- Joined
- Apr 25, 2015
- Messages
- 52
Almost there.
I had my second date recently. The girl, who I'll call A, was super into me in class, so I proposed a date afterward. I fucked up the number exchange and gave her my number instead of getting hers, and she didn't text me for two days. Clearly, she wanted to seem like she wasn't into me, but I wasn't fooled. In fact, she tried to set up a lunch date, but I counter-proposed one at night, not wanting to seem like a boyfriend.
We met for coffee in the evening. I followed the same template as my last date – I walked with her to a private part of campus and we just talked. She was a bit more testy than the first girl, since she seemed more experienced, but I managed to pass her tests by not reacting. I built up comfort with banter and touch and I deep dived quite a bit. However, at one point, the conversation died and I felt pressure to keep it going, so I did. Was this the right thing to do? I wanted to show that I'm comfortable with silence, but I also didn't want things to be awkward. But besides all that, I set sexual and discretion frames, as well as the rebellious frame I tried out on my previous date with S.
Then I pulled her back to my place by taking the bus.
On the bus ride, she was a bit less talkative but clearly still interested. I assumed that she was just nervous, but otherwise DTF. So I kept things light by talking about some foreign places she wants to visit.
Here's where the fun begins…
She then asked me something like, “So are we gonna do this?” and I was caught off guard and didn't hear exactly what she said, so I had no idea what she was talking about. I assumed she meant sex, so I stumbled. I ended up saying, “Yes… or no. Maybe. We'll see.” It wasn't said in a needy, uncomfortable way, since my voice fundamentals are pretty solid, but the words themselves were passive. If she was talking about sex, I had just ruined the suspense.
We got back to my place and I gave her a quick tour of the place, but she was still nervous and closed up, so I put the world news on my laptop to distract her. I put my arm around her, but still kept things light. Also, we sat in the living room area, rather that my bedroom, which is a mistake I made last time.
Then she got up and moved away, but I coaxed her to sit back down with me. She did, so I let the convo wind down a bit, then I went for a manhandle kiss.
As you can guess, she heavily resisted, and I let go rather quickly. She said something along the lines of, “I don't do that thing with guys.” But I still kept my cool and kept talking to her as if nothing had happened after that. Still, she became more reserved, and took out her phone and started texting.
Sensing that my escalation window had closed, I decided to call her on her bullshit (casually), so I asked who she was texting. She responded with, “Oh, my friends and I have this meeting thing about a problematic roommate and I need to meet them for it.” At that point I knew I was done for. Here's what the actual texts probably were:
Hahaha, I say the above in jest. I didn't care. It was totally my bad.
I halfheartedly asked her to say, but I knew that I was no longer dominant, so she rejected. Then, I did something that may have seemed creepy – I asked her what I did wrong. Basically, my thought process was that I screwed up, and I would never see her again, so I'd at least like to know what my mistakes were. But I assume her thought process was, “Shit, this guy is getting really needy and only wants sex, so I can't insult him now or he might flip out.” So she said that she just wasn't interested in guys right now. It was classic female dialogue, since what she said made zero sense, but the message behind it was that she was no longer interested in me. I persisted a few more times (Ugh, I should have stayed quiet) and she stayed evasive. Then she got on the bus and left.
Later, on a separate day, I saw her walking with another alpha-looking guy on campus… but I didn't give it a second thought. So I'm at least glad I'm not getting too attached to these girls.
As for my analysis, here's what I think happened:
1. I came off too platonic. Sure, I was attractive and cool and all that, but I wasn't a bad boy. I think I seemed more like a boyfriend than a lover, so when we got back to my place, I had a lot more work to do to convince her of my lover status.
2. I killed the suspense on the bus. My bad.
3. I didn't persist when it came to LMR. Instead of pussying out, I should have kept the kiss going until our lips met… and then stayed chill about the whole thing. Also, I should have done a better job building comfort as a whole.
So, in general, I need to become more of a bad boy and start pushing the line. I need to not take shit, go for what I want, and not give a fuck what the girl thinks of me. At the same time, I need to build up more comfort.
So, what are your guys' thoughts? What could I have done better? At what point did my escalation window fully close? (I've narrowed it down to a few points but I'm not yet sure.) What should I do with awkward silences? And was it creepy to ask her what I could have done better?
I had my second date recently. The girl, who I'll call A, was super into me in class, so I proposed a date afterward. I fucked up the number exchange and gave her my number instead of getting hers, and she didn't text me for two days. Clearly, she wanted to seem like she wasn't into me, but I wasn't fooled. In fact, she tried to set up a lunch date, but I counter-proposed one at night, not wanting to seem like a boyfriend.
We met for coffee in the evening. I followed the same template as my last date – I walked with her to a private part of campus and we just talked. She was a bit more testy than the first girl, since she seemed more experienced, but I managed to pass her tests by not reacting. I built up comfort with banter and touch and I deep dived quite a bit. However, at one point, the conversation died and I felt pressure to keep it going, so I did. Was this the right thing to do? I wanted to show that I'm comfortable with silence, but I also didn't want things to be awkward. But besides all that, I set sexual and discretion frames, as well as the rebellious frame I tried out on my previous date with S.
Then I pulled her back to my place by taking the bus.
On the bus ride, she was a bit less talkative but clearly still interested. I assumed that she was just nervous, but otherwise DTF. So I kept things light by talking about some foreign places she wants to visit.
Here's where the fun begins…
She then asked me something like, “So are we gonna do this?” and I was caught off guard and didn't hear exactly what she said, so I had no idea what she was talking about. I assumed she meant sex, so I stumbled. I ended up saying, “Yes… or no. Maybe. We'll see.” It wasn't said in a needy, uncomfortable way, since my voice fundamentals are pretty solid, but the words themselves were passive. If she was talking about sex, I had just ruined the suspense.
We got back to my place and I gave her a quick tour of the place, but she was still nervous and closed up, so I put the world news on my laptop to distract her. I put my arm around her, but still kept things light. Also, we sat in the living room area, rather that my bedroom, which is a mistake I made last time.
Then she got up and moved away, but I coaxed her to sit back down with me. She did, so I let the convo wind down a bit, then I went for a manhandle kiss.
As you can guess, she heavily resisted, and I let go rather quickly. She said something along the lines of, “I don't do that thing with guys.” But I still kept my cool and kept talking to her as if nothing had happened after that. Still, she became more reserved, and took out her phone and started texting.
Sensing that my escalation window had closed, I decided to call her on her bullshit (casually), so I asked who she was texting. She responded with, “Oh, my friends and I have this meeting thing about a problematic roommate and I need to meet them for it.” At that point I knew I was done for. Here's what the actual texts probably were:
Hahaha, I say the above in jest. I didn't care. It was totally my bad.I halfheartedly asked her to say, but I knew that I was no longer dominant, so she rejected. Then, I did something that may have seemed creepy – I asked her what I did wrong. Basically, my thought process was that I screwed up, and I would never see her again, so I'd at least like to know what my mistakes were. But I assume her thought process was, “Shit, this guy is getting really needy and only wants sex, so I can't insult him now or he might flip out.” So she said that she just wasn't interested in guys right now. It was classic female dialogue, since what she said made zero sense, but the message behind it was that she was no longer interested in me. I persisted a few more times (Ugh, I should have stayed quiet) and she stayed evasive. Then she got on the bus and left.
Later, on a separate day, I saw her walking with another alpha-looking guy on campus… but I didn't give it a second thought. So I'm at least glad I'm not getting too attached to these girls.
As for my analysis, here's what I think happened:
1. I came off too platonic. Sure, I was attractive and cool and all that, but I wasn't a bad boy. I think I seemed more like a boyfriend than a lover, so when we got back to my place, I had a lot more work to do to convince her of my lover status.
2. I killed the suspense on the bus. My bad.
3. I didn't persist when it came to LMR. Instead of pussying out, I should have kept the kiss going until our lips met… and then stayed chill about the whole thing. Also, I should have done a better job building comfort as a whole.
So, in general, I need to become more of a bad boy and start pushing the line. I need to not take shit, go for what I want, and not give a fuck what the girl thinks of me. At the same time, I need to build up more comfort.
So, what are your guys' thoughts? What could I have done better? At what point did my escalation window fully close? (I've narrowed it down to a few points but I'm not yet sure.) What should I do with awkward silences? And was it creepy to ask her what I could have done better?
