accepting intimate touch but rejecting kiss

[Prehistoric]

Yesterday I met this girl at this lounge bar... talked with her half an hour... then she went dancing with other girls and I stayed away talking to other people... 20-25 minutes later I catched her again, danced a little with her and brought her out to a quieter bar very close to this lounge. We got into very deep conversation, talking a lot about herself, her passions, friendships and general subjects like love, travelling, experiences etc..

now, 20 minutes into the conversation I started to caress her hair and cheeks from time to time, and playing with her hands a bit too.. she was completely ok with it, and also seemed to enjoy it.

40 minutes into the conversation I made probably a big mistake (that's something I am working a lot to correct because it requires developing a completely new mindset on how I get intimate with women).. I went for a kiss when we were already in the bar. She didn't reject me the cold way... she was like trying to avoid it but without losing rapport.. even though 3 minutes after this attempt she said that it was late and she had to go back.

Before we said goodbye I hugged her and 10 minutes later I send her a text saying it had been a real pleasure to meet her - to which she didn't answer.

It is important to add that at one point during the conversation she hinted (although we didn't touch that topic very deeply) that she still has to get over some guy who, from what I could understand, basically got her dreaming a lot just to dump her and move to another town the moment she started to really be in love with him.

I'd like to hear some other guys' opinion on these points:

1) how much of my failure do you think is due to this other guy (something outside my power) and how much is due to my personal mistakes?

2) instead of going for the kiss, should I have kept talking for a bit more and then asked her to come home or should I have just planned another date on another day?

3) the fact that she didn't answer to that SMS is a sign of she going cold on me or nobody can say?

4) would you next her or would you contact her again. after what happened I thought to wait at least 4-5 days to avoid being perceived as chasing and trying hard.. what's your opinion?

5) probably the most important thing, because it has to do with me and not with the girl. I actually lost my internal control at one point during the conversation. she started to give me some very good feelings, which is nice but makes u act in a less manly way. how do u control urself in those situations?
thanks a lot in advance

 

[Smith]

I recently had a similar experience with a girl I met during the day. I thought we had a special connection, but when I went in for a hug in the end she declined in a playful way. (I know right? it's just a hug). She didn't reply to my ice breaker and another text I send two days later. It was very strange and I still can't figure out exactly what went wrong.

I wished I could've pulled her home but the logistic was terrible. When you got into a deep conversation with a girl, it's better to use that momentum to pull her home. Otherwise, you buildup all that emotion for nothing.

 

[Prehistoric]

Yes, actually I am starting to think it is much better I don't get in touch at all with this one..

because the connection felt so good, the idea of writing her probably comes from my emotions and not from a realistic interpretation of facts and from strategic planning.

if I write again I'd definitely be the chaser at that point. as unlikely as it might be, I think the the only chances I still have is if she gets in touch one day or if we meet casually.

gotta work on my emotions as well and not only on my game I guess

 

[Lotus]

Hey Prehistoric,

I'm still pretty new here but ill see if my take can help.

Yesterday I met this girl at this lounge bar... talked with her half an hour... then she went dancing with other girls and I stayed away talking to other people... 20-25 minutes later I catched her again, danced a little with her and brought her out to a quieter bar very close to this lounge. We got into very deep conversation, talking a lot about herself, her passions, friendships and general subjects like love, travelling, experiences etc..

Looks like based on the amount of time you spent talking to her, you had a very good connection with this girl. You hit a lot of the important topics used in deep diving. The second time you spoke to her you got investment by moving her.

now, 20 minutes into the conversation I started to caress her hair and cheeks from time to time, and playing with her hands a bit too.. she was completely ok with it, and also seemed to enjoy it.

what was the context of the face touching? face touching is a higher degree of escalation then hands... so maybe that got her expecting more from you but when you didnt make a move it made her wonder? not sure just a thought

40 minutes into the conversation I made probably a big mistake (that's something I am working a lot to correct because it requires developing a completely new mindset on how I get intimate with women).. I went for a kiss when we were already in the bar. She didn't reject me the cold way... she was like trying to avoid it but without losing rapport.. even though 3 minutes after this attempt she said that it was late and she had to go back.

might not have been the kiss that was the mistake but the context of the kiss? looks like at one point she was very into you and the conversation.

1) how much of my failure do you think is due to this other guy (something outside my power) and how much is due to my personal mistakes?

I would think a little of both but more on your end. You don't know much about the other guy so for sake of self improvement assume its all your fault

2) instead of going for the kiss, should I have kept talking for a bit more and then asked her to come home or should I have just planned another date on another day?

at this point the total talk time is over an hour? If you wanted to use a kiss it should be faster. Chase and the guys always mention moving fast, you might have missed the escalation window.

3

) the fact that she didn't answer to that SMS is a sign of she going cold on me or nobody can say?

4) would you next her or would you contact her again. after what happened I thought to wait at least 4-5 days to avoid being perceived as chasing and trying hard.. what's your opinion?

this https://www.girlschase.com/content/what- ... -text-back

5) probably the most important thing, because it has to do with me and not with the girl. I actually lost my internal control at one point during the conversation. she started to give me some very good feelings, which is nice but makes u act in a less manly way. how do u control urself in those situations?
thanks a lot in advance

the more experience you have in this situation the less those feelings will occur

Recap:

you built up a strong enough connection to talk to her for over an hour about various different topics and it was two seperate instances. you did enough to get her to come back. You moved her and had her invest in you. could also add you built some social proof by talking to others while she was doing her own thing.

you may have missed the escalation window an hour is a long time to talk. She may have began to think what is his objective, he hasnt made any moves maybe he isnt into me. and she may have friend zoned you.

conversation turning to "this guy" may have made her think more about him and less about you and that could have turned her off to this kiss as well.

Most of this is just speculation from theory, but the one thing I can say for certain is move faster.

Hope this helps.

Brum