Hey guys,, I need a little advice please. I met a girl and have been seeing her for the past 2/3 weeks.. I played everything right in getting this girl out the first few times, & I have to say that putting in motion the things I have learned on this site, really does give you an advantage over all other orbiters that a girl has. It allows you to break down their walls long enough for you to have a good shot at displaying yourself as a suitable candidate.. Here's the problem I have now.. It's going too good.. So good that I know it's only a matter of time before I drive the wheels off and crash hard. I have felt as if I was in control of my emotions, completely and doing everything right, and last night was the 5th time we have been together, and the first that we made an appearance in which others would have noticed we were together, some PDA, etc. Also, she has stayed over each of the 5 nights.. Now, I know that we are seeing too much of each other, but when 2 people hit it off and just "click," how do u stay focused and not lose site of the big picture.. I need some advice on how to make sure that I remain in control of my emotions, as I feel that if I'm not careful, this could go bad, quickly.. Please advise with some "do not do these.." common mistakes that I need to look to avoid. I'm really enjoying this, and I don't want to get caught, too emotionally invested.. FYI, she is younger than I am 30s/20s respectively..
Advice needed..It's going too good, I know it will crash..
- Thread starter Ktowndub
- Start date
- Joined
- Sep 14, 2013
- Messages
- 1,016
Hey Ktowndub
Do you want this girl in a LTR or just a casual relationship?
https://www.girlschase.com/content/how-start-relationship-new-girlfriend
I'm starting to get into a new relationship with a girl as well, and after screwing up the last couple of times, I want to get this one right. A few mistakes I made last time were seeing the girl too often at the start and frontloading the excitement too much. The things you do at the start of a relationship will set the expectation for the rest of the relationship. If you text her everyday, you better keep that up. I found that actually trying to make things a bit boring at the start then introduce more excitement as you go is a better way to manage a relationship. Just be chill and positive. Don't let your emotion control you if she suddenly goes aloof. Do things 'minus one', which means reply her text once every two texts she send you...etc. You also want to stop playing games once you're in a relationship. So figure out what you goals are, and keep giving her good sex until she wants you to commit.
If your girl hasn't made you to commit with her monogamously, it would be wise to see other girls at the same time to prevent yourself from going into scarcity.
Cheers
Smith
Do you want this girl in a LTR or just a casual relationship?
https://www.girlschase.com/content/how-start-relationship-new-girlfriend
I'm starting to get into a new relationship with a girl as well, and after screwing up the last couple of times, I want to get this one right. A few mistakes I made last time were seeing the girl too often at the start and frontloading the excitement too much. The things you do at the start of a relationship will set the expectation for the rest of the relationship. If you text her everyday, you better keep that up. I found that actually trying to make things a bit boring at the start then introduce more excitement as you go is a better way to manage a relationship. Just be chill and positive. Don't let your emotion control you if she suddenly goes aloof. Do things 'minus one', which means reply her text once every two texts she send you...etc. You also want to stop playing games once you're in a relationship. So figure out what you goals are, and keep giving her good sex until she wants you to commit.
If your girl hasn't made you to commit with her monogamously, it would be wise to see other girls at the same time to prevent yourself from going into scarcity.
Cheers
Smith
Yep, Agree with Smith.
Did you sleep with her? If not you should, or at least do your best, keep pushing yourself till she gives in. She must know that you want to have sex with her and not just fool around like a friend.
You should decide what you want with this girl, I assume that you want GF and relationship full of love. If that's what you want, you should setup firm boundaries right from the beginning - she should feel that this is what you want (without you really saying it directly). This will be your frame, all you have to do is stick to it. Don't change it no matter what she does. She will either join you or walk away...
Keep your emotions low, don't get overexcited or overreactive (I don't mean flat face without smiles, rather don't show too much love with your feelings or words. Bite your lips if you have to). Show love with your actions. Definitely no drama, never. Try to invest less into her than she does into you.
You may need patience, lots of it. She may test you, for example, depending on her experience with relationships, everything will be going great, but the all of the sudden she will stop responding, she will cool off her emotions, she may become distant - she just want to see how will you behave. You can't flip, you can't overreact, just keep cool as if nothing happened. Don't chase, give her space, show her that you can be without her without any problems. The more she is into you the less she will test you. She will only test if she has some doubts about you.
Another thing, you should be in charge. You don't have to be giving marching orders, but keep deciding and suggesting where to go or what to do. Don't leave it up to her. For example, she asks: What do you want to do? Don't say "I don't know, it is up to you". Say: "Let's go to A or B". Hey, I saw tickets for decent price to XYZ, why don't we go?
It's ok to offer place A or B, and go to place C as she really wants, just make sure that you do the same next time (suggest another place A or B, this time go to the one you want.It may not seem important or significant at first, but it is in long run.
Take her to different places, make plans... dancing, zoo, Starbucks, bookstore, whatever is around. Girls usually want to explore, they don't want to sit and watch TV. No need to go overboard but keep the excitement and activity going, as well as cool-off/boring periods as Smith suggested. You are not here to "entertain" her 24/7, you are here to live with her. As long as you remain in charge and keep the activity going, you should be ok.
You: It's going too good.. So good that I know it's only a matter of time before I drive the wheels off and crash hard.
>>>>> that is a lot of negative self talk, by thinking like this you are setting up yourself for failure. You are getting anxious about how she will react and what will she do, you care too much, and you are expecting things go wrong. Then something less positive happens and your mind will crash because the expectations were met.... Basically you are Assuming Failure.
Try to change this thinking. Assume Success with this relationship. See if you can self talk in a sense: Things are going really great, and I'll do my best to keep it that way while not chasing. There are always ups and downs in reality, it's ok, no big deal, the best way to deal with it is to remain cool and nonreactive. It could be a great relationship, and if it is meant to be it is meant to be. I am a great guy and doing my best to make things work, and it always takes two to participate and share. I do 50 and she does 50 (ideally you do 30-35 and she does the rest, if you really want great relationship she should be working hard on it, much harder than you)
Something like that. It is also much easier to have a plan in case it doesn't work and she chooses not to continue. Something like: if she breaks up remain cool, non-reactive, don't chase. Walk away, switch to abundance mentality...
I know, sometimes it is much easier to say/write it, but at least you have a blue print to do the best possible things you can...
Did you sleep with her? If not you should, or at least do your best, keep pushing yourself till she gives in. She must know that you want to have sex with her and not just fool around like a friend.
You should decide what you want with this girl, I assume that you want GF and relationship full of love. If that's what you want, you should setup firm boundaries right from the beginning - she should feel that this is what you want (without you really saying it directly). This will be your frame, all you have to do is stick to it. Don't change it no matter what she does. She will either join you or walk away...
Keep your emotions low, don't get overexcited or overreactive (I don't mean flat face without smiles, rather don't show too much love with your feelings or words. Bite your lips if you have to). Show love with your actions. Definitely no drama, never. Try to invest less into her than she does into you.
You may need patience, lots of it. She may test you, for example, depending on her experience with relationships, everything will be going great, but the all of the sudden she will stop responding, she will cool off her emotions, she may become distant - she just want to see how will you behave. You can't flip, you can't overreact, just keep cool as if nothing happened. Don't chase, give her space, show her that you can be without her without any problems. The more she is into you the less she will test you. She will only test if she has some doubts about you.
Another thing, you should be in charge. You don't have to be giving marching orders, but keep deciding and suggesting where to go or what to do. Don't leave it up to her. For example, she asks: What do you want to do? Don't say "I don't know, it is up to you". Say: "Let's go to A or B". Hey, I saw tickets for decent price to XYZ, why don't we go?
It's ok to offer place A or B, and go to place C as she really wants, just make sure that you do the same next time (suggest another place A or B, this time go to the one you want.It may not seem important or significant at first, but it is in long run.
Take her to different places, make plans... dancing, zoo, Starbucks, bookstore, whatever is around. Girls usually want to explore, they don't want to sit and watch TV. No need to go overboard but keep the excitement and activity going, as well as cool-off/boring periods as Smith suggested. You are not here to "entertain" her 24/7, you are here to live with her. As long as you remain in charge and keep the activity going, you should be ok.
You: It's going too good.. So good that I know it's only a matter of time before I drive the wheels off and crash hard.
>>>>> that is a lot of negative self talk, by thinking like this you are setting up yourself for failure. You are getting anxious about how she will react and what will she do, you care too much, and you are expecting things go wrong. Then something less positive happens and your mind will crash because the expectations were met.... Basically you are Assuming Failure.
Try to change this thinking. Assume Success with this relationship. See if you can self talk in a sense: Things are going really great, and I'll do my best to keep it that way while not chasing. There are always ups and downs in reality, it's ok, no big deal, the best way to deal with it is to remain cool and nonreactive. It could be a great relationship, and if it is meant to be it is meant to be. I am a great guy and doing my best to make things work, and it always takes two to participate and share. I do 50 and she does 50 (ideally you do 30-35 and she does the rest, if you really want great relationship she should be working hard on it, much harder than you)
Something like that. It is also much easier to have a plan in case it doesn't work and she chooses not to continue. Something like: if she breaks up remain cool, non-reactive, don't chase. Walk away, switch to abundance mentality...
I know, sometimes it is much easier to say/write it, but at least you have a blue print to do the best possible things you can...