- Joined
- Apr 25, 2015
- Messages
- 52
So close.
As I've detailed in my journal, my conservative upbringing and overthinking tendencies made me very hesitant to actually schedule a date with a girl, even though I've been reading GC for a year now. In fact, I cancelled a date with a very interested girl because I started to worry, and it just got to be too much for me to think about. However, I recently vowed to break this out of me, especially after multiple interested girls opened me and I let them down. So I opened a girl after one of my classes after she gave me strong signals of attraction. I set up a date soon after.
We met at a coffee shop on my campus. She was clearly nervous and out of her comfort zone, so I wanted to make her more at ease. First, I started some banter to keep the mood light and stayed super chill and confident during the whole encounter, letting the silence proliferate on multiple occasions to show that I was comfortable, in the hope that she'd notice and feel the same. During a high point in the convo, I touched her for about 5 seconds and she responded well. I deep dived a bit and she told me that she takes time to warm up to people, and I said I understood. Still, she kept her arms crossed for a bit.
Sensing her reservation, and remembering how she mentioned her very conservative parents when we first met, I realized that I needed to lay down some serious frames to prevent any LMR. So after we got our drinks, I asked if she ever wanted to be rebellious against her parents' wishes. She said yes, and I said something like, "Well, by the end of the night, I'll get you doing things you never imagined doing." Sounds a bit weird to say here, but it was fine in the moment. Still, it seemed a bit too forward to me at the time, so I clarified that we'd start small.
I led her around and we stopped to stare at a beautiful part of campus with quite a few plants, admiring the view. We stayed there for like 30 minutes just talking, and I heavily qualified her and noted our similarities. I also screened her a bit, and although it's obvious, I determined that she isn't crazy. In fact, she's very ambitious and responsible. (Still, it's always good to double check.) I deep dived some more and also asked more about rebellion, and I tried to encourage her by sharing my own rebellion by mentioning (in passing, in a casual way) how I had new ideas about sex that my parents would not like if they knew. Then she revealed she had tried weed at one point, but that she didn't like it much, so at least I was getting something out of her. I initiated touch a bit more and kept the lighthearted mood going, then we walked to the bus that would take us back to my place. On the way, I told her that to help her be a little more rebellious, we would litter right by the trash can, and after some hesitation, she complied. Then I joked we would steal a car next.
We got on the bus and she was clearly getting nervous, sensing we were heading back to my place. I engaged her in conversation, and she responded, but didn't elaborate too much or try to engage me. At one point, she said, "I think I'll get off here," and I warmly said, "No, let's keep going, it's only about another mile." I pushed the rebellion frame even further and got her to admit she wanted to join a sorority and would like to develop her own thoughts and actions independent of her parents' wishes. But then she talked about how her uncle was very judgemental and was angry she had gone to a public high school, because he thought she'd have sex and getpregnant. She said she tried her hardest to prove him wrong. Sensing that sex was almost certainly not happening after this story, I made a last ditch effort to ask about any past boyfriends. She mentioned that she had some, but didn't elaborate further.
We got to my place. I gave her a quick tour with my hand on her back to calm her nerves a bit, but didn't introduce my roommates to her, since they were gone. I invited her in my room and she stood in the corner with arms crossed, clearly still uncomfortable. I asked her to take off her shoes and she did, then I put on her favorite music. I explicitly asked her, "What can I do to make you more comfortable here?" and she didn't know.
I persuaded her to sit on my bed and we kept talking and I joked around a bit. She was a tad more at ease, and things looked good.
So we walked there and I stayed very chill and warm toward her, acting exactly the same as before. I asked her about an interesting project she was working on, and she definitely opened up more, now that she knew sex wasn't happening. Right before the bus arrived, the conversation somehow led to conservative mindsets, and I said, "Oh, no wonder you didn't want to kiss me," in a very matter-of-fact way. We wrapped up our convo as the bus arrived, and I warmly said goodbye while putting my hand on her back. Afterward, I sent a warm text saying that I had a great time and that I'd be in touch soon.
-----
The Bad
1. We didn't have sex.
2. I didn't set any chase frames. However, she was already responding well and complying to almost everything I said, so it probably wasn't too necessary. Then again, it might have helped with LMR a bit.
3. I didn't disqualify myself as a boyfriend or paint myself well enough as a lover.
4. I didn't set any discretion frames.
5. Apparently I misread her signals when I initially approached her. Maybe she wasn't actually attracted, but I just misread her body language? Or maybe she was interested, but still very shy?
6. I felt like I was chasing her instead of the other way around. She didn't notice this dynamic, since she was nervous, but I still did. In our text exchanges, I responded a tad more quickly than she did and wrote a tad bit more on my messages. I didn't care much, since I knew she was into me, so I felt I had an unbreakable chase frame going. However, I talked more than she did, since she was generally more reserved. I got far more info out of her than she did of me because of my deep diving, but still, I was talking too much. On top of this, my screw up at the end means she now knows I want to have sex even though she didn't want to, I'm afraid that I'm now officially the chaser.
7. I said some cliche things a few times while attempting to sound deep. For instance, when she asked where we were going, I shit you not, I said, "That's for me to know, and you to find out." Luckily, I realized how much of an idiot I was being, so I joked that I'd be speaking in cliches the whole night. Also, when the conversation got deep at a few points, I said some seemingly deep shit ("Life is fleeting, so you should enjoy it while you can"), but in retrospect, it sounded very cheesy. Luckily, she didn't notice.
8. I didn't get a chance to do be byronic, deal with tests, be very persistent while she was resisting compliance, etc. Since she was very inexperienced, I completely led the interaction and she didn't make things difficult for me. It made the interaction smooth, but I didn't get any practice with these things.
The Good
1. I finally went on a date.
2. I brought a girl back to my room.
3. I stayed chill and friendly the entire time.
4. I initiated touch multiple times, and she responded well.
5. I kept good conversation.
6. I set some solid rebellious frames. (I put a big focus on them in my story above, but I also did a lot of deep diving that I didn't mention, so it's not like the entire interaction was about rebellion. Also, I made sure to clarify that her family sounded very nice and that I wasn't badmouthing them in any way.)
7. I had great fundamentals.
8. I led the entire interaction.
9. I got her to pay for her drink.
10. I stayed comfortable during silent moments.
Questions
1. What do I do now? Do I meet her again and try for sex? Can I even pull off sex after one (or two?) more date(s), or is it a lost cause? After all, she knows it's what I want, so if she agrees to meet me again, she might be more receptive. However, like I mentioned above, I'm afraid I'm clearly chasing her at this point. And what do I do if I should meet her again?
2. Was it my fault that sex didn't happen, or would it have been nigh impossible with this girl? What mistakes did I make as whole? (By the way, if she were more sexually experienced, I would have persisted past LMR. However, her inexperience and intense nervousness made me feel like any further attempt would be more like rape, so I went the safe route and ended it. I'm likely overthinking this, but I've heard so many rape horror stories that I'm very, very cautious about the whole thing.)
3. Should I be worried about her parents? She said that she told her mom and dad about her past boyfriends. And I don't particularly want her old-school parents to know some guy tried to seduce their daughter...
As I've detailed in my journal, my conservative upbringing and overthinking tendencies made me very hesitant to actually schedule a date with a girl, even though I've been reading GC for a year now. In fact, I cancelled a date with a very interested girl because I started to worry, and it just got to be too much for me to think about. However, I recently vowed to break this out of me, especially after multiple interested girls opened me and I let them down. So I opened a girl after one of my classes after she gave me strong signals of attraction. I set up a date soon after.
We met at a coffee shop on my campus. She was clearly nervous and out of her comfort zone, so I wanted to make her more at ease. First, I started some banter to keep the mood light and stayed super chill and confident during the whole encounter, letting the silence proliferate on multiple occasions to show that I was comfortable, in the hope that she'd notice and feel the same. During a high point in the convo, I touched her for about 5 seconds and she responded well. I deep dived a bit and she told me that she takes time to warm up to people, and I said I understood. Still, she kept her arms crossed for a bit.
Sensing her reservation, and remembering how she mentioned her very conservative parents when we first met, I realized that I needed to lay down some serious frames to prevent any LMR. So after we got our drinks, I asked if she ever wanted to be rebellious against her parents' wishes. She said yes, and I said something like, "Well, by the end of the night, I'll get you doing things you never imagined doing." Sounds a bit weird to say here, but it was fine in the moment. Still, it seemed a bit too forward to me at the time, so I clarified that we'd start small.
I led her around and we stopped to stare at a beautiful part of campus with quite a few plants, admiring the view. We stayed there for like 30 minutes just talking, and I heavily qualified her and noted our similarities. I also screened her a bit, and although it's obvious, I determined that she isn't crazy. In fact, she's very ambitious and responsible. (Still, it's always good to double check.) I deep dived some more and also asked more about rebellion, and I tried to encourage her by sharing my own rebellion by mentioning (in passing, in a casual way) how I had new ideas about sex that my parents would not like if they knew. Then she revealed she had tried weed at one point, but that she didn't like it much, so at least I was getting something out of her. I initiated touch a bit more and kept the lighthearted mood going, then we walked to the bus that would take us back to my place. On the way, I told her that to help her be a little more rebellious, we would litter right by the trash can, and after some hesitation, she complied. Then I joked we would steal a car next.
We got on the bus and she was clearly getting nervous, sensing we were heading back to my place. I engaged her in conversation, and she responded, but didn't elaborate too much or try to engage me. At one point, she said, "I think I'll get off here," and I warmly said, "No, let's keep going, it's only about another mile." I pushed the rebellion frame even further and got her to admit she wanted to join a sorority and would like to develop her own thoughts and actions independent of her parents' wishes. But then she talked about how her uncle was very judgemental and was angry she had gone to a public high school, because he thought she'd have sex and getpregnant. She said she tried her hardest to prove him wrong. Sensing that sex was almost certainly not happening after this story, I made a last ditch effort to ask about any past boyfriends. She mentioned that she had some, but didn't elaborate further.
We got to my place. I gave her a quick tour with my hand on her back to calm her nerves a bit, but didn't introduce my roommates to her, since they were gone. I invited her in my room and she stood in the corner with arms crossed, clearly still uncomfortable. I asked her to take off her shoes and she did, then I put on her favorite music. I explicitly asked her, "What can I do to make you more comfortable here?" and she didn't know.
I persuaded her to sit on my bed and we kept talking and I joked around a bit. She was a tad more at ease, and things looked good.
So we walked there and I stayed very chill and warm toward her, acting exactly the same as before. I asked her about an interesting project she was working on, and she definitely opened up more, now that she knew sex wasn't happening. Right before the bus arrived, the conversation somehow led to conservative mindsets, and I said, "Oh, no wonder you didn't want to kiss me," in a very matter-of-fact way. We wrapped up our convo as the bus arrived, and I warmly said goodbye while putting my hand on her back. Afterward, I sent a warm text saying that I had a great time and that I'd be in touch soon.
-----
The Bad
1. We didn't have sex.
2. I didn't set any chase frames. However, she was already responding well and complying to almost everything I said, so it probably wasn't too necessary. Then again, it might have helped with LMR a bit.
3. I didn't disqualify myself as a boyfriend or paint myself well enough as a lover.
4. I didn't set any discretion frames.
5. Apparently I misread her signals when I initially approached her. Maybe she wasn't actually attracted, but I just misread her body language? Or maybe she was interested, but still very shy?
6. I felt like I was chasing her instead of the other way around. She didn't notice this dynamic, since she was nervous, but I still did. In our text exchanges, I responded a tad more quickly than she did and wrote a tad bit more on my messages. I didn't care much, since I knew she was into me, so I felt I had an unbreakable chase frame going. However, I talked more than she did, since she was generally more reserved. I got far more info out of her than she did of me because of my deep diving, but still, I was talking too much. On top of this, my screw up at the end means she now knows I want to have sex even though she didn't want to, I'm afraid that I'm now officially the chaser.
7. I said some cliche things a few times while attempting to sound deep. For instance, when she asked where we were going, I shit you not, I said, "That's for me to know, and you to find out." Luckily, I realized how much of an idiot I was being, so I joked that I'd be speaking in cliches the whole night. Also, when the conversation got deep at a few points, I said some seemingly deep shit ("Life is fleeting, so you should enjoy it while you can"), but in retrospect, it sounded very cheesy. Luckily, she didn't notice.
8. I didn't get a chance to do be byronic, deal with tests, be very persistent while she was resisting compliance, etc. Since she was very inexperienced, I completely led the interaction and she didn't make things difficult for me. It made the interaction smooth, but I didn't get any practice with these things.
The Good
1. I finally went on a date.
2. I brought a girl back to my room.
3. I stayed chill and friendly the entire time.
4. I initiated touch multiple times, and she responded well.
5. I kept good conversation.
6. I set some solid rebellious frames. (I put a big focus on them in my story above, but I also did a lot of deep diving that I didn't mention, so it's not like the entire interaction was about rebellion. Also, I made sure to clarify that her family sounded very nice and that I wasn't badmouthing them in any way.)
7. I had great fundamentals.
8. I led the entire interaction.
9. I got her to pay for her drink.
10. I stayed comfortable during silent moments.
Questions
1. What do I do now? Do I meet her again and try for sex? Can I even pull off sex after one (or two?) more date(s), or is it a lost cause? After all, she knows it's what I want, so if she agrees to meet me again, she might be more receptive. However, like I mentioned above, I'm afraid I'm clearly chasing her at this point. And what do I do if I should meet her again?
2. Was it my fault that sex didn't happen, or would it have been nigh impossible with this girl? What mistakes did I make as whole? (By the way, if she were more sexually experienced, I would have persisted past LMR. However, her inexperience and intense nervousness made me feel like any further attempt would be more like rape, so I went the safe route and ended it. I'm likely overthinking this, but I've heard so many rape horror stories that I'm very, very cautious about the whole thing.)
3. Should I be worried about her parents? She said that she told her mom and dad about her past boyfriends. And I don't particularly want her old-school parents to know some guy tried to seduce their daughter...
