- Joined
- May 13, 2019
- Messages
- 62
I was reading an article about having a "Devil May Care" attitude and it had me thinking about my experiences with cold approaches.
Some of the things the article mentions of how a guy with the DMC mindset thinks, I find myself relating to that. I also understand the bit about the one with the most control feels very little emotion, whereas the one with a loss of control feels a lot of emotion. I always make sure to follow-up on my texts with call-backs on our previous conversation to build up from it. Nothing.
So from my usual experiences with cold approach, they're usually I pay a compliment to her and try to open, and they walk away or don't stop to talk to me, fine. The other experience I get from it (though pretty rare) is that they do engage in a conversation with me enthusiastically, we're making long conversation, and I go for a number. Yet, when I follow up with them, I don't hear anything back from them.
It's almost as if I should expect general disinterest most of the time and actual interest I'll get least of the time (perhaps that's due to the high rejection rate of the strategy in general, tho it doesn't stop me from still trying). Yet I still go into the interaction with "She's cute, let's see if she's open to talking to me". But most of the time, it ends with her just trying to get away from the conversation as fast as possible, or she engages and seems interested yet I don't hear from her after the fact. It's knowing what to expect in terms of rejection is what gives me the natural DMC state, but I still want to get consistent success from this which if I enter in the mindset of wanting it to work out, then I take myself out of that DMC state.
Perhaps in the situation with her trying to get away from me as fast as possible, it could be auto-rejection due to being approached by guys a lot, so perhaps there's some work I could do there? Or maybe you can correct me here.
But I find myself in situations where I can function in a DMC way when it comes to handling rejection, but I find it hard to meet girls who are into me consistently from this approach, so I feel like my DMC state is weak when I'm in situations where I deal with a girl I perceive is into me, or I approach a girl and hope it'll go well (which the DMC state will go away if I enter this mindset). I have known rejections in various forms and had a sense that if an interaction is going well, rejection can happen at any point. Which means, even if I make all the right moves when talking to a girl, sometimes I ask myself "at what point will she just drop the interaction, and if it's anything I did wrong or if she was just not into it, or I interpreted the situation one way yet she interpreted it as something completely different. Or she was just going through the motions and not actually serious about dating me."
Honestly, it's easy for me to get numbers, and I'm fairly confident that I can ask a woman out on a date, but I rarely get the opportunity to even build up to that point. Most of the time, I'm more skilled in starting conversations, keeping them going, and just going in for the number when it feels right, but I feel like I'm also more skilled in recognizing rejection rather than recognizing interest, because each time I thought there was a potential green light in the interaction, I end up getting proven wrong. So I guess I'm not at all confident in my ability to recognize girls who are into me or not, nor in my own experience with being out on dates with them (I have taken girls out on dates and out of all of them, I can get them out on a second date)
And even I can't be sure if I can say this because there's plenty of indicators that indicate interest such as prolonged eye contact, asking your age (I find girls who are at least considering dating you will ask this question), asking personal questions, adding to the conversation, teases you, engage in role-play with you, asking you to accompany her. Perhaps I can identify them more easily in group settings like social circles and hobby groups as people tend to view those as safe avenues. But in cold approach? Given the number of times I don't hear from them again after getting their contacts and having great conversations with them, make jokes, flirt a little, it makes me think of indicators of interest as illusions, like what I see isn't even real from her most of the time.
I'm now going to singles events (where I have to deal with group dynamics which is not what I want to deal with nor any other situation where it relies on reputation, but they're temporary at best). So maybe it'll turn things around for me given some effort, maybe not.
But I do want to change my experiences with cold approaches while still staying true to my core. I also want to not care what other society thinks about it, because every time the words "cold approach" comes to mind, all that can enter my mind these days are the constant criticisms I hear from it i,e "it doesn't work, it makes women feel uncomfortable, it's creepy, only weirdos do that." It's like I can do cold approach in practice and know how to handle myself when actually in that situation, but when I'm not doing anything, these thoughts enter in my mind out of nowhere and sometimes sit there. It's like I wish there was an off switch where I can just turn off and just continue doing my thing without a care in a world, but I feel like reaching that state is easier said than done.
I want to hear if anyone else has dealt with this and how they addressed it?
Some of the things the article mentions of how a guy with the DMC mindset thinks, I find myself relating to that. I also understand the bit about the one with the most control feels very little emotion, whereas the one with a loss of control feels a lot of emotion. I always make sure to follow-up on my texts with call-backs on our previous conversation to build up from it. Nothing.
So from my usual experiences with cold approach, they're usually I pay a compliment to her and try to open, and they walk away or don't stop to talk to me, fine. The other experience I get from it (though pretty rare) is that they do engage in a conversation with me enthusiastically, we're making long conversation, and I go for a number. Yet, when I follow up with them, I don't hear anything back from them.
It's almost as if I should expect general disinterest most of the time and actual interest I'll get least of the time (perhaps that's due to the high rejection rate of the strategy in general, tho it doesn't stop me from still trying). Yet I still go into the interaction with "She's cute, let's see if she's open to talking to me". But most of the time, it ends with her just trying to get away from the conversation as fast as possible, or she engages and seems interested yet I don't hear from her after the fact. It's knowing what to expect in terms of rejection is what gives me the natural DMC state, but I still want to get consistent success from this which if I enter in the mindset of wanting it to work out, then I take myself out of that DMC state.
Perhaps in the situation with her trying to get away from me as fast as possible, it could be auto-rejection due to being approached by guys a lot, so perhaps there's some work I could do there? Or maybe you can correct me here.
But I find myself in situations where I can function in a DMC way when it comes to handling rejection, but I find it hard to meet girls who are into me consistently from this approach, so I feel like my DMC state is weak when I'm in situations where I deal with a girl I perceive is into me, or I approach a girl and hope it'll go well (which the DMC state will go away if I enter this mindset). I have known rejections in various forms and had a sense that if an interaction is going well, rejection can happen at any point. Which means, even if I make all the right moves when talking to a girl, sometimes I ask myself "at what point will she just drop the interaction, and if it's anything I did wrong or if she was just not into it, or I interpreted the situation one way yet she interpreted it as something completely different. Or she was just going through the motions and not actually serious about dating me."
Honestly, it's easy for me to get numbers, and I'm fairly confident that I can ask a woman out on a date, but I rarely get the opportunity to even build up to that point. Most of the time, I'm more skilled in starting conversations, keeping them going, and just going in for the number when it feels right, but I feel like I'm also more skilled in recognizing rejection rather than recognizing interest, because each time I thought there was a potential green light in the interaction, I end up getting proven wrong. So I guess I'm not at all confident in my ability to recognize girls who are into me or not, nor in my own experience with being out on dates with them (I have taken girls out on dates and out of all of them, I can get them out on a second date)
And even I can't be sure if I can say this because there's plenty of indicators that indicate interest such as prolonged eye contact, asking your age (I find girls who are at least considering dating you will ask this question), asking personal questions, adding to the conversation, teases you, engage in role-play with you, asking you to accompany her. Perhaps I can identify them more easily in group settings like social circles and hobby groups as people tend to view those as safe avenues. But in cold approach? Given the number of times I don't hear from them again after getting their contacts and having great conversations with them, make jokes, flirt a little, it makes me think of indicators of interest as illusions, like what I see isn't even real from her most of the time.
I'm now going to singles events (where I have to deal with group dynamics which is not what I want to deal with nor any other situation where it relies on reputation, but they're temporary at best). So maybe it'll turn things around for me given some effort, maybe not.
But I do want to change my experiences with cold approaches while still staying true to my core. I also want to not care what other society thinks about it, because every time the words "cold approach" comes to mind, all that can enter my mind these days are the constant criticisms I hear from it i,e "it doesn't work, it makes women feel uncomfortable, it's creepy, only weirdos do that." It's like I can do cold approach in practice and know how to handle myself when actually in that situation, but when I'm not doing anything, these thoughts enter in my mind out of nowhere and sometimes sit there. It's like I wish there was an off switch where I can just turn off and just continue doing my thing without a care in a world, but I feel like reaching that state is easier said than done.
I want to hear if anyone else has dealt with this and how they addressed it?
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