Re: About to hit the bar scene again in a couple of days, need help! (college ba
Altair,
I'm going to suggest something that others have indirectly touched up on in this thread. But never directly said it. For newer guys who are completely uncomfortable even stepping in a bar, I think you should make your goal for the night to have fun. You don't have to do a single approach. You don't have to do anything that's even slightly uncomfortable to you. Why? Because you're already stretching past your comfort zone just by being there. By the sound of it, you seem a little uncomfortable being in a bar/club. You need it to feel natural/at home before approaching and getting results is at all realistic.
Next: Have goals which are completely within your control. You mentioned that one of your goals is to walk up to a hot blonde and not get completely blown off. Look at that for a second. Ask yourself this: Is that 100% in your control? The answer is no. Hypothetically, even Franco or Anatman can have a bad night and get blown off by every hot blonde there is. Likely? Maybe not. But still very possible. Why is that? Because the goal is entirely based on HER reaction to YOU. Stop that. Instead, make your goal: Walk up to x number of hot blondes and open them. Or walk up to however many hot blondes it takes to start feeling comfortable around them (regardless of their reaction). The point is its something YOU have to do. Not something THEY have to do.
What this does for you is it makes it seem like a challenge to overcome as opposed to something which creates fear and anxiety. Its like a videogame. You know you can win if try hard enough. As opposed to gambling, where at least part of it feels largely outside of your control (which thereby creates anxiety.) Moreover, it gets your mind off people's reactions. If the task you set your mind to is to take a certain action, you won't be as focused on other things (including other people's reactions). Because all you care about is completing the action. The reaction is irrelevant. Whereas, if you set your mind to something which is reaction based, anxiety goes up. Because like I said, you don't know and there is And on a micro level, there's nothing you can possibly do to guarantee you'll achieve the desired reaction.
Also,
Ray already mentioned this but, you're labeling things as "FU" and you're calling them "bad nights out" even though they're completely normal for beginners. I feel like maybe you're comparing yourself to some of the very experianced guys on the boards or some (likely unrealistic) standard that you've created in your head. Look...the average guy doesn't have the balls to even go out alone. Just by doing that, you've won. Look around in the bar. How many guys do you see approaching girls they don't know? Ok, maybe a few. But how many do you think want to? Probably nearly all of them. They just don't have the balls to do it. In fact, they've given up on the notion of doing so entirely. Instead, they've resorted to having medicore lives trying to game girls in social circle only. So just by making an effort you're already ahead of them. Cause A. You'll learn quickly if you keep it up. B. Even if you approach 10 girls and 9 of them say no, that's still a win. Cause you got one more "result" (w.e a positive interaction means to you), then almost all the other guys there.
My point is, look at what you're accomplishing and stop measuring yourself up to an unrealistic standard. There's always going to be guys who are better than you, and there's always going to be guys who are worse than you. You're doing fine as long as you're making progress. And you ARE making progress. If nothing else, you're increasing your comfort level at bars and gaining more reference points.
As for the reputation management/ fratboy finding out you hit on his girl concern that you have. Believe me, that shit is NOT gonna happen. Don't believe me? When's the last time you've heard of a guy you know cold approaching a girl in a bar and there being any real consequences for it. ...I'm guessing never.
As for reputation as a whole...see Hector's post. It doesn't really matter. Your a senior. Remember how in HS you always wanted to be popular (or if you were, how you always wanted to maintain popularity)? Now think back to it. Probably feels like a distant dream right? Well guess what? Same shit happens once you're done with college.
Good Luck!
