Afraid of it? Just sheer exposure should cure it?

[Estate]

Hey guys, this is going in beginners since it's nothing advanced but maybe something the newer guys will identify with...

Sometimes I don't know why things seem so difficult to do. I know in my mind though that anything I ever wanted to learn or do, I was afriad of at first, or at least I sucked at it the first time but only through massive exposure did it come together. I don't know why that seems like such a difficult concept sometimes, it's 100% true.
Anything you want to do in life, you can do but you just need to be exposed to it enough and repeat enough times that you can be a pro.

Nothing ground breaking, I know... I'm just typing out my thoughts since I sometimes need to remind myself

My dad brought me go-carting when I was 10, I heard the noise and was terrified.... I went on to race cars internationally, raced at over 200mph. The first day seems hilarious now.
I bought a guitar when I was 16, man did I suck... but I kept doing it. After a few months, then a year of doing it over and over I got all the chords down in muscle memory. No way anyone could do it the first time.
Think of approaching. I also got my first job at 16. It was in a retail store. The manager told me to go onto the floor and start approaching customers... I was a quiet kid then and could have wet my pants at the thought... a few summer jobs later I could sell ice to eskimos in that store.

Here's why it's on my mind. I've plateued in my game for a while now. I've written about it multiple times. I feel like I can get "nice" girls any time I go out. But I want what is currently unattainable. I want the "10". I want to prove to myself that I can do this. But you know what I realised today. When you go out during the day there are girls everywhere, only about half are probably attractive looking and probably only 10% of those ever make you just go "WOW" in your head. A girl did that to me today, it was only after I had walked past that "Wow" went off in my head... the moment had gone and I stopped and was like... "What the hell? Why did you not stop her?" I don't even know why but I was on autopilot and didn't even consider the fact she would say yes to me.

You know what I feel? I feel I don't meet enough of these girls.
So here's my new goal. I don't know how or even where yet. But I want to put myself in a position where a girl like that doesn't even phase me. I think deep down, they still do a little. I can train myself to push past it but deep down I still feel they elude me somehow. So how do we cure this? We go where the hot girls go! No more playing it safe... If I am surrounded by these girls more, they will mean less in my head.
I'm trying now to write down a plan of things I can do and places I will go. Simple example... I spent last Saturday night at a Metal gig because a friend asked me. Sure, it was a fun time but the girls there were aweful. Just not what I'm looking for... so no more of that. I should be in th hottest spots in town on a prime night, not making excuses and going elsewhere because its an easier environment.

That was just a bit of a brain dump for me tonight.

 

[Marty]

Hey Estate:

Good, meaningful and inspiring brain dump. I'd encourage you to go for it. Though if it were me I'd do it during the day... I just find that more rewarding. Purely personal preference, although I'd also argue that the true "10" nature is less illusory in daylight

You're so right about the first time you try something new... developing the courage to attempt that is a learnable skill in itself, I think!

-Marty

 

[Estate]

So I'm going to expand a little since it sounds a bit weird to just say "go to where to hot girls go"... sounds obvious right?
I read somewhere on this site a while back about at the end of every day, review a little and ask "How did I help to achieve my goals today".


Well here's been my routine lately:
- I'll make some plan for my weekend evenings. Then a friend will invite me to a dive bar or college bar. Yes, I go and have fun with my friend. But I'm hanging with college age kids or rocker kids or whoever, not the type of girls I am looking to meet. So it's not benefitting my goals. I need to make plans and stick to it. Boston's nightlife is pretty diverse in terms of "who goes where" and if I'm going to college bars all the time, I'm not achieving what I want.

- I have long lamented daygame in Boston. I walk about at the weekends but even the center of the city is void of any real talent. So it hit me. Fact is, it is summer. People go to the Cape or the Beach, they don't hang out in the city. Boston doesn't have a large central shopping or fashion district like somewhere like London where you'll see hot girls just walking about town. My usual week routine is to go home after work, have dinner then go for my usual run. I switched it up last night. After work is a prime time in the Financial District and downtown. So many young professionals around the city and at happy hours who will commute back out of town at the weekend. I'm switching up my routine in this regard.

It's all about finding what works. Daygame in the city at weekends has been horrible so find out when and where are the right times to be around when other people are and be there then.
Same for night-time. I don't want to spend the evening hanging with kids and "bro's" at a college bar in Allston late on a Friday when the people my age are all in the city after work on a Thursday at lounges and winebars.
It's just been a little while to figure out the right environments.

 

[Marty]

I hear you, Estate, I think we're in the same boat to an extent, I'm a European now living in the USA and I've also found that in most American cities, while the downtown district is great on business days, it's usually pretty dead on weekends, unlike for example in London as you say. As it happens that suits me okay as I normally have other stuff going on during the weekend and am not free for day game, but I have felt the same frustration a few times too. There's always the mall, which is inevitably busy on a Saturday, but the problem there I find is that most women are there with their husbands or boyfriends at that time, so they're not open to approach (at least, that's not a situation I'd want to get into).