FU AFC Part V*

[AFCnoob]

I know I said I wouldn't post any more FR's today, but I just have to get these last couple out.

Summary: Met a girl on the dance floor, and well...what can I say? F*d up royal.

[Elaine] German [Rating: objective 6/subjective 6][Age: @25](closed)

Open: Direct
I was out on another "social circle" outing, but bored. My friends seemed to be having tons of fun dancing in a huge circle, but I was bored, sitting at the bar and sipping a drink. Then [Elaine] made her way on the dance floor and started dancing. One of my friends attempted to dance up to her, but she shied away. At the same time she was shying away though, she was looking at me repeatedly. I walked over and started dancing with her, making fun of a huge bag she was wearing and had decided to bring to the dance floor for some reason.

We started dancing close immediately, and she seemed pretty interested, but then I broke circle for some reason (can't even remember why), but when I looked around, she had bolted for the door. I went all over the venue (it had 3 floors) looking for her, but couldn't find hide nor hair. Dejected, I went back to my friends, and we decided to leave. My wing had picked up a couple of Chinese girls who were throwing him IOI's like nobody's business, and pressing us hard to go to another venue. I wasn't thrilled, because I don't engage Chinese girls anymore, but I agreed to go anyway.

We were leaving the venue when who should I see, but [Elaine] coming out. I greeted her and asked what was up, she said she was going to another venue and suggested that I come along, saying that she and her friends had a table there.

Move: passive
I grabbed [Elaine]'s number, and headed to the venue. Something had gone wrong with the number exchange though [technical game], and I couldn't call her. I thought it was actually fate when I saw her walking out of the venue toward me and called her over. Only then did I notice the dude who was with her. "I'm leaving" she said, giving me a very neutral, platonic look. I just stood there and sputtered. They left.

I walked outside and sat on the steps in front of the venue, defeated and feeling like a moron. Some dude standing nearby passed me a joint, and I started observing another couple, a totally douchey dude with some girl hitting on him. He struck me as a douche because he was playing the female role, turned away, shy while the girl leaned into him and seemed to be trying to make him feel better about something. Then they started making out. Only later did I realize that that dude sure as hell knew what he was doing, and that was exactly where I wanted to be.

Escalation: N/A

Close: fail--haha, yart

I actually texted [Elaine] the next day, but it turned out her number had disappeared in my phone somehow and I ended up texting my neigbor instead. WOW. Technical game.

[Interaction Rating]: 3
Again, I didn't know what the hell I was doing. I didn't feel the girl out at all so it's no wonder I was totally flabbergasted when I saw her leaving with some other dude. Kind of explains why she might have bolted from the dance floor, maybe he texted her, maybe he was her boyfriend. Maybe I should have actually bother to find out, rather than breaking circle. Oh well, live and learn.

 

[Ross]

Open: Direct
I was out on another "social circle" outing, but bored. My friends seemed to be having tons of fun dancing in a huge circle, but I was bored, sitting at the bar and sipping a drink. Then [Elaine] made her way on the dance floor and started dancing. One of my friends attempted to dance up to her, but she shied away. At the same time she was shying away though, she was looking at me repeatedly. I walked over and started dancing with her, making fun of a huge bag she was wearing and had decided to bring to the dance floor for some reason.

This kind of situation started off well, but it kind of fell flat right after the very start of acknowledgement of each other. Everything started out nice, she rejected someone because she wanted to interact with you. But, as soon as you gave into her looks to come over, you became the follower and she became the leader. She had a plan to get you to dance with her, and you just let her mold you. Rather than immediately jumping up at the chance to dance with a girl looking at you, you should have laid back and been the leader with a plan, rather than letting her be so, because ultimately she fumbled up the chance to be with you.

We started dancing close immediately, and she seemed pretty interested, but then I broke circle for some reason (can't even remember why), but when I looked around, she had bolted for the door. I went all over the venue (it had 3 floors) looking for her, but couldn't find hide nor hair. Dejected, I went back to my friends, and we decided to leave. My wing had picked up a couple of Chinese girls who were throwing him IOI's like nobody's business, and pressing us hard to go to another venue. I wasn't thrilled, because I don't engage Chinese girls anymore, but I agreed to go anyway.

Nothing seems wrong here. You didn't leave a strong enough impression to get her hanging around and following you, but if she was high value she wouldn't have done so unless you were much higher quality than most, if any guys that she has met.

Battery on my laptop is about to die so I'll wrap up my analysis, and I acknowledge that this was before your GC reading days. Not much invested, so it didn't truly look like you messed up much. The world of attraction is just extremely fast, especially with the rapid expansion of technology.

 

[Chase]

I wasn't thrilled, because I don't engage Chinese girls anymore, but I agreed to go anyway.

Hmm, any particular reason?

 

[AFCnoob]

@ RTB: Yeah, my situational awareness was pretty poor at this point, and I guess I shouldn't have let myself be established as the pursuer like that. Mostly I just ended up feeling like an idiot because I didn't handle the situation well at all. Live and learn, I guess.

@ Chase: I went into detail about this Here. I would never interact with a Chinese girl again, unless I somehow develop surgical skills with PU, where I can be sure I won't hurt her. As a decent looking foreigner, especially with my old good guy/nice guy tactics, picking up Chinese girls was like falling out of bed, but every single relationship exploded in my face and ended with the girl getting hurt, and the last one cost me (and more importantly her), seven years in a relationship-and-then-marriage that fizzled to nothing.

 

[Ross]

@ RTB: Yeah, my situational awareness was pretty poor at this point, and I guess I shouldn't have let myself be established as the pursuer like that. Mostly I just ended up feeling like an idiot because I didn't handle the situation well at all. Live and learn, I guess.

@ Chase: I went into detail about this Here. I would never interact with a Chinese girl again, unless I somehow develop surgical skills with PU, where I can be sure I won't hurt her. As a decent looking foreigner, especially with my old good guy/nice guy tactics, picking up Chinese girls was like falling out of bed, but every single relationship exploded in my face and ended with the girl getting hurt, and the last one cost me (and more importantly her), seven years in a relationship-and-then-marriage that fizzled to nothing.

No need to feel like an idiot; you learn from your failures, so you are in fact smarter than most people out there.

As a tip for the chinese girls thing; prejudice (I'm using this word to mean judging anyone before properly meeting them, just based off race or anything) is pretty bad to have in the dating scene. Sure, you may know that most relationships with chinese girls have ended sour, but does that mean you swear off them because of their culture? No. You can't be afraid of hurting women and end up moving too slowly; you come off as a man who doesn't like to take risks, and would rather take the easy route in life. These men are boring, and don't get to choose from a lot of women because their value is pretty low; they took very little risks, so they receive very little rewards.

 

[AFCnoob]

@ RTB: Allow me to reprhase: I tend to steer away from girls who are

a) generally inexperienced in relationships
b) have been with few or no partners
c) have strong internal frames about relationships based on cultural mores, which dictate that sex=love=marriage
d) are more than happy to reorganize their entire lives around their relationships (and encourage you to, too)
e) are actively looking for "marriage material"

It just so happens that here in China, the vast majority of Chinese girls fit this profile exactly. Are there Chinese girls out there in China with completely different ideas about relationships? Sure, but it is quite easy to size up a Chinese girl (here in China) and tell how closely she cleaves to so-called "traditional Chinese values". Maybe I could sift through a huge number of interactions, and finally find that one Chinese girl who is open in relationships and won't fall incredibly hard the second we get intimate, but I'm just not willing to at this point. It's less of a risk/reward thing for me, and more of an effort/reward thing.