LR- Almost.... houston, we dont have lift off

[maximus6004]

So, im going to have to explain the details leading up to.this.eventful night. Its been awhile since I have posted anything but here we go.

I was recently in a relationship. I knew this girl Samantha was just bad news for me, but I had to find out for myself.

I was bouncing my regular night at the bar, bored with no new woman to talk to too. Or so I thought. I wad at the other side if the bar and saw this tall, thin (in shape), Latina girl standing around being swarmed by the usual minions orbiting around her. I couldn't stop starting something about her, her long silly black hair and huge beautiful black eyes. She was gorgeous. I had to go and talk to her.

I had gotten her information, she flaked on me a couple times but we finally went out. She came over to my place but reluctantly, when it came to sex, she said I want to see you again but she had to go. I persisted, she left. We met the second time same thing. The third time, she flaked we were supposed to meet up, I knew if I didnt really persist now, that I would lose her so I said no. I have to have you right now, a deep burning in my soul has top have you. Radio silence for two hours, she finally text back if it was ok to come over. Did the deed, it was absolutely amazing we tore into each other.

I had asked about some advice about her a couple weeks ago and finally got a response from chase that, she was a female white knight. Well I had too much value it scared her she couldn't relate. We were already saying for a month now. I found out she was still talking to her ex, I was like wait if we're top be exclusive what are you doing? This kind of upset me, because she card about him, he needs saving. She had told me the conversation between them, how she said that she cared about him, but I was a challenge. I didnt care, get past him or don't. She decided she couldn't decide so I broke up with her. She cried we had sex one last time and went our seperate ways.

Last night, I had met a girl that, I thought was attractive. She came.over and things had gotten hot and heavy and we were in my bed.... something wasnt the same though. I wasnt in the mood all of a sudden. I couldnt get Samantha out.of.my head, and it lead to.performance issues. Thats when I realized I was in trouble. The girl left embarrassed, I was embarrassed.... here I am stuck in this awkward situation. I cant just go.back.to Samantha, and im having trouble around other woman. It feels.like.im in a prison of.my.own.mind and everything is dull boring, and depressing.

Shit....

From reading this site for so.long though I have.noticed that, every seducer has gone through a girl like this. I keep chases advice in the back of my head.... emotions always over rule logic like rock beating.out scissors.....

Anyone.have any advice?

 

[TheWiseFool]

Re: almost LR.... houston, we dont have lift off

Best advice my friend is to let time take it's course.

Oxytocin is a powerful thing isn't it? Your brain will eventually return back to "normal" and you can help it by thinking less of Samantha and getting out there and meeting more girls. It is okay to acknowledge your past, your feelings for this girl, but understand her feelings for you. Are they of the same nature? Does she love you the way you love her? Or is it all one sided?

Don't get caught up in the hope of "there's still a chance because of... " insert reason.

Realize that there are girls out there just like her, they just have a different face. Does that make them any less special because of it? No.

Have that mentality that accepts the reality that all things will come to an end, including relationships
Have an abundance mentality, there are always more girls and better quality girls who will give you even greater experiences, joy, passion, etc.
Be appreciative of the experience but be willing to take yourself and your thoughts off of this girl. Remember that an ingredient for love is rumination over the other party. More thoughts of her means more attachment and greater reinforcement of the chemical bonds that bring thoughts of her.
Be willin to move on. Understand she was never yours. All you could do was communicate to her in such a way that convinces her mind to want to spend time with you. When things end, let go gracefully and understand that you can either keep pushing for her and snap her out of this white knight syndrome or you can let her go.

I'm sure you know this already because you sound like a smart guy, I just want to reiterate somethings to let you know it's gonna be all good!

She is special and not special at the same time. Appreciate the experience, accept reality, and make the decision, something only you can decide for yourself

 

[maximus6004]

Re: almost LR.... houston, we dont have lift off

Damn the oxytocin..... yea its a bitch everything you said, is already in my head but like.you said...... I have to let time take.its course, I.already have two woman I can.have in.the snap of.my fingers.... however, Damn, we had some.badass times but you are right it was so easy for.her to.let.me go. Even though, I knew in the end it was going to end.up being.me.chasing.her, I ended it first, so technically she unofficially broke up with me. If that makes sense. It was just the illusion that I ended it with her. it sucks so bad !

Sometimes, its just awesome to have a support system.

Thanks wise fool

 

[maximus6004]

Re: almost LR.... houston, we dont have lift off

One thing if like some insight on though is, the fact that, she bought me all new shirts, a table and chairs for my patio, a tv..... and was like competent cool with never talking to me again?

 

[R.A.D.]

Re: almost LR.... houston, we dont have lift off

Hey, im new here so i hope its ok if i drop an opinion.

I work helping people and for a lot of time found that is very easy to confuse the need for help with love or attraction. Thats what i see is rightfully called being a white knight around here.

In the case of this girl you actually dont know if it was easy or not for her. Buying you things maybe was a way for her to compensate you for not being able to do other things (like getting over her ex). Dissapearing might have been a way for her to not risk getting more attached to you as she was with her ex. Maybe she ends up picking him instead of you because her ex was the poor and wounded male she needs to feel good with herself. Then when she dissapears she says to herself "at least i tried but he doesnt need my help" but of course you would have preferred to have her instead of a patio set (well depends on the set )

The good news is that if that was the case you behave like a man and not like the sad childs that surround her and thats more likely to get you better women that doesnt need to help or be helped. But you should be careful because that kind of women tend to generate those feelings on you (that you actually need her or you wont make it on your own)

I dont think is love but the attachment one develops with someone who needs you for one reason or the other.

Of course as always this is just something based on my experience and views so if im completely wrong sorry but if it helps you im more than glad.

 

[maximus6004]

Re: almost LR.... houston, we dont have lift off

I can see where you are coming from, you.might be right. I think she was playing games. Because she wants attention. I said I would.give her up so she can just be with him because I'm not playing her games for attention. She said she wasn't going back to get ex after I broke up with her. I think maybe, she is confused on what she wants because she had had a higher count of partners. She was also one of those ugly duckling stories. Guys paid her no attention growing up.

Before she left she stayed crying, looked at me said I have no idea how much she lives me and she left. I let her walk away. She also drifts a lot, like someone who is adventurous but is also scared. My life style isn't exactly, mundane, I work for an airline, and pick up and go all the time. She said she needs me but feels I dont need her.

I'm just trying to figure it out. However, when emotions are involved, judgement becomes coded and bias is heavy. Do keep it coming guys I love the in put!

 

[R.A.D.]

Then if she suffered no attention most likely she is afraid of it and feels pity for those who suffer the same. So she is scared of being left but scared of leaving others because she knows what is like. Thats the emotional paradox you feel know, you know she is no good for you but you cant go on. What she feels is something best left for therapy not romance.

Anyway as you say emotions arent easy to deal with so take your time and fly away in the meantime

 

[maximus6004]

So you are saying there was no attraction in the end it was more out of fear of leaving.

 

[maximus6004]

Iust re read everything from both R.A.D. and wise fool. It.makes sense now she was never mine and.I was good at cinvincing her, to spend time.with.me. all this talking and thinking has made it.easier at least im starting to rise out of my.funk a little bit. It sucks, but, time is.key here thanks for the words of wisdom.guys

 

[R.A.D.]

The way i see it is not that there wasnt any attraction, quite on the contrary she probably really liked you because she opened very personal things with you, but her fears and needs were stronger than any ammount of attraction. She wanted you, she knew you are different because you confronted her with a choice to make her be coherent with her actions (dump the ex), but she just couldnt choose beyond her fears. In most cases (at least in my experience) there is practically nothing you can do to change that unless you want to be her helping hand instead of her lover. Thats why she stays hooked to an ex who is in need, im 100% sure she isnt attracted to him he just fills a hole for her, so she she may want you but she needs him.

And believe me i know that walking away from those situations is really not easy, because you may know she still wants you but you know there is nothing for you there.


The good thing is that you will spot these kind of women a lot easier in the future because you know how much they can cost you emotionally. Good luck!

 

[maximus6004]

It's like all the signs are finally slapping me in the face, i was ruminating hard core. After talking it out and having this much support to get it figured out i feel so much better, the little bit of bitterness has disappeared and I'm excited to see what else i can find out there Thanks Wise fool

R.A.D. i'm fascinated and would love to hear more about your insights on this topic and what you have learned from your job! inbox me.

I just feel Bad for her now, it must suck to be living in such a midset like that, it almost seems so difficult. It was fun and ultimately a journey worth experiencing and living from even though the chemicals in my body think otherwise.