people in earshot. I feel like that if I just run into an attractive girl who was clearly by herself then I wouldn't be so mentally deterred and would have less qualms in simply walking up to her and striking up conversation.

Anyway, I feel like I already know what the answer is gonna be, action begets action essentially, and I just need to go out there and find a way to do it. No amount of reading will eliminate a problem for us. I totally agree, but I don't know, I feel like perhaps you guys might have some helpful words of advice to push me in the right direction. If you do, please feel free to share. Appreciate it

 

[Mr. oblivious]

I understand where you coming from i find it hard to approach randoms on the street etc but i find it easier to do it at parties where i know like a group which are in my social circle and then the rest are randoms cause its kinda a closed environment but it really isn't (i just find it easier) having friends which know how to pick up will help ya as well cause in my social group most of the naturals are my closets friends so opening becomes easier since its the social norm between us.

this is probably a thing you heard a 100 times but once you do it for a while it become much easier confidence increases and nerves drop. just make sure to never thing negatively about your opens just evaluate what you could improve on and continue.

 

[Odysseus]

This is something I'd be interested to hear some thoughts on - is it just a case of 'man up' until you acclimatise to it, or is there a different strategy to dealing with AA that's founded on a fear of other people (not the girl) hearing?

 

[Smith]

I literally will walk around and be out for hours on end and have literally zero approaches.

I know exactly how that feels. I used to walk around for hours and only did ONE approach when I was aiming for three. It used to scare the fuck out of me. These days, I just go about my business and talk to cute girls whenever I see them.

Watch this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v6kh0qLBqXY

Basically, one key point from the video is to just stop using the term 'approach'. Then you won't get any anxiety.
You only use the term 'approach' when you are about to face your enemy. You don't 'approach' the bartender or your mum in the kitchen right?
Just go up and compliment her, which could be your usual direct opener or some genuine compliments if you like. Come from a place of giving rather than taking. Her phone number is secondary. Make her day and have fun in general, because most of your interaction with women will go nowhere. I think there's an article by colt on this that's really good. If you have fun when you're meeting new women, you will never lose even if she walks away in the end.
https://www.girlschase.com/content/how-important-it-have-fun-when-meeting-women

Also I feel like my problem is a little bit different from just standard approach anxiety, and I think that it's important to mention. In my case it seems to be more focused on the fact on whether or not there are people in earshot. I feel like that if I just run into an attractive girl who was clearly by herself then I wouldn't be so mentally deterred and would have less qualms in simply walking up to her and striking up conversation

Most people are stuck in their own head during the day. They'll be too occupied with their own problems. Even if they do hear you, they will just smile at you because you just compliment a girl and make her day. They'll be wondering why you didn't talk to them instead! Positive thoughts my friend.

Smith

 

[Il Biondo]

Basically, one key point from the video is to just stop using the term 'approach'. Then you won't get any anxiety.
You only use the term 'approach' when you are about to face your enemy. You don't 'approach' the bartender or your mum in the kitchen right?
Just go up and compliment her, which could be your usual direct opener or some genuine compliments if you like. Come from a place of giving rather than taking. Her phone number is secondary. Make her day and have fun in general, because most of your interaction with women will go nowhere. I think there's an article by colt on this that's really good. If you have fun when you're meeting new women, you will never lose even if she walks away in the end

I feel like that's a good, and kind of subtle, mentality change. Once I start to really ingrain in my mind that I'm just talking to a said girl and trying to make her day, enjoy the conversation and just create some good vibes as opposed to "approaching" them, which in a way just seems like a more... hostile way to describe it. At the same time, to play devil's advocate, tomato tomatho, it's really all semantics and you could call "approaching" women anything, however, I do know I need to perfect my outlook on meeting women and what you described to me is exactly the mindset I need to work on adopting and really truly internalizing.

Most people are stuck in their own head during the day. They'll be too occupied with their own problems. Even if they do hear you, they will just smile at you because you just compliment a girl and make her day. They'll be wondering why you didn't talk to them instead! Positive thoughts my friend.

God, it seems so simple but for some reason it just remains an obstacle in my way. I've been like this for a while too, I am more introverted. I actually love to be 1on1 with someone, and honestly I feel like that's where I really shine. But obviously, in meeting women they're rarely going to be completely alone/isolated and there will be people around (especially because I live in DC). Maybe I have a subconscious fear of being rejected in front of other people? At least I don't feel like that's the reason when I consciously think about it. It's just strange as I sit here typing this really, cause it sounds silly (and probably even more so to some of you more experienced guys here), but it really is a factor that holds me back.

 

[Smith]

I've been like this for a while too, I am more introverted. I actually love to be 1on1 with someone, and honestly I feel like that's where I really shine. But obviously, in meeting women they're rarely going to be completely alone/isolated and there will be people around (especially because I live in DC). Maybe I have a subconscious fear of being rejected in front of other people? At least I don't feel like that's the reason when I consciously think about it. It's just strange as I sit here typing this really, cause it sounds silly (and probably even more so to some of you more experienced guys here), but it really is a factor that holds me back.

I'm an introvert as well and love to be 1 on 1 with someone. I used to be the quiet one in a group situation simply because I was afraid to speak out and that everyone would judge me. But these days, I can enjoy group conversation just as much as anyone else. I think your problem might be the same that you're afraid of other people's judgement. So think about it these way, do these people matter in your life? absolutely not. one of my favourite quote is "the ones who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind".
Note: this does not mean you try to embarrass the girl. Be socially sensitive and socially calibrated. Discretion is the key to bedding girls. But since you're starting out, you should push the boundaries as far as possible so you know where the boundaries actually are. As you get more experienced and smooth, things will fall into place.