After ball in court text, do you ignore texts from her that dont ask to meet up?

[SeattleMan12]

Hi everyone,

I have a dilemma I am not quite sure how to approach. I've had to ball-in-court text girls before where they were either losing interest or where I made enough effort but things just weren't going anywhere. A lot of these girls would respond back later (most in 1-2 months), but it was always the "hey hows it going" or "hi " type of responses.

My way of responding was to not respond back, because I thought that since these girls didn't offer a time or place to meet, they must just be playing games. However, I recently was wondering if it was the case they were too shy to directly ask to meet or if not answering the text (which had nothing about meeting up) drove them away?

For example, recently I had to ball in court a girl after she turned down 3-4 attempts to meet and ignored messages. After my ball in court message, my goal was to disappear until she responded saying she wanted to meet. However, about an hour after my ball in court message, she texted a slew of messages saying positive things like,

"thanks I haven't been sleeping a lot, things have been insanely busy"

"one of these wednesdays, if youre around, I would be really down to get tacos at this place I like!"

and

"Will reach out when things do get so busy anymore, best of luck with your things "


I ignored these. However, she messaged me the day after, saying "hey i think i saw you giving a presentation in room 211 earlier haha".

At this point, there are 5-6 unanswered messages from her, which seem to maybe put the ball back in my court/autoreject her. Do you feel you should respond to these things after the ball in court text? Or do you just disappear until she says she's free to meet again?

The main concern I have is that by not responding to her, she might feel too rejected/ego protecting to get back to me when she is free, but I also am concerned if I DO respond, the ball in court text loses its purpose. Ideas would be appreciated!

 

[Hue]

Re: After ball in court text, do you ignore texts from her that dont ask to meet

If you hit her up asking for a meet or otherwise after a ball-in-court text you will be breaking frame.

Her hitting you with those bullshit "conversational texts" like seeing you in a lecture hall is not something you want to reward. If you do choose to respond I would be very short with it and not invest much.

"thanks I haven't been sleeping a lot, things have been insanely busy"

"one of these wednesdays, if youre around, I would be really down to get tacos at this place I like!"

Here you could have said, "that sounds fine. like I said I'm not great at chasing you down, feel free to let me know" to reinforce your frame. The problem with ball-in-court texts is that it no longer leads. Girls are usually pretty bad a leading to set up plans over text, so there's really not much more you can do there without breaking frame.

"Will reach out when things do get so busy anymore, best of luck with your things "

Likewise, "sounds good", is all you should respond with here, to at least acknowledge that you saw her text.

At this point, there are 5-6 unanswered messages from her, which seem to maybe put the ball back in my court/autoreject her. Do you feel you should respond to these things after the ball in court text? Or do you just disappear until she says she's free to meet again?

The main concern I have is that by not responding to her, she might feel too rejected/ego protecting to get back to me when she is free, but I also am concerned if I DO respond, the ball in court text loses its purpose. Ideas would be appreciated!

The ball is still in her court. Full stop.

She might not feel like hitting you up with a full meet text just yet, but believe me she will (or, she won't, while you meet other girls in the mean time ;P ). Her ego might stop her for a while, or forever. If you feel like texting her 3-4 months down the road, have at it, but at that point what's stopping you from moving on?

In regard to her messaging you without seeing replies, don't focus on the amount of unanswered messages. Think about the timeline. I have a girl right now that I had to ball-in-court and I think it got to about 7 messages of me not answering on top of some super low investment replies from me / me ignoring her instagram dm's before she finally hit me up explicitly saying she wants to see me soon and asking me to meet her out.

So yeah, if I had to suggest anything it would just be: be patient.


Hue

 

[SeattleMan12]

Re: After ball in court text, do you ignore texts from her that dont ask to meet

Thanks! Just wondering, are you saying to put in a "sounds good"/low investment message, or given that 5-6 messages have already occurred, to not write anything at all?

 

[Hue]

Re: After ball in court text, do you ignore texts from her that dont ask to meet

At this point, I personally wouldn't write anything at all. Maybe a "ha yea that was probably me" or "yup, sounds like me ", to the most recent text about the lecture (super low investment, doesn't engage further).

The "sounds good" would have been a reply in midst of the conversation that lead to your ball-in-court text.

 

[SeattleMan12]

Re: After ball in court text, do you ignore texts from her that dont ask to meet

At this point, I personally wouldn't write anything at all. Maybe a "ha yea that was probably me" or "yup, sounds like me ", to the most recent text about the lecture (super low investment, doesn't engage further).

The "sounds good" would have been a reply in midst of the conversation that lead to your ball-in-court text.

Thanks, just curious, from your experience what's your reasoning behind a super low investment message? Is it to give her just enough assurance I haven't written her off and that it might help create a small bridge for her to come back on? Thanks!

 

[Michal]

Re: After ball in court text, do you ignore texts from her that dont ask to meet

At this point, I personally wouldn't write anything at all. Maybe a "ha yea that was probably me" or "yup, sounds like me ", to the most recent text about the lecture (super low investment, doesn't engage further).

The "sounds good" would have been a reply in midst of the conversation that lead to your ball-in-court text.

Thanks, just curious, from your experience what's your reasoning behind a super low investment message? Is it to give her just enough assurance I haven't written her off and that it might help create a small bridge for her to come back on? Thanks!

People in general are sensitive to how much they invest (time, effort, money, advice, gifts, favours) and its balance between themselves and others. So if you keep investing while she gives you nothing in return (or not what you want) she will get the pedestal-like feeling. Which means goose gets burned. Women do not want a guy to whom they are superior. You need to make her invest. And in your case, it means being patient and putting in as little effort and investment as possible as Hue suggested.

 

[SeattleMan12]

Re: After ball in court text, do you ignore texts from her that dont ask to meet

So I responded with something kept short like,

"that def sounds like it was me hahah"

However, I am wondering if this is too much investment from me already and if it negates the ball in court text. Would this seem to her to be too much of a validation text? Would like to learn for the future. Thanks!