Heya all, I could use some advice on some inner game. While the issue is medical, I don't think I'll find a solution for it, but I can at least work on some of the effects it's having on me inner game wise.
The medical issue is that for the past 2 and a half years, I get ill (fever, temperature, fatigue, flu symptoms) every 3-4 weeks. I started tracking episodes once my GP claimed that being ill this often was normal. In the first 6 months I was ill 38% of the days. Since then, it has stabalised a little at getting ill about 4 weeks after the end of the last episode. I've been to all sorts of doctors, done enough blood tests to fill a bath full of blood, including some genetic tests, tried every snake oil supplement and 'noval' treatment there is and the result of all that is - everything is more or less fine and there is no reason for me to be getting ill so often. Whatever the cause is, even if doctors were able to find it, is unlikely to be something they can help with.
Another frustrating thing is that doing sport, particularly going to the gym / doing weights, triggers episodes. I figured this out pretty quickly when this first started and slowed down and tried to slowly increment my physical activity, but any time I reached a certain level - bam next day ill. Last month, I thought, ' hey it's been a few months where I get ill exactly 28-30 days apart, maybe in between I can go to the gym". I started first gym session in the middle between 2 episodes. Did extremely light session (talking 20kg bench and squats, just the bar etc, literally didn't feel like I strained at all) 2 days later? Got ill 'early'.
Obviously i've had the "reduce your stress" bull. I work a remote job where nobody tells me what to do and I find relatively interesting. I have no serious issues in any area of life. Can things be better? Sure, but I'm working on all aspects. The biggest thing slowing me down is this medical crap. If my level of stress is causing this then 98% of the world would be worse than me. I've also never been depressed. Angry, frustrated, sad, yes. Depressed? Never.
Onto the inner game issues. I become super irritated and unproductive during episodes. Due to the frequency, it's hard to set routines for my life. The thing is, when I'm not ill, I feel at 95% perfect. I get in the zone. But when I get ill, I become super irritated. I lash out a little. Nothing extreme, but it seems to be getting worse. And at those that deserve it least - my family and friends. I get angry because I can't make progress as quick as I want to. The way I imagine is being a man in a tribe who can't help them out hunting every month because he is ill. Just slowing them down.
Tomorrow, a girl is flying over to visit me. Today? I feel the first effects of getting ill again (headache, slightly elevated temperature etc). So Instead of enjoying some Fwb sex, and showing her around town, I'm gonna be feeling like shit with most likely a runny nose in a few days. I tell myself to get a grip and just take as it is (at the end of the day, it's out of my control) but this rollercoaster of going from feeling amazing to feeling horrible so frequently is starting to cause cracks in my inner game. I almost feel like it would be better to be ill all the time, because then I can adapt to it. But this cycle just gives me hope and then crushes it few weeks later on repeat.
I don't know what to do really. I've gone to extreme lengths to find a solution to the medical problem - I reduced alcohol significantly in the last 2 years (currently haven't drank for a month and planning to quit for good) and all sorts of diets but don't have any hope there. Did meditation app for a few months, not my thing. I'm looking for some motivation...
The medical issue is that for the past 2 and a half years, I get ill (fever, temperature, fatigue, flu symptoms) every 3-4 weeks. I started tracking episodes once my GP claimed that being ill this often was normal. In the first 6 months I was ill 38% of the days. Since then, it has stabalised a little at getting ill about 4 weeks after the end of the last episode. I've been to all sorts of doctors, done enough blood tests to fill a bath full of blood, including some genetic tests, tried every snake oil supplement and 'noval' treatment there is and the result of all that is - everything is more or less fine and there is no reason for me to be getting ill so often. Whatever the cause is, even if doctors were able to find it, is unlikely to be something they can help with.
Another frustrating thing is that doing sport, particularly going to the gym / doing weights, triggers episodes. I figured this out pretty quickly when this first started and slowed down and tried to slowly increment my physical activity, but any time I reached a certain level - bam next day ill. Last month, I thought, ' hey it's been a few months where I get ill exactly 28-30 days apart, maybe in between I can go to the gym". I started first gym session in the middle between 2 episodes. Did extremely light session (talking 20kg bench and squats, just the bar etc, literally didn't feel like I strained at all) 2 days later? Got ill 'early'.
Obviously i've had the "reduce your stress" bull. I work a remote job where nobody tells me what to do and I find relatively interesting. I have no serious issues in any area of life. Can things be better? Sure, but I'm working on all aspects. The biggest thing slowing me down is this medical crap. If my level of stress is causing this then 98% of the world would be worse than me. I've also never been depressed. Angry, frustrated, sad, yes. Depressed? Never.
Onto the inner game issues. I become super irritated and unproductive during episodes. Due to the frequency, it's hard to set routines for my life. The thing is, when I'm not ill, I feel at 95% perfect. I get in the zone. But when I get ill, I become super irritated. I lash out a little. Nothing extreme, but it seems to be getting worse. And at those that deserve it least - my family and friends. I get angry because I can't make progress as quick as I want to. The way I imagine is being a man in a tribe who can't help them out hunting every month because he is ill. Just slowing them down.
Tomorrow, a girl is flying over to visit me. Today? I feel the first effects of getting ill again (headache, slightly elevated temperature etc). So Instead of enjoying some Fwb sex, and showing her around town, I'm gonna be feeling like shit with most likely a runny nose in a few days. I tell myself to get a grip and just take as it is (at the end of the day, it's out of my control) but this rollercoaster of going from feeling amazing to feeling horrible so frequently is starting to cause cracks in my inner game. I almost feel like it would be better to be ill all the time, because then I can adapt to it. But this cycle just gives me hope and then crushes it few weeks later on repeat.
I don't know what to do really. I've gone to extreme lengths to find a solution to the medical problem - I reduced alcohol significantly in the last 2 years (currently haven't drank for a month and planning to quit for good) and all sorts of diets but don't have any hope there. Did meditation app for a few months, not my thing. I'm looking for some motivation...
