Socializing Acculturation: Why Your Friends are So Important

Chase

Chieftan
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Everyone knows your friends influence your thinking and behavior. One of the things I've been mulling about more recently, though, is how far-reaching this effect really is.

I've talked to guys who were hardcore into computer gaming culture, and ALL their friends and regular social contacts were gamers. These guys would INTENSELY push back the suggestion that they change their ways in order to get girls. "No way, I'm not changing," they'd say, "girls are STUPID if they don't realize what an amazing guy I am!"

I think the divide here is culture. A guy's in gaming culture, and in gaming culture, he's the SHIT. He's the bee's knees. He pwns everyone in range of his sniper rifle or his battle axe. He tears it up.

A girl's off in mainstream culture. She doesn't give a hoot about how talented a guy is with a video game fire magic spell... she cares about things like fashion and sexy smiles.

The video game guy looks down on the mainstream girl's views, and the mainstream girl looks down on the video game guy's views. Both of them think the other one is nuts!

And that'd be fine if neither of them interacted with the other, or needed or wanted to.

The problem is, video game guy wants to DATE mainstream girl, or someone like her. But he doesn't want to become acculturated with mainstream culture, and he doesn't want to understand what's appealing in her culture and become that. Instead, he wants her to recognize him for his talents from his own cultural point of view. But she doesn't have any need to - there are plenty of mainstream men around her that are appealing enough.

The majority of the bitterness among people that you see is people who want to date others with different acculturation than they have but who aren't willing to go re-culture themselves to be appealing to the people they want. Essentially, they're like spoiled little children - I want what I want, but I don't want to have to do anything to get it.

Thus, why friends are so important. If you want to date bleached blonde beach Barbies, you won't get that by having video game friends or MBA friends or law club friends - you need ripped beach hunk friends who like surfing and tattoos and work as lifeguards and wake board instructors. You get those friends, you get acculturated in that scene, and suddenly it's a breeze to relate to and appeal to the girls you want. If you want to date ambitious career women, you won't get that by having video game friends or ripped beach hunk friends - you need MBA friends, law club friends, friends in the professional consulting world. Then you get acculturated with the norms there, and learn how to really relate to and be appealing to the women from that subculture.

I think this is actually a really important thing that most guys overlook. The guys who are only semi-serious about self-improvement dabble in a bit, but whine when you tell them they need to change or that they need new friends. Your friends determine your culture, and that determines the kinds of women you appeal to most and have the easiest time getting. If you're in "ghetto basketball culture," you'll get chicks from the hood who go to ghetto basketball games. If you're in "hipster underground dive bar culture," you get the hipster underground girls who go to dive bars. If you're from "video game culture"... well, I guess there's always Lara Croft.

Point is, your acculturation determines your success or failure with various types of women, and being closed off to changing friends and cultures also means closing yourself off to the women from those cultures. Once a guy understands this, he's fine - he can then decide if he's willing to take on new friends and learn a new subculture, or if he really isn't all that interested with the women from that subculture anyway. It's the guys who don't get this, and who sit there and fume and say to themselves, "I'm NOT changing... but everyone ELSE should change and recognize my amazingness!" who suffer for their lack of awareness of it.

Your friends and your "scene" determine the kinds of women you end up with more than almost anything else.

Chase
 

ZacAdam

Cro-Magnon Man
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Chase,

i only used to be semi-serious about changing my life, until recent events i suffered like bills, sudden recent knee problems, and tinutis (a ear problem) that i just recovered.

My question to you is, do you really need to get into a business and relate with people in business, because i feel you can do better by associating people generally while at the same time, mixing with groups of people that you want to associate because that's where your interest is at.

For example, you love soccer, you love fashion, you love style, but you not so keen on basketball. But you want to relate to people, so you study mainstream news and get to know just a part of what is that your girl likes.

maybe you can help me out.

Zac
 

Just_Dave

Tribal Elder
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@ Chase and Zac

You could spend a whole lifetime trying to get people interested in what you want to tell about. But! People will easily spend a lifetime telling you about what they like. They'll think you're absolutely wonderful for doing so in the process.

It's an "Us" vs "Them" mentality, people want to know is this guy against us or with us. People want to feel like you get them, and they can't relate to you they don't want to be bothered with you. People want to be around people who get them. The only way to cross cultures is if they cultures can willingly come together and find common ground.

You have to empty your cup and learn something about the culture. People will teach you if they feel your teachable.
*Non-judgmental
*Good listener

lol, "ghetto basketball culture" I'm going to share that one with my brother when he gets home. That sounds like something Chris Rock would say.
 

Stranger

Space Monkey
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Dec 22, 2012
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Interesting thread, I am in highschool and I guess it is not that different when it comes to social status. But how do I become friends with the "alpha" guys? I am not a hardcore gamer but I have a keen interest in computers and have some "girl-less" guys from the scene, any ideas?
 

Light

Tribal Elder
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United Kingdom
@ Chase
If you're from "video game culture"... well, I guess there's always Lara Croft.

- LOL !!!!!! omg.. this just made my day.. I love it!! ;)

@ Zac
My question to you is, do you really need to get into a business and relate with people in business, because i feel you can do better by associating people generally while at the same time, mixing with groups of people that you want to associate because that's where your interest is at.

- It helps very much to have friends who are already doing what you want to be doing, and succeeding in that field. They provide you with the daily motivational push, and support. But what is more important than having friends is to have a Mentor who is already successful in that field. That is the most essential when it comes to business or anything success related.

@ Just_Dave
It's an "Us" vs "Them" mentality, people want to know is this guy against us or with us. People want to feel like you get them, and they can't relate to you they don't want to be bothered with you. People want to be around people who get them. The only way to cross cultures is if they cultures can willingly come together and find common ground.

You have to empty your cup and learn something about the culture. People will teach you if they feel your teachable.
*Non-judgmental
*Good listener

- I totally agree

@ Stranger
But how do I become friends with the "alpha" guys? I am not a hardcore gamer but I have a keen interest in computers and have some "girl-less" guys from the scene, any ideas?

- Most alpha guys ain't real Alphas (Read Chase's Blog about How to be Alpha).
But if you want to be firends with them, just talk to them, and find a common interest. Be cool. Be a good listener. Have mutual respect for each other. Be aware of their actions, and pay close attention to anything they may be doing that you can pick up and learn from.
 
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